Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[wynterstail 0]

And mighty good thoughts they are, m'dear

Ann

Most of time I feel like our relationship is too good to be true, so good that it's hard to fuss about "little things". I do believe that not relationship is perfect. But I think we come damn near close. I am blessed.

Sounds like we married the same man........

Like I said before......Sometimes I think feel guilty because I wish I had more bad experiences to share........We have our share of little fights but overall he is to good to be true........However, I truly know how hard it is to be in a bad relationship though. My son's father was abusive and he cheated all the time. He never worked and sat around demanding things of me. It was miserable and I had bsolutely no sex drive at all.......I loved him and I was afraid to tell anyone or leave him because I was so young and everyone would have said..."I told you so.......blah, blah, blah........"

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....try to visit often or stay for long periods of time........meet all his/her family and friends and try to live as normal as possible when you are in Jamaica....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning. Do not stay at hotels, eat at restaurants and sit on the beach drinking rum punch............this is not realistic and you will be in for a true shock when he arrives....The lust of the great guy with a sexy accent will go out the door when he arrives....he won't know you and you won't know him. The vacation and fairy tell will be over and it will be very hard to try and build a relationship amoungst that kinda stress............

Just my thoughts for the newbies........

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning.

No thank you More power to you though! No wonder you could afford to go down to Jamaica so often

I agree with Kim...great advice...for someone other than me.

I am on your page Rhonda! My first trip to JA I secretly stayed at Half Moon!! Next trip my cousins and I rented the top floor of nice house in MoBay. I figured I grew up in a small caribbean village w/o electricity, so I know the drill. Although my childhood was fun and carefree with a nice big house etc. I had no idea the whole world did not light gaslamps at dusk. We were straight out of little house on the prairie. We never cooked anything out of a can...except milk - evaporated, condensed and powdered..we were a dutch colony once and the dutch liked sending us lots of milk.

So yeah, I felt I had "done my time". I did, however, visit Henry's family and friends in various stages of wealth and want. So it was interesting. At one house they ran out of chairs so Henry and I sat on the floor and ate dinner, you know, I don't care. When Henry's sister saw me she had a cow and kicked some poor girl out of her chair.

The one thing that threw me for a loop was going down to the "gully" to bathe cause Henry's aunt's house is so high on this hill there is no water pressure. I stayed on one house (friends of his) and I could not sleep it was so hot...and the pillow was old. I felt really bad, but I told Henry I could not stay another night. I really did feel like a brat.

All in all it was good for me to see what how everyone lived....without sleeping over.

What does the new birth cert in JA looks like? I'm looking at one w/the doctor bird on the right and a stack of books on the right. I know it's suppose to be the long form one but I'm looking at a fax.

In color it's really pretty.....I left Roy a message to call me with exactly what's on it. I can't remember what "pictures" are where. Hopefully someone will get this for you soon.....I have no idea where he is right now....

It is pretty. It's primarily blue and it has the doctor bird. The marriage certificate looks the same.

[thndrdancr 0]

Wow, I am finally caught up.

I guess I am also in that category of I feel like its almost too good to be true. I KNOW it has to be rough on him, real rough, probably harder than most of what any of your men are dealing with, becuz WE live with my Mom.

She is 80 and makes things soooo difficult. She is grouchy, cranky, hard to deal with, jealous, disapproving of him, says he is hiding something (becuz she doesnt understand that Guyanese accent so he just doesnt talk to her too much), doesnt contribute (financially according to her..he has given me all his paychecks, but the fact he didnt work for so long...)..., just wants to bring his family over, wants everything she has worked so hard for all her life...the house, hasn't bought me gifts like he should, no marriage ring, is uneducated, etc, I could go on forever.

So, tell all your men, IT COULD BE WORSE!! They could be living with with a disapproving MIL!!!

I marvel at his patience and understanding to deal with her #######, and then she makes ME upset and crazy, and he has to deal with THAT as well. I would have walked out, I seriously would have, had the situation been reversed.

The only time he threatened to go home, was when Mom had a fit becuz he had not mowed properly and their were clumps in the grass, and it escalated. Altho I reacted horribly to it, I started shaking and crying and told him "Just GO home then, but dont you EVER come home HERE again!!!" He always gentles me tho, when I get so upset. I really dont know what I did to deserve such a wonderful man, and even if I would find out that all he wanted was just want a green card, well, I can count myself truly happy with this man for whatever time I have him.

Mom finally is doin better, when I finally told her "I am NOT getting a divorce, is THAT what you want for me?????" I guess it made her truly think about how she was acting. I mean, her acting out just makes us ALL (her included) miserable and doesnt change a thing, so.....why do it????

He doesnt do the clothes, but he folds them when I wash them. He cooks, does the dishes, brooms the house every other day, and is always doing something around the house, when he is not out in the garden. "Farm" he calls it, which is laughable, we have this tiny lil garden. But he has a real green thumb. He hasnt broken TOO much, but he has and continues to burn all the pots and pans, etc. He probably would have broken more, but I do try to explain things to him AND he listens, believe it or not.

