Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[luvtravlin 0]

Tali~ How are things going? Are things getting any better? Just wanted to let you know that you always have someone to vent/talk to if you need it

Thanks for the note. Things go back and forth. But I am honestly wondering whether marriage is such a good idea. Its scary to say that - even scarier to feel that - but its where I am right now.

To me, he is selfish - he thinks I am RICH - and he is rude (dosen't answer me when I talk, curses to himself in Jamaican every time I say something he dosent like). He says I'm just not the same woman I used to be. He says I make everything a problem and "cause argument". I'm like of course I'm not the same woman - we are not on vacation in Jamaica anymore. There is no hotel housekeeper to clean your mess every day. I have a very demanding job - a teenager - bills - I cannot be susie sunshine at your beck and call all the freakin time!

Dang. This is so hard. If I just thought it was transition items - I'd grit my teeth and go through this... but I'm starting to wonder if the things I'm experiencing aren't plain old "character" issues. One more thing that really gets me.... when we have an argument he's like "fine, I'll just do it your way - I won't say anythng else about it - I'm already on a pretty thin line here". I ask him what that means and he's like "if it dosen't work out, I go back to Jamaica." So what does this mean? Is he only here to live a better life? I wonder that. But in other situation's he has actually said he wants to go home. So what am I to think?

Needless to say, I'm pretty sad. And I'm confused. And we are almost 60 days into the 90 day K1 process and I am not feeling in a marrying mood.

Please keep me in your prayers!

Thanks for letting me vent.

GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL I am sooooooooooooooooooo feeling what you're talking about. Are you living in my same household???? I waited to the LAST possible day to get married and I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not into this AT ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't air this stuff out on the VJ site, just to those that are TRULY going through what I'm going through!!!

It will be GREAT and "normal" for a day or 2 and then go RIGHT back into the same ole same ole flippin BS immaturity ####### !!!! Today, I have a meeting at my sons school with the Vice P, guidance counselor and the teacher he disrespected yesterday. My son is 12 but has NEVER EVER done this before. He is SOOOOOOOO acting out the BS ####### that's here in our house and "I" am PERSONALLY going to have a nervous breakdown. I do NOT get supported, NOONE is asking ME how "I" am doing, nor do THEY care!!! It's ALL about Craig and ONLY Craig!!!

JUST this morning, Craig said, let Austin have what HE wants...to be with you and ONLY you and I'll go back to Jamaica !!!!!!!!!!! It's a maturity thing, but IF I could send him back, trust me ........I would. If I EVER had to go through this process again, I SOOOO would NOT !!!!!

I am TOTALLY confused, helpless, frustrated and very veeeeeeeeeeery sad !!! There's other issues within our relationship that I'm also dealing with..........a "friend" that keeps calling. More to THAT story, but I gotta get going.

If you want to vent....and talk, I'm here to listen!!!!! Someone that has a teenager, that is going through EXACTLY what I am !!!!

Take care, I'll be back in about an hour or so ....

Kelly

OKAY, I was PM'g someone........I thought............SO that's how MY DAY IS GOING !!!!!!!!!!!! I just aired out my s**t !!!!! I didn't mean to, but f** it.....that's what I did...............so..............if anyone wants to give me advice, please do !!!!! Cause I'm ready to commit myself !!!!!!!!!!!

This process, scenario or whatever......SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Minfay 0]

Tali -- I think we have all been where you are at at some point or another....trying to hold it together while he is so far away is probably the hardest thing. I thought at some points I was going to lose my mind. The cultural difference is so great -- you don't really realize how great until you are smack dab in the middle of it. They are very stubborn men.....take a deep breath, get a drink and pick you battles. It does get easier, I promise. As an aside -- I have always left open the issue of Roy going back if it doesn't work out.....I didn't want to suffocate him so that option was always there.

OKAY, I was PM'g someone........I thought............SO that's how MY DAY IS GOING !!!!!!!!!!!! I just aired out my s**t !!!!! I didn't mean to, but f** it.....that's what I did...............so..............if anyone wants to give me advice, please do !!!!! Cause I'm ready to commit myself !!!!!!!!!!! This process, scenario or whatever......SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelly, Kelly Kelly......you know you love him and would be a hot mess if he went back to Jamaica.....you are just having a bad day. I don't know how you do it. I was that teenager when my mother brought another man into the house -- I was such a b&*$#. It's hard being in that "place." The problem is you are dealing with two men who are both acting like babies.....there's no easy answer as to what to do. I wish I could say something that would make it all better.....just keep venting....get it off your chest. That should make you feel a little better.

[tali 0]

GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL I am sooooooooooooooooooo feeling what you're talking about. Are you living in my same household???? I waited to the LAST possible day to get married and I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not into this AT ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't air this stuff out on the VJ site, just to those that are TRULY going through what I'm going through!!!

