the Christian Con Man

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I have been waiting for the right time emotionally and spiritually for me to post. Boy can I ever say I told you so.

I ended things with my husband about 6 weeks ago. I knew in my heart of hearts he was a fraud. I couldn’t separate him reading the bible and every Christian material and my own self doubt. It sure can make a girl go crazy. He just was so agreeable. Had all the same goals, dreams, and values and loved God as I. When it came to Money though, the lies came quick and swift. There was no way I was going to assign that to cultural norms and beliefs. Lying is just not acceptable.

When I ended thing s with him, I wanted to believe that it just didn’t work out. But no, I was not going to get away that easy. I gave him the ultimatum: Either stay here and pay rent or move with your brother in AZ. He said, I am staying here, because he loved me. I even told him that he ROC and then we would divorce.

I had never been happier that my torture was over. That is what it is like living with a man you know is a fake. I didn’t have to worry anymore about whether he was lying or telling the truth. I ended things. Or so I though.

2 weeks after I ended things he tried to pick a fight with me. I said…”Are you for real? Are you doing this on purpose?” I Left to pick my son up at Football practice. When I returned , he wasn’t in the house. I stepped out onto the porch to see if he was sitting in his usual chair. There was a cop outside my door. I greeted him and continued to look to the chair. When I looked back the cop was still standing there. I said.. Can I help you officer. He said “no, I am just waiting for someone.” I said ok, but confused that he was in front of my house. He then said…”are you and your husband fighting?” I said, “no”. Asked me more questions about my husband’s name and then told my husband called him because we were fighting and he needed help getting his stuff out of the house.

He stayed the extra two weeks just to call the cops on me. As I have said in other post. He wakes up and goes to bed reading the bible. He reads constantly books on how to be a better person and Christian. Yet he was desperate enough to have the American dream to believe he will be forgiven for his sins.

I have been suspicious, since before he came, but felt I didn’t have anything to lose. The process didn’t cost me a penny. Everything was taken care of and then some.

I am sharing this story in hopes that more women will get the confidence to share theirs. There are more stories then to shake a stick at. My mother’s daughter in-law has a friend who met a Nigerian in London. Christian man that left her exactly after two years.

Its time to get idocare story back up. I am here to warn woman that if you have doubt, you are right.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Here is a little more for you reading pleasure. Excuse the typos i did not spell check and might be rambling. I am just so excited to share. LOL

He might just use this to prove he was at my house and the relatiionship didn't work. I found the following evidence in his "locked Suit case"

1. An email between him and his brother talking about him trying to get to Canada, his brother saying he would pay someone to marry him so he could come to the us. That he should get a new passport so Canada did not know he tried to come to the US on a student VIsa.

2. An email where his brother asked him if he got a Divorce.

3. An email after we met where his brother stated he wanted to talk to me. Asked my husband what he had told me already, because he did not want to contradict anything. He asked if he told me he was married. My husband claimed he never was. Asked my husband what he told me he did for work.

I hyjacked my husband;s email account and found a first class plane ticket for Oct 25th. This would dispute a claim of VAWA. My husband also had a credit card he did not tell me about, which I have a copy of. He had his drivers license and has been through CNA school. Anyone who was abbused would not be afforded these luxuries. He might not claim that though. He might just use the policy report. Found an email of him communicating iwth a woman he met at the LIbrary. Where he did not claim we were married.

Found an email of him communicating with his brother regarding the interview process. Can be innocent allone but add impact with everything else.

[Old Dominion 26]

Good luck! The story is almost identical to another situation, but the disabled wife has elected to stay put until ICE does something.

[TracyTN 237]

If you suspect him of fraud, report him to ICE (see the very bottom of this webpage). Not sure what else we can do to help.

[Nina~ 431]

I am really sorry that you have to go through this. I agree with the previous poster.. please report him to ICE.

[reeses16 8]

Mrs. J, I'm so sorry you and your family had to go through this. You're a very strong and kind lady. You're in my prayers.

[reeses16 8]

Definitely report him. It will probably take time before anything is done, immigration wise. But maybe with the plane ticket confirmation (+your side of the story) your local police might charge him with filing a false police report.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Thanks, I am doing amazingly well. I went through the rage, anger, sadness, and then I accepted why and how I got to where I was. My goal now is to report and prevent anyone who has doubt from move forward. There are several other woman who are going through what I went through and there will be more. If we can stop one woman from going through this. That is my goal.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

On the line of warning others. How did the two of you meet and how did the courtship go? In retrospect was there any warning signs that you didn't know enough to see ?

[Enlighten one :) 5]

The signs were there from the beginning.

