Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[kimlbs 0]

Most of time I feel like our relationship is too good to be true, so good that it's hard to fuss about "little things". I do believe that not relationship is perfect. But I think we come damn near close. I am blessed.

Sounds like we married the same man........

Like I said before......Sometimes I think feel guilty because I wish I had more bad experiences to share........We have our share of little fights but overall he is to good to be true........However, I truly know how hard it is to be in a bad relationship though. My son's father was abusive and he cheated all the time. He never worked and sat around demanding things of me. It was miserable and I had bsolutely no sex drive at all.......I loved him and I was afraid to tell anyone or leave him because I was so young and everyone would have said..."I told you so.......blah, blah, blah........"

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....try to visit often or stay for long periods of time........meet all his/her family and friends and try to live as normal as possible when you are in Jamaica....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning. Do not stay at hotels, eat at restaurants and sit on the beach drinking rum punch............this is not realistic and you will be in for a true shock when he arrives....The lust of the great guy with a sexy accent will go out the door when he arrives....he won't know you and you won't know him. The vacation and fairy tell will be over and it will be very hard to try and build a relationship amoungst that kinda stress............

Just my thoughts for the newbies........

[BelwinMills 0]

Most of time I feel like our relationship is too good to be true, so good that it's hard to fuss about "little things". I do believe that not relationship is perfect. But I think we come damn near close. I am blessed.

Sounds like we married the same man........

Like I said before......Sometimes I think feel guilty because I wish I had more bad experiences to share........We have our share of little fights but overall he is to good to be true........However, I truly know how hard it is to be in a bad relationship though. My son's father was abusive and he cheated all the time. He never worked and sat around demanding things of me. It was miserable and I had bsolutely no sex drive at all.......I loved him and I was afraid to tell anyone or leave him because I was so young and everyone would have said..."I told you so.......blah, blah, blah........"

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....try to visit often or stay for long periods of time........meet all his/her family and friends and try to live as normal as possible when you are in Jamaica....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning. Do not stay at hotels, eat at restaurants and sit on the beach drinking rum punch............this is not realistic and you will be in for a true shock when he arrives....The lust of the great guy with a sexy accent will go out the door when he arrives....he won't know you and you won't know him. The vacation and fairy tell will be over and it will be very hard to try and build a relationship amoungst that kinda stress............

Just my thoughts for the newbies........

Great advice My first trip to JA I never had hot water and always have lived like I was from JA thats what my proffesor was trying to teach us. Some days we didn't have water to bath either ewew I know. But truly great advice live in the real enviroment not one at a fancy hotel. Or rent a room for 20 dollars a night next to a bar playing loud music... It is different. This time in December will be the first time I stayed at my hubbies house usually there isn't room for me so I rent a room under his house its in the same yard. My first luxury experience in JA was this August and it felt like heaven. His mom and I talk about that all the time wouldn't it be great if we could buy a villa and get waited on all the time hand and foot. Dreaming again

[Jamaica to CT 0]

Most of time I feel like our relationship is too good to be true, so good that it's hard to fuss about "little things". I do believe that not relationship is perfect. But I think we come damn near close. I am blessed.

Sounds like we married the same man........

Like I said before......Sometimes I think feel guilty because I wish I had more bad experiences to share........We have our share of little fights but overall he is to good to be true........However, I truly know how hard it is to be in a bad relationship though. My son's father was abusive and he cheated all the time. He never worked and sat around demanding things of me. It was miserable and I had bsolutely no sex drive at all.......I loved him and I was afraid to tell anyone or leave him because I was so young and everyone would have said..."I told you so.......blah, blah, blah........"

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....try to visit often or stay for long periods of time........meet all his/her family and friends and try to live as normal as possible when you are in Jamaica....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning. Do not stay at hotels, eat at restaurants and sit on the beach drinking rum punch............this is not realistic and you will be in for a true shock when he arrives....The lust of the great guy with a sexy accent will go out the door when he arrives....he won't know you and you won't know him. The vacation and fairy tell will be over and it will be very hard to try and build a relationship amoungst that kinda stress............

Just my thoughts for the newbies........

As always, good advice Kim

I believe that putting yourself in another's shoes is very helpful to help you to be empathic to what they are experiencing now. I grew up in the projects and our family was on public assistance due to my mother's chronic and debilitating illnesses. My father did not live with us; but was in the picture. I have never forgotten where I came from and am grateful to God that I am self-sufficient and able to live comfortably now. In some ways I know the life of people living in under less than humane conditions; although I will not pretend to have been as poor as some of them are. Many Jamaicans truly "rough it" under severe conditions and I would never want to have to experience life daily as some of them do. I have however at one time or another in my life lived under the type of conditions that you have described and it 'ain't no' picnic. In most cases though when they arrive here they more than likely live in better conditions than what they lived in JA. Some adjust well, some don't no matter how much you try to prepare them. In my opinion I don't think it's the material things that are difficult to adjust to; I believe it's the social aspects as well as leaving behind loved ones and that laid back lifestyle. Also getting used to living with someone 24/7 would be a huge adjustment for anyone who is not accustomed to living together.

