The Vent - Part Trois

[lgg 2]

@ minnew and ashen...

I also find that one of the hardest/weirdest things that people do as they're so unfamiliar with this whole process as well as conducting a LDR, is that they're so quick to condemn the person not coming to help.

I've had friends say, "Well, why ISN'T he coming to help?" I can't believe that, my boyfriend/husband would drop everything in a second to make sure, blah, blah, blah..."

But really? We have jobs, obligations and such and sometimes it IS easier to send it or whatever rather than have you both there. Hope this makes sense. I hope it comes to a resolution that you both agree with. I also just hate it when people who dont' understand anything about it chime in and castigate when they've never been in this situation...

[thetreble 19]

Just saw your post, Lgg, and not the ones before it (because I'm too lazy to go back and read it all)

But I find the same attitude with me going back and forth to canada for holidays..

"So, you aren't going to spend Christmas together?"

"No, I want to see my family...I have time now to go see them.."

"But your husband isn't going with you?"

"No, he has to work and he wants to see HIS family..."

I get to see my husband on daily basis....He understands that my needs to see my family and friends outweigh the needs of us spending something like Christmas together. When we have children, that will obviously change a bit.

[lgg 2]

I know... my husband and I have spent plenty O Christmases apart -- it's just par for the course, especially now that we still both live in different countries. The thing is? I think most people do not understand the complexity involved in a long-distance relationship that turns into a long distance marriage with a visa process thrown in there and then for you, Treble a visa process thrown in and still having your folks and stuff STILL in the other country...

Most people don't get it. Most people dont' have relationships like this either so... it just gets under my skin when people say well, why isn't he, why aren't you guys, why, why, why...

I hate it. How about giving each us of credit as adults who really dig each other but have things to take care of and are able to do it ourselves? No? Yes???

Balh, blah, blah.... .

Just saw your post, Lgg, and not the ones before it (because I'm too lazy to go back and read it all)

But I find the same attitude with me going back and forth to canada for holidays..

"So, you aren't going to spend Christmas together?"

"No, I want to see my family...I have time now to go see them.."

"But your husband isn't going with you?"

"No, he has to work and he wants to see HIS family..."

I get to see my husband on daily basis....He understands that my needs to see my family and friends outweigh the needs of us spending something like Christmas together. When we have children, that will obviously change a bit.

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

I think the stigma of an LDR is far lower than it was even five years ago...but it's still there. Most people don't understand how love can exist between two people who are far apart. But frankly? I think that those people who can't comprehend love like that don't deserve love like that.

I'm sure we've all been in regular in-town relationships, and I'd venture to guess almost all of you would agree that this LDR you're in is deeper and more fulfilling than those prior ones, largely because of the distance factor.

I seem to recall having a very similar PM discussion this morning with another VJer...who could that have been...

[Danu 19]

I think the stigma of an LDR is far lower than it was even five years ago...but it's still there. Most people don't understand how love can exist between two people who are far apart. But frankly? I think that those people who can't comprehend love like that don't deserve love like that.

I'm sure we've all been in regular in-town relationships, and I'd venture to guess almost all of you would agree that this LDR you're in is deeper and more fulfilling than those prior ones, largely because of the distance factor.

I seem to recall having a very similar PM discussion this morning with another VJer...who could that have been...

I totally agree. My last relationship was in town, 3.5 years. Looking back I knew practically nothing about him compaired to how deeply I know Wes. Its painful while we are apart but each visit kind of makes me breathe a sigh of relief and go "yeah, this is so right". I never could have imagined feeling so strongly about someone so far away but it happened and I couldn't be happier.

[lgg 2]

Gosh... dunno...

I've actually not ever had more fulfilling relationship nor one that I have respected so much and all those other goods things. Not because it IS long distance at all -- it's the person of course but, being LD meant that I really had to think about things before i said or did them. It meant that things had to be worked for to be had. It meant that the potential for things to be difficult was always there. It meant that when we won and it all came together, it was the best thing ever...

Shhhhh, now don't tell anyone that I'm such a wussy....

@ Danu...

Very sweet and said perfectly.

Thanks also for being so open with it all. Now I don't have to be a mushy wuss all by myself...

I think the stigma of an LDR is far lower than it was even five years ago...but it's still there. Most people don't understand how love can exist between two people who are far apart. But frankly? I think that those people who can't comprehend love like that don't deserve love like that.

I'm sure we've all been in regular in-town relationships, and I'd venture to guess almost all of you would agree that this LDR you're in is deeper and more fulfilling than those prior ones, largely because of the distance factor.

I seem to recall having a very similar PM discussion this morning with another VJer...who could that have been...

Edited November 16, 2009 by lgg

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

Hey, I'll add a bit of mush.

Honestly, the problem I'd had in prior relationships was with believing -- truly believing -- that my partner loved me.

With my wife, I haven't even the slightest doubt about it...and that, my friends, is how I know this is my perfect relationship. And she knows how deeply and truly I love her as well.

Okay, now we can have a collective "awww" about our loving spouses / SOs.

[lgg 2]

Oh for gods' sake, are we going to have to group hug again!!!

That'll be like twice in the space of a month!

[J&K 0]

My vent for the day...

When you are at a client's to discuss offsite backups because their current backups aren't working, and then while doing a restart of their server, the hard drive fails.

Some days I wonder what I have done to deserve this...

[Malrothien 6]

AFK, puking.

[lgg 2]

Get in here and group hug with us, Mal... you cuddly little monkey, you!!!!

*squish*

AFK, puking.

[Krikit 1,164]

Hey, I'll add a bit of mush.

Honestly, the problem I'd had in prior relationships was with believing -- truly believing -- that my partner loved me.

With my wife, I haven't even the slightest doubt about it...and that, my friends, is how I know this is my perfect relationship. And she knows how deeply and truly I love her as well.

Okay, now we can have a collective "awww" about our loving spouses / SOs.

I just came here for the greencard.

AFK, puking.

Sorry you are puking, Mal. What does AFK mean?

[lgg 2]

I call B.S. on Krikit...

Wasn't it you getting all sappy and lovey-doo about your guy a few threads back, huh?

YOu don't fool us!

Now get in here and group hug!

[Krikit 1,164]

If I had some glitter I would throw that in too.

[Malrothien 6]

AFK, puking.

Sorry you are puking, Mal. What does AFK mean?

I didn't mean literally puking. Meant figuratively puking to all the lovey-dovey stuff.

AFK = away from keyboard