It will be GREAT and "normal" for a day or 2 and then go RIGHT back into the same ole same ole flippin BS immaturity ####### !!!! Today, I have a meeting at my sons school with the Vice P, guidance counselor and the teacher he disrespected yesterday. My son is 12 but has NEVER EVER done this before. He is SOOOOOOOO acting out the BS ####### that's here in our house and "I" am PERSONALLY going to have a nervous breakdown. I do NOT get supported, NOONE is asking ME how "I" am doing, nor do THEY care!!! It's ALL about Craig and ONLY Craig!!!

JUST this morning, Craig said, let Austin have what HE wants...to be with you and ONLY you and I'll go back to Jamaica !!!!!!!!!!! It's a maturity thing, but IF I could send him back, trust me ........I would. If I EVER had to go through this process again, I SOOOO would NOT !!!!!

I am TOTALLY confused, helpless, frustrated and very veeeeeeeeeeery sad !!! There's other issues within our relationship that I'm also dealing with..........a "friend" that keeps calling. More to THAT story, but I gotta get going.

If you want to vent....and talk, I'm here to listen!!!!! Someone that has a teenager, that is going through EXACTLY what I am !!!!

Take care, I'll be back in about an hour or so ....

Kelly

OKAY, I was PM'g someone........I thought............SO that's how MY DAY IS GOING !!!!!!!!!!!! I just aired out my s**t !!!!! I didn't mean to, but f** it.....that's what I did...............so..............if anyone wants to give me advice, please do !!!!! Cause I'm ready to commit myself !!!!!!!!!!!

This process, scenario or whatever......SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank God you answered. I am feeling so bad that I don't care who knows my business.... I just want help. And I want to know I'm not alone. Not that I want anyone to feel as bad as I do... but I want to know if what I'm saying sounds familiar... is it a warning sign or is it normal? I read all these quotes about men that seem so wonderful. Frustrating sure - but in an endearing way. I don't hear anyone say they made a mistake or things are bad. So it makes me wonder if I am the only one who may have made a poor choice. Or may be handling things badly.... or whatever.

I don't know how to PM so was shocked to see this thing pop up on my screen. How do you do that?

Thanks again for the answer. I'm so sorry you are going through a bad time. In my case my daughter is 17 and very independent. So the problem here is not his influence - its her looking at me like she can't believe I would bring this immature a*shole into HER house and let him act the way he does. Sometimes I'm embarassed in front of my own child.

Sorry... at this point I am just rambling - and I need to get back to work. But I will check back in another hour or so - and then later when I get home.

[Minfay 0]

I have had doubts many, many times.....all during the process. I still do. BUT -- I would not change a thing. Life is too short to not go for it. I have always said, the worst thing that could EVER come out of this relationship is if he kills me. Other than that -- I'll just deal with what comes my way.

I'm not thinking that this relationship is that much different from any that I have had with American men...they are all dogs too! For me, it's all about give and take and picking the right fights to fight. Sometimes it's really frustrating.....other times it's so rewarding and wonderful.

No relationship is easy.....I never expected this one to be either.

Tali, what's the real problem?

[brownnskinn 0]

Tali -- I think we have all been where you are at at some point or another....trying to hold it together while he is so far away is probably the hardest thing. I thought at some points I was going to lose my mind. The cultural difference is so great -- you don't really realize how great until you are smack dab in the middle of it. They are very stubborn men.....take a deep breath, get a drink and pick you battles. It does get easier, I promise. As an aside -- I have always left open the issue of Roy going back if it doesn't work out.....I didn't want to suffocate him so that option was always there.

OKAY, I was PM'g someone........I thought............SO that's how MY DAY IS GOING !!!!!!!!!!!! I just aired out my s**t !!!!! I didn't mean to, but f** it.....that's what I did...............so..............if anyone wants to give me advice, please do !!!!! Cause I'm ready to commit myself !!!!!!!!!!! This process, scenario or whatever......SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelly, Kelly Kelly......you know you love him and would be a hot mess if he went back to Jamaica.....you are just having a bad day. I don't know how you do it. I was that teenager when my mother brought another man into the house -- I was such a b&*$#. It's hard being in that "place." The problem is you are dealing with two men who are both acting like babies.....there's no easy answer as to what to do. I wish I could say something that would make it all better.....just keep venting....get it off your chest. That should make you feel a little better.