Nobody should get into any relationship with blinders on and unrealistic expectations. Everyone's expectations and needs should be discussed in depth before moving in with someone. If you don't you'll certainly set yourself up for disappointment and resentment.

No one should feel guilty for having a good relationship .

[Mrs. Palmer 5]

Hi Everyone! It feels like forever since I've been up here (really its only been 4 days!), but I've been catching up and I only have a couple of things to say. First off, I'm glad that people are venting and saying how they really feel. Its real...and it shows that the whole idea of a romantic, fairytale lifestyle with this beautiful island man is not as great as everyone may think. Not only is a relationship with a regular American male/female difficult to maintain, but compound these issues with issues regarding immigration, loss of identity, loss of pride, etc. and no wonder people are going out of their minds! It really is MORE than alot to deal with. I for one, have felt comfortable voicing my concerns and frustrations with my fiance up here, and you all have been so supportive and encouraging. It seems like lately, things are getting more difficult between Gregory and I, and most of these issues revolve around money. I've been trying to prepare him for the fact that when he gets here, he WON'T be working right off, and I've explained that I am NOT rich, and we will definitely be penny pinching for a while...not that I won't give him money and allow him to do with it what he pleases, but me being the sole bread-winner, I definitely feel like I have a say-so in where my money goes, and how much I give. This was definitely hard for him to hear, and he made a really big deal about it. I don't want to be his mother, but at the same time, some things are going to have to be done differently for a while. He's under the impression that because I am making the money, I will be making ALL of the decisions, and I tried to explain to him that that is not necessarily so, because I know how much he hates that, and I know how important it is for him as a man to feel like he has some say in what goes on in the household. We're trying to work through it, but I know it will definitely be a point of tension in our relationship. As for making plans for him when he gets here, I've already decided to get him enrolled in some GED classes. From what I understand about his high school education, he was more in a vocational school the last 2 years of high school, so I'm not sure that he has all of the classes and credits that he will need to equal out to a high school diploma. I figured the GED classes would allow him to get out of the house while I'm at work and interning during the day, and it will help him to meet new people. When the classes are finished, he has expressed an interest in going to a 2-year college, but he's not exactly sure what he wants to do...he has an interest in the culinary arts, but like I told him, there are SO MANY opportunities and areas of interest for him to explore that he doesn't have to rush and make that decision. He's a proud man, and an independent man...and a man that believes in loving and taking care of his woman and family (he takes care of him mom, grandmother, and 2 nephews back in JA--his brother won't take care of his own kids!! ) I know these things make him feel worthy and like a man, and I would never want to take that away from him. I want him to be able to realize his potential and fulfill whatever wishes he wants. Despite this rough period that we've been having lately, we somehow always come back to telling one another how lucky we are to have found each other, and how much each others happiness means to one another. We're both willing to do what it takes to make it work between us, so for now that's all I can go on. It's definitely been rough, and I definitely see more rough road ahead, but like I told one of my friends over the weekend, I would rather have rough moments with him, to have a blissful life without him! He's my rock, and my lovebug!! Now, if I can just get in contact with someone at the DAMN embassy!! I wanna the interview date!!

[rhondapayter 0]

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning.

No thank you More power to you though! No wonder you could afford to go down to Jamaica so often

[brownnskinn 0]

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning.

No thank you More power to you though! No wonder you could afford to go down to Jamaica so often

You are a mess

[Shemmy 4]

Good morning family.

Kim - you should never feel guilty about your relationship.

Overall, Damien and I have a wonderful relationship. I thank God for him every morning and night. He is a wonderful stepfather. We enjoy spending time together....we have lots of fun. My family adores him. He loves me....he shows it so many ways. I have no major complaints. He is a hardworker. He doesn't make much money but he always do special things for me and he pay bills and saves money with no problems. And we work through our issues.

We haven't come close to calling it quits...he never threatened to go back to JA. Damien life was better in JA than here. He was living in the Westgate hills area of Mo Bay with friends and family. They lived a huge house along with hired help.

You will have issues and everything will not perfect at all times. And shouldn't put yourself in a relationship where you not comfortable to be youself at all times or too stressed out to deal with reality.

Things will get better with time. We are so excited about celebrating our second year anniversary...much better than the first. It does get better.

Have a nice day.

[BelwinMills 0]

Good morning everyone! Have a great day...

[thndrdancr 0]

Good mornin everyone!

Hey, I wanted to apologize for posing a frivolous question when there was a serious discussion going on. I posted that without having read the previous 4 pages, so didnt realize it was wayyyyyyy out of context!!! Ooooops.

Will teach me to read first, hmmm! Sheesh!

Nowwwwww, let me go catch up on the past 6 days!

[Minfay 0]

I had so much to catch up on.....

Anna -- Congratulations!! I am so happy for the two of you. It's been a long time coming.....

Kim -- That's just wonderful news about your sister. Hopefully she will be back to normal real soon.

Trinilad -- It's great to get a man's perspective on the situation. I think you said so many things that made so much sense. I hope this helps all the people who have someone coming to the State's in the near future.