Had a big prob when he first came with not listening to me bout "how to" do stuff, guess thats typical of a lot of men.

We dont have a garbage disposal, but the other day, I found out he would have done ours in anyway if we had one! lol We caught fish and were at a fish cleaning station, and he was ready to put a plastic bag down it, and I told him not to, cuz it wraps around the blade and burns the motor out. He said, he didnt know that, in his country, they just put everything down somethin like that, and then wonder why it doesnt work! I guess you would assume if it could chew up big fish bones, that a lil plastic bag wouldnt harm it.

The only advice I can give to anyone here, is LISTEN to your intuition, your gut. NOT your heart, but your instincts. It always seems to tell you true, even tho its hard to listen. Always seems like your mind/brain tells you one thing, your heart something else, and then the one that is usually dead on, the intuition. Which is usually the answer I get when I pray bout somethin, so I personally believe its our higher power trying to guide us.

There is adjustment, and then there are huge character flaws. I almost married a man from St Kitts, many years ago. We have had contact now and then thru the years, and I learned he is really a very "me-oriented" man. He is the most fun, personable, loving guy I have ever met and its not that he didnt really love me, but I guess you could say he loved himself more. I am so happy I didnt let it go further tho, or it would have been "all about him" forever, all of our lives. I do still love him, but in friendship, where you know someone TOO well, that "whew, that was a close one" kind of way, if you know what I mean?

Anyhow, luck to all of you in this journey and our decision making.

Elizabeth, we froze 16 bags of spinach. Thats bout the only thing our garden really produced to keep thru the winter. The bitter melon was JUST NOW really getting the flowers on it, sad. We also have lots of tomatoes. And no seed from the spinach, he said in another two weeks it would have had a lot. They were just forming. Quite a few long beans too, but not enuff to freeze. Next year, we hope to plant more stuff. The Vietnamese guy two doors down has an awesome bitter melon plant, I am tempted to buy some from him.

And Michelle, I cant pay you too much to be my watering girl if you dont know any more than that bout plants! Can you PLANT things perhaps too??? Maybe pull some weeds? omigosh, THAT wasnt a weed, that was the PLANT, you dolt....

Take care all.

[tali 0]

Good mornin everyone!

Hey, I wanted to apologize for posing a frivolous question when there was a serious discussion going on. I posted that without having read the previous 4 pages, so didnt realize it was wayyyyyyy out of context!!! Ooooops.

Will teach me to read first, hmmm! Sheesh!

Nowwwwww, let me go catch up on the past 6 days!

Good mornin everyone!

Hey, I wanted to apologize for posing a frivolous question when there was a serious discussion going on. I posted that without having read the previous 4 pages, so didnt realize it was wayyyyyyy out of context!!! Ooooops.

Will teach me to read first, hmmm! Sheesh!

Nowwwwww, let me go catch up on the past 6 days!

Please don't feel that any question you post is frivolous - yes the discussion was/is serious, but we all have needs. I'm learning that this is quite a community and everyone needs support (whether it is a recipie, info on a form, advice about a relationship, or a shoulder to cry on).

Also, please don't anyone feel guilty about how good their relationship is. A good relationship is a blessing! And we need to hear those stories too.

Trinilad, thank you so much for the male perspective. I was actually surprised at your insight. My father and every other Trini I know is so education and hard work focused, I have a hard time thinking they would struggle with the same issues as Jamaicans. Guess that was pretty arrogant of me - the issues are obviously universal. You mentioned you are no longer with your 1st wife - if its not to personal, is it because of the problems associated with you moving here?

Great advice about spending "real" time with my fiancee. I only stayed at his house once - and that was the week we left. We always stayed at a hotel. Partly because it never occured to me to do otherwise -and partly because he always got such a kick out of going to the pool, getting free drinks, being treated really well by folks who wouldn't normally let him in the door. But in honesy, that only perpetuated a fantasy life.

For me, I never thought about how hard it was to try and build a life with someone who is soooooo different from me in so many ways. A big part of my life is about business suits, meetings, blackberries and airports. I am over 10 years older than him. His life is about baggy jeans and sneakers, going to bars or clubs and listening to loud music, walking up into church with his ciggarettes in his front pocket (and cracking up at one of the guys who didn't quite hit the right note last sunday ... it was pretty funny actually.. ). Anyway, none of these differences mattered in JA. But here I see the looks from friends, family, and strangers - my Pastor is preaching about not being "unequally yolked" - and I find myself pinging between being defensive (how dare you judge my man because he isn't an educated suit and tie guy) and embarassed (I can't believe he just started cursing to himself and stormed off in front of a salesman because I told him it would be a good idea to try on the pants before buying them!).

