Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[*JG* 2]

Can't you guys get Jamaican food where you are? We have only one restaurant (that I know of) that cooks any decent Jamaican food. But, we have 2 international grocery stores and our local farmer's market where we buy everything we need. Andre is the cook in our family and cooks Jamaican dishes nearly every single night. We have saltfish, oxtail, goat, fish, mackrel, ackee (thank God that is back in the stores even if it is big $$$$), callaloo, yam, plantain, coconuts, breadfruit, etc. The only real issues we've had are that he doesn't like our pork and beans.

You're lucky! Where do you live? I'm guessing NYC or Miami - places where there's a large Jamaican population usually have the stuff more readily available. We have one JA store we've found about a 20 min. drive from us (in Detroit). We can't get certain things (breadfruit, goat) but most of the others are there. Tony doesn't like the fish though because it's frozen - not fresh. Also, they only have tin Ackee - I wish they had the real thing That's my favorite JA dish - ackee and saltfish! Tony laughs at me because I eat it EVERY day while I'm in JA - once for two weeks straight!

Nope......St. Louis, MO

We have a huge immigrant population of all sorts of different countries.

I get the goat at our local farmer's market.

[*JG* 2]

Immigration has basicly in my point of view, taken away their manhood.

Yes, I agree with this. When you're in Jamaica you're on THEIR turf. You have to RELY on them for everything. Where to go, what to do, how to get there, the culture, norms, exchange rate, etc.. Then they get here in the U.S. and they have to rely on YOU for everything. They are not the man of the house or head of the house - you are whether you like it or not. They have to learn a whole new set of rules and laws and cultures and norms. It's a complete role reversal. Add to that the major fact that they can't even work and help "bring home the bacon" and it really depresses them.

I don't believe that I am on "his" turf in Jamaica. I personally have never ever ever had to rely on Craig for anything in Jamaica. I already knew the area, culture, norms, exchange, etc etc waaaaay before I met him. I have friends that have their own ride and have driven us places. I actually showed HIM around Negril and the West End and places to eat and visit. Craig had never gone jet-skiing until I hooked him up with a friends jet ski. He even went to several travel agent functions a couple of times when I was there and he got to see how that whole part of my life was (is).

I do my best to make him feel that "he" is man of the house, but........when he's absolutely NOT trying to be a responsible and mature role model.....????? that's where MY frustration goes out the window. Once he started working I showed him (several) times how to budget. Bought a book for him to start writing things in, keeping track of work, receipts, etc. Showed him how I do my budget every month. I showed him how to file things away, like his pay stubs, work stuff, resumes and trying to keep him organized.

I rarely ask Craig for money, but he NEVER offers it on his own either. The my money is my money....and basically you (being me) pays for everything. That mentality of coming here and the WOMAN paying for EVERYTHING has been Craig's motto....but that was after he got here that I found that out!!

His cousin is here (got married to an American in Jamaica and then came -lives in New York) and his woman is LOADED, so Craig THINKS that I am. I laugh....cause I'm not. I don't own my own house or car and he knew that WAY before he came here. He constantly thinks that "I" am hiding money, but I budget. He ALWAYS says I'm "tight" with my money....yep, I am to a degree. I don't believe in spending LOADS of money on clothes and material things. I don't shop at Nordtroms (sp?)...I'm an Old Navy buff, Target, Walmart and JC Penney's. Craig thinks that since spend "cheap" that my clothes are cheap....whatever. I'd rather spend my money on vacation, but while on vacation I don't spend and spend and spend. I've gone to Jamaica for a week and only had $100 (extra) to spend. So I never had money being "flashed" around. I have TONS of "hook-ups" and don't have to pay for this and that.

Before Craig came here, I went over the "head of the house" stuff......he "said" (a trillion times) that "he understood it would be that way". If I had a penny for everytime he told me that HE would work veeeeeeeery hard to work AND support his family....I would be RICH !!! Unfortunately, that has NEVER happened. I could be driving him back and forth on fumes ...and Craig would NEVER offer to buy gas !!!!

