Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[rhondapayter 0]

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

so true! This was me and Tony exactly. Only my dog isn't allowed on the bed or furniture. Same thing though.

I'm hereby awarding you the "Best Yardie' post of the year" award I can't get over how accurate and true all of it is. Soooo so many of the things you said were right on.

[Minfay 0]

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

so true! This was me and Tony exactly. Only my dog isn't allowed on the bed or furniture. Same thing though.

I'm hereby awarding you the "Best Yardie' post of the year" award I can't get over how accurate and true all of it is. Soooo so many of the things you said were right on.

I second that That post should be MANDATORY reading for all newbies!!

[missjones 0]

I agree, that was a really good post. Everything you said was right on. It's funny because I have been living in JA with my husband for the past few months, and I am certain the roles will change when he gets here. Wow, that was really good. I think I am going to let him read it. I am new to VJ, but I think it was AlienUKGirl who posted that. If not, whoever did, can you please continue to put thought provoking topics on this forum? I need some mental stimulation to keep me distracted since USCIS wants to play chess games in between processing my petition. Thanks.

[Marlita 0]

The divorce rate in US is 50=60% if not more, now throw in mixed culture, mixed gender roles, step children, then immiration with all the adjustments and rules This process is almost set up for failure. Speaking from my experience. I would say forget about what you know about for SO up until the point they make it to the US. Okay well you cannot totally forget , but try to start all over getting to know one another, because you think you know each other until you throw all the other factors into it, then you find your self asking, do I really know this person? I agree that people don't usually change they are who they are esp at this time in our age. I don't think we can really "love" someone complete and effectively without knowing what went on the the other persons past, We won't understand who they are until we know where they have been. Now take your SO away from wear they've been, everything they know....and basicly tell them, well you live in the US now and you don't know S$%T, cause that's what we are doing to them in a sense with all this immiration stuff, Someone else telling them when and what time they need to do whatever. Take it from me, It dosen't matter how nice you put it or how respectful you say it. (When explaning all the changes they have to go through all the rules) All that matter is they have to be told in the first place. Immigration has basicly in my point of view, taken away their manhood. I'm learning a lot about unconditional love. Get rid of that I'm going to mold him, guide him into what I want to be mind set, learn who he is and descide if you are willing to love/respect him unconditionally. This process is probaby different if the SO/ USC is a male. GendAR Roles are not being exchange. The man is doing what the bible called for him to do, take care of his wife. My transulation in Ephesians 5:33 Each of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. Sorry, No offense tho those who are not biblical. Then you throw in all this immiration stuff, and the feeling of "respect he's supposed to have is taken away by rules and regulations....like i said...we are all set up for failure! Okay so he's supposed to love me as though he is loving himself, Well, how can he love himself when he don't know who he is anymore. He moves to a new counrty is wife weather we want to be or not are heads of the household, and tell him what he can do when. THIS PROCESS TAKES ENDURANCE.!!! The bible also states, Husbands love your wives, as Christ so love the church and was willing to die for her and wives submit to your husbands....again set up for failure...how are to submitt when we have been force to make many of the descisions in our household Cause if you man was like mine, he felt that he didn't have a say in whever..because him nah work, or make bread, so his response was what ever you want honey.

I would say find time for yourself. Know who you are. If he's not here yet, use this time. Then follow your heart. What ever renews you, if you belief in a higher power, the bible, God, whatever brings to strengh cause you/we are going to need it in order to come out of this process sucessfully. The bible state those who marry will have trouble....and Those who marry and have to deal with immiratration and the adjustment to moving to a new counrty. ....PRAY FOR US ALL!!!!!

I completely understand where you are coming from with your statement. I too am a Christian, as is my SO. And there is not ONE thing that we don't pass by God first when it comes to this relationship. I am thankful that my SO (Evan) has such a respect for God. It does help keep us grounded and level headed in our thinking of how this relationship will work. We read those same scriptures to each other and fully understand their wisdom. They speak directly to my heart.

I can only imagine how a MAN must feel when moving to an entire new country, culture, environment and then feel as if he cannot actively contribute to it. Very immasculating! And I think that sometimes we as the US citizen, don't really take the time to fully accept what he feels. Its understandable, because you are frustrated, and the only one working and you feel as they are not pulling their weight. But we cannot fault them for what they have learned all their life. Otherwise we are thinking that our American culture is better than theirs. Understanding them and not trying to change them would be much better love than just tough love. The situation that these men are in, is tough enough as it is. Why would you, the woman that he left EVERYTHING for, make it harder for him?