When he was in JA, I used to try and talk to him about "real life". Who I really am (a single divorced mom who grew up poor in NY housing projects - a workaholic with a super demanding job - a super responsible person who can be really serious at times - a christian woman who wants to grow in her faith with the man she marries). But he never really got what I was trying to say. He would just say "baby, you are perfect". Suffice to say he's not saying that anymore

In fairness I probably never got what he was trying to say either. His whole approach in life is to be "simple and easy". He wants us to have a good life together without a lot of arguments. He wants to travel. He wants to have fun. And he wants to have a business back in JA when he gets older. Translation - he wants me to just sekkle down, stop making problems, let bygones be bygones (after every fight), be totally okay with the fact that he has a ridiculous grudge against my daugther, give him my undivided attention (regardless of what else I have to do), and spend all the money I have on fun. And he wants me to help him build a business that I don't really want to have.

Last night I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea to marry. It was a really long, sad and difficult night. He kept saying that I mashed up his life. He said he had so many plans for us (plans he never told me about) and I ruined them. I always ruin them. Sigh... This morning he asked me to reconsider - he wants us to try together. I agreed - mainly because I felt so bad (and sad). I pray I am not prolonging the inevitible. Truth is, even if we break up I want him to leave feeling like a man... even if its just the money he's earned so far... And I don't want him to hate me. Gosh that sounds so... soo...

Today we are both sad. We have talked honestly about why I feel the way I do. Part of him wants to live in denial-land (if we love eachother it will all work out). The other part of him knows this is really serious and even if we both work our butts off, it still may not work. We'll see.

Thank you all again for letting me vent. And in such a long an rambling manner. I keep waiting for someone to tell me to knock it off - but instead you all have responded with honesty about your own lives and sent me personal PMs with offers of support. I never thought I would get that type of response - and I really appreciate it. I promise to refrain for any more long missives for awhile. Maybe its best anyway to let the board get back to lighter matters. Just please say a prayer for me in the meantime

And to make sure I end on a more positive note let me say I am thrilled for those of you who are in the process of brining your fiancee to the states. Please don't let me throw a towel on anything that you are going through. I wish each and every one of you the absolute best! As many of the posts here show, life with your soon to be spouse can be absolutely wonderful!

[Trinilad 0]

A FRIEND OF MINE WHO HAD A SUCCESSFUL INTERVIEW RECENTLY SENT ME THIS. I AM NOT SURE WHERE SHE GOT IT FROM BUT IT MAKES INTERESTING READING AND I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS WHO ARE PREPARING FOR AN INTERVIEW LIKE MYSELF. A BIT LONG!

Interview Questions

Just giving an answer to an interview question is not enough, it needs to be the answer

the embassy personnel want to hear from you. Going to an Embassy Interview is more

like taking a test than it is an interview. It demands advanced knowledge about the

questions and the corresponding answers you will give. Advance self-preparation is a

must. This book is for those of you about to experience it for yourselves.

The questions listed below as well as the answers are examples of questions you may

experience during the interview. The purpose of these examples is to guide you in your

self-preparation towards your own Embassy Interview. Good luck!

QuestionS

1. Of all the people in the world, why do you choose to be engaged with a foreigner?

Answer: I chose someone whom I will love and who will love me in return. I don’t care

if he/she is from my own country or not. I love him/her and want to spend the rest of my

life with him/her.

Tip: Explain clearly your reason why you choose to be with your fiancée or spouse. If

possible you can also state the good qualities that you find in him/her that give you a

reason why you want to be with him/her.

2. How did you meet your fiancée?

Answer: I met my fiancée when he came to visit me in Ukraine.

Tip: State the specific place where you met your fiancée in person.

3. How long have you been engaged with each other?

Answer: We have been engaged for 6 months now.

Tip: Be honest to tell the answers because if the Interviewer would find out that you lie

about something, it could be an automatic reason for your visa denial. (See below)

4. Do you think in that length of time, you know him well enough to marry him?

Answer: Yes

Tip: Sometimes Interviewers are going to make a follow-up question after you give an

answer. Be sure you are ready to support your answers with facts concerning how well

you have known your fiancée. Including personal facts regarding your fiancée (e.g. birth

date, age, status, etc….).

5. Has your fiancée met your family? What did your family think about your fiancée?

Answer: Yes, my family has met my fiancée in person. They like him because he

displayed good qualities. They admire his kindness and sincerity as well.

Tip: Be honest. Try to be positive in giving descriptions about your fiancée.

6. Has your fiancée been married before? How many times?

Answer: Yes. He/She was married once but got divorced.

Tip: When the Consul will ask you these questions prepare yourself about some facts

that he/she might ask like: What year did he got his divorce? Do you know the name of

his/her former spouse?

7. Does he/she have children from his/her previous marriage/s? If yes, can you please

give the names of the children?

Answer: Yes, they are _________, _________ and _________.

Tip: Be sure to know the names of the children and their ages if your fiancée/spouse

children from his/her previous marriages as this will help the Consul determine how you

know your fiancée and if your relationship is based on total honesty.

8. How does your fiancée earn a living? Where is his/her business based?

Answer: He is a small business owner engaged in sales and his business is based in

Anchorage, Alaska.

