Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[Marlita 0]

So I have a dilemma.

Long story short: I met Evan about 5 months ago. We are engaged now. Won't be marrying til around August or so. Since the relationship started off as more of a friendship I never really talked about him much to my father, but now it has escalated to an engagement and my dad doesn't even know much about him. Didn't even know his name when I mentioned it. So now I am stressed, in trying to figure out how to break the news to daddy's little girl.

I'm not a little girl, but since I am the youngest of his 2 daughters,

and getting married to a man he's never met,

whose from another country with stereotypes of visa fraud,

plus haven't known Evan all that long, I am sure this is going to be a touchy topic for my dad.

Any advice as to how to break it to him. He now knows that I am "seeing" Evan, but I need to hurry and tell him of the plans of marriage, cause its obviously more serious than just some holiday romance.

What is wrong with "Dad, I have met the man of my dreams and I intend to marry him" Simple and to the point.

HA HA! Yeah that would work in a perfect world. But I'm more worried about what happens after I say that. Its easy to just throw it out there, simple and to the point, but I can guarantee that the conversation won't end there.

I'm gonna do what i want to do regardless, but just wanting to know what others have had to do in the face of adversary.

Tell him why you are in love and why the relationship will work. If he is your dad and loves you he will stick by your decision. I remmember my parents wereing moving into there house and told the movers we have a hectic summer. My daughter is getting married in Jamaica and we are all going. They said wow that is cool. My dad said yes and he had no other choice to go to Jamaica and meet my fiance for the first time. The movers said you would let her do that and he said yes she is grown and can make her own decisions. They were amazed. The movers were shocked to also know my baby brother in college was going to Indonesia to help in the earthquake relief and to study their. So it might not be that bad. Dwain thought it would be horriable when he told his mom to and actually she came to love me.

Anyways I am the only daughter so I understand. Best wishes telling your father.

Thanks Belwin,

I was gonna do it tonight but got too caught up talking to Evan. He's just waiting for me to tell my dad. I know he wants to speak to him to get his blessing, so he's hoping I can smooth the transistion of the 2 of them speaking for the first time.

[Mrs. Palmer 5]

So I have a dilemma.

Long story short: I met Evan about 5 months ago. We are engaged now. Won't be marrying til around August or so. Since the relationship started off as more of a friendship I never really talked about him much to my father, but now it has escalated to an engagement and my dad doesn't even know much about him. Didn't even know his name when I mentioned it. So now I am stressed, in trying to figure out how to break the news to daddy's little girl.

I'm not a little girl, but since i am the youngest of his 2 daughters,

and getting married to a man he's never met,

whose from another country with stereotypes of visa fraud,

plus haven't known Evan all that long, I am sure this is going to be a touchy topic for my dad.

Any advice as to how to break it to him. He now knows that I am "seeing" Evan, but I need to hurry and tell him of the plans of marriage, cause its obviously more serious than just some holiday romance.

So it turns out that THIS is a topice that I have a great deal of experience on....Well, I can tell you now, that you should be prepared for it NOT to go the way that you wish, and that he may NEVER accept your fiance for who he is...and if this occurs...how will you deal with that? How will you juggle a relationship with your dad and hubby at the same time?? Especially during special holiday or family functions? Would you be willing to subject yourself and your husband to the mental anguish and torture of having to deal with people who really do not like him, for no seeming reason other than he is a Jamaican and "all they want to do is trick you to get a visa." Trust me, I have heard this countless times from my father...in every way, shape, or form he has made it a point to try and invalidate our relationship, tell me that there is nothing he can ever do for me or provide for me because he is "not on my level". He has tried to tell me in every way that he can't really love me, that he is only "using" me and I will pay for it....He is saying all this, and has yet to even talk to my fiance. We have been together for nearly 2 years, and never once has my fiance done anything or said anything to me or him that would make him feel that way. I've tried to explain to him that my fiance is a hard-working man who takes care of his mother, grandmother, and 2 nephews and himself...all on a measly salary and without complaining about it a bit. I have seen him literally give his last dollar to a friend in need, and he won't eat for days because he'd much rather help someone else out. He has the biggest heart, and the greatest spirit and loves the Lord. He treats me like a queen, and even during our bad times, there is no one that supports me more. I've tried to explain this to my father, but he refuses to listen...and why? Because my fiance is Jamaican. My fiance has even asked to speak to my father on the phone (with my father present), and my father refuses to acknowledge him. My mother on the other hand, has been much more accepting and supportive. She has seen how much my fiance cares and how much he means to me...she understands now just how real our bond is, and she couldn't be happier for the both of us. My sister loves him and tries to speak patois every time she talks to him (she swears she's from yaard! ) I'm excited for my family to finally meet him in person. However, I have made a conscious decision not to include my father in our celebrations. Now this may not be appropriate for YOU and your dad may be completely different--and in fact I WILL PRAY that your father is completely different and that he is more accepting of your relationship. But for me, I just feel like there will never be any peace between me and my father for a long time. He has said some very hurtful and mean things that I am not sure I can forgive him for...and I REFUSE to subject my fiance to such intolerance and ignorance. All I am saying is hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. You never know how it will go. But I will be praying for you, and we here on the forum are all supportive of you!