So, in my situation, it's different and I HOPE TO GOD, that noone has to go through what I have gone (and still am) going through!!!

Hey, Kelly. I work part-time at Old Navy in an effort to dig out of some of my LDR and immigration holes. Andre is crazy for Old Navy. When I showed him how he can get 10 shirts on price kill clearance and with my employee discount for 38 cents each, he was hooked. I explained how clothes of certain seasons go on clearance at certain times of the year. Now, he is so cute.....if he sees something he really wants, he'll say, oh, but I'm waiting for it to go on clearance in (add month). ''m not paying $$$$ for it. He's hilarious.

[*JG* 2]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

I'd have to say that Andre has not resorted to most of this and for that I am thankful that he is, as he describes himself, "different from most Jamaicans". When he said he was open minded and adjustable, he meant it.

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

.......My son keeps complaining he doesn't want me to have an 'American' baby, because it will have an accent lol.....

We don't even have an accent!! You guys in the U.K. are the ones with the accents!! Speaking of accents, do you have a Jamaican accent or an English accent?

Lol...people at work think I can't talk patois, my English is perfect...conversely, Jamaican friend of mine here asked me how comes I never lost my JAMAICAN accent!! I speak both patois and English so well that neither are accented....What was really weird is once I went out with my sister (who I speak to in English) and my good friend (who I speak to in pure patois) I kept getting confused because they were BOTH there and I couldn't how to talk to them both! It's an automatic switch, often don't even realise I am talking in one or the other depending on who is it....

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

I'd have to say that Andre has not resorted to most of this and for that I am thankful that he is, as he describes himself, "different from most Jamaicans". When he said he was open minded and adjustable, he meant it.

You are blessed

I guess this is merely my 'take', for some it may provide a perspective, for others it will hold no value....

[rhondapayter 0]

There was a big rally yesterday in Dallas for Immigration Reform. Mostly mexican immigrants but Im sure it wont hurt all others on the forefront for reform. Last year over a hundred thousand showed up.

Darn it, If people want to come here & work, I say let them!!!!! We have Americans who are born here & dont want to work. Stop the red tape.

CHEAP LABOR?

Isn't that what the whole immigration issue is about?

Business doesn't want to pay a decent wage Consumers don't want expensive

produce Government will tell you Americans don't want the jobs

But the bottom line is cheap labor. The phrase "cheap labor" is a myth, a

farce, and a lie. There is no such thing as "cheap labor."

Take, for example, an illegal alien with a wife and five children. He

takes a job for $5.00 or $6.00/hour. At that wage, with six dependents,

he pays no income tax, yet at the end of the year, if he files an Income

Tax

Return, he gets an "earned income credit" of up to $3,200 free.

He qualifies for Section 8 housing and subsidized rent

He qualifies for food stamps

He qualifies for free (no deductible, no co-pay) health care

His children get free breakfasts and lunches at school

He requires bilingual teachers and books

He qualifies for relief from high energy bills

.. If they are or become, aged, blind or disabled, they qualify for SSI.

Once qualified for SSI they can qualify for Medicare. All of this is at

TAXPAYER'S EXPENSE. He doesn't worry about car insurance, life insurance,

or homeowners insurance.

.. Taxpayers provide Spanish language signs, bulletins and printed

material. He and his family receive the equivalent of $20.00 to $30.00

/hour in benefits. Working Americans are lucky to have $5.00 or $6.00/hour

left after paying their bills and his.

.. The American taxpayer's also pay for increased crime, graffiti and

trash clean-up.

Cheap Labor. Yah, wake up people. No such thing.

[Ricardo 0]

Good morning VJ family.

One of my worst nightmares happened this morning --Damien was in a car accident on his way to work. I have no idea how this man walked away without an injury. The car flipped over three times and landed on the driver's side...he had to break the window to get out. The car is totalled...I couldn't tell which end was which. Thank God he was wearing a seat belt or he would be flown from the car in the middle of a 4 lane highway. No other cars were involved...another car cut him off so he lost control trying to avoid hitting a tracker trailor. God is good. Damien still went to work and was worried about being late

Oh my goodness. How Frightening. Im glad that he is okay!

