Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[BelwinMills 0]

PS:

He got his first pay check today. He has texted me 3 times and called 2 times to say he is running late but he is taking me out to dinner. His treat!!!

Congrats Darlene how exciting. Tell us where he takes you? It is so good to hear such a nice story .

[BelwinMills 0]

If I where to live in JA I would get one of these townhouses or apartments http://www.cbjamaica.com/newdevelopment/pinehurst.html My second house when I am older maybe instead of a quarter century crisis a half of century crisis

[Shemmy 4]

I have to say it wasn't too bad of an adjustment period so far. The waiting and the boredom at first. Luckily, I had a friend who owned his own home improvements company and he threw Andre a bone. Not only did he have some money coming in, he had time filled. After he got his green card and SSN, he found himself a job. It's fast food, and admittedly, Andre said he would've never taken such a job in JA; but it is a job. Regular paychecks, health insurance, and now, after only a few months, he's moved up to shift leader and is trainging for management. All I asked of him is that he work it at least a year to have something US to put on his resume. Then, the sky is the limit.

That is great. Working a job they truly love makes a huge diffrence. Damien worked in a freezer in a food warehuse for a year and half...he didn't like it to much but it paid the bills. I asked him to stay for at least a year to get some work experience and history here in the US. Well it paid off because now he is working for Nestle company Deer Park water plant making twice as much $$$ with great benefits. He nailed the only two interviews he had so he's been here. I'm so proud of him

[BelwinMills 0]

I am thinking about having Dwain work nights at UPS. They pay 1,500 dollars for each semster of school. He could use my car because work hours are from 9pm until 1am. I think it would be a great first job also they have a bus that picks up students at NIU and brings them back after work so he could have that option too. Who knows ideas are calling me.

[Shemmy 4]

I am thinking about having Dwain work nights at UPS. They pay 1,500 dollars for each semster of school. He could use my car because work hours are from 9pm until 1am. I think it would be a great first job also they have a bus that picks up students at NIU and brings them back after work so he could have that option too. Who knows ideas are calling me.

Jax - Damien had a hard time getting into large companies like Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Home Depot, UPS, FedEx, etc. when he first got here because he no work experience or history in the US. Mind you, he had a good work history and references in JA. But he didn't get call backs until he got his driver's license and some work experience. Hopefully Dwain won't have the same problems but it happens. Good luck.

[Jamaica to CT 0]

If I where to live in JA I would get one of these townhouses or apartments http://www.cbjamaica.com/newdevelopment/pinehurst.html My second house when I am older maybe instead of a quarter century crisis a half of century crisis

I'll take the Glenabby . A girl can dream can't she

[Ricardo 0]

Wow!! You ladies have been busy today. Figures, the one day I do not have access to a computer.

There has been some eye opening things being said.

I guess for the most part I am lucky. I have know Bert for almost 6 years and he has been my best friend during this time. When I first met him I was going out with his cousin and we would hang out with him and his girlfriend. In fact they broke up because she thought we were seeing each other but it was just stickly a friendship. I would kid him all the time saying if I were younger or he were old I wouldn't let him get away. There is a LARGE age difference between us and it has never bothered him. It was me that held off because of it.

I have to say he has been awesome for the most part. I have to get used to some of his ways. And I am lucky that he tolerates me and my moods.

He had done quite a bit of work around the house because he felt terrible that I would get up and go to work and he couldn't.

He recognizes the fact things are expensive. He budgets, I charge. He has a good idea of how much debt I am in and how much is because of him.

The biggest argument we have had is he is not used to "checking in" with anyone. He just started working last Saturday. Hewas working late last night and did not call so I was upset with him when he got home. He could not figure out why I was so mad. His car is older and he has only been here for 2 1/2 month so I didn't know if he broke down, got stopped, or of course a million bad things was running through my mind.

He apoligized this morning and I said I was also sorry but I care and I worry. That is me. I asked him to please just have some common courtesy regarding some things.

Tonight he is running late and has called. That is all I have asked.

I have had to make a lot of adjustment because he is not a touchy, feely, kissy kind of guy and the fact I am, I have tried to back off and he has tried to be more affectionate. All in time. It is better than it was a month ago and getting better everyday. One day at a time.