Tip: Be sure to know in advance what your fiancée does for a living, where his work is

located, and his income amount.

9. If you are granted a fiancée visa, are you planning to work in the US when you

arrive?

Answer: No. I am going to the US to join my fiancée, get married and stay with him.

Maybe later, I can apply for an Employment Authorization, but working is not my main

purpose for going to the US.

Tip: Be sure to say NO to this question. If you say yes, the Consul or the Interviewing

Officer may have a reason to deny your fiancée visa and require that you apply for a

work visa instead. They might think that you are using the Fiancée visa in order to get

work in the US.

10. Are you planning to study in the US? Why or Why not?

Answer: NO. My reason for coming to the US is to be with my fiancée because we love

one another.

Tip: Say NO to this question. If ever you say yes, the Consul or the Interviewing Officer

may have a reason to deny your fiancée visa and require that you apply for a student visa

instead. They might think that you are using the Fiancée visa in order to get an education

in the US.

11. What is your fiancée’s highest educational attainment? How about you?

Answer: His highest educational attainment is high school and mine is college.

Tip: Be sure you know the answer to this question. Some people forget to ask their

fiancée this question and in the event that they were asked they can’t answer it. It leads

to a doubt in the Interviewer’s mind as whether you really know your fiancée or not.

12. How often did your fiancée come to visit you? When?

Answer: He came to visit me once and it was last January 11, 2004

Tip: Familiarize yourself with the things you did, when your fiancée came to visit you. It

is also best if you can remember the exact dates that he/she came to your place country or

you to his and when he or you returned home.

13. How long did your fiancée stay?

Answer: He/She stayed for one week. It was from January 11, 2004- January 17, 2004

Tip: Be specific about the important dates. These dates should correspond with the dates

on your fiancée’s airline tickets, itinerary and passport.

14. Why do you want to go to the United States?

Answer: To be with my fiancée and get married.

Tip: You should take note that your petition is a Fiancée/Spouse Petition which if

granted would give you the reason to come to the United States to be with your

fiancée/spouse and be married. Do not mention any other reason other than this, as this

can lead the Interviewers to doubt your true reason for coming to the United States.

15. If you are granted a visa, do you wish to stay in the United States and be an

American citizen? Why or Why not?

Answer: Whether you answer yes or No it doesn’t matter but just be ready to support

your answer.

Tip: Before going to the interview, you should give yourself the opportunity to think of

an answer to this question so you will be ready.

16. Do you have plans of migrating to America and petitioning your relatives in your

native country? Why or Why not?

Answer: You have the choice to say yes or No to this question. Make sure you will be

able to support your answer.

Tip: Before going to the interview, you should give yourself the opportunity to think of

an answer to this question so you will be ready.

17. What kind of life do you expect to live when you go in the United States?

Answer: My expectation is that I need to adjust myself to the culture, climate, people

and especially my new family. It may be difficult to relate to people because I need to

learn more American English, since I am from a non-English speaking country.

Tip: Be sure to think about your expectations now. When you answer this question, it

doesn’t mean you have to point out the positive expectations only. Mention the negative

expectations as well. There is nothing wrong with being realistic with what your

expectations of life in the United States might be.

These questions may seem simplistic from an everyday point of view, but many visa’s

have been denied because the beneficiary was not prepared and gave a seemingly

innocent answer, only to find their visa had been denied based on the answers given.

With attention to detail and knowledge contained in this guide, you should do fine.

Congratulations on your relationship and best of luck in your interview!

[Trinilad 0]

In response to the question. I was actually the foreign born fiance when I first moved here. I think I was totally unprepared for Life in the United States hence things did not work out. It is that experience I think that prepares me to now actually bring a fiance to the uS and really make it a successful transition. The problem really is not so much where you are from, it is more about being prepared for the adjustment and the lifestyle changes that follow. If fiance's are not prepared, there are going to be problems. But love does wonderful things to some of us and we live to tell the story afterwards,.....sometimes like me..with nothing but a smile!

Trinilad, thank you so much for the male perspective. I was actually surprised at your insight. My father and every other Trini I know is so education and hard work focused, I have a hard time thinking they would struggle with the same issues as Jamaicans. Guess that was pretty arrogant of me - the issues are obviously universal. You mentioned you are no longer with your 1st wife - if its not to personal, is it because of the problems associated with you moving here?

[Jamaica to CT 0]

Gift ideas for a 25th wedding anniversary (silver anniversary) ??

Thanks

A FRIEND OF MINE WHO HAD A SUCCESSFUL INTERVIEW RECENTLY SENT ME THIS. I AM NOT SURE WHERE SHE GOT IT FROM BUT IT MAKES INTERESTING READING AND I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS WHO ARE PREPARING FOR AN INTERVIEW LIKE MYSELF. A BIT LONG!

Interview Questions

Just giving an answer to an interview question is not enough, it needs to be the answer

the embassy personnel want to hear from you. Going to an Embassy Interview is more

like taking a test than it is an interview. It demands advanced knowledge about the

questions and the corresponding answers you will give. Advance self-preparation is a

must. This book is for those of you about to experience it for yourselves.

