Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[Ms Squitto 0]

Hi all...well, I just want to start out saying that I thank each and every one of you for the help that you have provided along the way for our K-1 journey. As you may know, our interview was on Thursday, and despite our best efforts, the visa was denied--due to his admitted marijuana use from about 2 1/2 years ago...You know, a couple of weeks before the medical I said to him, if they ask you about drugs just say that you've never used them...it seemed fine then...he was like "cool"...but on the day of the medical he said that the doctor kept asking him had he used drugs in the past 3 years, and INSISTED to him that they would test to make sure....now, because I live here, and I guess I just know that weed can't be traced back any further than 30 days or so, I never really thought that that would be an issue...I just assumed that people pretty much knew that, but I guess not...unfortunately, he told them the truth because he was fearful that they would somehow find out and would deny him the visa...and for his honesty we have paid the price....I have never seen a man cry so much before in my life...and I have truly never felt more broken spirited and hopeless...I don't know where to go from here because I just knew that everything was going to work out according to plan...this has been the most devastating experience of my life....I wish everyone up here luck, and please please please heed the medical warnings---THESE PEOPLE ARE SO CANNIVING AND SNEAKY!! This was a hard lesson learned...I'm not sure what other options are available to us...we've talked, and we do both agree wholeheartedly that being together is what matters the most in the world to us...its just knowing what to do next (if there's anything we CAN do) that is the problem...like I said before, thank you for your well wishes!! I will definitely continue to post here and be of any help if I can...the actual interview experience-NO PROBLEM! Everyone have a wonderful evening and a good day at work tomorrow!!

My heart sank when I read this post. I'm am so terribly sorry that this happened to you both. You will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers

[Shemmy 4]

Hi there...i know it's been a while just wanted to check in a say hello. I dropped Squito off at the airport this morning to go to Jamaica and I miss him terribly already I can't wait for next Friday when it's my turn to go down there!! How is everybody doing?

Hello Mrs. Squitto. I hope Squito has a safe flight.

[Minfay 0]

Hey Squitto -- we've missed you!!!!

[Trinilad 0]

So Kelly,

I am reading your last message posted and I am a lil confused. So why again did you not just hand Craig the phone and let her get him out of your house? I was reading and i was like, ok, so she has decided to cut her losses and then wham, you told her he wa not there. So I am Craig sitting down there listening to this thinking, "well damn she still wants me. I can continue to play my games. have my cake and eat it." Trust me, Mississippi is not gone by a long shot cause by now he has called her and told her what happened. It is your decision dear, but looks like he may be reading these mixed signals the same way I am reading them.

The following may come across as a bit drastic, but I am only sharing this for informational purposes. My friend a year ago was in your situation and because of the Laws of the State of MD, she could not just ask him to leave because technically she could not force him out since the house was now the marital home. She was also concerned about how his meandering around the US if he left her home but stayed in the US would affect her. That I-134 may come back and bite her. So what did she do? Well, Mr man had a slight temper and aggravated enough he would react. So she she set about the task of aggravating him until he became violent. The violence was simply he push her out of his way and accidentally ripped her clothes. Doestic violence is not tolerated anywhere. She called the cops. He claimed it was an accident. The cops arrested him anyway because they have to take someone out of the home until a cse determines the validity of the domestic assault charges. Sg=he simply stated she feared for her life and wanted him gone. He was arrested on domestic violence charges. It gave her a cause to take out a protective order which did not allow him to return to the house pending the outcome of the case.The law against foreigners are strict. He was not released and was subsequently deported to jamaica even before the case was completed. She filed for divorce and he was not here to defend himself and the domestic violence case was enough evidence. We had a couple drinks some months ago celebrating the granting of the divorce.

Many of you may call me drastic and devious, but when you have to protect what you have worked hard for, you do what the hell you have to and pray to the man above for forgiveness. Someone is in your home and does not want to leave, you take the gloves off and get them the hell out. I do not have the time in my life to be miserable and if I ever want to be, I will do it myself and noy give someone that task.