I trust him 100% even though I am older and overweight. I know him and I know he would not do anything to hurt me. He has respected me from day one. He has respected my friends. He is different. I don't know what to say. I keep telling him I am going to find him some fine young thing to have babies with and he laughs.

As I said I am lucky because he tolerates me.

PS:

He got his first pay check today. He has texted me 3 times and called 2 times to say he is running late but he is taking me out to dinner. His treat!!!

Hey Darlene - Thanks for sharing! Enjoy your dinner!!

[Ricardo 0]

Wow!! You ladies have been busy today. Figures, the one day I do not have access to a computer.

There has been some eye opening things being said.

I guess for the most part I am lucky. I have know Bert for almost 6 years and he has been my best friend during this time. When I first met him I was going out with his cousin and we would hang out with him and his girlfriend. In fact they broke up because she thought we were seeing each other but it was just stickly a friendship. I would kid him all the time saying if I were younger or he were old I wouldn't let him get away. There is a LARGE age difference between us and it has never bothered him. It was me that held off because of it.

I have to say he has been awesome for the most part. I have to get used to some of his ways. And I am lucky that he tolerates me and my moods.

He had done quite a bit of work around the house because he felt terrible that I would get up and go to work and he couldn't.

He recognizes the fact things are expensive. He budgets, I charge. He has a good idea of how much debt I am in and how much is because of him.

The biggest argument we have had is he is not used to "checking in" with anyone. He just started working last Saturday. Hewas working late last night and did not call so I was upset with him when he got home. He could not figure out why I was so mad. His car is older and he has only been here for 2 1/2 month so I didn't know if he broke down, got stopped, or of course a million bad things was running through my mind.

He apoligized this morning and I said I was also sorry but I care and I worry. That is me. I asked him to please just have some common courtesy regarding some things.

Tonight he is running late and has called. That is all I have asked.

I have had to make a lot of adjustment because he is not a touchy, feely, kissy kind of guy and the fact I am, I have tried to back off and he has tried to be more affectionate. All in time. It is better than it was a month ago and getting better everyday. One day at a time.

I trust him 100% even though I am older and overweight. I know him and I know he would not do anything to hurt me. He has respected me from day one. He has respected my friends. He is different. I don't know what to say. I keep telling him I am going to find him some fine young thing to have babies with and he laughs.

As I said I am lucky because he tolerates me.

PS:

He got his first pay check today. He has texted me 3 times and called 2 times to say he is running late but he is taking me out to dinner. His treat!!!

Hey Darlene - Thanks for sharing! Enjoy your dinner!!

And thank you to all my family who shared today - It was very educational and extremely entertaining!!!! Who needs One Life To Live when we have VJ LOL!!!!

[Minfay 0]

We have a little Jamaican restaurant within walking distance that we get his Irish Moss at.....then there is an African store a few miles away....she always has Saltfish, Ackee (when she can get it) and she will have our BUN!! I am so excited. Last year I was doing Atkins and wouldn't even take a little bite. This year will be very different!!

I would love to know that store Mindy ! We both have friends up near you and I have a very good friend who lives in the same town as Anna. I will ask you when my man arrives because my brain is on over load right now.

Jax the fruit market on Rogers also sells bun. I picked some last week w/some JA cheese.

We will be going there tomorrow -- I will get all the info. If you go up by Anna -- there is also the store on Howard -- the lady is so nice -- she's from Manchester. Roy just loves her. He makes me drive up there just so he can see her.

I asked him to please just have some common courtesy regarding some things.

:lol: How could I forget?!?!? Roy is so sick and tired of me talking about Common Courtesy.....BUT even after all my squaking sometimes he still forgets to call.....he is getting better but this too is a constant struggle. Not a biggie but a struggle none the less....

[BelwinMills 0]

I am thinking about having Dwain work nights at UPS. They pay 1,500 dollars for each semster of school. He could use my car because work hours are from 9pm until 1am. I think it would be a great first job also they have a bus that picks up students at NIU and brings them back after work so he could have that option too. Who knows ideas are calling me.

Jax - Damien had a hard time getting into large companies like Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Home Depot, UPS, FedEx, etc. when he first got here because he no work experience or history in the US. Mind you, he had a good work history and references in JA. But he didn't get call backs until he got his driver's license and some work experience. Hopefully Dwain won't have the same problems but it happens. Good luck.