The questions listed below as well as the answers are examples of questions you may

experience during the interview. The purpose of these examples is to guide you in your

self-preparation towards your own Embassy Interview. Good luck!

QuestionS

1. Of all the people in the world, why do you choose to be engaged with a foreigner?

Answer: I chose someone whom I will love and who will love me in return. I don’t care

if he/she is from my own country or not. I love him/her and want to spend the rest of my

life with him/her.

Tip: Explain clearly your reason why you choose to be with your fiancée or spouse. If

possible you can also state the good qualities that you find in him/her that give you a

reason why you want to be with him/her.

2. How did you meet your fiancée?

Answer: I met my fiancée when he came to visit me in Ukraine.

Tip: State the specific place where you met your fiancée in person.

3. How long have you been engaged with each other?

Answer: We have been engaged for 6 months now.

Tip: Be honest to tell the answers because if the Interviewer would find out that you lie

about something, it could be an automatic reason for your visa denial. (See below)

4. Do you think in that length of time, you know him well enough to marry him?

Answer: Yes

Tip: Sometimes Interviewers are going to make a follow-up question after you give an

answer. Be sure you are ready to support your answers with facts concerning how well

you have known your fiancée. Including personal facts regarding your fiancée (e.g. birth

date, age, status, etc….).

5. Has your fiancée met your family? What did your family think about your fiancée?

Answer: Yes, my family has met my fiancée in person. They like him because he

displayed good qualities. They admire his kindness and sincerity as well.

Tip: Be honest. Try to be positive in giving descriptions about your fiancée.

6. Has your fiancée been married before? How many times?

Answer: Yes. He/She was married once but got divorced.

Tip: When the Consul will ask you these questions prepare yourself about some facts

that he/she might ask like: What year did he got his divorce? Do you know the name of

his/her former spouse?

7. Does he/she have children from his/her previous marriage/s? If yes, can you please

give the names of the children?

Answer: Yes, they are _________, _________ and _________.

Tip: Be sure to know the names of the children and their ages if your fiancée/spouse

children from his/her previous marriages as this will help the Consul determine how you

know your fiancée and if your relationship is based on total honesty.

8. How does your fiancée earn a living? Where is his/her business based?

Answer: He is a small business owner engaged in sales and his business is based in

Anchorage, Alaska.

Tip: Be sure to know in advance what your fiancée does for a living, where his work is

located, and his income amount.

9. If you are granted a fiancée visa, are you planning to work in the US when you

arrive?

Answer: No. I am going to the US to join my fiancée, get married and stay with him.

Maybe later, I can apply for an Employment Authorization, but working is not my main

purpose for going to the US.

Tip: Be sure to say NO to this question. If you say yes, the Consul or the Interviewing

Officer may have a reason to deny your fiancée visa and require that you apply for a

work visa instead. They might think that you are using the Fiancée visa in order to get

work in the US.

10. Are you planning to study in the US? Why or Why not?

Answer: NO. My reason for coming to the US is to be with my fiancée because we love

one another.

Tip: Say NO to this question. If ever you say yes, the Consul or the Interviewing Officer

may have a reason to deny your fiancée visa and require that you apply for a student visa

instead. They might think that you are using the Fiancée visa in order to get an education

in the US.

11. What is your fiancée’s highest educational attainment? How about you?

Answer: His highest educational attainment is high school and mine is college.

Tip: Be sure you know the answer to this question. Some people forget to ask their

fiancée this question and in the event that they were asked they can’t answer it. It leads

to a doubt in the Interviewer’s mind as whether you really know your fiancée or not.

12. How often did your fiancée come to visit you? When?

Answer: He came to visit me once and it was last January 11, 2004

Tip: Familiarize yourself with the things you did, when your fiancée came to visit you. It

is also best if you can remember the exact dates that he/she came to your place country or

you to his and when he or you returned home.

13. How long did your fiancée stay?

Answer: He/She stayed for one week. It was from January 11, 2004- January 17, 2004

Tip: Be specific about the important dates. These dates should correspond with the dates

on your fiancée’s airline tickets, itinerary and passport.

14. Why do you want to go to the United States?

Answer: To be with my fiancée and get married.

Tip: You should take note that your petition is a Fiancée/Spouse Petition which if

granted would give you the reason to come to the United States to be with your

fiancée/spouse and be married. Do not mention any other reason other than this, as this

can lead the Interviewers to doubt your true reason for coming to the United States.

15. If you are granted a visa, do you wish to stay in the United States and be an

American citizen? Why or Why not?

Answer: Whether you answer yes or No it doesn’t matter but just be ready to support

your answer.

Tip: Before going to the interview, you should give yourself the opportunity to think of

an answer to this question so you will be ready.

16. Do you have plans of migrating to America and petitioning your relatives in your

native country? Why or Why not?