Now Kelly, I am not advocating this as a solution to your problem , this was just for informational purposes. You know I am not that kind of person. (that is my disclaimer)Just remember, you have to take control of this situation if you want him gone cause he is not going to do it if you give him mixed signals.

Thanks Stephen, but I'm handling this situation the best way that I can (and know how). Yes, I'm not happy, but I'm also soooooooo busy that I truly don't have time to worry about it. Craig doesn't do this *uckery stuff all the time, just some of the times....we have ALOT of laughs and have great great talks. We've talked about Mississippi and it was alll about money and she strung him along saying she'd help. WHO KNOWS what went on with this woman and WHY she felt like she HAD to continue to call him and yes HE needed to be the one to stop it....but I DID and it's done !!!

I will NOT let this situation get "violent" like that just to get him to leave....sorry, not my way of handling things!! Plus been in a domestic situation like that yeeeeears ago Stephen and I don't intend to ever go back there again!!!! Until you have been IN that type of situation....that's just WAAAY crazy !!!

Thanks for your opinion/advice.....

Kelly

I was not suggesting that you adopt this approach to resolve this issue. I am not a violent person. I was simply suggesting that you may want to consider the possibility that you may have to take more meaningful steps to extricate yourself from what may become quite a quagmire if you do not stay on top of it. Trust me, we all all hoping that this can be resolved amicably, but the reality does not suggest that it may. I am not blessed with your patience and you may not be necessarily be blessed with my blunt approach to these challenging situations. And at the end of the day this is your choice to make. In respect to walking your shoes, been there done that. You are in my thoughts and I hope you take my comments in the spirit they were intended. This is not meant to be harsh and please do not take it that way. But from a man's perspective, you are providing an ideal situation to be "played." But that is only my lay man's interpretation and your situation may not be that way. I just want you to just be prepared to do what is necessary when the time comes. I am an optimist, but in this case, that time will come.

[Trinilad 0]

I will NOT let this situation get "violent" like that just to get him to leave....sorry, not my way of handling things!! Plus been in a domestic situation like that yeeeeears ago Stephen and I don't intend to ever go back there again!!!! Until you have been IN that type of situation....that's just WAAAY crazy !!!

Thanks for your opinion/advice.....

Kelly

Kelly, I think that he was just giving you an example of how you could get out of the situation, not actually create a "violent" situation.

At least someone understood my objective here. Thanks

[Trinilad 0]

Well, Mr man had a slight temper and aggravated enough he would react. So she she set about the task of aggravating him until he became violent. He was arrested on domestic violence charges. It gave her a cause to take out a protective order which did not allow him to return to the house pending the outcome of the case.The law against foreigners are strict. He was not released and was subsequently deported to jamaica even before the case was completed. She filed for divorce and he was not here to defend himself and the domestic violence case was enough evidence.

This is just completely CRAZY!!! It is women like this who "cry wolf" that make it bad for women everywhere with REAL, LEGIT domestic violence problems Now he is going to have this on his record forever and will never be able to enter the U.S. again - all because this women cried wolf. There are other ways to end things amicably without stooping to this level.

Maybe from a very rational standpoint, you and I can come up with a rather cosy approach to this situation. But you try having someone in your home who decides they are not going to leave and makes your life a living hell, you may have to take the gloves off. Trust me, I came here as a fiance years ago and know that there are people out there who have legit relationships who pay for the mistake of others. But when at the end of the day you have to make a decision as to whether you can put a value on your peace of mind, the criminal record of some dead beat user may not exactly come high upon your list of concerns. You bring a fiance here in good faith and you enter into marraige in good faith. When that other person clearly shows you that your sacrifices and effort are simply their stepping stone to greater things and they are willing to walk over you to get what they want, then you cannot perpetuate that whole idea that you are a deserving victim and you do not owe them anything except maybe a one way ticket back home if so much. Would I in her shoes do the same thing? Damn right I would and I will make peace with my master later. My happiness means a lot to me and I will do what I have to , by all means necessary to hold on to my peace of mind.

