Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[brownnskinn 0]

Mawning

[nannygirl82 0]

I think quite a few generalizations are being aired in this thread.

In MY experience, Jamaican men who have to be treated like children are the EXCEPTION rather than the norm, certainly none of the Jamaican men I have been out with have acted like kids.

I think the problem in some cases may be that if you treat a man like a child, he acts like one. If you treat a man like a man and take if for granted he will act like one, in my experience this has been the case.

Again, I may be too sensitive, but I seem to see a trend to 'classify' Jamaican men, as if they are a 'species', there are good, bad, honest, untrustworthy men in every country.

As for some Jamaican men seeing Americans as being rich because of ipods, Xboxes etc, it all depends what social strata they come from.

If you are dating a gardener, a taxi driver in ANY country I am sure they would have some illusions about how they see someone with all the trappings mentioned.

Again, I lived in Jamaica often not knowing where the next meal would come from.

Here, I live in a modest apartment, have two holidays aborad a year, my son has an Xbox, expensive clothes, and damn right I feel 'rich'.

I am by no means rich by western standards, but I can basically buy anything I fancy within reason and have the luxury of knowing that I can maintain this lifestyle.

I think part of the problem with unrealistic expectations stem from behaviour of visitors to Jamaica. If you are anything like me, I save the whole year to go to Jamaica, I comb through the sales to buy new clothes to wear there, I set myself a generous daily spending limit etc. When people there see how you 'live' for the two weeks or week you are there, they think that's how it is always.

But I think the best thing to do is to prepare your other half for the reality of living here.

That you may cook one night and eat the leftovers the next, etc etc.

No classifying.....talking about something we know about........OUR Jamaican men. If I had married a man from Australia, I suppose I would be somewhere else talking about him.

yup!!

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

hhhmm not sure what i want to say to this...but yes maybe you are a little partial...but also from what i have read is that most of us on this thread have gone through almost the same type of things w. our SO....it just so happens to be a yardies thread so it just so happens to be mostly JA men we are talking about....go onto another thread and i am sure you might find the same thing other ladies b*tching about there men...

Agreed you may have experienced similar with yours....But just bcause you know ONE Jamaican man doesn't mean you know how 'Jamaican men are'.....

[rhondapayter 0]

Go back to the first time you went to Jamaica where you in culture shock?

Most of the time when I hung out with Tony I was the ONLY white person around I would tell him that when he got here, there would be a lot of places where he'd be the only black man around! Luckily it doesn't seem to bother either of us. He is the only black person on our block in our neighborhood but everyone is really nice.

Some of the things that shocked me:

All the dogs running around That is soooo not allowed here! Your dog has to be on a leash or fenced in the yard. Not just roaming the streets as it pleases! I used to feed the dogs on the beach all the time! They're too skinny.

No one has a car. They take cabs everywhere or walk. Here EVERYONE has a car (except maybe in NYC) - it would be unheard of NOT to.

Baby stuff: one of Tony's cousins' that I met my first time had a young baby. I couldn't believe they had No crib, No high chair, No car seat, No stroller, etc... The baby slept right in the bed with it's mom (and dad). I was in shock for real

[nannygirl82 0]

hhhmm not sure what i want to say to this...but yes maybe you are a little partial...but also from what i have read is that most of us on this thread have gone through almost the same type of things w. our SO....it just so happens to be a yardies thread so it just so happens to be mostly JA men we are talking about....go onto another thread and i am sure you might find the same thing other ladies b*tching about there men...

Agreed you may have experienced similar with yours....But just bcause you know ONE Jamaican man doesn't mean you know how 'Jamaican men are'.....

ok i am not going to get into a fight with you on this....but i never said i knew HOW all JA men are....if you re-read my post i said this is a yardies thread and we all happen to have JA husband...and we all happen to be going through the same thing with them....every man is different....but they all just happen to jamaican and doing the same stuff....

[savanphilman_1 0]

I think quite a few generalizations are being aired in this thread.

In MY experience, Jamaican men who have to be treated like children are the EXCEPTION rather than the norm, certainly none of the Jamaican men I have been out with have acted like kids.

I think the problem in some cases may be that if you treat a man like a child, he acts like one. If you treat a man like a man and take if for granted he will act like one, in my experience this has been the case.

Again, I may be too sensitive, but I seem to see a trend to 'classify' Jamaican men, as if they are a 'species', there are good, bad, honest, untrustworthy men in every country.

As for some Jamaican men seeing Americans as being rich because of ipods, Xboxes etc, it all depends what social strata they come from.

If you are dating a gardener, a taxi driver in ANY country I am sure they would have some illusions about how they see someone with all the trappings mentioned.

Again, I lived in Jamaica often not knowing where the next meal would come from.

Here, I live in a modest apartment, have two holidays aborad a year, my son has an Xbox, expensive clothes, and damn right I feel 'rich'.

I am by no means rich by western standards, but I can basically buy anything I fancy within reason and have the luxury of knowing that I can maintain this lifestyle.