We met through a friend. A frien I knew for 20 years. He is in on it trying to claim I wsa mean to him and didn't teach him the american ways he was afraid for his life with me. He doesn't care about me...just getting their country man here.

Now everything was paid for, I stayed in expensive hotels when I was in Nigeria. I was sent money for the trip. My passport and medical shots all paid for. My rent so I could afford to take time away from work. So he was a man of God that is where I was threw back. He really does walk and talk. WE had some deep conversations about being christian. But he thinks he will be forgiven for his sins.

Here are the signs I have been warning woman to look out for. As I was going through the process, I was trying to decifer how much was us and how much was him just getting to America. I do see where there was a time he took this seriouse, but the minute the money issues came about. He became calculating.

1. If you were in a bad relationship before and did not do anything to change yourself. There is a good chance you are just looking for another bad relationship.

2. They will send you a gift from there country. This is to show proof of the inseption of the relationship.

3. Everyone around while you are in NIgeria are in on it. They are looking at the big picture. Because once he makes it to America they will be financialy rewarded.

4. Your dreams and goal are theres. The listen to everything you say, and spit it back at you.

On the line of warning others. How did the two of you meet and how did the courtship go? In retrospect was there any warning signs that you didn't know enough to see ?

Edited November 10, 2009 by MrsJibowu

[What Happened? 4]

I'm sorry for the pain he has caused you. But it is clear that you are a strong woman and thoughtful of others.

I wish you the Best.

[LOLAs 1]

The signs were there from the beginning.

We met through a friend. A frien I knew for 20 years. He is in on it trying to claim I wsa mean to him and didn't teach him the american ways he was afraid for his life with me. He doesn't care about me...just getting their country man here.

Now everything was paid for, I stayed in expensive hotels when I was in Nigeria. I was sent money for the trip. My passport and medical shots all paid for. My rent so I could afford to take time away from work. So he was a man of God that is where I was threw back. He really does walk and talk. WE had some deep conversations about being christian. But he thinks he will be forgiven for his sins.

Here are the signs I have been warning woman to look out for. As I was going through the process, I was trying to decifer how much was us and how much was him just getting to America. I do see where there was a time he took this seriouse, but the minute the money issues came about. He became calculating.

1. If you were in a bad relationship before and did not do anything to change yourself. There is a good chance you are just looking for another bad relationship.

2. They will send you a gift from there country. This is to show proof of the inseption of the relationship.

3. Everyone around while you are in NIgeria are in on it. They are looking at the big picture. Because once he makes it to America they will be financialy rewarded.

4. Your dreams and goal are theres. The listen to everything you say, and spit it back at you.

On the line of warning others. How did the two of you meet and how did the courtship go? In retrospect was there any warning signs that you didn't know enough to see ?

Hmn, i hope you get through this very well and you sound like you are in control. Just a few point of correction, if he can afford to cater for you in Nigeria like you have described above it implies that he probably can leave comfortably in Nigeria and probably not intend to come here and work as a CNA. But it is your relationship and you knew what happens their. It is just unfortunate that we hear stories like this and people are quick to say the Nigerian spouse is a scam, we never get to know the other person's story.

A lot of women think if they marry a foreign spouse they can order them about and control them because of green card. A lot of time it turns ugly because American culture gives a lot of good liberty to women some of which they abuse. With a foreign spouse it will be uglier because the culture are different. If he can pay your rent in the US he sure must be comfortable in Nigeria, it is 150 naira to a dollar today and it has always been arround 120 t0 130 naira to a dollar two years ago. Money seems not to be the motif here and I wouldn't think green card is the motif if he is working as a CNA. if that has been his motif then shame on him for coming to America to clean other peoples pups when he can live a good life in Nigeria. I always wonder if people will say their hubby scam them if they are USCs, but if it is an immigrant spouse then it is automatically a scam and they want to get them deported just to get back at them. If they had been USC what would they have done? Kill them or get them fired? There is always two side to a story, let us all exercise control before judging anyone.

The fact that someone is a Nigerian doesn't mean that they are scams, I am a proud Nigerian American and so are many others who lives in this country faithfully and work hard to make it great. The fact that a marriage did not work out does not mean that the immigrant spouse sets out to scam you, a lot of marriages do not work out, when yours fail don't turn arround and say that it was because your spouse did it for immigration purposes.

@Enligthten one, report him to whatever agency but be sure you are faithful about what truly transpires and not jump to conclusion. Goodluck to you.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

LOLA, I ended things amicably with him. Offered for him to live with his brother and help him ROC then file divorce. I still had the evidence of his brothers emails, but for my son's sake I wanted things and i guess i wanted to pretend the just did not work out. God was not going to let me live in denial. How would I grow If i did not admit and face the truth.

