The Vent - Part Trois

[Revenesque 2]

Yeah...you've got to stop making an effort, Francis. Seriously. This woman is NOT going to warm up to you, and it sounds like she's one of those people who thrives on conflict. My sister is the same way, and did a very similar thing with my wife shortly after we were engaged.

Don't be mean to her...just don't participate in the charade. Just cut her out.

Ditto. Nothing satisfying than apathy. Darkchilde, you should hide her from your news feed--it helps ignoring her much easier.

[Revenesque 2]

"You will NEVER find a job in the U.S. We don't want you to be worrying about where your mortgage payment will come from or how you will keep the heat turned on."

Why do people have to use absolutes? It just comes back and bite them in the azz.

Now on to my biggest VENT: PEOPLE WHO ASK WHY I NEED A VISA TO GET MARRIED AND WHY I CAN'T JUST GET MARRIED NOW!

SMH. My sister doesn't understand why I can't just quit my job and move in with hubby in the States. She thinks I'm not sacrificing enough for my marriage. Um, hello...I need clearance from the US government first! Then she responded with "I know couples in your shoes who did it". Arggggh!

[Marilyn. 340]

I have 2 vents..

first off I am really ticked at our car insurance company.. my husband went in the other day to cancel the insurance on the one car we sold.. we knew beforehand that they were going to charge us $35 to cancel it... and I also told my husband to pay the car insurance for this month because it was coming up due... here is the part that ticks me off, the lady said that we had to pay the full insurance for the month because they had already billed us so not only did we have to pay 35 bucks to cancel but we had to pay another 30 bucks for a car we no longer have oh and to top it all off, they charged us about 10 bucks to pay the insurance at the office...

my other vent is with my hubby's work.. he put in his vacation day request a few days ago, this is for our July trip to Canada... he hadn't heard anything about his vacation day request so he talked to his supervisor and he said that he can't let him know until the beginning of March and gave some lame excuse... this is really bizarre because usually they let him know within a few days...

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I'm totally frustrated with my work situation. I've lived in the US since June but haven't applied for any jobs until recently. This was mostly because we were living with the in laws and didn't really need the money, and I've been helping my husband get his new business venture up and running. We haven't had a problem with this situation, but now that we're getting ready to move into our new house in a couple weeks we need to worry about mortgage payments and bills, so me bringing in some money would take a tight financial situation and make it a lot easier for the both of us.

Well, there are no jobs in the area we are moving too. At least, nothing that interests me at all. I'm just wondering how much I want to go get a job I know I will hate. I understand its important to be an adult and contribute, but doing something you hate is just hell. I also have a Bachelor's degree that seems pretty useless in this situation. All the jobs out there I wouldn't mind applying for only require a high school diploma but want years of experience. I have the education, the intelligence, but as far as concrete work experience I really don't have much. Its just frustrating I guess.

And then there's my husbands parents business. I've been working for them for free for months. I don't do it for 40 hours a week and I pretty much come in and help when I want, but I'm there at least 3 out of the 5 working days and every single Saturday. They pay me a little once and a while when they want, but I haven't been paid anything for over a month. If I don't go help then I don't want to be part of the family and see the business succeed, but when I do come they don't want to pay me to be there. Then there is my SIL who recently dropped out of college. They hired her on full time and pay her for working full time hours when she doesn't even do much. I feel stuck in this situation. Its also sad that I really wouldn't mind working for them if they would pay me like a normal employee. I need to get the courage up to have a serious conversation with them I guess.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Yes, this is exactly the attitude I get from several people. "Well that can't be, you're doing something wrong then"

Hehehe, I always found if I just said after they said 'It can't take that long, you must be doing something wrong' - 'yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you, but you know the US went really ####### after 9/11 and all of these immigration processes which should be really straight forward have become nightmares of bureaucracy due to security paranoia". They 'got it' every time and garnered a lot of sympathy after that ! Try it out sometime .

