Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[Trinilad 0]

NEW TOPIC .......

Okay, how do "I" handle, take or whatever THIS situation ???????????? I would LOVE to get Trin (or any guys)... point of view as well !!!

Sorry to say, I just do NOT trust Craig (great for a marriage, huh?)!!!.....because he just continues to lie (which he doesn't *think* is a lie) ....anyway, I went in his pants pocket last night and there was a phone number ....her name is SWEETS. So I called it (..blocked my number, just to verify it was a chic) and it was. Then there was also the number of the other "friend" which I guess "I" hoped (even though I KNOW it hasn't been) taken care of. So I started to wash the "dark" clothes and I said, Craig would you like me to wash the jeans that you've been wearing all week? and he says, yeah that would be good and I said, don't forget to clean out your pockets (I had the 2 numbers in MY pocket) and then "I" turn "B" on him and he's like what's wrong.........so I say something about this girls number in his pocket. HE SAYS, she slipped in in there!!!!!!!!! My son was still awake and I did EVERYthing in my power NOT to go postal on him !!!!!!!!! I said, we'll talk when Austin goes to sleep. So we did, NOT pretty. This is a girl he's been working with.............I was like YOU are a GROWN man, WHEN she gave you the number, you should have handed it back and said, no thank you!!!!!

SO, my question to you all.............should "I" be upset that he has a girls number because she's a co-worker??? I mean I'm not being naive about this. Trust me, I'm at my boiling point. Should "I" call her and ask to what extent their relationship is?? Should "I" be pissed? Do I just let it go?? Does Craig REALLY "need" to make friends with a woman and someone that "I" don't know??? I have a TON of guy friends, but....he's met EVERY one of them and that was within the 1st week of him being here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've now taken away his cell phone (which was an extra pre-paid phone my son lent him) because I don't TRUST the phone calls that are being made, received, etc. I told him last night, if "he" WANTS a "real" phone..........than GO AND BUY YOUR OWN !!!! He told me that someone at work (a female) was going to put him on HER family plan and I was like, nooooooooo YOU go and GET your OWN phone !!!!!

He STILL continues to say that the other chic is a "friend".....don't believe him there either.

I told him that this relationship is a TOTAL joke because he does NOT respect me OR my son. That HE is the one f-g up MY LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!

Please chime in EVERYONE ...........how would YOU GUYS handle this situation ???!!!

Thanks!

Frustrated, pissed, ready to LOSE my mind, etc etc etc I'm TRYING to keep that "happy face" in front of my son, because if he sees me pissed off at Craig, those that have kids know, they go into PROTECT mommy mode !!!!!

I feel you on this one. This is where Air Jamaica comes in. There are some lines you do not cross. Trust is a vital part of any relationship. We have a saying in the islands "Monkey's know which trees to climb." Craig knows you will rant and rave but you will never want to admit that you know he is being dishonest and take action on it. I am not sure the extent of the relationship, but it suggest to me that he has not matured enough to understand what an exclusive relationship means. It means that he has to take the responsibility to set that woman straigh. That is not your job. I see women get into fights with other women over men. Do not get yourself to that point where you have to set a woman straight about your man. It may be a flirtatious thing, him liking the attention and I would have gone with that for a while. But you see that line about the friend at work putting him on her family plan, that is a slap in the face. It is insulting, demeaning, it smacks of lack of respect. You are already pissed about the phone number and he pulls some ###### like that?

I am not sure there is enough left to salvage here. The disrespect is just unacceptable and he is not getting the picture. He is working, therefore he could afford a ticket back home or he could afford to stay here on his own. Unfortumnately that is a call he would have to make. But the call you have to make at this time is how soon does he leave. Do not get into the pissing match with the girlfriend, or the explanations from him. You know what is happening. Your man is disrespecting you and he is trying to make a fool of you. Treat him like you would any man who is cheating. Visa or no visa, this is a straight forward case.