Regarding all the relationship stuff.....all I have to say is be strong in your convictions, keep an open mind and always try to remember how much you love (and respect) this person when the going gets tough. If this person does not respect you and treats you badly -- kick him (or her) to the curb. Nobody needs to put up with that treatment.

In all honesty, Roy and I have not really had any problems. It's been easier than I thought -- no discussions/fights about going back to Jamaica. He has never packed his bags saying he was leaving. We get along really well. It is hard for me to have someone else in MY house. That took alot of getting used to on my part and I am still dealing with that. Everyone on VJ prepared me really well for his arrival. For me -- if I was to give anyone any advice on how to make the transition easier I would have have to say these things are really important:

Get him transportation (i.e., bike -- or, show him all the public transportation in the area)

Enroll him in ESL or GED classes (which ever they qualify for -- ASAP!)

Get him into Drivers Education classes (getting a license BEFORE getting the EAD/GC will enable him to have transportation to look for jobs when able)

Have him gather job applications and fill them out BEFORE he is actually able to look for a job. It will give him something to do with his time and it will allow him to practice and you will also be able to drop them off as soon as you get the EAD/GC. Also, lots of places (retail) have you fill out the application in their store on a computer. You can practice at home since lots of places also allow you to do it on-line.

Give him an "allowance" every week. It will kind of act like a paycheck and it will allow him to have his "own" cash in his wallet without having to ask you.

Have him be "in charge" of something. Roy is in charge of the landscaping and cleaning. That is all his responsibility. This includes watering the flowers and taking care of the appearance of the property and making sure the house is clean <I don't let him touch the laundry > His cleaning day is Friday and so far he has never missed one.

Make sure you include him in decisions.....even as small as which grocery store to go to. This allows them to have an opinion and feel like they are contributing.

[Ms Squitto 0]

Most of time I feel like our relationship is too good to be true, so good that it's hard to fuss about "little things". I do believe that not relationship is perfect. But I think we come damn near close. I am blessed.

Sounds like we married the same man........

Like I said before......Sometimes I think feel guilty because I wish I had more bad experiences to share........We have our share of little fights but overall he is to good to be true........However, I truly know how hard it is to be in a bad relationship though. My son's father was abusive and he cheated all the time. He never worked and sat around demanding things of me. It was miserable and I had bsolutely no sex drive at all.......I loved him and I was afraid to tell anyone or leave him because I was so young and everyone would have said..."I told you so.......blah, blah, blah........"

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....try to visit often or stay for long periods of time........meet all his/her family and friends and try to live as normal as possible when you are in Jamaica....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning. Do not stay at hotels, eat at restaurants and sit on the beach drinking rum punch............this is not realistic and you will be in for a true shock when he arrives....The lust of the great guy with a sexy accent will go out the door when he arrives....he won't know you and you won't know him. The vacation and fairy tell will be over and it will be very hard to try and build a relationship amoungst that kinda stress............

Just my thoughts for the newbies........

I think that's great advice!! I love that Squito and I never really lived the "fantasy life" in Jamaica. I'm sure it would've made things a lot harder for us now. We stayed in a hotel once, and it was only for 2 days. I always stayed at his house or at his parents house (or by my uncles house which is in the same district).

[nyseness 0]

Good Morning Family

I have some questions on the K3 and I am soooooooo lost....

1) Do I need to complete two I-130 forms for my spouse and his child? And attach two filing fees? And if so for step A #1 should I check "child" for my step-child?

2) Do I need to complete two add'l G-325A forms from my spouse and his child (he's 9)?

3) In step C #17 do I have to list both of his kids or just the one I am filing for?

4) In step C #21 we never lived together so should I put "N/A or put an explanation?

5) Can I submit the "temporary" marriage cert or do I have to wait for the original? And if I were to send the temporary one will I get a RFE?

I would appreciate if anyone could help. Thanks in advance.

Anna

[nyseness 0]

One more question:

What does the new birth cert in JA looks like? I'm looking at one w/the doctor bird on the right and a stack of books on the right. I know it's suppose to be the long form one but I'm looking at a fax.

[Minfay 0]

What does the new birth cert in JA looks like? I'm looking at one w/the doctor bird on the right and a stack of books on the right. I know it's suppose to be the long form one but I'm looking at a fax.

In color it's really pretty.....I left Roy a message to call me with exactly what's on it. I can't remember what "pictures" are where. Hopefully someone will get this for you soon.....I have no idea where he is right now....

[ChristineJames 0]

Hey Gang!

I hope all is well with you. I'm doing fantastic. I'm still on that financial roller coaster ride....boy is it fun!!

It took me a while to read everything that has been discussed on here recently....and boy can I say...wow. Hang in there ladies. I can't even imagine. But everything works out in the end. I'm living proof of that.

I still talk to Kirk once and a while. He's a good guy but he's even a better liar. Sometimes he knows exactly what to say to make me relax and feel better. But beyond that...I don't trust him one bit.

Mindy....are you showing up this weekend? We talking about hitting Chen's on Clark and then WildHare or Exodus. I would love to meet you and Roy finally.