Edited February 10, 2010 by Kathryn41

[bowflex 0]

And then there's my husbands parents business. I've been working for them for free for months. I don't do it for 40 hours a week and I pretty much come in and help when I want, but I'm there at least 3 out of the 5 working days and every single Saturday. They pay me a little once and a while when they want, but I haven't been paid anything for over a month. If I don't go help then I don't want to be part of the family and see the business succeed, but when I do come they don't want to pay me to be there. Then there is my SIL who recently dropped out of college. They hired her on full time and pay her for working full time hours when she doesn't even do much. I feel stuck in this situation. Its also sad that I really wouldn't mind working for them if they would pay me like a normal employee. I need to get the courage up to have a serious conversation with them I guess.

Is there any chance your husband could say something to them to help out? I've found that sometimes the way people are raised and stuff are so different that these kinds of talks can be really rough. He'll know how to word everything as he's been around them forever to hopefully get something changed where everyone would be happier

[Sprailenes 47]

Since there is no point venting about the weather, I will make an official vent over my future WIL.

Everyone who has been following our degenerating relationship will know that she and I just hate each other. But I try really hard to make things work with her... after all, she will be the aunt to my future children and in the future I have to buy her spawns Christmas presents.

So when she writes about being snowed in on facebook, I leave a message on her wall asking about their snowed in condition. The witch never replies. She has, however, updated her status 5 times and uploaded a boat load of new pictures. And replied to the other comments she's received from her wall.

I cant whine to my husband about this because he will just say that he told me to not even try with that witch, but man, seriously, what am I doing wrong? Aside from venting about her on a public forum like this

*rolls eyes*

Okay, whine over!

I went through the same thing with certain people in my husband's family. I tried so hard to communicate, keep things on good terms etc.

You come to a realization that no matter what you do, and no matter how hard you try, these people are going to be miserable.... and there is no point in making yourself miserable trying to please them. It has nothing to do with you, and I am sure you know that.

[darkchilde794 5]

Thanks guys for your advice. Sadly, I agree with you that there is nothing else I can do about her. Some times she is so nice and some times shes super cold, and Ive recently decided that I dont want a relationship with anyone as abusive as that. And after this facebook thing, I realize I just cant let myself deal with her anymore.

Lilac, Im sorry to hear that. I too got plagued with people wondering why it took so long for me to get my K1. And that the reason why it took long is cause I didnt hire a lawyer and that its ultimately my fault *rolls eyes*. I just had to bite my tongue and not say more because its not like they really care to listen or understand!

Huggles that is horrible! I wish you the best with the job hunting... I think its good that you get away from the family business just cause with in-laws, its a very fine line. That really sucks that they hired your SIL and barely pay you. I think you and hubby are doing the right thing moving out and getting your own lives separate from them! And what does your husband think about the situation?

Sorry to hear bout your car insurance Marilyn -- good thing you are leaving them. Cant they give you back the money since you are cancelling the policy before the expiration date?

[Marilyn. 340]

oh we are not leaving them.. we still have another car insured with them...

I just thought that because we were deleting one car from the insurance that the insurance for this month would go down in cost accordingly.. but apparently not... it doesn't really seem fair... here is to hoping that maybe they will deduct it from next month's insurance

Edited February 10, 2010 by Marilyn.

[lilacvioletiris 11]

Lilac, Im sorry to hear that. I too got plagued with people wondering why it took so long for me to get my K1. And that the reason why it took long is cause I didnt hire a lawyer and that its ultimately my fault *rolls eyes*. I just had to bite my tongue and not say more because its not like they really care to listen or understand!

A lawyer wouldn't make the bureaucracy move any faster! If my case was complicated, I would have hired one, but it isn't. Neither of us were married before. A lawyer can offer advice but ultimately it is still the petitioner's responsibility. I am right with you there, rolling my eyes!

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Is there any chance your husband could say something to them to help out? I've found that sometimes the way people are raised and stuff are so different that these kinds of talks can be really rough. He'll know how to word everything as he's been around them forever to hopefully get something changed where everyone would be happier

Yeah, you might be right Bowflex. We had a little conversation about it over the phone this afternoon and he said he'll talk to them about it tonight. Sometimes his family intimidates him just as much as they intimidate me... so it's going to take a little extra courage for him to really be able to communicate it with them. Communication in this family is seriously lacking, they just expect everyone to read their minds sometimes. If they don't want me to work for them then fine, I won't, but I won't be coming to help for free anymore, that's for sure.