But then you will never stoop to that level right?

[Trinilad 0]

They must not be paying me enough to have all this free time to respond.

So since this is my last note on this issue with Kelly which appears to have taken on a life of it's own, I am just going to say the following briefly (yes I can be brief)

In my hearts of heart, I wish you well. None of us when we undertake this journey, do so hoping this situation can happen, but it does. You were brave enough to have shared it, whether intentional or not and whoever is calling this an "attention grabbing " thing just needs to get a grip. As someone just said, this is not about him being a foreigner or an American, it is about respect.

But we do not know the passion you two share in those tender moments. The fire that you had burning for him will not go out easily and maybe with time he may mature enough to be a man about it. My approach to life is one that keeps me safe and my wife tells me every day that my sharp wit and dry nature can be harsh. But that is me. I applaud you for giving your man the benefit of the doubt and for doing what you can to keep this fire burning. Just know that we are here for you. I am sure I speak for evryone when we say that whether we agree with your decision or not, it is yours to make and it is yours to live with and we send nothing but love your way, because at the end of the day, we all do things that others may not think is in our best interest. We laugh with each other, we cry with each other and we celebrate with each other.

Know this, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

This does not define you. We are all today and end product of many a trial in our lives and this my dear may just be your test. Do what you must for YOU, for yourself, for your happiness and for your son. Tomorrow's trail may belong to someone else, but today , this cross that you bear, you do not bear alone. We are your friends, the extended family. I am just a stone throw away. If you ever, ever, need anything. A shoulder to cry on, someone to shout at, or just someone to come whop Craig's ### when he needs it (there I go being violent again), you pick up that phone and you call me. I will PM you my number again. I am sure many on here share the same sentiment in that they will be there for you through it all whether in words, in spirit or otherwise. I cannot tell you how much it hurts me to see a man do this to a woman. I am not a sexist suggesting that women cannot do this. But love heals, love nutures , love strenghtens, love lifts us all up and love makes us feel whole. I love my wife with the same passion today as I did 5 years ago when I met her and everyday I celebrate that. she is my queen and I honor her. That man needs to make you his queen an honor that everyday and that is all I hope and pray he will be mature enough to do some day. Just know that you a queen and whether he sees it or not, you will still be a queen to your son, to yourself. And that he can never take away from you. I honor you as a woman and I lift you up in prayer, for the man above still has a plan for you that he is working out.

Since this is not the Sunday prayer hour I have said enough. i need to stop coming on here.

[Minfay 0]

I have said enough. i need to stop coming on here.

Don't you dare!!

You are wise beyond your years -- and I for one, appreciate you, your perspective and your wit very, very much!!

[nyseness 0]

Thanks Stephen, but I'm handling this situation the best way that I can (and know how). Yes, I'm not happy, but I'm also soooooooo busy that I truly don't have time to worry about it. Craig doesn't do this *uckery stuff all the time, just some of the times....we have ALOT of laughs and have great great talks. We've talked about Mississippi and it was alll about money and she strung him along saying she'd help. WHO KNOWS what went on with this woman and WHY she felt like she HAD to continue to call him and yes HE needed to be the one to stop it....but I DID and it's done !!!

I will NOT let this situation get "violent" like that just to get him to leave....sorry, not my way of handling things!! Plus been in a domestic situation like that yeeeeears ago Stephen and I don't intend to ever go back there again!!!! Until you have been IN that type of situation....that's just WAAAY crazy !!!

Thanks for your opinion/advice.....

Kelly

Well I'm not going to endear myself to anyone by what I'm about to say but here goes...in my opinion I don't believe that Kelly is ready to give up on her marriage yet. That's totally up to her because she has to make her own decisions. I believe that she's using the comments made by others to show to Craig to "prove" to him that he's not acting in an appropiate manner to get him to shape up. Which he probably does for a while. I'm not going to pretend to know everything that goes on in their household and Kelly has stated that they do have some good times together. I don't believe that if someone is really determined to end a relationhip that they have to go to extremes. However I know that when I was really ready for a relationship to end I would do whatever was necessary, barring breaking the law or breaking my moral conscienceness, to end it. Kelly's inclined to think that things are ok now since other other woman is seemingly out of the picture; but I'm afraid that it's only a temporary improvement to her marriage.