Answer: You have the choice to say yes or No to this question. Make sure you will be

able to support your answer.

Tip: Before going to the interview, you should give yourself the opportunity to think of

an answer to this question so you will be ready.

17. What kind of life do you expect to live when you go in the United States?

Answer: My expectation is that I need to adjust myself to the culture, climate, people

and especially my new family. It may be difficult to relate to people because I need to

learn more American English, since I am from a non-English speaking country.

Tip: Be sure to think about your expectations now. When you answer this question, it

doesn’t mean you have to point out the positive expectations only. Mention the negative

expectations as well. There is nothing wrong with being realistic with what your

expectations of life in the United States might be.

These questions may seem simplistic from an everyday point of view, but many visa’s

have been denied because the beneficiary was not prepared and gave a seemingly

innocent answer, only to find their visa had been denied based on the answers given.

With attention to detail and knowledge contained in this guide, you should do fine.

Congratulations on your relationship and best of luck in your interview!

thanks

[BelwinMills 0]

Thanks for information Trinlad

I wonder if the K3 or CR1 questions would be the same...

[kimlbs 0]

Hello Yardies Family-

We have been busy running around doing lots of legwork for Duane's art career. It is about 8:00pm Cali time and Duane fell sound asleep 15 minutes ago. (He is snoring loud....... ) Ironic, since I was the one who stayed up til 3:30am last night making and printing flyers, business cards and posters!!!

So...we found a small art studio for him to begin working in. He can move in late November. It is located in a huge art community and he can even begin teaching private lessons......He is so excited and so I am....I can finally get my living room back.........

Tali.....please do not apologize for your posts. They do help a lot....sometimes it takes one brave person to come forward with their truth and others will then feel comfortable to share their experiences. It sounds like you have a lot to think about and analyze.

I know some have joked.....Miss Elizabeth and Rhonda.....

BUT...truthfully............. The hotel life is not realistic and does not give you a sense of how things will be when they arrive. It would be like moving in with a complete stranger.............Who can do that???? I truly believe that Duane and I have a good relationship because nothing "really" changed except the location of where we are living physically and the dynamics of me being the person in control of things rather than him. I knew about his personal hegiene, his housekeeping abilities, his cooking skills, and just about everything including the way he squeezes the toothpaste tube ............I was also able to see him in his environment around his friends, his family....how he treated everyone..........I know his barber, his hair braider, his favorite taxi driver, his favorite fabric softener, what he expects from me as a wife.....how he likes his tea prepared in the morning, how much he drinks alcohol, what time he goes to bed, how he treats his children.................I could go on and on forever but I think these things are so very important......If you only know the "vacation" side of your fiance then the lust will wear off real soon when the day to day living

hits you in America........

No relationship is perfect but marriage is a "HUGE" step and should never be taken if you have incredible doubts.........Do not let the urgency of immigration rush you into a marriage that you know deep down is wrong............For those of you that remember Joanna...let her strength and story be a lesson for us all....She had doubts immediately after getting the Visa approved. When he arrived, she knew instantly that she could not go forward with a wedding. She already had a BIG wedding planned with money deposited and the wedding dress purchased but she stuck to her gut and said goodbye.......she received a lot of ####### for it because people labeled her as "cruel"........Cruel or Not.....she followed her gut and made the decision that was right for her.................Do not plunge into a marriage that does not feel right especially if you have children. Duane and I have our problems but our wedding day was magical and I never had one single doubt when I said "I do"......I also have a very jealous 19 year old son who has given me a lot of grief because he is so very jealous........I do my best at trying to re-assure him that I will always love him and I got married because I found my "other half" who completes me.....I (his Mom) am truly happy..... I could never look my child in his eyes and tell him not to be worried if I felt I was making a mistake or rushing because Mr. Immigration says I must do so in 90 days.....................These are all things that I hope you will think about before filing a K-1, before getting married and before making a life altering mistake.

Okay...I am off my soup box.........Sorry...............

[rhondapayter 0]

Thank you all again for letting me vent. I promise to refrain for any more long missives for awhile. Maybe its best anyway to let the board get back to lighter matters. Just please say a prayer for me in the meantime

Don't worry about it That's what we're here for. And don't worry about your long posts - thndrdncr has you beat in that category anyways I personally like these deep topics - I think it helps everyone to get the total picture of things - not just the light, fun stuff.

[rhondapayter 0]

I know some have joked.....Miss Elizabeth and Rhonda.....

BUT...truthfully............. The hotel life is not realistic and does not give you a sense of how things will be when they arrive. It would be like moving in with a complete stranger.............Who can do that???? I knew about his personal hegiene, his housekeeping abilities, his cooking skills, and just about everything including the way he squeezes the toothpaste tube ............I was also able to see him in his environment around his friends, his family....how he treated everyone..........I know his barber, his hair braider, his favorite taxi driver, his favorite fabric softener, what he expects from me as a wife.....how he likes his tea prepared in the morning, how much he drinks alcohol, what time he goes to bed, how he treats his children.................I could go on and on forever but I think these things are so very important......If you only know the "vacation" side of your fiance then the lust will wear off real soon when the day to day living

hits you in America........

