Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[Minfay 0]

Agreed you may have experienced similar with yours....But just bcause you know ONE Jamaican man doesn't mean you know how 'Jamaican men are'.....

I think you might be taking this too personally.

If we were in another forum <I think> we would be talking the same way. We are here to try to share our experiences with OUR Jamaican men coming to America. Yeah, maybe it's a big generalization to say ALL but if you step back you will see that the bulk of us have had the same experiences. In our own little microscope that we call the "Yardies thread" things pretty much are the same across the board....

[BelwinMills 0]

I agree I have been on this board for over a 1 year and most of the Veterans do run across similar experieces with their SO when they get here.

Oh my gosh really the conversation today is to stressful for me. Can we have some light hearted conversation. Who will blow there eggs middles out and color them and glue them to make people and colorfull things. Then I will put tasles on them and hang them on my Easter tree.

[rhondapayter 0]

Oh my we are so opposite. I would save just enough for air fare my 20 dollar room. We would go out to eat once at Margaritaville. I would usually just talk to my two girlfriends all day why Dwain went to work. Many trips I never went to the beach.

Don't get me wrong - I was not spending lots and lots of money on my hotel rooms. I've never stayed at a resort down there. I used to stay at Silver Sea in Ochi for $50/night (the Jamaican rate ). Last time we splurged and stayed at Rooms on the Beach which was about $95/night and a lot nicer. I like to have hot water and air conditioning

I must admit even my son had a crib, he slept in my bed for his first year....Never came even close to rolling on him....I think maybe if the parents drank it might be a problem then....In Jamaica many people would think it was barbaric to put a small baby in another room, monitor or none....For me I was scared of the house catching fire and being unable to get him in time....paranoid I know!

Just curious, where did you grow up? I can't remember if you said you're from Jamaica or the Uk? Or the U.S.? You probably already told us but I have a bad memory

[*JG* 2]

I have to agree with the not letting babies sleep in the bed with you. While it is done frequently and with no consequences, I wouldn't risk it. The possibility you will roll on them is always there. And, every toss and turn you make could potentially wake up the baby. Same goes for the baby tossing and turning. And, the issue that they could just roll right off the bed. Think of a baby learning to roll over or crawl.

I also agree with the gal who said it could kill a relationship. Not much contact happening with a baby between you.

And, what if you had one right after the other or twins....geez.....way too many people in my bed for my comfort.

I'm not knocking whomever does this. If it works for you, it does. Just not my cup of tea.

[Jayandmars 0]

I have to agree with the not letting babies sleep in the bed with you. While it is done frequently and with no consequences, I wouldn't risk it. The possibility you will roll on them is always there. And, every toss and turn you make could potentially wake up the baby. Same goes for the baby tossing and turning. And, the issue that they could just roll right off the bed. Think of a baby learning to roll over or crawl.

You two are going to have gorgeous babies. Awesome picture!

[rhondapayter 0]

I LOVE being back on day shift You guys are so much fun! For once the days not dragging by like it does when I'm on midnights.

I miss my Jamaican We've both been working a lot of hours and I'm so tired with this shift change, we haven't spent any time together lately And I have to work tomorrow too! All this talk of Jamaica is making me want to go there NOW! We're going back in November.

[Minfay 0]

We were planning on going back in December -- Roy doesn't want to now.....we'll go on "vacation" someplace else. Maybe another island.