I am so appreciative of all of the "vets" stories. They are very helpful to me.

Thanks!

The divorce rate in US is 50=60% if not more, now throw in mixed culture, mixed gender roles, step children, then immiration with all the adjustments and rules This process is almost set up for failure. Speaking from my experience. I would say forget about what you know about for SO up until the point they make it to the US. Okay well you cannot totally forget , but try to start all over getting to know one another, because you think you know each other until you throw all the other factors into it, then you find your self asking, do I really know this person? I agree that people don't usually change they are who they are esp at this time in our age. I don't think we can really "love" someone complete and effectively without knowing what went on the the other persons past, We won't understand who they are until we know where they have been. Now take your SO away from wear they've been, everything they know....and basicly tell them, well you live in the US now and you don't know S$%T, cause that's what we are doing to them in a sense with all this immiration stuff, Someone else telling them when and what time they need to do whatever. Take it from me, It dosen't matter how nice you put it or how respectful you say it. (When explaning all the changes they have to go through all the rules) All that matter is they have to be told in the first place. Immigration has basicly in my point of view, taken away their manhood. I'm learning a lot about unconditional love. Get rid of that I'm going to mold him, guide him into what I want to be mind set, learn who he is and descide if you are willing to love/respect him unconditionally. This process is probaby different if the SO/ USC is a male. GendAR Roles are not being exchange. The man is doing what the bible called for him to do, take care of his wife. My transulation in Ephesians 5:33 Each of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. Sorry, No offense tho those who are not biblical. Then you throw in all this immiration stuff, and the feeling of "respect he's supposed to have is taken away by rules and regulations....like i said...we are all set up for failure! Okay so he's supposed to love me as though he is loving himself, Well, how can he love himself when he don't know who he is anymore. He moves to a new counrty is wife weather we want to be or not are heads of the household, and tell him what he can do when. THIS PROCESS TAKES ENDURANCE.!!! The bible also states, Husbands love your wives, as Christ so love the church and was willing to die for her and wives submit to your husbands....again set up for failure...how are to submitt when we have been force to make many of the descisions in our household Cause if you man was like mine, he felt that he didn't have a say in whever..because him nah work, or make bread, so his response was what ever you want honey.

I would say find time for yourself. Know who you are. If he's not here yet, use this time. Then follow your heart. What ever renews you, if you belief in a higher power, the bible, God, whatever brings to strengh cause you/we are going to need it in order to come out of this process sucessfully. The bible state those who marry will have trouble....and Those who marry and have to deal with immiratration and the adjustment to moving to a new counrty. ....PRAY FOR US ALL!!!!!

I completely understand where you are coming from with your statement. I too am a Christian, as is my SO. And there is not ONE thing that we don't pass by God first when it comes to this relationship. I am thankful that my SO (Evan) has such a respect for God. It does help keep us grounded and level headed in our thinking of how this relationship will work. We read those same scriptures to each other and fully understand their wisdom. They speak directly to my heart.

I can only imagine how a MAN must feel when moving to an entire new country, culture, environment and then feel as if he cannot actively contribute to it. Very immasculating! And I think that sometimes we as the US citizen, don't really take the time to fully accept what he feels. Its understandable, because you are frustrated, and the only one working and you feel as they are not pulling their weight. But we cannot fault them for what they have learned all their life. Otherwise we are thinking that our American culture is better than theirs. Understanding them and not trying to change them would be much better love than just tough love. The situation that these men are in, is tough enough as it is. Why would you, the woman that he left EVERYTHING for, make it harder for him?

I am so appreciative of all of the "vets" stories. They are very helpful to me.

Thanks!

[brownnskinn 0]

Ok I e-filed the AP, It totally skipped part 2 of the application because when I printed it out it came out blank It's basicly asking for all the same info in part 1 of the application. Did I totally mess up? I guess I'll just send the entire thing in I could not correct it as I had already paid and processed the application

Edited March 31, 2007 by Denden

[Ricardo 0]

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

so true! This was me and Tony exactly. Only my dog isn't allowed on the bed or furniture. Same thing though.