[luvtravlin 0]

I feel you on this one. This is where Air Jamaica comes in. There are some lines you do not cross. Trust is a vital part of any relationship. We have a saying in the islands "Monkey's know which trees to climb." Craig knows you will rant and rave but you will never want to admit that you know he is being dishonest and take action on it. I am not sure the extent of the relationship, but it suggest to me that he has not matured enough to understand what an exclusive relationship means. It means that he has to take the responsibility to set that woman straigh. That is not your job. I see women get into fights with other women over men. Do not get yourself to that point where you have to set a woman straight about your man. It may be a flirtatious thing, him liking the attention and I would have gone with that for a while. But you see that line about the friend at work putting him on her family plan, that is a slap in the face. It is insulting, demeaning, it smacks of lack of respect. You are already pissed about the phone number and he pulls some ###### like that?

I am not sure there is enough left to salvage here. The disrespect is just unacceptable and he is not getting the picture. He is working, therefore he could afford a ticket back home or he could afford to stay here on his own. Unfortumnately that is a call he would have to make. But the call you have to make at this time is how soon does he leave. Do not get into the pissing match with the girlfriend, or the explanations from him. You know what is happening. Your man is disrespecting you and he is trying to make a fool of you. Treat him like you would any man who is cheating. Visa or no visa, this is a straight forward case.

THANK YOU !!!! I've never gotten into a fight with another woman over my man....I just kicked his butt to the curb.

Now, I wonder what I can do, we haven't even filed for AOS. I just spoke with my client that works for immigration and she says she sees this ALL of the time. I emailed my lawyer to ask if I can get an anulment. Do I do this on my own, like would "I" need Craig to be there for any divorce/anulment proceedings????

Again, please keep the info coming!!!!!!!!

[Trinilad 0]

Luvtravilin:

my prayers are with you and I kid you not that this is the kind of stuff that can make you lose your mind. State of MD requires you to be separated for at least a year before you can file for a divore so you are in a bind there. The best you can do at this time is go your separate ways, file for separation which really has no legal status except to establish a separation date. The concern however is the legal ramifications of the affidavit of support. I know uncle Sam technically will not enforce it, but this is where you just pray for the best. Since you have not filed for him, he would in a couple months be out of status and he will have to deal with that when the time comes. You made a mistake. Do not be the woman scorned and try to make his life a living hell. Say goodbye and wish him well.

I can tolerate the chewing of the chicken bones, or the walking around in briefs etc, but this is taking the ###### too far. You know I am always one to advocate the "love will conquer all " philosophy. But you have already said that it is over. Make it so!

Let him know NOW so that he will have ample time to make a decision as to what he wants to do with his status. Do not use the going back to Jamaica as a bargaining tool to get him to fall in line. Treat this as any other relationship and that is you want to get out because the man is disrecpecting you and you do not trust him.

No offence to the ladies on here, but you know the allure of the strong hard back Jamaican man can be a bit powerful. You are not the only woman who will be attracted to your man and that is a facty ou have to face. we are not the only ones who see the "majic" in our significant others. The co- worker is doing nothing that any other woman will not do. She likes your man and he is the one who has to put her in check. He must be encouraging her and that is where I have a problem.

My fiance and I had a good laugh the other day about one of my co workers who was attracted to me and despite the fact that I told her I was engaged she persist. I took her to HR and suffice to say my company has a vacancy. The women on here have men that I bet you get women looking at them everyday. I am sure each of you have a story to tell. But those stories do not end like this..........

[Jamaica to CT 0]

Kelly- you already know

You and I have had some "private" conversations in the past and from our discussions I think you knew where this was headed, but you wanted to give it a chance because of your deep feelings for this man. His level of immaturity won't change at this point and time. You can't keep telling him to shape up or ship out because things will get better once you threaten him but then he slides back to the same ole same ole.

You know what you have to do; I KNOW you're a strong girl. Do what you have to do and do it NOW.

I'm at work now but if you want to PM me I'll get back to you later.

Michele

[Trinilad 0]

[

Now, I wonder what I can do, we haven't even filed for AOS. I just spoke with my client that works for immigration and she says she sees this ALL of the time. I emailed my lawyer to ask if I can get an anulment. Do I do this on my own, like would "I" need Craig to be there for any divorce/anulment proceedings????

Again, please keep the info coming!!!!!!!!

Annulment are hard to get. You have to prove fraudulent intent. It is possible. There is no short cut on the divorce because you just got marraid. The annulment might be your option but it is hard to prove and Maryland Corts frown upon it.