[brownnskinn 0]

We had a Jamaican day yesterday - started off with chicken from Jus Jerk and festival, then to the Caribbean grocery store to shop for Easter's dinner. Damien got two large HTB easter buns and cheese along with other good food. I got a small round spice bun with cheese which I ate this morning The cricket match was on so we stayed to watch some of it...he was happy to watch the match with other Jamaicans. Afterwards, we went to the Jamaican ice cream store (they have flavors like sweet sop, sour sop, guiness, guineup, mango etc) for his favorite grapenut ice cream...it is very good ice cream, all natural. Then we went to the Caribbean club last night....we danced the entire night. Boy, I am still full and tired....

I am so jealous That sounds awesome. I didn't know they had all those icecream flavors! The only one I've ever had is Rum n Raisin - and Hagaan Daaz makes it but it's hard to find and not quite the same. I've never had sweet sop or sour sop - the fruit or the icecream! What's it similar to?

ditto

[*JG* 2]

OMG...........never eating manish water again.........NEVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

SAME HERE!

They gave us that soup for our wedding yuk. We had the worst cater person ever never go with Miss Ann. I should of stuck to what my wedding corrinadtor said but my mother law said she was good and her cakes were good. YUK!!

I asked for pumpkin my favorite and they gave me manish soup. I was so hungry I ate it though cause I hadn't eatten all day but never again it was cold too ahahah.

Of course they gave you manish water for your wedding......it is tradition. You fiance did not tell you that beforehand?

???

My husband keeps calling the Hospital in MoBay to get a medical but he says its always busy and he can't get through. Is this typical? What is the best day to call? I am get nervous because are interview is a month away. from anyone who went through MoBay Hospital?

Thanks

Jax

a little parnoid

We went there. Had no problem getting an appointment within days.

[brownnskinn 0]

OK...here's a little tip from a born Jamaican. ALWAYS ask what's in the soup or, if you've already taken a few sips, DON'T ask what's in the soup. I grew up in the city (Kingston) and took my first trip to the 'country ' when I was about 9 years old. The family welcomed us with open arms and a kerosene pan (ask your spouses about this) on an open wood fire in the front yard bubbling with soup. I have to admit it smelled delicious...and I was presented with a steaming hot bowl. I had to take my time and skim from the top because it was so hot. When I finally got down to the meat of the matter...there was a completely intact jawbone staring back at me..complete with molars, premolars and inscisors embedded in the blackest gums I had ever seen. I think the goat was suffering from gingivitis. I dropped the entire bowl and all but puked.

Making a note to never eat soup while in JA again.

[brownnskinn 0]

Any advice as to how to break it to him. He now knows that I am "seeing" Evan, but I need to hurry and tell him of the plans of marriage, cause its obviously more serious than just some holiday romance.

I would tell him soon. It's sad but my father isn't speaking to me, I really don't know why. But shortly after I told him I was remarried. I never told him I was even divorced from the first. Never really thought he cared, but according to my brother, I guess he's hurt by the whole thing. Have Evan ask him for your hand in marriage..you know they like that kind of thing.

Shemanya, I hunted for your note because I knew something had happened to Damien but thank God he is o.k. You should make him get to a doctor to have himeself checked out thoroughly (X-ray, etc.) Sometimes injuries don't start to bother you until after the shock is over. Tell him I said he is a Blessed and protected man.

ditto!! Esp his back.

[Minfay 0]

How is Damien?????

Any advice as to how to break it to him. He now knows that I am "seeing" Evan, but I need to hurry and tell him of the plans of marriage, cause its obviously more serious than just some holiday romance.

I didn't tell my parents about Roy until he was already here a week Hey, i think it is funny!! My mother blew a gasket and my father refused to ever speak to me again. It took a few months before they would even acknowledge him (he got here in January) -- they, to this day, still don't know when or where I got married...

It wasn't until June when we went to San Diego to visit my sister. Once my sisters kids met Roy they fell in love with him -- my mother called and asked my sister how the kids "accepted" him -- my sister told my mom the truth and my mother actually said, "that was going to be our determining factor." HUH????? She was waiting to see how the kids felt about him -- since that trip, they have been absolutely wonderful to him -- still, we have NEVER been "out in public" with them....

He might be really mad and upset with you but he is your father and he loves you -- he will eventually get over it!!

My husband keeps calling the Hospital in MoBay to get a medical but he says its always busy and he can't get through. Is this typical? What is the best day to call? I am get nervous because are interview is a month away. from anyone who went through MoBay Hospital?

I sent them an e:mail and scheduled his appointment for him. I have never heard of the phone being so busy -- does he have the right number?

