So mad!

[perfect 39]

Hi Becca!

I moved here from Scotland nearly two years ago (Dundee) and while we were applying for the K1 visa my now husband did virtually nothing - don't worry - it's "normal" for men not to be particular about paperwork in the same way that we are. Those men that are good with paperwork are a blessing, but really few and far between. I fretted that perhaps my fiance didn't value me enough, but when all said and done, to him it was just a process, he was confident that we were going to be together and in the grand scale of things he figured he couldn't change the process so just go with it - a few days here and there doesn't change anything, certainly not the way he feels about me. I used to do loads of research here and at the USCIS site to try and work out how long it would take and he wasn't interested in any of it. He didn't care about the process, did no research of his own, wouldn't check out this website, totally no interest whatsoever on the process - just the end result, and he completely trusted me to get the important things done, so I saw that as a real compliment, bearing in mind that it was one of the most important things we have ever done in our lives and certainly the most important thing we had ever done together at that point.

I know it's hard being away from the one you love most, but it's just a plain fact that's the way it is. Chill, girl or you'll make yourself ill. We have all played or are still playing a waiting game, so try and use the time wisely. Don't diss your man because of frustration, as when all said and done, it's not that big of a deal in the grand scale of things that he doesn't pay attention to paperwork. Even now - I do all the paperwork in our household - for absolutely everything, and if I lay something down for longer than five minutes my husband is prone to picking it up and putting it in the bin, however important it is.

Just accept that your man is pretty normal in this regard, take ownership of the process and remember all the other reasons that you love and cherish him above all others!

Best wishes.

Edited July 20, 2006 by perfect

[metinspain 0]

At the end of the day this is a LONG process, and that means that inevitably, one person will end up doing more work than the other from time to time...sometimes the husband, sometimes the wife. It all evens out over time. The point is to be in it together, working towards the end goal as a team.

[becca 0]

I'm sorry if I have upset anyone here.I was having a pretty bad day today and lot has been going on. I'm also sorry for lowering the tone and not giving a good vibe. As i said i dont normally go off on one!! I was just having a particularly bad day today..

I love my husband with all my heart.. and I have told him excatly how I feel about all this too its not like i just slag him off behind his back. But sometimes you get frustrated with your partner and angry and its hard to understand why or what to do about it!! I just needed to vent other wise I was going to shout at someone on the phone at work and lose my job over it too..

I personally struggle with controlling my stress levels and do freak out easliy.. its something I am trying to rectify.. But I always know when I have been OTT and apologise to Jeff!

We have already dont the whole visa thing for Jeff to come to the UK ( but decided we liked USA better ) and in that case again I did most of the research and things.. I was just looking for him to take more of an interest and help me also.. is that so much to ask for???

[perfect 39]

He's a guy!!

He'll support you in other ways...!

Where are you from in Scotland?

[zam 0]

last nite i finally decided to write to my senator. I dont know how much good or bad it will do but at least NBC will get to hear something from the senators office. She always helps me out whenever I write to her. Lets see what happens this time. I think all of us should at least write to our representatives and have to send an inquiry at NBC so that they knowt hat K3 appicants are not left alone... good luck to you all.

[becca 0]

He's a guy!!

He'll support you in other ways...!

Where are you from in Scotland?

From Arbroath!! Prob why i am going a bit insane today!! This town will do that to you.. lol was born in Dundee though all my dads family are from there!

thanks again for your post

[metinspain 0]

I personally struggle with controlling my stress levels and do freak out easliy...

Tell me about it...I'm right there with ya, sister! It's ok to feel the way you do, and it's ok to vent. Most of us don't have friends/family who FULLY understand the visa process & our frustrations, so it's easiest to vent here on the forum where others have shared experiences. That's the best thing about being on VJ...just finding people who understand!

Chin up...you're not alone.

[becca 0]

Thanks metinspain!

Ilove VJ I'm not sure what i would do with out it now.. it helps so much and everyone is so nice on here always saying good luck and someone out there always knoww the asnwer! I hope when i have been through it all I can help people too!! Maybe I will deal with stress better when I with Jeff again!!

[Jersey Girl 2]

Hi becca. Sounds like you could use a Be-Kind-To-Me Event. It's something I do when the universe is not cooperating, everything is turning to rat poop, and I've used up my sense of humour.

Do whatever you can to pamper yourself. Because after a dinner of comfort food, a shower with soap from Paris, a large brandy and soda, and and a mindless movie, you'll feel the stress subsiding. You'll know you're okay again when you say in your best Scarlet O'Hara voice: "Fiddle dee dee, tomorrow is another day!"

Don't worry about your husband not being plugged into all the forms because it's a natural division of labour in many marriages. But if he's volunteering instead of earning a paycheque, he needs to understand his financial obigations as a sponsor. But not today. Today is for you.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Amen to every one I thought I was the only one in this boat feeling like this at times. Just this morning I got into one with my hubby for the same reason. I said it feels like Im doing everthing I can to be with you cause I want to be with you ASAP and ur just sitting there like a lemon. But like others have said....its not the case. He just knows we cant really do much when the waiting game is at hand. This morning I fussed over him not getting the finger prints done and bla bla bla to send off for a FBI check. Any ways it really was not worth the drama. I came to work all upset and hours latter he calls me and says ok" i have ink all over my hands i been trying to do the prints my self all day and they are not working out." So I suggested to go get them done. it was just nice to know that after days of me being a broken record to get this done the oceans finally parted. Then we just laughed it off.So you see sometimes we may feel that they are not listening to us when we ask them to do things but deep down they are. I guess they just dont get crazy about it like we do.

Best of luck on your VJ

Hi becca. Sounds like you could use a Be-Kind-To-Me Event. It's something I do when the universe is not cooperating, everything is turning to rat poop, and I've used up my sense of humour.

Do whatever you can to pamper yourself. Because after a dinner of comfort food, a shower with soap from Paris, a large brandy and soda, and and a mindless movie, you'll feel the stress subsiding. You'll know you're okay again when you say in your best Scarlet O'Hara voice: "Fiddle dee dee, tomorrow is another day!"

Don't worry about your husband not being plugged into all the forms because it's a natural division of labour in many marriages. But if he's volunteering instead of earning a paycheque, he needs to understand his financial obigations as a sponsor. But not today. Today is for you.

[Euro 3]

I'm sorry if I have upset anyone here.I was having a pretty bad day today and lot has been going on. I'm also sorry for lowering the tone and not giving a good vibe. As i said i dont normally go off on one!! I was just having a particularly bad day today..

I love my husband with all my heart.. and I have told him excatly how I feel about all this too its not like i just slag him off behind his back. But sometimes you get frustrated with your partner and angry and its hard to understand why or what to do about it!! I just needed to vent other wise I was going to shout at someone on the phone at work and lose my job over it too..

I personally struggle with controlling my stress levels and do freak out easliy.. its something I am trying to rectify.. But I always know when I have been OTT and apologise to Jeff!

We have already dont the whole visa thing for Jeff to come to the UK ( but decided we liked USA better ) and in that case again I did most of the research and things.. I was just looking for him to take more of an interest and help me also.. is that so much to ask for???

Bloody hell dont apologise, you felt like saying it all outloud, and ya can if you want,