[Yaads 0]

Kelly~ Sorry to hear that things aren't getting better but I agree that you need to get out while you can. Staying with this longer longer will just make it harder in the long run. You have to think about the well being of you and your son - Top priorities in my book

It means that he has to take the responsibility to set that woman straigh. That is not your job. I see women get into fights with other women over men. Do not get yourself to that point where you have to set a woman straight about your man. It may be a flirtatious thing, him liking the attention and I would have gone with that for a while. But you see that line about the friend at work putting him on her family plan, that is a slap in the face. It is insulting, demeaning, it smacks of lack of respect. You are already pissed about the phone number and he pulls some ###### like that?

I am not sure there is enough left to salvage here. The disrespect is just unacceptable and he is not getting the picture. He is working, therefore he could afford a ticket back home or he could afford to stay here on his own. Unfortumnately that is a call he would have to make. But the call you have to make at this time is how soon does he leave. Do not get into the pissing match with the girlfriend, or the explanations from him. You know what is happening. Your man is disrespecting you and he is trying to make a fool of you. Treat him like you would any man who is cheating. Visa or no visa, this is a straight forward case.

Couldn't agree more...well said

Luvtravilin:

my prayers are with you and I kid you not that this is the kind of stuff that can make you lose your mind. State of MD requires you to be separated for at least a year before you can file for a divore so you are in a bind there. The best you can do at this time is go your separate ways, file for separation which really has no legal status except to establish a separation date. The concern however is the legal ramifications of the affidavit of support. I know uncle Sam technically will not enforce it, but this is where you just pray for the best. Since you have not filed for him, he would in a couple months be out of status and he will have to deal with that when the time comes. You made a mistake. Do not be the woman scorned and try to make his life a living hell. Say goodbye and wish him well.

In regards to the affidavit...if you have not filed AOS yet then there is no affidavit of support. You haven't signed away anything. The I-134 you did for the K1 was just to prove that you have the ability to support him. The I-864 that you do for AOS is the legal binding document of support. If you have not done AOS then technically you are free and clear. Whatever you do...don't sign that document!

[Ms Squitto 0]

Tali, I can totally sympathize with your plight. I applaud your honesty. Please don't hold back from your posting, whether it be long or short. Those who have the time to read it, do. I think it's great that you and your fiance had a serious heart-to-heart. Difficult conversations are necessary if we want our relationships to grow and improve. This statement really struck a chord with me: "I never thought about how hard it was to try and build a life with someone who is soooooo different from me in so many ways." Squito and I have so many differences yet our love enabled me to put blinders on. At times, I've had my doubts, but I seem to keep finding this strong faith deep inside of me that truely convinces me that everything will be just fine. Sure, I could've married a man in a suit, but that man in a suit wouldn't make me feel the way that Squito does. I know so many woman that are involved with "career men", white collar brothers that are on their way up the ladder, and a lot of them are no happier than I am. In fact, I know a woman who's husband is a partner in a prestigious Manhattan law firm and she often complains that he works too much and spends little time with her and their boys. Everytime I think to judge my husbands "blue collar" status, I think of situations like the one I mentioned and realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I never fully understood the "equally yolked" bit. I always thought it mean equals in values and beliefs, not career or financial status. I don't knwo I cannot speak much on the age difference as Squito and I are only 3 years apart. Did you ask your fiance why he never discussed his big plans with your before last night?

my thoughts to you is to keep praying. In a difficult situation such as this, it's the only thing you've got!

Did you read my diary, woman!!!????? I think so!

I agree with your definition of equally/unequally yoked. Most folks thinks it means you have to be the same religion/faith. But I believe it's more than that - but of course spiritual compatability being a big part of it.

Yes Please forgive me, I couldn't resist the urge to read it! LOL.

Next time I chat with my pastor, I'm going to ask that he explains the concept of "equally yolked" to us. In the mean time, I'll google it and let you all know what I come with. I think this is a GREAT topic for discussion!!

How is everyone doing on their diets/WW???