I think part of the problem with unrealistic expectations stem from behaviour of visitors to Jamaica. If you are anything like me, I save the whole year to go to Jamaica, I comb through the sales to buy new clothes to wear there, I set myself a generous daily spending limit etc. When people there see how you 'live' for the two weeks or week you are there, they think that's how it is always.

But I think the best thing to do is to prepare your other half for the reality of living here.

That you may cook one night and eat the leftovers the next, etc etc.

though i have not posted for a while i still read this thread everyday..................... but this topic struck a nerve so i had to comment........ as a Jamaican man i totally agree with u "alienuk" u cant classify all Jamaican men as on thing even if a percentage of them have certain personality trates i have lots responsible hard working friends who act like men and not children an on the other i have friends who are the complete opposite. it all boils back down to u really knowing the man u are with or dating, an these men they don't change as soon as they come to the u.s this way they were b4 the personality trates just become more obvious. the bottom line is get to know the person i mean really get to know them b4 u plan to live with them .

[*JG* 2]

hhhmm not sure what i want to say to this...but yes maybe you are a little partial...but also from what i have read is that most of us on this thread have gone through almost the same type of things w. our SO....it just so happens to be a yardies thread so it just so happens to be mostly JA men we are talking about....go onto another thread and i am sure you might find the same thing other ladies b*tching about there men...

Agreed you may have experienced similar with yours....But just bcause you know ONE Jamaican man doesn't mean you know how 'Jamaican men are'.....

I have many Jamaican men who are friends and I've dated a few. Never said I knew how all Jamaican men are.

I am specifically talking about my Jamaican husband.

It would, however, seem like those being discussed on here today have many things in common.

[*JG* 2]

Go back to the first time you went to Jamaica where you in culture shock?

Most of the time when I hung out with Tony I was the ONLY white person around I would tell him that when he got here, there would be a lot of places where he'd be the only black man around! Luckily it doesn't seem to bother either of us. He is the only black person on our block in our neighborhood but everyone is really nice.

Some of the things that shocked me:

All the dogs running around That is soooo not allowed here! Your dog has to be on a leash or fenced in the yard. Not just roaming the streets as it pleases! I used to feed the dogs on the beach all the time! They're too skinny.

No one has a car. They take cabs everywhere or walk. Here EVERYONE has a car (except maybe in NYC) - it would be unheard of NOT to.

Baby stuff: one of Tony's cousins' that I met my first time had a young baby. I couldn't believe they had No crib, No high chair, No car seat, No stroller, etc... The baby slept right in the bed with it's mom (and dad). I was in shock for real

This is so funny cause Andre and I actually got into an argument about babies sleeping in cribs. He was looking through baby pictures of my son's nursery. He said "he slept in the other room? What if something went wrong?". I explained I had mother hearing and could hear pretty much every breath he took, plus, we had monitors. He was like "oh, no, babies sleep right next to their mother." I had to laugh.

[brownnskinn 0]

Beautiful picture.

Ditto

[savanphilman_1 0]

hhhmm not sure what i want to say to this...but yes maybe you are a little partial...but also from what i have read is that most of us on this thread have gone through almost the same type of things w. our SO....it just so happens to be a yardies thread so it just so happens to be mostly JA men we are talking about....go onto another thread and i am sure you might find the same thing other ladies b*tching about there men...

Agreed you may have experienced similar with yours....But just bcause you know ONE Jamaican man doesn't mean you know how 'Jamaican men are'.....

I have many Jamaican men who are friends and I've dated a few. Never said I knew how all Jamaican men are.

I am specifically talking about my Jamaican husband.

It would, however, seem like those being discussed on here today have many things in common.

it seems so unfortunately

[BelwinMills 0]

I think quite a few generalizations are being aired in this thread.

In MY experience, Jamaican men who have to be treated like children are the EXCEPTION rather than the norm, certainly none of the Jamaican men I have been out with have acted like kids.

I think the problem in some cases may be that if you treat a man like a child, he acts like one. If you treat a man like a man and take if for granted he will act like one, in my experience this has been the case.

Again, I may be too sensitive, but I seem to see a trend to 'classify' Jamaican men, as if they are a 'species', there are good, bad, honest, untrustworthy men in every country.

As for some Jamaican men seeing Americans as being rich because of ipods, Xboxes etc, it all depends what social strata they come from.

If you are dating a gardener, a taxi driver in ANY country I am sure they would have some illusions about how they see someone with all the trappings mentioned.

Again, I lived in Jamaica often not knowing where the next meal would come from.

Here, I live in a modest apartment, have two holidays aborad a year, my son has an Xbox, expensive clothes, and damn right I feel 'rich'.

I am by no means rich by western standards, but I can basically buy anything I fancy within reason and have the luxury of knowing that I can maintain this lifestyle.

I think part of the problem with unrealistic expectations stem from behaviour of visitors to Jamaica. If you are anything like me, I save the whole year to go to Jamaica, I comb through the sales to buy new clothes to wear there, I set myself a generous daily spending limit etc. When people there see how you 'live' for the two weeks or week you are there, they think that's how it is always.

But I think the best thing to do is to prepare your other half for the reality of living here.