Men and women will hit on married people and not care one iota about their marital status. My former husband was a body builder and men always hit on me in his presence. A lot of times older men would offer me things that my husband couldn't afford to give me at that time. I never once entertained the thought. We never had to worry about each other because of our devotion to each other and our marriage vows. We were both married at a very young age too.

Any man(or woman) that is married and uses another woman for "favors" whether it be money or whatever is no good. I don't care what other qualites that he has that are endearing to you. The "handwriting is on the wall". Sorry.

I'm sorry if I'm offending Kelly or anyone else but I wouldn't say anything if I didn't care enough.

I really don't mean to single out one person here because I know there are some may very well find themselves in the same position.

Whatever decision Kelly makes, I sincerely wish her well.

I agree with you that she is not ready to leave the marriage. I going out on a limb here and people may kill me for saying this but I think she likes the attention that she is getting from everyone on the thread. I am not saying this to be mean. I am just saying it like I see it. Not many people would put up with such BS. I know I wouldn't and I am not the USC.

Have at it...

I too think Kelly is not ready to leave her marriage but can you really blame her? Now before someone comments on that remember we are just outsiders looking in. She is the one living this in this situation day in and day out. We are just hearing what goes on (at times) but I'm sure there is more to it. We can always say I would leave or I would do this or do that but if you were ACTUAL in that situation would you??? If he was just a baby daddy or a boyfriend I can understand but as your husband it's a little different. Ppl make mistakes and do things that are not right but when you walked down that aisle you made a commitment to each other and most importantly God. All marriages have ups and downs so give her the benefit of the doubt. We too have been in some sort of conflict w/our mate that others would gladly say to leave him..... (well some of us) but the bottom line is only the person dealing w/it knows what is best for them. Now for someone to say she's only venting on the thread for attention is absurd. Remember Kelly always kept Craig to herself. She never mentioned anything to anyone not even her mother b/c she is a private person so for her to lash out on the thread is the first indication that is hurting. She felt this is the only place she could turn so lets support her instead of tearing her down. I know we are here to support her but please be understanding as well.

When someone is having a problem w/their mate and want to talk about it they mostly mention all the negative things but remember everything has two sides. Yes he is being disrespectful and needs an a** whupping but doesn't mean he is a bad person like she has said before. I'm sure if it was all bad she would have left his behind a long time ago!!!! But somewhere deep down she want to give him a chance and just b/c she does doesn't mean she's giving excuses either. Marriage is work no matter how you want to put it. We are only human so we are bound to make mistakes but walking away every time someone does that is just foolishness to me.

Kelly I feel bad for you and coming from someone who also has been in that predicament I can TOTALLY understand your mix emotions. I know you must vent or you will feel like you will lose your mind but also remember it's YOU that needs to make that situation. I hope you find some peace out of this no matter which may you may decide.

Anna

[Mrs. Palmer 5]

You know, I'm not going to be jumping on any bandwagons here...I just wanted to say that I will keep you in my prayers as well...I can't imagine the pull you must be feeling either way...after reading the situation all I can say is that you should do whatever is best for you and your son...I thought of an therapy session that I had with a client/family last nite and it made me think of this situation: In a nutshell the mother of 3 is married, yet she and her husband never spend much time together...she does the majority (if not all of the child-rearing), they don't speak much, and they don't do things together as a couple...I know this is not your situation, but when I asked her was she happy in her marriage, despite all of these things she was describing to me, she said "YES"...for whatever reason, despite the complaints, etc...this marriage WORKED for HER...most other people would be unhappy or want out of it, but not her...the both of them are content with the way things are..and such may be the case in YOUR situation...Despite how complicated and difficult her life has been as a result of his absence (although he lives in the house), she did not want to change it...the relationship is serving its purpose in some way, and such is the case with Kelly...like many others have said, I support you 150% in what you choose to do--just make sure that it's the best for everyone all around...