I am not on any particular diet or a member of WW, but I have commited myself to losing at least 10lbs before we get to Jamaica this Christmas. I've been doing about 30 minutes of cardio daily and 30 minutes of resistance training. So far I haven't seen any results But I hope to see some soon

My man is damn near perfect......I guess I should have knocked on wood Cause he showed his assests this evning So he's going back to JA. So I guess we won't need that info pass appointment to morrow. He's up set cause a week ago I tried to explain that it rude/dispectful to be with out shirt in the house infront of a woman. Anyone else feel this was? Am I crazy? I think of it like having a hat on in church or at the dinner table. So he comes in the house had this weard look on his face, I'm like whats the matter, nutin, I thought to my self you lie. Shortly afterward he went on a tangit about how in Ja they go without a shirt rey, rey, rey. At home with my daughter rey, rey, rey. He's back got to finish later.

And this is where that great big ball of patience comes in. Take the "going back to Jamaica" line off the table. Work on the shirt situation a bit cause you really have to. But remember your appointment tomorrow. After it is over.....a cold glass of wine, some good old fashioned loving and this too shall pass. Hey, just one more story to talk about when you are celebrating that 10 year anniversary. Bet it is going to seem very funny then.

You're alright Trinilad . I hope you stick around after your visa is approved; because you give such great advice and comments. Your fiance is one forturnate girl.

ditto

[Minfay 0]

How is everyone doing on their diets/WW???

I'm doing pretty good -- not going to the meetings -- and doing Core. I have lost 10.5 in the last two weeks. Eating lots of fruit & veggies -- which is a treat since I have been on Atkins for such a long time.

Okay, how do "I" handle, take or whatever THIS situation ???????????? I would LOVE to get Trin (or any guys)... point of view as well

Kelly -- I am the most jealous person in the world. If I found a number in his pocket he wouldn't have to worry about going back to JA -- I would kill him right then and there

The immaturity and disrespect is just too much for anyone to have to handle -- you don't need or deserve to be treated this way. I'm am so sorry this is happening to you.......It's easy for me to say but -- GET OUT AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

[Ms Squitto 0]

My man is damn near perfect......I guess I should have knocked on wood Cause he showed his assests this evning So he's going back to JA. So I guess we won't need that info pass appointment to morrow. He's up set cause a week ago I tried to explain that it rude/dispectful to be with out shirt in the house infront of a woman. Anyone else feel this was? Am I crazy? I think of it like having a hat on in church or at the dinner table. So he comes in the house had this weard look on his face, I'm like whats the matter, nutin, I thought to my self you lie. Shortly afterward he went on a tangit about how in Ja they go without a shirt rey, rey, rey. At home with my daughter rey, rey, rey. He's back got to finish later.

And this is where that great big ball of patience comes in. Take the "going back to Jamaica" line off the table. Work on the shirt situation a bit cause you really have to. But remember your appointment tomorrow. After it is over.....a cold glass of wine, some good old fashioned loving and this too shall pass. Hey, just one more story to talk about when you are celebrating that 10 year anniversary. Bet it is going to seem very funny then.

I agree my Trini friend.

But Den, so you don't feel too bad....I've got you beat...my darling Henry thinks the item of clothing in the pic below are "shorts" acceptable for wearing around the house in front of female company. When I went bilingual on him a few days after the fact, he denied that he ever did that in JA, even though my cousins and my friend remember it as I did - he and his chones running around the house in Mobay. Well last week my aunt was here and who came downstairs in his calvin kleins, paired with an I Love NY T Shirt????? I kid you not people. He, his Calvin and the family jewels. What is up with that???? Is my baby a pervert?

oh my

My man is damn near perfect......I guess I should have knocked on wood Cause he showed his assests this evning So he's going back to JA. So I guess we won't need that info pass appointment to morrow. He's up set cause a week ago I tried to explain that it rude/dispectful to be with out shirt in the house infront of a woman. Anyone else feel this was? Am I crazy? I think of it like having a hat on in church or at the dinner table. So he comes in the house had this weard look on his face, I'm like whats the matter, nutin, I thought to my self you lie. Shortly afterward he went on a tangit about how in Ja they go without a shirt rey, rey, rey. At home with my daughter rey, rey, rey. He's back got to finish later.