[brownnskinn 0]

The divorce rate in US is 50=60% if not more, now throw in mixed culture, mixed gender roles, step children, then immiration with all the adjustments and rules This process is almost set up for failure. Speaking from my experience. I would say forget about what you know about for SO up until the point they make it to the US. Okay well you cannot totally forget , but try to start all over getting to know one another, because you think you know each other until you throw all the other factors into it, then you find your self asking, do I really know this person? I agree that people don't usually change they are who they are esp at this time in our age. I don't think we can really "love" someone complete and effectively without knowing what went on the the other persons past, We won't understand who they are until we know where they have been. Now take your SO away from wear they've been, everything they know....and basicly tell them, well you live in the US now and you don't know S$%T, cause that's what we are doing to them in a sense with all this immiration stuff, Someone else telling them when and what time they need to do whatever. Take it from me, It dosen't matter how nice you put it or how respectful you say it. (When explaning all the changes they have to go through all the rules) All that matter is they have to be told in the first place. Immigration has basicly in my point of view, taken away their manhood. I'm learning a lot about unconditional love. Get rid of that I'm going to mold him, guide him into what I want to be mind set, learn who he is and descide if you are willing to love/respect him unconditionally. This process is probaby different if the SO/ USC is a male. GendAR Roles are not being exchange. The man is doing what the bible called for him to do, take care of his wife. My transulation in Ephesians 5:33 Each of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. Sorry, No offense tho those who are not biblical. Then you throw in all this immiration stuff, and the feeling of "respect he's supposed to have is taken away by rules and regulations....like i said...we are all set up for failure! Okay so he's supposed to love me as though he is loving himself, Well, how can he love himself when he don't know who he is anymore. He moves to a new counrty is wife weather we want to be or not are heads of the household, and tell him what he can do when. THIS PROCESS TAKES ENDURANCE.!!! The bible also states, Husbands love your wives, as Christ so love the church and was willing to die for her and wives submit to your husbands....again set up for failure...how are to submitt when we have been force to make many of the descisions in our household Cause if you man was like mine, he felt that he didn't have a say in whever..because him nah work, or make bread, so his response was what ever you want honey.

I would say find time for yourself. Know who you are. If he's not here yet, use this time. Then follow your heart. What ever renews you, if you belief in a higher power, the bible, God, whatever brings to strengh cause you/we are going to need it in order to come out of this process sucessfully. The bible state those who marry will have trouble....and Those who marry and have to deal with immiratration and the adjustment to moving to a new counrty. ....PRAY FOR US ALL!!!!!

[Jayandmars 0]

I LOVE being back on day shift You guys are so much fun! For once the days not dragging by like it does when I'm on midnights.

I miss my Jamaican We've both been working a lot of hours and I'm so tired with this shift change, we haven't spent any time together lately And I have to work tomorrow too! All this talk of Jamaica is making me want to go there NOW! We're going back in November.

Whenever I do visit again, I want to go to Negril. Jay liked it a lot..less harassment than in other locations.

My supermarket ordered a special shipment of saltfish for me and I just picked some up! Saltfish fritters

Saltfish casserole

Saltfish Omelette

Saltfish stew

Saltfish Saltfish...you get my drift. And I'm not giving any to Jay. He can have his boring old meat and potatoes!

[*JG* 2]

We were planning on going back in December -- Roy doesn't want to now.....we'll go on "vacation" someplace else. Maybe another island.

We are planning on going in December. Some days, Andre says maybe we should go somewhere else instead. Guess nothing is set in stone till we buy tickets.

We went to Chicago last year and now Andre has the travelling bug. I suppose once I take his love-of-gambling butt to Vegas, I will create a monster. Our local casino was enough to make him hyperactive for days.

[brownnskinn 0]

.....peeing in the back yard

:lol: Roy did that too!! I was like -- what the *%#@ What did you do, grow up in the the country? Oh yeah, you did....

I was doing a home heath visit,hubby happen to be with me, I looked out side to find him getting ready to whip it out beside her van and a tree! I'm like oh my gosh!!!! I went back to the car...There was no way to put it tactfull, but you cannot just pee where ever! He is from the country, saw nothing wrong with it.

[*JG* 2]

I LOVE being back on day shift You guys are so much fun! For once the days not dragging by like it does when I'm on midnights.

I miss my Jamaican We've both been working a lot of hours and I'm so tired with this shift change, we haven't spent any time together lately And I have to work tomorrow too! All this talk of Jamaica is making me want to go there NOW! We're going back in November.

