The Vent - Part Trois

[ScooterMac 2]

Just sounds like he's really hurt. Sometimes when we're hurting, it's really easy to say nasty things, things we truly regret later. No doubt you're busy with everything going on in your life, and we'd HOPE that our friends would realize that and cut us some slack. Obviously this person is a little insecure, as well as feeling really left out. After the wedding is done and you're back to "normal" (whatever that means eh?) you can try and reconnect, if the relationship is important to you, and while it'll never be the same, you can perhaps forge a new one. He might or might not be interested in that, and if not...if he wants it exactly how it was, then you'll have to decide if you can do that, or if you'll have to let it go...

The thing that gets me is that we've done everything to keep him from being left out. He was going to be a groomsman in the wedding, but decided a month ago that he couldn't keep that obligation. He assured me, though, that he was going to be at the wedding come hell or high water. When I saw him Saturday, that was still the case. I'd arranged a ride for him, and found a place he could stay without having to pay anything. Short of sending him a cash prize for attending our wedding, I couldn't have made him less "left out". He's choosing to leave himself out....and, as several friends have pointed out to me in the last day or so, that's his loss.

[Ban Hammer 13,293]

my vent.................. sears!

the k-mart in town has a sears outlet. oh yes, they stock snow blowers. just not the one i want. no they can't order it. no they can't help me find one, get one, or anything else. it's no wonder the actual sears store here had to close!

get online and look at sears.com - oh it can only be picked up at certain stores. sorry the stores listed for me either don't carry it or are out of stock. sorry, you can't order it!

call the sears customer service number. oh it's out of stock. no we don't know when it will be back in stock. no we can't help you either. maybe try the manufacturer website craftsman.com and see if you can order it from there.

get on craftsman.com and guess what, same bs like sears.com - can't order it as the same stores are listed. any help numbers are - you guessed it, sears!

[Krikit 1,164]

Yeah. Like I said..... Sears America is sub-standard.

Can you find out which manufacturer makes Craftsman snowblowers? I know Sears Canada uses different manufacturers for their Kenmore products. Sometimes it's GE.... sometimes it's Maytag..... sometimes it's someone else. That's why it's good to know who's currently manufacturing their appliances/equipment when you go to buy so you know what you're getting.

[Carlawarla 1]

The thing that gets me is that we've done everything to keep him from being left out. He was going to be a groomsman in the wedding, but decided a month ago that he couldn't keep that obligation. He assured me, though, that he was going to be at the wedding come hell or high water. When I saw him Saturday, that was still the case. I'd arranged a ride for him, and found a place he could stay without having to pay anything. Short of sending him a cash prize for attending our wedding, I couldn't have made him less "left out". He's choosing to leave himself out....and, as several friends have pointed out to me in the last day or so, that's his loss.

Wow, you've really done a lot for this guy. I didn't realize how much you'd done to include him. I suggested the "left out" part, not knowing all I know now.

Yes, it does sound like his loss. He might at some point realize this, and come back to you with an apology and an explanation.

[Krikit 1,164]

Yes, it does sound like his loss. He might at some point realize this, and come back to you with an apology and an explanation.

And if he doesn't then he doesn't deserve to have you as a friend.

[Sprailenes 47]

Me and my coworker have to work with 3 computer illiterate people every single day... and they all get paid more than we do.

We can't stop laughing about it... I think we may be at the edge of a break down here.

It's like an illiterate librarian.

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about the whole thing. I asked him for times when he would be available where I could carve a half hour or so out of my schedule to call and just talk to him undistracted, but he replied with some snarky comeback about how my life is so busy that he's sure I won't have time. Then he tells me that he misses me and wants me to be his best friend again. I don't understand how those two sentences follow each other.

Maybe he had a secret crush on you and resents the fact that you moved away and will be getting married?

Just a thought. Lots of guys out there harbor secret affections and cover them with a guise of "friendship only", just so they can be close to you in case something happens to your current relationship.

I'm not saying that's the case here, but I've seen it several times.

[Carlawarla 1]

Now that's a thought Wyatt! Hmmm, I wonder...

[ValerieA 350]

my vent.................. sears!

the k-mart in town has a sears outlet. oh yes, they stock snow blowers. just not the one i want. no they can't order it. no they can't help me find one, get one, or anything else. it's no wonder the actual sears store here had to close!

get online and look at sears.com - oh it can only be picked up at certain stores. sorry the stores listed for me either don't carry it or are out of stock. sorry, you can't order it!

call the sears customer service number. oh it's out of stock. no we don't know when it will be back in stock. no we can't help you either. maybe try the manufacturer website craftsman.com and see if you can order it from there.

get on craftsman.com and guess what, same bs like sears.com - can't order it as the same stores are listed. any help numbers are - you guessed it, sears!

That John Deere is looking better and better, isn't it? Heeheehee. Sorry, shouldn't kick a guy when he's down. Oh, but that's what I do!