Seriously, I couldn't have stayed at Tony's apartment even if I had wanted to. It was very tiny and him and his cousin shared the ONE bedroom. I don't think we could have fit 3 people in a double bed We did spend alot of time with his family and friends though so I really didn't miss out on any of the stuff you mentioned - except his favorite fabric softener which he didn't have because he'd never used a real washer before I even went to work with him on more than one occasion so I know all the people he worked with and how he interacted w/ them as well as how he interacted with the tourists. I also got to go up in the hills and see where he grew up - they have electricity now but didn't when he was a kid. Still no real bathrooms and they only have running water sometimes - or just no water pressure. I have also visited (numerous tmes) his mom's house, his dad's house and workplace, and the home of his baby's mama where his kids live - even though I never actually went inside at that one! "She" doesn't exactly adore me!

But, I agree, if we had never left the hotel I wouldn't know anything about him! I was joking around the last time we went down there, I finally got to do the White River tubing. I had been wanting to do it forever, but we never did the touristy stuff before. I laughed that I was finally acting like a tourist - now that I'm married to a Jamaican

Edited October 11, 2006 by rhondapayter

[BelwinMills 0]

Goodmoring all. I hate when its dark outside and I have to go to work. It's that time of year.

[Mrs. Palmer 5]

Good morning everyone!! So, I'm starting off the morning a little frustrated. I called the Embassy yesterday to see if they had assigned us an interview date yet. The lady told me that she had not received the paperwork (DS-230). I informed her that it was dropped off a week ago, and she told me that she didn't have it...so what am I supposed to do now? I sent an e-mail yesterday as well. The last time I sent an e-mail, I never received a response. If I don't receive an e-mail response by Friday, then I'm just going to call back on Friday...I hate this!

[Ms Squitto 0]

Good mornin everyone!

Hey, I wanted to apologize for posing a frivolous question when there was a serious discussion going on. I posted that without having read the previous 4 pages, so didnt realize it was wayyyyyyy out of context!!! Ooooops.

Will teach me to read first, hmmm! Sheesh!

Nowwwwww, let me go catch up on the past 6 days!

Good mornin everyone!

Hey, I wanted to apologize for posing a frivolous question when there was a serious discussion going on. I posted that without having read the previous 4 pages, so didnt realize it was wayyyyyyy out of context!!! Ooooops.

Will teach me to read first, hmmm! Sheesh!

Nowwwwww, let me go catch up on the past 6 days!

Please don't feel that any question you post is frivolous - yes the discussion was/is serious, but we all have needs. I'm learning that this is quite a community and everyone needs support (whether it is a recipie, info on a form, advice about a relationship, or a shoulder to cry on).

Also, please don't anyone feel guilty about how good their relationship is. A good relationship is a blessing! And we need to hear those stories too.

Trinilad, thank you so much for the male perspective. I was actually surprised at your insight. My father and every other Trini I know is so education and hard work focused, I have a hard time thinking they would struggle with the same issues as Jamaicans. Guess that was pretty arrogant of me - the issues are obviously universal. You mentioned you are no longer with your 1st wife - if its not to personal, is it because of the problems associated with you moving here?

Great advice about spending "real" time with my fiancee. I only stayed at his house once - and that was the week we left. We always stayed at a hotel. Partly because it never occured to me to do otherwise -and partly because he always got such a kick out of going to the pool, getting free drinks, being treated really well by folks who wouldn't normally let him in the door. But in honesy, that only perpetuated a fantasy life.

For me, I never thought about how hard it was to try and build a life with someone who is soooooo different from me in so many ways. A big part of my life is about business suits, meetings, blackberries and airports. I am over 10 years older than him. His life is about baggy jeans and sneakers, going to bars or clubs and listening to loud music, walking up into church with his ciggarettes in his front pocket (and cracking up at one of the guys who didn't quite hit the right note last sunday ... it was pretty funny actually.. ). Anyway, none of these differences mattered in JA. But here I see the looks from friends, family, and strangers - my Pastor is preaching about not being "unequally yolked" - and I find myself pinging between being defensive (how dare you judge my man because he isn't an educated suit and tie guy) and embarassed (I can't believe he just started cursing to himself and stormed off in front of a salesman because I told him it would be a good idea to try on the pants before buying them!).

When he was in JA, I used to try and talk to him about "real life". Who I really am (a single divorced mom who grew up poor in NY housing projects - a workaholic with a super demanding job - a super responsible person who can be really serious at times - a christian woman who wants to grow in her faith with the man she marries). But he never really got what I was trying to say. He would just say "baby, you are perfect". Suffice to say he's not saying that anymore

In fairness I probably never got what he was trying to say either. His whole approach in life is to be "simple and easy". He wants us to have a good life together without a lot of arguments. He wants to travel. He wants to have fun. And he wants to have a business back in JA when he gets older. Translation - he wants me to just sekkle down, stop making problems, let bygones be bygones (after every fight), be totally okay with the fact that he has a ridiculous grudge against my daugther, give him my undivided attention (regardless of what else I have to do), and spend all the money I have on fun. And he wants me to help him build a business that I don't really want to have.