I'm hereby awarding you the "Best Yardie' post of the year" award I can't get over how accurate and true all of it is. Soooo so many of the things you said were right on.

I second that That post should be MANDATORY reading for all newbies!!

Im the third vote!!

[darlene 0]

I would kid him all the time saying if I were younger or he were old I wouldn't let him get away. There is a LARGE age difference between us and it has never bothered him. It was me that held off because of it.

Woman, you're killing me here How old are you? How old is he? You keep mentioning the HUGE age difference and my curiosity is getting the best of me. Are you 80 and he's 20? Anything less than that is fine by me!! I'm calling you Stella from now on ( I love that movie!)

OMG you are too funny. Before he got off the ship and we were talking about all of this I would always bring up Stella....

I am 52 he is 34.....

[BelwinMills 0]

Welcome MissJones to the yardies.

I will read that post again when my husband gets here to remind me when things get tough

[missjones 0]

Welcome MissJones to the yardies.

I will read that post again when my husband gets here to remind me when things get tough

Thanks, how sweet! You guys are going to be my support team, as my husband is probably getting tired of my complaining about the dreadfull process of bringing him here. And to top it off we are expecting our first child so I am little cranky about the possibility that he might not make it in time. So I just put it in God's hands, and let him do his thang. Thanks for the welcome.

[nannygirl82 0]

I would kid him all the time saying if I were younger or he were old I wouldn't let him get away. There is a LARGE age difference between us and it has never bothered him. It was me that held off because of it.

Woman, you're killing me here How old are you? How old is he? You keep mentioning the HUGE age difference and my curiosity is getting the best of me. Are you 80 and he's 20? Anything less than that is fine by me!! I'm calling you Stella from now on ( I love that movie!)

OMG you are too funny. Before he got off the ship and we were talking about all of this I would always bring up Stella....

I am 52 he is 34.....

Oh geez darlene....i believe in stella she was 40 and he was like 19.....34 and 52....to me does not seem bad at all!!!! and it sounds to me like he acts much older than his age!!

[BelwinMills 0]

Welcome MissJones to the yardies.

I will read that post again when my husband gets here to remind me when things get tough

Thanks, how sweet! You guys are going to be my support team, as my husband is probably getting tired of my complaining about the dreadfull process of bringing him here. And to top it off we are expecting our first child so I am little cranky about the possibility that he might not make it in time. So I just put it in God's hands, and let him do his thang. Thanks for the welcome.

Hang in there the time will fly buy. When are u due?

[BelwinMills 0]

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

so true! This was me and Tony exactly. Only my dog isn't allowed on the bed or furniture. Same thing though.

I'm hereby awarding you the "Best Yardie' post of the year" award I can't get over how accurate and true all of it is. Soooo so many of the things you said were right on.

I second that That post should be MANDATORY reading for all newbies!!

Im the third vote!!

I had one of my male friends Damond read the post and he said it is so true. He has lived here for 2 years in Flordia now. He said the money thing is head on. He says he is strong and will make it cause the Lord is watching. He always scolds me cause I stopped going to Church. He is one of my KChapel friends from MoBay. I helped out with there band years ago. Anyways I wanted a guys prospective who has been here for awhile.

Ditto for the best post of the year

[missjones 0]

Hang in there the time will fly buy. When are u due?

I am due October 24th and I am SOOO scared. But I have faith, and I told my hubby that even if he is not here in time, he will be here eventually. Obviously it's not his fault because I am sure he would be here in a heartbeat. It just sucks because there are other factors that are separating us (my college education, and inability to transfer my credits to a university in JA-plus I am almost done, so might as well finish) and to top it off we are having a little one. But we will see what happens. Trying to remain positive.

[shermike 1]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd5CbU3tRoc

After all the ranting and venting we've done today..here's something to laugh about. It's hilarious. Miss Jamaica on youtube.com

Here's the link...enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd5CbU3tRoc

REALLY FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shermike 1]

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

so true! This was me and Tony exactly. Only my dog isn't allowed on the bed or furniture. Same thing though.

I'm hereby awarding you the "Best Yardie' post of the year" award I can't get over how accurate and true all of it is. Soooo so many of the things you said were right on.

I AGREE!!!!!