Do you have any car trips planned in the near future, that you could pick it up somewhere else?

[ScooterMac 2]

Maybe he had a secret crush on you and resents the fact that you moved away and will be getting married?

Just a thought. Lots of guys out there harbor secret affections and cover them with a guise of "friendship only", just so they can be close to you in case something happens to your current relationship.

I'm not saying that's the case here, but I've seen it several times.

It's not the case here, though that happened with another friend of mine. Just before Spoom proposed, a dear friend of mine spent about an hour and a half pleading and begging me to believe that I was meant to be with him and not Spoom. Needless to say, it didn't go well for him. Though, like I said, that's not the case here, he's just a drama queen.

Now that's a thought Wyatt! Hmmm, I wonder...

Wonder no more....he's not interested in chicks. He came out several years ago.

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

Wonder no more....he's not interested in chicks. He came out several years ago.

Ah. Well, maybe he's in love with Spoom?

Kidding!

Seriously though...I'm sorry that your friend did this. It's one of the reasons why I personally keep very few close friends -- people are fundamentally fickle! Sure, that's a sweeping generalization...but it's generally true!

This guy is obviously not friend-worthy, putting his own needs for your friendship above your need to get your life arranged. Burn the bridge.

[trailmix 77]

Ah. Well, maybe he's in love with Spoom?

Kidding!

Seriously though...I'm sorry that your friend did this. It's one of the reasons why I personally keep very few close friends -- people are fundamentally fickle! Sure, that's a sweeping generalization...but it's generally true!

This guy is obviously not friend-worthy, putting his own needs for your friendship above your need to get your life arranged. Burn the bridge.

There is a was a whole article about this in Chatelaine last month - the friendship thing when your life is changing, getting married, having kids, moving, changing jobs whatever. I don't normally read magazines because basically they are just a bunch of ads, and since you probably don't have last month's Chatelaine this is not helpful.

[ScooterMac 2]

There is a was a whole article about this in Chatelaine last month - the friendship thing when your life is changing, getting married, having kids, moving, changing jobs whatever. I don't normally read magazines because basically they are just a bunch of ads, and since you probably don't have last month's Chatelaine this is not helpful.

I tried to search for it online, but couldn't find it. I found the site for the magazine, but not the article you were talking about

He moved away in Aug. 08, for work, which transferred him through several states before firing him. He's now back in Ohio, where we both were before he left. He isn't working (though he's looking) and has no family in the area to keep him busy. I think he's mostly bored, and he's annoyed I don't have time to entertain him. I moved back to my hometown in Oct. 08, and have settled back into family/church/community obligations that I love, but take up a decent amount of time. Last year, when he was working, he'd get mad if I called too often (I was alone in a "new" area and Spoom wasn't here yet). Now that he's not working and I'm still working, he's mad because I don't call often enough. Can't win for losing with this guy!

I've ALWAYS been overscheduled and busy - to the point that Spoom and I have an "off-night" scheduled once a week where we stay in and do nothing. Actually, the friend was informed that I wouldn't be available on that night, and then called anyway and got mad when I couldn't talk because I was helping make dinner. I've tried to work out times when I know I can call, but he doens't want to schedule out time to talk - it should be spontaneous, otherwise it's a chore.

[OBX 51]

There is a was a whole article about this in Chatelaine last month - the friendship thing when your life is changing, getting married, having kids, moving, changing jobs whatever. I don't normally read magazines because basically they are just a bunch of ads, and since you probably don't have last month's Chatelaine this is not helpful.

trailmix you are always a helpful step ahead of the rest of us.

I read the article too and still have the issue. I found a link to a PDf of the article, hopefully it will work.

http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/files/Cha...myth-of-bff.pdf

[lgg 2]

You know? This is SUCH odd timing as one of my very best friends of 20 years "DUMPED" me stating that she just did NOT have time to deal with me and all the things and stresses I was going though immigrating and changing my whole world around.

This is a woman who does not work. Has serious issues with drinking and such, cannot get herself out of a depression relating to her father's death 10 years ago. I have/had stood by her without question for the whole thing. No matter how she belittled me, said mean things to me and was just generally dark, depressive, sad and bitter. .

I stood by her. I needed her this year while I uprooted the life I made for myself. She couldn't do it. Said she didn't have time for me and all this. It made me realize that she'd never been happy for me. We were good when we were both sort of sad and unfulfilled by once I got my self together and got a good job, started doing really well, got everything settled with my husband, got married to him and started this, she just couldn't deal.

People are fickle. They're also selfish and unkind. When you all find a good friend that you click with and it works, keep it. But don't waste time on people who are selfish and take way more than they give... such a waste of time and a huge heartache...

IMHO...

trailmix you are always a helpful step ahead of the rest of us.

I read the article too and still have the issue. I found a link to a PDf of the article, hopefully it will work.

http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/files/Cha...myth-of-bff.pdf