[nyseness 0]

Can't you guys get Jamaican food where you are? We have only one restaurant (that I know of) that cooks any decent Jamaican food. But, we have 2 international grocery stores and our local farmer's market where we buy everything we need. Andre is the cook in our family and cooks Jamaican dishes nearly every single night. We have saltfish, oxtail, goat, fish, mackrel, ackee (thank God that is back in the stores even if it is big $$$$), callaloo, yam, plantain, coconuts, breadfruit, etc. The only real issues we've had are that he doesn't like our pork and beans.

You're lucky! Where do you live? I'm guessing NYC or Miami - places where there's a large Jamaican population usually have the stuff more readily available. We have one JA store we've found about a 20 min. drive from us (in Detroit). We can't get certain things (breadfruit, goat) but most of the others are there. Tony doesn't like the fish though because it's frozen - not fresh. Also, they only have tin Ackee - I wish they had the real thing That's my favorite JA dish - ackee and saltfish! Tony laughs at me because I eat it EVERY day while I'm in JA - once for two weeks straight!

Rhonda,

Try going to an Indian store for the Goat. For christmas or special occasions (wedding or such) my mom usually go to this Indian store and buys a whole goat. She will then use the head to make Manish Water. I also get Oxtail at the local store but they also sell it in the Mexican stores it's cheaper. You have to shop around but mostly int'l stores have all that.

[Minfay 0]

One of my worst nightmares happened this morning --Damien was in a car accident on his way to work. I have no idea how this man walked away without an injury. The car flipped over three times and landed on the driver's side...he had to break the window to get out. The car is totalled...

\

OH MY GOD!!!

I am so happy he is okay.....that's it -- no license for Roy!!!

[nyseness 0]

Happy Sunday everyone!! :dance:

Jax -- Here is the info for the African store. We went yesterday and she had a pretty good selection of Grace items (Mackrell, soups, hot sauces, etc.), canned Ackee ($12.99 a can), Easter Bun (a 24oz loaf cost us $6.05), Jamaican cheese, Saltfish, Milo, canned Caliloo, that Jamaican (heavy) bread, some assorted "soda." She's got a pretty good selection...but it's definitely not like going to a store in Jamaica. For our purposes (mostly saltfish and Grace hot sauce) it's the best just because it's so close to our house. I have never been to the Market in Rogers Park (up by Anna) but I have heard they have a great selection there too. The lady on Howard (in Evanston) has a pretty good selection of things too....

Now -- the "bun" comes from: Caribbean American Baking Co. -- someplace in Chicago. Their phone number is: 773.761.0700.....www.caribbeanamericanbakery.com....might be worth contacting them to see if they sell to the public....they just might.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Sesi African Grocery, 17545 S. Kedzie, Hazel Crest 708.206.0334 (they are closed on Sunday's)

The bakery is on Howard street in Chicago. They also sell food, patties, hard dough bread (Jamaican bread), pastries, coco bread, coconot drops, etc. Yes they open to the public.

[nyseness 0]

Huh?! Who Knew?!?!?!

I just went onto the Caribbean American Baking Co. website -- they do sell directly to the public and they have a pretty good selection......we just might have to take a drive up there....they are on Howard St. too -- on the Chicago/Evanston border....probably really close to the lady who has the Jamaican store (sorry, I can't find her info --she is on Howard St. -- about two blocks EAST of Ridge Road, on the North side of the street....it's a little storefront)

AND -- these are really close to the Market in Rogers Park!! Might be really worth your drive

It's name the Linstead Market. I never been there but I heard the prices are high. The bakery is maybe 3 mins down toward the lake. There is also another store on Paulina/Howard that sells everything too and it's cheaper then the fruit market. I forget the name to the place on Paulina...we always cld it Certified.