Tamisha

[nyseness 0]

Hi there...i know it's been a while just wanted to check in a say hello. I dropped Squito off at the airport this morning to go to Jamaica and I miss him terribly already I can't wait for next Friday when it's my turn to go down there!! How is everybody doing?

Hi Ten...I know it's hard but you'll be in his arms before you know it. How is everything? Hope all is well.

[Jamaica to CT 0]

Have a great time Ten!!

[Jamaica to CT 0]

Stephen it's always good to have a mans prespective on things . With all the different personalities on the board there's bound to be differences of opinion- I value everyones input and opinions.

[brownnskinn 0]

I have said enough. i need to stop coming on here.

Don't you dare!!

You are wise beyond your years -- and I for one, appreciate you, your perspective and your wit very, very much!!

Ditto....I think I'm going to cry

[BelwinMills 0]

They must not be paying me enough to have all this free time to respond.

So since this is my last note on this issue with Kelly which appears to have taken on a life of it's own, I am just going to say the following briefly (yes I can be brief)

In my hearts of heart, I wish you well. None of us when we undertake this journey, do so hoping this situation can happen, but it does. You were brave enough to have shared it, whether intentional or not and whoever is calling this an "attention grabbing " thing just needs to get a grip. As someone just said, this is not about him being a foreigner or an American, it is about respect.

But we do not know the passion you two share in those tender moments. The fire that you had burning for him will not go out easily and maybe with time he may mature enough to be a man about it. My approach to life is one that keeps me safe and my wife tells me every day that my sharp wit and dry nature can be harsh. But that is me. I applaud you for giving your man the benefit of the doubt and for doing what you can to keep this fire burning. Just know that we are here for you. I am sure I speak for evryone when we say that whether we agree with your decision or not, it is yours to make and it is yours to live with and we send nothing but love your way, because at the end of the day, we all do things that others may not think is in our best interest. We laugh with each other, we cry with each other and we celebrate with each other.

Know this, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

This does not define you. We are all today and end product of many a trial in our lives and this my dear may just be your test. Do what you must for YOU, for yourself, for your happiness and for your son. Tomorrow's trail may belong to someone else, but today , this cross that you bear, you do not bear alone. We are your friends, the extended family. I am just a stone throw away. If you ever, ever, need anything. A shoulder to cry on, someone to shout at, or just someone to come whop Craig's ### when he needs it (there I go being violent again), you pick up that phone and you call me. I will PM you my number again. I am sure many on here share the same sentiment in that they will be there for you through it all whether in words, in spirit or otherwise. I cannot tell you how much it hurts me to see a man do this to a woman. I am not a sexist suggesting that women cannot do this. But love heals, love nutures , love strenghtens, love lifts us all up and love makes us feel whole. I love my wife with the same passion today as I did 5 years ago when I met her and everyday I celebrate that. she is my queen and I honor her. That man needs to make you his queen an honor that everyday and that is all I hope and pray he will be mature enough to do some day. Just know that you a queen and whether he sees it or not, you will still be a queen to your son, to yourself. And that he can never take away from you. I honor you as a woman and I lift you up in prayer, for the man above still has a plan for you that he is working out.

Since this is not the Sunday prayer hour I have said enough. i need to stop coming on here.

No don't stop coming on here!! Your point of view is very intellgent and right on point. We need a guys point of view. I said RESPECT earlier. Respect to me is a very big deal. I have taught my students to treat me with respect and I will treat them in the same fashion. They don't have to like me but they need to respect me.

I don't know the whole sistuation but I tell you I have been there done that and if you get rid of MS number 1 their will be MS number 2. The Queen thing is true. A guy should be proud to treat his lady like a queen.

Be proud and stand tall !

I have said enough but Trinlad please stay !!!

One Luv

Jax