If It helps at all...I am/was, kind of going though the same thing with my daughter...It gets better. she went from A/B student to D/F in one year. She is back on track now thank goodness. How long has your son had you to himself? I'm sure it's fustrating. Pick and choose your battles, like Mindy said. I think that(they going back to JA) say that when they feel insecure. Heck most of them expect to go back. I learned D has money stashed in a bank in JA, just today just in case it didn't work out.I'm like, damit we need that money!!!! Face it. Your son is going to act out., be defiant and test limits all that S%#@. All I can say is lord help us, cause we need it. Pray, spend some time to yourself, examine how he makes you feel as his wife. Love feels good. If It's not good make some choices, set some limits. I don't think people change over night. I was divorced once. I choose to over look all those red flags jumping out at me. Things were bad from the jump. What things were you hoping would get better and relalize that they are not? That's what I ask my self when ever my husband gets on my damn nerves, Is this something new?? Is somthing I descided to put up with and now wanting to complain about??? Then I suck it up and realize that in our relationship the GOOD out weighs the BAD, and he can win this one. I'm sorry to hear that things are not working out....I don't have a clue whats goes on in your household. Only you know what you can endure. I hope things get better.

Sometimes it's really frustrating.....other times it's so rewarding and wonderful.No relationship is easy.....I never expected this one to be either.

So True

I've been considering growing locs for quite some time now. Squito supports the decision. I think I'm going to go for it!

Have him call my hubby and tell'em it not so bad.

[Minfay 0]

I just the sweetest Mango.....I'm wet and sticky

[brownnskinn 0]

I just the sweetest Mango.....I'm wet and sticky

Making a note to go out and get mango tonight.

[Minfay 0]

I was sooooo good!!

[Shemmy 4]

I have had doubts many, many times.....all during the process. I still do. BUT -- I would not change a thing. Life is too short to not go for it. I have always said, the worst thing that could EVER come out of this relationship is if he kills me. Other than that -- I'll just deal with what comes my way.

I'm not thinking that this relationship is that much different from any that I have had with American men...they are all dogs too! For me, it's all about give and take and picking the right fights to fight. Sometimes it's really frustrating.....other times it's so rewarding and wonderful.

No relationship is easy.....I never expected this one to be either.

Tali, what's the real problem?

I totally agree.

Tali - none of our relationships are perfect. The cultural and adjustments is too much for some people to handle. Two wonderful women I met on this visa journey are now legally seperated and another friend who husband fled soon as he received his green card. A few others who are just putting up with s**t cuz they don't want admit to a mistake. Things can be bad. But like Dee said - people do not change over night. Most of the signs were there but they chose to ignore them.

I've been nothing but honest about my marriage. Some days I still wonder what the hell did I get myself into. Without my support team...I would have been committed a long time ago. That's why I am willing to talk to newbies and share my experience....most of the time they don't want to hear it because there mates are perfect and would never hurt them. Some people don't like to hear negative things...for me I wanted to hear the good, bad, in and out of every detail. And I talked to more than one person about their experience a happy couple and not so happy couple.

As far as your daughter is concerned...mine is 14 (just discovering boys) so I know exactly how you feel about not letting her down. Just continue to pray.....

Everything takes time, prayer and lots of patience. Good luck on your visa journey. And please remember, we are here for you...not to judge you.

I hope everyone enjoys the weekend. A 3 day weekend for me but I may do some OT. Take care.

[tali 0]

Everything takes time, prayer and lots of patience. Good luck on your visa journey. And please remember, we are here for you...not to judge you.

Thanks to all of you. You guys are awesome. I can literally feel the support and encouragement. You've given me many things to think about - and I will definitely stay in prayer.

Want to know what?? ... Just 10 minutes ago he showed up at my job to tell me HE got a job. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy or so proud. I was torn. Part of me wanted to say "glad you're happy, but you are still a b*stard!". But I swallowed that part down and told him how proud I was of him.

So now, instead of calling American Airlines (which was my plan - that he was gonna have to leave tomorrow) - I think I will give this thing a bit more time.

Thanks again

[Minfay 0]

Tali -- him not having a job has alot to do with it too. They get very depressed when they are not working. Give it some time.....

[wynterstail 0]

I think if you've not lived in the culture, it can come as a shock that there's quite a lot more going on than a sexy accent and a good CD collection. Jamaica (and the rest of the Caribbean) is just beginning to assimilate some of the western notions of gender equality, etc. blah blah blah. Depending how your SO grew up (country/city, real poor, kind of poor, affluent) the rush and hustle of life here, the independence and self-sufficiency of women (and we are all mighty strong women), the "excessive" importance we put on our children's day to day satisfaction and happiness, it all comes as a little bit of a shock to them, too. And life is very lonely here when you've lived in a village (and even MoBay is a "village"). Suddenly, you're here in another country, and you're heavily dependent on (of all things!) a woman. These men need to be the lions in their den, if you know what I mean. And even then....I'd done it for 15 years and he never was any more "Americanized" than they day he walked off the plane. But love is a great equalizer.

Give it some time.

Ann

[Minfay 0]

Nicely put, Ann.....

[Minfay 0]

Have a nice weekend everyone!!! :dance:

[nyseness 0]

I finally booked my ticket.... I'm leaving on the 26th. I am soooooooo nervous!!!