Huggles that is horrible! I wish you the best with the job hunting... I think its good that you get away from the family business just cause with in-laws, its a very fine line. That really sucks that they hired your SIL and barely pay you. I think you and hubby are doing the right thing moving out and getting your own lives separate from them! And what does your husband think about the situation?

Yeah, its so true darkchilde, we are both really looking forward to moving out of here and getting a nice 70 mile cushion between them and us! My husband actually really wants me to come work with him. Whats happening is that they're opening a new branch of the family business down where we're moving and right now they're expecting him to run the whole thing on his own, which he's dreading. He could really use some help, which I would love to do, but I also need to be making some money while I'm doing it. If they aren't going to pay me then I need to find a job that pays, but at the same time I feel bad leaving my husband to run everything on his own. They have a terrible system going now. He runs the delivery route truck and then the shop sits empty... so people call the shop and get an answering machine. There is no system for people to call in orders, ask questions, or come down to the store and pick up things they need opposed to waiting for a delivery service. So there's a logical job for me to do, I just don't get the feeling they want me to do it.

So, in that respect, I can understand your woes dealing with your husbands family! Actually, I used to have a really hard time getting along with my MIL and FIL. We were civil but we mostly ignored each other, and it was super awkward since we live in the same house. Eventually things just worked itself out. After having to spend so much time together, working together, living together, attending events together, we all learned how to coexist. The problem I eventually noticed was that everyone was afraid to be themselves. As soon as I let my guard down and just stopped caring what they thought or who they wanted me to be, everything got a lot better. This is me, if you don't like me then its your loss. I'm not so sure that will work in your situation, but all you can do is just be genuinely Francis, and if she wants to be a stupid jerk then its her that is going to miss out on a relationship with you and your husband.

[kizza 1]

Hehehe, I always found if I just said after they said 'It can't take that long, you must be doing something wrong' - 'yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you, but you know the US went really ####### after 9/11 and all of these immigration processes which should be really straight forward have become nightmares of bureaucracy due to security paranoia". They 'got it' every time and garnered a lot of sympathy after that ! Try it out sometime .

that's a great response! I'll put it to use when I get a chance...

I'm going out for dinner with my parents to celebrate our NOA2 (YAY!) and Im bringing a diagram with me so they understand the steps to come!

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

You could always abbreviate the response and just say "Nine-eleven" with a slow shake of your head. It'll shut 'em up every time!

[Revenesque 2]

Why do some family relations have to be sooo difficult? My sister has it in for my hubby, just absolutely disapproves of him, and is sure we are heading for divorce.

Anyhoo, last fall, my sister and I went to therapy sessions to attempt to reconcile our estranged relationship. After some 6 sessions, we weren't any closer to reconciliation and her issue wasn't even with my hubby--he could have been John Doe and she would still hate him. Her issue is she thinks I'm a f*cking failure since we were little girls and anything/everything in my life since then has been and will be doom to failure. Ya, I'm a failure...how? I'm not the one who's still single, in her 30s, hates her job and her life.

Yah, I can see why we have a hard time reconciling.

Hehehe, I always found if I just said after they said 'It can't take that long, you must be doing something wrong' - 'yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you, but you know the US went really ####### after 9/11 and all of these immigration processes which should be really straight forward have become nightmares of bureaucracy due to security paranoia". They 'got it' every time and garnered a lot of sympathy after that ! Try it out sometime .

Brilliant!

Edited February 10, 2010 by Revenesque

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

Why do some family relations have to be sooo difficult? My sister has it in for my hubby, just absolutely disapproves of him, and is sure we are heading for divorce.

Ugh! Sisters suck, Rev. Really. I mean...not all...I'm sure some folks have fabulous sisters. I guess you and I aren't among them though.

I mentioned earlier about how my sister let loose over the phone about how she thought I was being used, and how much she didn't like my wife after meeting at Christmas etc. We didn't speak for several months after that. Well NOW she's completely the opposite, going on to my mother about how great she things my wife is etc. It's nauseating because she's the most shallow, insincere person I know. Bleh. Don't worry Rev...you'll be away from your sister soon enough.