That you may cook one night and eat the leftovers the next, etc etc.

though i have not posted for a while i still read this thread everyday..................... but this topic struck a nerve so i had to comment........ as a Jamaican man i totally agree with u "alienuk" u cant classify all Jamaican men as on thing even if a percentage of them have certain personality trates i have lots responsible hard working friends who act like men and not children an on the other i have friends who are the complete opposite. it all boils back down to u really knowing the man u are with or dating, an these men they don't change as soon as they come to the u.s this way they were b4 the personality trates just become more obvious. the bottom line is get to know the person i mean really get to know them b4 u plan to live with them .

I agree with you both. My professor use to say that all JA men are bad they will use you and so on. I know hundreds of JA guys because I have been in the schools teaching for years all are different just like the US. She would irk me because she brought up students to her college back in the early 80's and would explain how they acted. I told my very close guy friends who came up to live with me in my dorm in the 2000's how she said they would act and at the end of their trip. It was like nothing she said. Out of those guys who came up I consider 3 of them my very best friends and some of the best guys ever. After a trip with me for 2 weeks in Chicago in my dorm many have lived in USA and got their advance degrees and they are very responsible. Now on the other hand some have irked me to say the least telling them to get them a book or something most pay me except for one of them thinking they will get a free gift. But the other guys protect me and won't let the other get away with being greedy.

It took me a very long time to get to know my husband because of this reason. I think we have talked about everything under the sun. I haven't gone to a resort to stay. He goes to work I stay home with his cousins when I go down because he can't afford not to work. He has to support him and his mom. We talked about getting married before we did and while we will be in Kingston we will have dinner with his former pastor.

I can't wait for May to get here hurry up.

Emm Fish and cheese sound good and bun. Maybe we will start our own tradition when he gets here next year.

???? Do you guys go easter egg hunting with little cousins or niece or nephews? Do you color eggs with your family? We do this and there are 35 in our family that come over.

What things do I need to get notarized. My father's secretary is a notary and I don't have work next Friday so I want her to notarize everything. I was just think it was the I-864

[rhondapayter 0]

The problem is when there is alcohol in the house he drinks it -=- drinks it like he drinks pop. He still doesn't understand that you cannot drink a beer as you are walking out the door to go to work. I am a social drinker -- I would say he is too.

He drinks when he is bored and sitting around reading the paper.

Yes, we had this problem too In Jamaica, alcohol is everywhere. It is a normal part of daily life. If it were up to Tony he'd probably drink a beer (or more) every day! I only drink socially - weekend get togethers, parties, holidays, etc.. Tony drinks when he's bored, drinks when he's stressed, drinks when he needs to "ease his mind"! When we went to Jamaica last time, we brought back SIX bottles of rum He brought 3 Wray & Nephew and I brought 3 Appleton. His were gone in about 3 months. I still have 1 1/2 of mine! So then he tries to drink MY Appleton and I tell him NO - you drank all yours Go buy some Bacardi!!

No, seriously, I have an alcoholic in my family (had another one that died too) so I'm very sensitive to the whole drinking thing too. I do not want a husband who is going to drink EVERY day

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

to all the ladies who are having there men come over...we are NOT trying to scare you or change your mind....but you need to know that HE will change....things WILL happen that will make you second guess yourself...

Not 'getting into anything' with you, but you've basically stated that ALL men WILL change....Fair enough some MAY change, or 'be prepared because MY husband changed' but it is incorrect and stereotypical to infer 'HE will change'....

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

The problem is when there is alcohol in the house he drinks it -=- drinks it like he drinks pop. He still doesn't understand that you cannot drink a beer as you are walking out the door to go to work. I am a social drinker -- I would say he is too.

He drinks when he is bored and sitting around reading the paper.

Yes, we had this problem too In Jamaica, alcohol is everywhere. It is a normal part of daily life. If it were up to Tony he'd probably drink a beer (or more) every day! I only drink socially - weekend get togethers, parties, holidays, etc.. Tony drinks when he's bored, drinks when he's stressed, drinks when he needs to "ease his mind"! When we went to Jamaica last time, we brought back SIX bottles of rum He brought 3 Wray & Nephew and I brought 3 Appleton. His were gone in about 3 months. I still have 1 1/2 of mine! So then he tries to drink MY Appleton and I tell him NO - you drank all yours Go buy some Bacardi!!

No, seriously, I have an alcoholic in my family (had another one that died too) so I'm very sensitive to the whole drinking thing too. I do not want a husband who is going to drink EVERY day

Ex of mine went to Jamaica and bought a bottle of banana rum cream back for me. One day left him home and went to work. Would you believe he had drunk 3/4 of the bottle in ONE morning?? Not only that but MY rum cream???

I went beserk lol....

[rhondapayter 0]

I made a decision along the way after going through my own struggles and seeing my other girlfriends go through all the issues that some of you are mentioning now - the irresponsibility, the lying, the infidelity, the abuse etc., that I would NEVER ever find myself in a relationship with a worthless, good-for-nothing, no-sense-of-values Jamaican man again. (this is where you can all cuss me now).

I think many of us have had the same awful experiences with AMERICAN men! Maybe that's why we turned to Jamaican men. There's one common equation here ladies: MEN!!