Whenever I do visit again, I want to go to Negril. Jay liked it a lot..less harassment than in other locations.

My supermarket ordered a special shipment of saltfish for me and I just picked some up! Saltfish fritters

Saltfish casserole

Saltfish Omelette

Saltfish stew

Saltfish Saltfish...you get my drift. And I'm not giving any to Jay. He can have his boring old meat and potatoes!

Yah, you just reminded me of something someone said on here yesterday or so.....she said her guys misses Jamaican food; but likes what she whips up. What's up with that?

Can't you guys get Jamaican food where you are? We have only one restaurant (that I know of) that cooks any decent Jamaican food. But, we have 2 international grocery stores and our local farmer's market where we buy everything we need. Andre is the cook in our family and cooks Jamaican dishes nearly every single night. We have saltfish, oxtail, goat, fish, mackrel, ackee (thank God that is back in the stores even if it is big $$$$), callaloo, yam, plantain, coconuts, breadfruit, etc. The only real issues we've had are that he doesn't like our pork and beans.

[luvtravlin 0]

I think quite a few generalizations are being aired in this thread.

In MY experience, Jamaican men who have to be treated like children are the EXCEPTION rather than the norm, certainly none of the Jamaican men I have been out with have acted like kids.

I think the problem in some cases may be that if you treat a man like a child, he acts like one. If you treat a man like a man and take if for granted he will act like one, in my experience this has been the case.

Again, I may be too sensitive, but I seem to see a trend to 'classify' Jamaican men, as if they are a 'species', there are good, bad, honest, untrustworthy men in every country.

As for some Jamaican men seeing Americans as being rich because of ipods, Xboxes etc, it all depends what social strata they come from.

If you are dating a gardener, a taxi driver in ANY country I am sure they would have some illusions about how they see someone with all the trappings mentioned.

Again, I lived in Jamaica often not knowing where the next meal would come from.

Here, I live in a modest apartment, have two holidays aborad a year, my son has an Xbox, expensive clothes, and damn right I feel 'rich'.

I am by no means rich by western standards, but I can basically buy anything I fancy within reason and have the luxury of knowing that I can maintain this lifestyle.

I think part of the problem with unrealistic expectations stem from behaviour of visitors to Jamaica. If you are anything like me, I save the whole year to go to Jamaica, I comb through the sales to buy new clothes to wear there, I set myself a generous daily spending limit etc. When people there see how you 'live' for the two weeks or week you are there, they think that's how it is always.

But I think the best thing to do is to prepare your other half for the reality of living here.

That you may cook one night and eat the leftovers the next, etc etc.

though i have not posted for a while i still read this thread everyday..................... but this topic struck a nerve so i had to comment........ as a Jamaican man i totally agree with u "alienuk" u cant classify all Jamaican men as on thing even if a percentage of them have certain personality trates i have lots responsible hard working friends who act like men and not children an on the other i have friends who are the complete opposite. it all boils back down to u really knowing the man u are with or dating, an these men they don't change as soon as they come to the u.s this way they were b4 the personality trates just become more obvious. the bottom line is get to know the person i mean really get to know them b4 u plan to live with them .

Alcohol in our house is a "no-no" too. I used to keep a six pack or a bottle of wine in the frig...for a chilly when I got home from work, or at the end of my day working ..on a Friday..or when I cook I throw in some wine. Now....NO WAY, can't keep any of it in the house because it WILL be gone!! and the temptation is there for "whenever he wants to"....11am on a Sat????

I've been going to Jamaica (all over, but mostly Negril) for 10 yrs now and up to 3 to 4x in a year, mostly staying at the same hotel. I have TONS and TONS of Jamaican men FRIENDS. I've never had an intimate "true" relationship with a Jamaican man until I met Craig. TRUST ME there are TONS of Jamaican men JUST LIKE CRAIG. I saw it each and every day that I was in Negril or Montego Bay or Ocho Rios. They are everywhere, just like here in the states......and I also didn't meet Craig on my 1st or 2nd time to Jamaica........it was my 20th time!! I know more people in the area where I met him than he does, but eeeeeeeeveryone told me that Craig was a TOTALLY nice guy, shy, doesn't drink (like crazy), etc etc BEFORE I even started a relationship with him.