Okay.. as I was saying. I was trying to explain my point of view on the shirt thing, He tok it all wrong saying your just being possessive, I'm like what ????I wanted to say get over yourself. Why would I be possessive where my daughter and mother are concerned It makes my daughter feel uncomfortable to see him without a shirt. How I don't want my husband to look barbaric. So ,I ask whats really the matter??? Why are you acting like you seeing your period. Never say dat again. Just a figure of speech right, well, not where my hubbys concerned, my way of saying you are having a bad day or whats with your bad attitude didn't set right. Him ah curse, and fling bad word, and a whole bunch of other stuff I couldn't understand. He threaten to go back to Ja, I said your not going any damn where!!!! Then he said I'll go live in my car What ever???I pulled the cover over my head and went back to sleep. He left for a soccor game. When returned It was like nothing had ever happened. He cooked,( cause I sure the hell wasn't), made my plate, washed the dishes, cleaned out the refrig. I'm like he's crazy. Then said...It's time to go to your bed???I'm looking around like okay .(sense when do I need a bed time) You need to shower he barks, I'm in no mood to fight so I shower even tho I'm 31 years old and I know when I need to shower. He gets in with, washes me from head to toe, turn this way, that way, rey rey rey, we get out, he dries me off rubbs me down with lotion, we have I'm mad at you, but I love you sex and the argument is over...how weird is he?? He's soooo werd. It's funny how when ever we get into it, it's over by the time he falls asleep. Our arguments so far have never gone into the next day. I guess one of the many reason why I love him so much, I wish he would just listen.

That's hot!! You should never go to bed upset

[kimlbs 0]

Kelly-

I am so sorry you are dealing with this...please check your PM............

Kim

[luvtravlin 0]

OKAY, get this one you guys !!!!!!

I took my son to school this morning at 7:30am, went to get some breakfast and sit and chill out in the parking lot where Craig catches the bus. I wanted to make sure that he GOT on the bus. He never showed, so I come back home and he's nowhere. This whole time (since 8:30am), I've been on the phone with friends, lawyer, client, cell phone company to get a report of his calls he's made, and one of my friends that I was confiding in, I was READING to her about what you guys ALL said.......outloud.

About 15 min ago.......walaa.....Craig comes out of my hall closet. Says that "I" am crazy, says that him and this girl are JUST chatting....what? he can't talk to a female that he works with (he said). He just does NOT GET the disrespect. He says, can you wait till next week when I get paid and I said, no you need to go NOW before my son gets home OR tomorrow morning at the latest (when he's gone). He said, I don't have any money and I said, a one way bus ticket to Philly or New York doesn't cost that much.

He's STILL sitting here saying, what did I do?? You are crazy. I didn't do anything wrong, what you want me to give you MY entire paycheck and then you just give me money for the bus.

HE DOES NOT GET IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm done, thank you ALL for your support. He's NOT sitting here apologizing, not fighting to KEEP me, nothing. This PROVES to me that he came here for ALL of the wrong reasons (although he says he didn't).

If anyone else wants to give me any advice, etc.........please do so!!!

[Ms Squitto 0]

NEW TOPIC .......

Okay, how do "I" handle, take or whatever THIS situation ???????????? I would LOVE to get Trin (or any guys)... point of view as well !!!

Sorry to say, I just do NOT trust Craig (great for a marriage, huh?)!!!.....because he just continues to lie (which he doesn't *think* is a lie) ....anyway, I went in his pants pocket last night and there was a phone number ....her name is SWEETS. So I called it (..blocked my number, just to verify it was a chic) and it was. Then there was also the number of the other "friend" which I guess "I" hoped (even though I KNOW it hasn't been) taken care of. So I started to wash the "dark" clothes and I said, Craig would you like me to wash the jeans that you've been wearing all week? and he says, yeah that would be good and I said, don't forget to clean out your pockets (I had the 2 numbers in MY pocket) and then "I" turn "B" on him and he's like what's wrong.........so I say something about this girls number in his pocket. HE SAYS, she slipped in in there!!!!!!!!! My son was still awake and I did EVERYthing in my power NOT to go postal on him !!!!!!!!! I said, we'll talk when Austin goes to sleep. So we did, NOT pretty. This is a girl he's been working with.............I was like YOU are a GROWN man, WHEN she gave you the number, you should have handed it back and said, no thank you!!!!!