Thanks for the advice . I am hoping Dwain will get his drivers license quickly because of the CR1 route.

Ok very nice thanks Mindy .

If I where to live in JA I would get one of these townhouses or apartments http://www.cbjamaica.com/newdevelopment/pinehurst.html My second house when I am older maybe instead of a quarter century crisis a half of century crisis

I'll take the Glenabby . A girl can dream can't she

Yes she can and my parents can think I am crazy on the other hand lalalala

[Shemmy 4]

I asked him to please just have some common courtesy regarding some things.

:lol: How could I forget?!?!? Roy is so sick and tired of me talking about Common Courtesy.....BUT even after all my squaking sometimes he still forgets to call.....he is getting better but this too is a constant struggle. Not a biggie but a struggle none the less....

Common courtesy and manners...that's another discussion Our biggest battles Much better now but goodness....

[BelwinMills 0]

I asked him to please just have some common courtesy regarding some things.

:lol: How could I forget?!?!? Roy is so sick and tired of me talking about Common Courtesy.....BUT even after all my squaking sometimes he still forgets to call.....he is getting better but this too is a constant struggle. Not a biggie but a struggle none the less....

Common courtesy and manners...that's another discussion Our biggest battles Much better now but goodness....

:lol:

[nyseness 0]

We have a little Jamaican restaurant within walking distance that we get his Irish Moss at.....then there is an African store a few miles away....she always has Saltfish, Ackee (when she can get it) and she will have our BUN!! I am so excited. Last year I was doing Atkins and wouldn't even take a little bite. This year will be very different!!

I would love to know that store Mindy ! We both have friends up near you and I have a very good friend who lives in the same town as Anna. I will ask you when my man arrives because my brain is on over load right now.

Jax the fruit market on Rogers also sells bun. I picked some last week w/some JA cheese.

Thanks Anna when he gets here we will have to check it out. If I don't teach summer school we will need to get out of the house on outtings.

They sell bun all the time BUT if you want the HTB bun from JA it's only available around easter.

Edited March 31, 2007 by nyseness

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

[Jamaica to CT 0]

As for your partner adjusting to life in the US with you, it seems to be hugely stressful which I can definitely understand....

I grew up eating the same food day in and day out in Jamaica, when I came back to the UK, all of a sudden there was this huge array of strange food. For a while it was nice, kinda like eating out for dinner every day, but very quickly I became sick and tired of the food and just wanted 'normal' stuff...Yes, I did cook some, but obviously it wasn't practical every day.

Again, none of the fruit that I had become used to eating, no mangoes, guineps, ortaniques etc.....Even the milk tasted different, the meat, even KFC, Burger King...

In Jamaica, as you all know, it's very different socially, you have friends/relatives dropping by, hanging out on the corner etc etc...Here, all of a sudden it was just me and the 'strangers' that were were my blood relatives.

The TV shows were different, the transportation system was strange, never seen anything like it in Jamaica. All of a sudden, I wasn't one of the crowd, but someone different from it....Was hugely isloating...Again, in Jamaica you know how everything works, you are familiar with the area, but all of a sudden you ask 'stupid' questions, people are amused by your mistakes or misconceptions, you begin to feel like an idiot.

Then comes the work situation. In Jamaica, I was highly qualified for what I wanted to do, could pick and choose jobs. Here, I was an oddity, someone who they weren't quite sure how to deal with. Went from never being turned down for a job in Jamaica to having many interviews here with no luck.

It begins to eat away at your self-confidence, are you not worth anything anymore??

I can only imagine how it must be for some men in a similar situation.

Ie, their girlfriend/wife coming to see them in Jamaica, they are the ones that know where everything is, how things work, what's safe and what's dangerous, what different types of food they'd like etc etc.

All of sudden, they are transported into a world where they have to rely on their woman, the roles are almost completely reversed....Their very manhood is being challenged financially because they have'nothing' to offer.

IN my experience Jamaican men are very proud, men I have dated wouldn't be caught dead going dutch or letting me pay for anything. But in combination with all these other issues, now they can't even buy their woman a bunch of flowers with their own money.