Last night I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea to marry. It was a really long, sad and difficult night. He kept saying that I mashed up his life. He said he had so many plans for us (plans he never told me about) and I ruined them. I always ruin them. Sigh... This morning he asked me to reconsider - he wants us to try together. I agreed - mainly because I felt so bad (and sad). I pray I am not prolonging the inevitible. Truth is, even if we break up I want him to leave feeling like a man... even if its just the money he's earned so far... And I don't want him to hate me. Gosh that sounds so... soo...

Today we are both sad. We have talked honestly about why I feel the way I do. Part of him wants to live in denial-land (if we love eachother it will all work out). The other part of him knows this is really serious and even if we both work our butts off, it still may not work. We'll see.

Thank you all again for letting me vent. And in such a long an rambling manner. I keep waiting for someone to tell me to knock it off - but instead you all have responded with honesty about your own lives and sent me personal PMs with offers of support. I never thought I would get that type of response - and I really appreciate it. I promise to refrain for any more long missives for awhile. Maybe its best anyway to let the board get back to lighter matters. Just please say a prayer for me in the meantime

And to make sure I end on a more positive note let me say I am thrilled for those of you who are in the process of brining your fiancee to the states. Please don't let me throw a towel on anything that you are going through. I wish each and every one of you the absolute best! As many of the posts here show, life with your soon to be spouse can be absolutely wonderful!

Tali, I can totally sympathize with your plight. I applaud your honesty. Please don't hold back from your posting, whether it be long or short. Those who have the time to read it, do. I think it's great that you and your fiance had a serious heart-to-heart. Difficult conversations are necessary if we want our relationships to grow and improve. This statement really struck a chord with me: "I never thought about how hard it was to try and build a life with someone who is soooooo different from me in so many ways." Squito and I have so many differences yet our love enabled me to put blinders on. At times, I've had my doubts, but I seem to keep finding this strong faith deep inside of me that truely convinces me that everything will be just fine. Sure, I could've married a man in a suit, but that man in a suit wouldn't make me feel the way that Squito does. I know so many woman that are involved with "career men", white collar brothers that are on their way up the ladder, and a lot of them are no happier than I am. In fact, I know a woman who's husband is a partner in a prestigious Manhattan law firm and she often complains that he works too much and spends little time with her and their boys. Everytime I think to judge my husbands "blue collar" status, I think of situations like the one I mentioned and realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I never fully understood the "equally yolked" bit. I always thought it mean equals in values and beliefs, not career or financial status. I don't knwo I cannot speak much on the age difference as Squito and I are only 3 years apart. Did you ask your fiance why he never discussed his big plans with your before last night?

my thoughts to you is to keep praying. In a difficult situation such as this, it's the only thing you've got!

Do not let the urgency of immigration rush you into a marriage that you know deep down is wrong............For those of you that remember Joanna...let her strength and story be a lesson for us all....She had doubts immediately after getting the Visa approved. When he arrived, she knew instantly that she could not go forward with a wedding. She already had a BIG wedding planned with money deposited and the wedding dress purchased but she stuck to her gut and said goodbye.......she received a lot of ####### for it because people labeled her as "cruel"........Cruel or Not.....she followed her gut and made the decision that was right for her.

Truer words have never been spoken

Thank you all again for letting me vent. I promise to refrain for any more long missives for awhile. Maybe its best anyway to let the board get back to lighter matters. Just please say a prayer for me in the meantime

Don't worry about it That's what we're here for. And don't worry about your long posts - thndrdncr has you beat in that category anyways

you're so blunt

Oh, good morning everbody! Happy Hump Day

[Minfay 0]

Happy Hump Day!! I really can't wait for Friday

If I don't receive an e-mail response by Friday, then I'm just going to call back on Friday...I hate this!

That sucks!! Keep pestering them. And don't feel bad about it!!

Mindy....are you showing up this weekend? We talking about hitting Chen's on Clark and then WildHare or Exodus. I would love to meet you and Roy finally.

Jill -- I'm gonna do my best. Roy has to work and the only problem is if the weather is bad I will have to pick him up....I'll let you know. Where are you guys meeting and what time?

Thank you all again for letting me vent. And in such a long an rambling manner. I keep waiting for someone to tell me to knock it off - but instead you all have responded with honesty about your own lives and sent me personal PMs with offers of support. I never thought I would get that type of response - and I really appreciate it.

Tali -- We all have our own issues that we deal with....not all are the same....but we are all here to support each other. I'm sad that you are having such a hard time with this. You need to do what you feel is right in your heart. We will all be here to help you in any way we can.....

Hey Dee -- Good Luck with your Infopass appointment. I will be keeping my fingers crossed

Edited October 11, 2006 by Minfay