SO, my question to you all.............should "I" be upset that he has a girls number because she's a co-worker??? I mean I'm not being naive about this. Trust me, I'm at my boiling point. Should "I" call her and ask to what extent their relationship is?? Should "I" be pissed? Do I just let it go?? Does Craig REALLY "need" to make friends with a woman and someone that "I" don't know??? I have a TON of guy friends, but....he's met EVERY one of them and that was within the 1st week of him being here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've now taken away his cell phone (which was an extra pre-paid phone my son lent him) because I don't TRUST the phone calls that are being made, received, etc. I told him last night, if "he" WANTS a "real" phone..........than GO AND BUY YOUR OWN !!!! He told me that someone at work (a female) was going to put him on HER family plan and I was like, nooooooooo YOU go and GET your OWN phone !!!!!

He STILL continues to say that the other chic is a "friend".....don't believe him there either.

I told him that this relationship is a TOTAL joke because he does NOT respect me OR my son. That HE is the one f-g up MY LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!

Please chime in EVERYONE ...........how would YOU GUYS handle this situation ???!!!

Thanks!

Frustrated, pissed, ready to LOSE my mind, etc etc etc I'm TRYING to keep that "happy face" in front of my son, because if he sees me pissed off at Craig, those that have kids know, they go into PROTECT mommy mode !!!!!

Whoa...That's a lot of info to digest at once. Firstly, let me say this. YOU should not be calling ANYBODY! Your beef is with your husband and not this girl/chick/woman. She might not even know that he's married. So going to her for answers is a big fat no-no. Secondly, you and Craig need to tackle the trust issues. If you don't trust him, that's a serious problem that needs to be addressed now before it spirals out of control.

[Minfay 0]

In the closet, hiding? What's up with that?

At this point he should be on his hands and knees kissing your toes and begging for forgiveness.....Kelly, you know what you need to do.....and what you choose to do is 100% your choice and business. Do what your gut tells you to do. Life is too short to spend any time of it with regrets......

[Ms Squitto 0]

Kelly- you already know

You and I have had some "private" conversations in the past and from our discussions I think you knew where this was headed, but you wanted to give it a chance because of your deep feelings for this man. His level of immaturity won't change at this point and time. You can't keep telling him to shape up or ship out because things will get better once you threaten him but then he slides back to the same ole same ole.

You know what you have to do; I KNOW you're a strong girl. Do what you have to do and do it NOW.

I'm at work now but if you want to PM me I'll get back to you later.

Michele

I'm with Michele on this one

OKAY, get this one you guys !!!!!!

I took my son to school this morning at 7:30am, went to get some breakfast and sit and chill out in the parking lot where Craig catches the bus. I wanted to make sure that he GOT on the bus. He never showed, so I come back home and he's nowhere. This whole time (since 8:30am), I've been on the phone with friends, lawyer, client, cell phone company to get a report of his calls he's made, and one of my friends that I was confiding in, I was READING to her about what you guys ALL said.......outloud.

About 15 min ago.......walaa.....Craig comes out of my hall closet. Says that "I" am crazy, says that him and this girl are JUST chatting....what? he can't talk to a female that he works with (he said). He just does NOT GET the disrespect. He says, can you wait till next week when I get paid and I said, no you need to go NOW before my son gets home OR tomorrow morning at the latest (when he's gone). He said, I don't have any money and I said, a one way bus ticket to Philly or New York doesn't cost that much.

He's STILL sitting here saying, what did I do?? You are crazy. I didn't do anything wrong, what you want me to give you MY entire paycheck and then you just give me money for the bus.

HE DOES NOT GET IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm done, thank you ALL for your support. He's NOT sitting here apologizing, not fighting to KEEP me, nothing. This PROVES to me that he came here for ALL of the wrong reasons (although he says he didn't).

If anyone else wants to give me any advice, etc.........please do so!!!

####### was he doing in the closet?

[Minfay 0]

YOU should not be calling ANYBODY! Your beef is with your husband and not this girl/chick/woman

Yeah Kelly, no matter what you choose to do -- DO NOT call this woman. You will not get anything out of the conversation except making yourself madder than you already are. If you think she's gonna tell you the truth you are wrong. Don't do it!!