Again, in my experience, the large majority of men have their own accomodation, even if it's just one room. The typical senario is that the woman moves in with them, again this is often reversed. So they have to deal with the foriegn food, the fact they can't 'contribute', the fact they know nothing about the US and they are living in someone's else's 'domain'.

If the relationship wasn't water-tight to begin with, cracks could most definitely begin to appear....

Conversely, depending on the man, it may be that he worked a low-paid, 'low status' job in Jamaica. In my experience, women in 'higher' social positions do not go out with men in 'lower' ones.

Now, all of sudden, the man has attracted a mate like you, in a decent job, nice standard of living. He's emigrating, his friends and family wish they were in his shoes, he has dreams of a charmed life abroad. He is feeling on top of the world.

You've tried to tell him that life abroad is hard, you work hard for your money etc etc.

But he thinks maybe you're exaggerating, after all he sees how you dress, photos of your house/car, heard you exclaim how cheap eating out/cab fares/hotel prices are there....maybe you're downplaying it to him, you might be wanting to see if he'd love you if you had nothing....

Suddenly, he's in a cold country with nothing familiar around him, those long massages you used to give him are replaced by a quick kiss on the cheek as you run out to work leaving him at home all day.

You used to tell him 3 times a day how much you loved him, now you tell him 3 times a day to remember to take the washing out of the dryer, very often 'woman's work' in Jamaica.

You used to call him twice a day when he was in Jamaica, now you tell him he can't call Jamaica twice a day to talk to his friends and family...He wants to tell you not to worry, he'll pay the bill when it comes, but then remembers he doesn't have a job......

In my experience, the vast majority of Jamaicans I know would think it was wrong to even allow a dog in the house.

Now he sees yours on your bed, on the sofa and you don't take it kindly when he voices his displeasure.....What, you love your dog more than him??

Then you go walking in the mall.

In Jamaica, he was a lifeguard/taxi driver/woodworker etc, Jamaican women turned their noses up and passed him by. Now, he's seeing flirtacious glances, warm smiles by women refusing to notice his wedding ring....Maybe THEY might be more appreciative of him??

During those long days when you're at work and you don't call, his mind is free to wander.....

He finally gets a job.

It's not something he would have wanted in Jamaica, but he'll take anything just to feel like he's contributing something. Then again, he can buy a car like yours, spend $50 a week on phonecards, buy you that bunch of flowers with his OWN money...He is begining to feel like a man again....

Then, you tell him he'll have to give this amount for the house. What??? He's JUST got a few dollars coming in and now you want that too???

During those long months sitting at home, he has given his number to his friends so they can call, then THEY pay the bill right??

The second he gets the job, he's called home to tell people the good news, he's abroad and he's working, he's on the way!

Then, his friends, family start calling. They want a few dollars, lunch money for their kids, new pair of shoes, school fees, money for a passport, money to go to the doctor etc etc....

After all, when HE was in Jamaica they were there for him through good times and bad times right?

Suddenly his wage packet shrinks a little more.

He stops taking calls from them, doesn't talk to them as much. They begin to reproach him 'You're both working and you can't send me $50?' they say....

Then, you've watched how homesick he is, how he pines for the food, the company and you decide to try and make him happy, you'll both go down for a holiday. You'll work overtime, you'll pay his fare you say....

His heart leaps with joy, to see Jamaica, to smell the familar scents, to see his family even for a short time!

Then, he realises he's going to have to buy clothes. He can't go to Jamaica not looking good!

He goes to the mall, he thinks the $300 he has can surely buy enough.....

Then, a nice pair of sneakers alone is $120, that Rocawear t shirt is $30, etc etc.....

All of a sudden he realises how hard life is....And there you are saying/nodding your head like 'I told you so!'...

He's homesick and angry with life, and needs to vent. Who's there? YOU ARE!!

You can't understand why he's being so tetchy, you work hard to make your lives better, you've sacrificed and saved to get you both this far, you've gone against what your friends and family have suggested and followed your heart, you've lain in bed nights dreaming about how you can be togehter and what life will be like, and here HE IS looking at YOU like YOU'RE the enemy???

But in the long run, I think if you are destined to be together, you will weather the storm....

You certainly hit the nail on the head. That's the same experience of one of my male Jamaican and one of my male Senegalese friends. Neither one of them are with the woman that petetioned them now.