When we took our friendship into a relationship, all we did was TALK......TALKING and TALKING and MORE talking.......I mean we talk about absoLUTELY everything under the sun !!! He was unlike any other Jamaican man (or American man) that I've ever met, we completely connected on a TOTALLY different level. "I" am NOT one to "fall in love" at 1st site and didn't....took me awhile. We never went to "clubs", he's not a club person. I am. We went and had dinners on the beach at small places and TALKED!!! We've too sat on the balcony or porch and TALKED.

We talked everyday, several times a day, for hours.....and "I" THOUGHT we knew each other QUITE WELL !!! Once we decided the next step was for him to come here, I brought pictures of my apartment complex, pictures of my entire inside of my apartment, my cats, my friends, the roads, my office, my part-time job, my sons soccer, my sons school, my sons friends, family, anything and everything that I could to *share* with him and give him some type of idea about how it is here and what to expect and that you HAVE to work hard to make it, etc etc. But as Shauna said, when he talks to friends and/or family....THAT is ALL thrown out the window and you start from scratch!!

SO, when he came here........HE CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All of my friends (here and there) that knew Craig have seen the change and especially me AND my son and it's NOT for the better !!!

I just don't know what to do about Craig. His bags have been packed (for the 4th time) for over a month. Options that I gave him, leave the country OR buck up and MAKE this relationship work. It "works" for a couple of days and then BAM back to the same old A-hole !!!

If he had medical insurance I would have him checked out for a chemical imbalance ....or maybe bi-polar !!! I know it's not me and everyone that knows ME well (and friends that have known me for over 20 yrs) knows that it's NOT me!!! For those that know what I've gone through for the past almost 9 months know that I've given MY ALL and the TONS of patience and whatever else you call it !!! "I" definitely deserve a gold star in heaven !!!!!!

Being bored, yes...makes them do stupid ####### !!! I don't get that either and it's NOT up to me to keep him busy!!! I do NOT treat Craig like a child I treat him as a man ---or one that's supposed to ACT like a man !!! I remind him CONSTANTLY that he HAS to be a positive role model for my son if he's going to be in this relationship and he was WELL AWARE OF THAT BEFORE he came here !!!

Okay I'm done ranting......I don't know........it's frustrating as ALL get out !!!!

[Jayandmars 0]

Can't you guys get Jamaican food where you are? We have only one restaurant (that I know of) that cooks any decent Jamaican food. But, we have 2 international grocery stores and our local farmer's market where we buy everything we need. Andre is the cook in our family and cooks Jamaican dishes nearly every single night. We have saltfish, oxtail, goat, fish, mackrel, ackee (thank God that is back in the stores even if it is big $$$$), callaloo, yam, plantain, coconuts, breadfruit, etc. The only real issues we've had are that he doesn't like our pork and beans.

I have to search long and hard to find another black person let alone a Jamaican. No, no Jamaican stores or restaurants in sight. My hubby found some frozen beef patties on one of his business trips that weren't too bad. He still can't get over the packets of Grace "#######" coup. He took them to work to show his friends. They had a good laugh and I even made some chicken soup for them. I really miss ackee and callaloo and breadfruit....and fried fish and festival on hellshire beach. Sigh!

[Minfay 0]

Dee -- That was very well put.

The whole immigration process does take it's toll on the relationship. I don't care where the person is from -- you rip them out of the life they have always known -- put them in a new country with new rules and restrictions....they can't work, they can't contribute to the household -- it pretty much takes their masculinity away -- it takes two strong people to get through that kind of relationship stress.