[Texas Bound 0]

OK...here's a little tip from a born Jamaican. ALWAYS ask what's in the soup or, if you've already taken a few sips, DON'T ask what's in the soup. I grew up in the city (Kingston) and took my first trip to the 'country ' when I was about 9 years old. The family welcomed us with open arms and a kerosene pan (ask your spouses about this) on an open wood fire in the front yard bubbling with soup. I have to admit it smelled delicious...and I was presented with a steaming hot bowl. I had to take my time and skim from the top because it was so hot. When I finally got down to the meat of the matter...there was a completely intact jawbone staring back at me..complete with molars, premolars and inscisors embedded in the blackest gums I had ever seen. I think the goat was suffering from gingivitis. I dropped the entire bowl and all but puked.

Making a note to never eat soup while in JA again.

That is so funny. I love the soup there. I think Ive only had goat soup. But who knows & believe me Im not asking for fear of freaking out!!! Gotta love the Jamaican culture.

[Texas Bound 0]

???

My husband keeps calling the Hospital in MoBay to get a medical but he says its always busy and he can't get through. Is this typical? What is the best day to call? I am get nervous because are interview is a month away. from anyone who went through MoBay Hospital?

Thanks

Jax

a little parnoid

BelwinMills- Is he using the number provided here on the site? We had no problem getting through to the number but they couldnt guarantee an appointment in time for our interview. Can he go to Kingston for an appointment, they are were easier to reach and get a timely appointment. Good luck.

I never had problem either. It was actually a relief to speak to someone who was genuinely courteous "a huge break from the Embassy" I sent sweetie to Kingston----only reason 1. didnt wanto to experience delays in release of medical since it was nearby.

If you go to Mo bay follow up & make sure you get the soonest date possible. Also call back in 1-2 weeks to confirm the date it was sent to Kingston. You will be fine.

[rhondapayter 0]

When I finally got down to the meat of the matter...there was a completely intact jawbone staring back at me..complete with molars, premolars and inscisors embedded in the blackest gums I had ever seen. I think the goat was suffering from gingivitis. I dropped the entire bowl and all but puked.

Cow cod soup (which is the ####### and ####### and, incidentally, come from the bull - not the cow)

Oh my gosh! I would have definately puked. I can't even imagine. And how can you eat an animals ####### That's just not right

Tony likes tripe and bean too - but I won't even go near it!

I have had Chicken Foot Soup and Cow Foot Stew in Kingston -- like them both. NO MANNISH SOUP for me!!!

So I'm assuming Manish soup is goat head or goat parts???

[*JG* 2]

How is Damien?????

Any advice as to how to break it to him. He now knows that I am "seeing" Evan, but I need to hurry and tell him of the plans of marriage, cause its obviously more serious than just some holiday romance.

I didn't tell my parents about Roy until he was already here a week Hey, i think it is funny!! My mother blew a gasket and my father refused to ever speak to me again. It took a few months before they would even acknowledge him (he got here in January) -- they, to this day, still don't know when or where I got married...

It wasn't until June when we went to San Diego to visit my sister. Once my sisters kids met Roy they fell in love with him -- my mother called and asked my sister how the kids "accepted" him -- my sister told my mom the truth and my mother actually said, "that was going to be our determining factor." HUH????? She was waiting to see how the kids felt about him -- since that trip, they have been absolutely wonderful to him -- still, we have NEVER been "out in public" with them....

He might be really mad and upset with you but he is your father and he loves you -- he will eventually get over it!!

My husband keeps calling the Hospital in MoBay to get a medical but he says its always busy and he can't get through. Is this typical? What is the best day to call? I am get nervous because are interview is a month away. from anyone who went through MoBay Hospital?

I sent them an e:mail and scheduled his appointment for him. I have never heard of the phone being so busy -- does he have the right number?

That is funny. My parent's knew I was making monthly visits to JA for....well forever....and they had seen some pictures of Andre. But, they never really got what was going on. They didnt' take much of an interest, so I never pushed anything. Plus, my kids adored him, so who cared about anyone else? And the few family members who had met him loved him, so I was cool. We went to my grandma's birthday party a few weeks after he got there and he met them and some other family members. They fell under his spell and loved him. That was July. They didn't find out we had married in June until Christmas. It's been smooth sailing. So, no worries.

Follow my mantra.........anyone who says anything negative enough to hurt Andre is out of my life. Take it or leave it.

[rhondapayter 0]

He might be really mad and upset with you but he is your father and he loves you -- he will eventually get over it!!

[/color]

Yes, this is true My dad was in total denial too. He finally came around after Tony got here and they even ended up giving us a small wedding (we were just gonna go to the courthouse or something)

Edited April 3, 2007 by rhondapayter

[Minfay 0]

Follow my mantra.........anyone who says anything negative enough to hurt Andre is out of my life. Take it or leave it.

I like that!!

[rhondapayter 0]

I have FOUR days off this weekend for the Easter holiday I can't wait. What is everyone doing this weekend? My mom is taking me and sis to a spa for the day on Saturday And I told Tony we would go shopping at some outlet stores about 90 miles from us - I put aside some income tax money for it.

[Jayandmars 0]

Great News!

Jay is in Atlanta and is going 'Jamaican' shopping for me this evening! It's going to be interesting, I think, as he has sent me a text to ask how many POUNDS of ackee do I think I'll need. I called him back and told him I'd need some Thyme ...he said "well think fast because I can only do this today!".

Gotta love him.