He called the cops on me after I told him he could move and I would still help him. I think that is a conman. I read the emails between him and his brother talking about immigration and me.

His brother paid for everything. Once his brother was here the money stopped. I supported him and my mother paid for his CNA school.

He is a hard worker, he was caring and thoughtful. Seemed gentle and kind, but reading his emails he was a different person typing. He used cultural to confuse me. And I accepted this for a while.

Hmn, i hope you get through this very well and you sound like you are in control. Just a few point of correction, if he can afford to cater for you in Nigeria like you have described above it implies that he probably can leave comfortably in Nigeria and probably not intend to come here and work as a CNA. But it is your relationship and you knew what happens their. It is just unfortunate that we hear stories like this and people are quick to say the Nigerian spouse is a scam, we never get to know the other person's story.

A lot of women think if they marry a foreign spouse they can order them about and control them because of green card. A lot of time it turns ugly because American culture gives a lot of good liberty to women some of which they abuse. With a foreign spouse it will be uglier because the culture are different. If he can pay your rent in the US he sure must be comfortable in Nigeria, it is 150 naira to a dollar today and it has always been arround 120 t0 130 naira to a dollar two years ago. Money seems not to be the motif here and I wouldn't think green card is the motif if he is working as a CNA. if that has been his motif then shame on him for coming to America to clean other peoples pups when he can live a good life in Nigeria. I always wonder if people will say their hubby scam them if they are USCs, but if it is an immigrant spouse then it is automatically a scam and they want to get them deported just to get back at them. If they had been USC what would they have done? Kill them or get them fired? There is always two side to a story, let us all exercise control before judging anyone.

The fact that someone is a Nigerian doesn't mean that they are scams, I am a proud Nigerian American and so are many others who lives in this country faithfully and work hard to make it great. The fact that a marriage did not work out does not mean that the immigrant spouse sets out to scam you, a lot of marriages do not work out, when yours fail don't turn arround and say that it was because your spouse did it for immigration purposes.

@Enligthten one, report him to whatever agency but be sure you are faithful about what truly transpires and not jump to conclusion. Goodluck to you.

[Minya's wife 24]

LOLA, I ended things amicably with him. Offered for him to live with his brother and help him ROC then file divorce. I still had the evidence of his brothers emails, but for my son's sake I wanted things and i guess i wanted to pretend the just did not work out. God was not going to let me live in denial. How would I grow If i did not admit and face the truth.

He called the cops on me after I told him he could move and I would still help him. I think that is a conman. I read the emails between him and his brother talking about immigration and me.

His brother paid for everything. Once his brother was here the money stopped. I supported him and my mother paid for his CNA school.

He is a hard worker, he was caring and thoughtful. Seemed gentle and kind, but reading his emails he was a different person typing. He used cultural to confuse me. And I accepted this for a while.

You know, in your other thread you're concerned that he defrauded the government, and what can you do about that, but if you had removed conditions with him, based on an ongoing marriage, but you two were technically separated...then you would be just as guilty of misrepresentation. If the marriage is over before the 2 years, he can ROC by himself.

[LOLAs 1]

LOLA, I ended things amicably with him. Offered for him to live with his brother and help him ROC then file divorce. I still had the evidence of his brothers emails, but for my son's sake I wanted things and i guess i wanted to pretend the just did not work out. God was not going to let me live in denial. How would I grow If i did not admit and face the truth.

He called the cops on me after I told him he could move and I would still help him. I think that is a conman. I read the emails between him and his brother talking about immigration and me.

His brother paid for everything. Once his brother was here the money stopped. I supported him and my mother paid for his CNA school.

He is a hard worker, he was caring and thoughtful. Seemed gentle and kind, but reading his emails he was a different person typing. He used cultural to confuse me. And I accepted this for a while.

You know, in your other thread you're concerned that he defrauded the government, and what can you do about that, but if you had removed conditions with him, based on an ongoing marriage, but you two were technically separated...then you would be just as guilty of misrepresentation. If the marriage is over before the 2 years, he can ROC by himself.

i would never be kind enough to offer that to any man who has let me down not to talk of scamming me into a marriage no matter how Godly I am. She said in the other thread that she was in denial of what was going on and that was why she was willing to do this, anyhow it doesn't make scamming right and he should be punished. I would think that she won't feel sad if she had been on it with the scamers from the beginning and wouldn't have been living with him if she had been a scamer and I hope that ICE will see it that way and not perceive her to be the "would be paid person" in the e-mails.

Edited November 11, 2009 by LOLAs