[*JG* 2]

Can't you guys get Jamaican food where you are? We have only one restaurant (that I know of) that cooks any decent Jamaican food. But, we have 2 international grocery stores and our local farmer's market where we buy everything we need. Andre is the cook in our family and cooks Jamaican dishes nearly every single night. We have saltfish, oxtail, goat, fish, mackrel, ackee (thank God that is back in the stores even if it is big $$$$), callaloo, yam, plantain, coconuts, breadfruit, etc. The only real issues we've had are that he doesn't like our pork and beans.

You're lucky! Where do you live? I'm guessing NYC or Miami - places where there's a large Jamaican population usually have the stuff more readily available. We have one JA store we've found about a 20 min. drive from us (in Detroit). We can't get certain things (breadfruit, goat) but most of the others are there. Tony doesn't like the fish though because it's frozen - not fresh. Also, they only have tin Ackee - I wish they had the real thing That's my favorite JA dish - ackee and saltfish! Tony laughs at me because I eat it EVERY day while I'm in JA - once for two weeks straight!

Rhonda,

Try going to an Indian store for the Goat. For christmas or special occasions (wedding or such) my mom usually go to this Indian store and buys a whole goat. She will then use the head to make Manish Water. I also get Oxtail at the local store but they also sell it in the Mexican stores it's cheaper. You have to shop around but mostly int'l stores have all that.

OMG...........never eating manish water again.........NEVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

[Marie876 0]

OMG...........never eating manish water again.........NEVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

SAME HERE!

[Jayandmars 0]

OMG...........never eating manish water again.........NEVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

SAME HERE!

OK...here's a little tip from a born Jamaican. ALWAYS ask what's in the soup or, if you've already taken a few sips, DON'T ask what's in the soup. I grew up in the city (Kingston) and took my first trip to the 'country ' when I was about 9 years old. The family welcomed us with open arms and a kerosene pan (ask your spouses about this) on an open wood fire in the front yard bubbling with soup. I have to admit it smelled delicious...and I was presented with a steaming hot bowl. I had to take my time and skim from the top because it was so hot. When I finally got down to the meat of the matter...there was a completely intact jawbone staring back at me..complete with molars, premolars and inscisors embedded in the blackest gums I had ever seen. I think the goat was suffering from gingivitis. I dropped the entire bowl and all but puked.

The other usual culprits for turning any non-jamaican off our cuisine are:

Chicken foot soup...also curried chicken foot

Cow foot..sometimes the skin of the cow (not the hide) is added to this dish.

Cow cod soup (which is the ####### and ####### and, incidentally, come from the bull - not the cow)

My girlfriend's mom used to deep fry chicken heads for her ..beaks, eyes and all. I kid you not.

Tripe..as in intestines..with broad beans.

Cow head...as in the brains...with broad beans

Light...which is the heart of the cow

Cow tongue...I hear it is delicious when smoked

The USA has a nasty habit of deporting turkey necks to our shores...so we cook those up with broad beans too.

Some people buy fish heads only because the rest of the fish can be too expensive for their meagre budgets.

One thing I must say about my people...no matter what it is...they season up their meats and marinate them to perfection and when cooked and served with some good rice and peas or yam, green bananas and cornmeal dumpling... if you close your eyes and forget where the meat came from...you are in for a culinary masterpiece.

My 3 cents!

Mars.

[brownnskinn 0]

Good morning VJ family.

One of my worst nightmares happened this morning --Damien was in a car accident on his way to work. I have no idea how this man walked away without an injury. The car flipped over three times and landed on the driver's side...he had to break the window to get out. The car is totalled...I couldn't tell which end was which. Thank God he was wearing a seat belt or he would be flown from the car in the middle of a 4 lane highway. No other cars were involved...another car cut him off so he lost control trying to avoid hitting a tracker trailor. God is good. Damien still went to work and was worried about being late

Oh my goodness. How Frightening. Im glad that he is okay!

Oh my I'm glad he's okay.