Walked out empty handed

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

The unknowing right now is the hardest part for both parties. You're both trying to figure it out. I am sorry to hear he turned on you like that today. It sounds like he is feeling a loss and is in denial right now. I don't know if you've read about this in threads before but people from that region have this blame it on others and not take responsibility for themselves mindset from time to time. I've seen it over and over. It's never fun when they do it on you and especially when you don't deserve it. The truth is neither of you are to blame for the Embassy's actions and he can't really put it on you because they never said the reason why for the delay. The Embassy's prerogative is theirs and you both may direct all your flying arrows at it. My Husband tried it a couple of times with me but each time I never let him put it on me unless it was really me and we discussed this mena mindset and where it's going to get him. He soon realizes the truth afterwards and doesn't cling to that idea it's somebody else's fault like the person closest to him. He's never used profanity towards me either even when he's really upset. His way of dealing with it is to disappear and clam up for two weeks instead. I don't prefer either situation, the profanity you experienced from your Husband, or the clamming up I usually get from my Husband.

[And_Sam 44]

Beth, I feel for you girl. Just remember it's always easy to hurt the one who is closest to you. I know that doesn't help the situation. Just take this weekend to work on Beth. He'll get back in touch with you. Sometimes you just have to isolate yourself to see inside. ((((((((Beth)))))))))

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

The unknowing right now is the hardest part for both parties. You're both trying to figure it out. I am sorry to hear he turned on you like that today. It sounds like he is feeling a loss and is in denial right now. I don't know if you've read about this in threads before but people from that region have this blame it on others and not take responsibility for themselves mindset from time to time. I've seen it over and over. It's never fun when they do it on you and especially when you don't deserve it. The truth is neither of you are to blame for the Embassy's actions and he can't really put it on you because they never said the reason why for the delay. The Embassy's prerogative is theirs and you both may direct all your flying arrows at it. My Husband tried it a couple of times with me but each time I never let him put it on me unless it was really me and we discussed this mena mindset and where it's going to get him. He soon realizes the truth afterwards and doesn't cling to that idea it's somebody else's fault like the person closest to him. He's never used profanity towards me either even when he's really upset. His way of dealing with it is to disappear and clam up for two weeks instead. I don't prefer either situation, the profanity you experienced from your Husband, or the clamming up I usually get from my Husband.

He has clammed up with me several times, not taking my phone calls, and he is so good of not letting me talk, I talk, and he talks louder and louder. But he truly thinks this hold up is my fault, that I did not tell him something, or Im hiding something.

then he threw at me, "You said we wouldnt not be in AP since our K3 was" so trying to explain to him that was the K3 and not the CR1 was useless, he got more irrate with me.

Im tired Olivia, so darn tired.

I begged him to try hard to extend his residency card, and he did not, MY FAULT.

He has not worked steadly in over 2 years, and I've helped him financially, Ive done all I could to make sure he was safe, feed, clothed , and a few dollars in his pocket, no matter how hard I would try and try, I felt like it was never enough.

But yet I love him still with all my heart, Im tired of the games with the heart, I just want a bit of peace in my heart and mind. Im 44 years old, Im too old for this Sh!t!!! I just want a normal life, and to have someone love and take care of me as I take care of them.

Edited November 6, 2009 by Paris Heart

[ya fallaha! 0]

Beth, this doesn't sound good at all. He should not be bitching about the visa and throwing it in your face like that. He should understand that your hands are just as tied as his. From what you say he's way too into the visa. I don't know him so I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I have my own opinion about financially supporting an adult but I'll save that. I will say that you chose to send him the money and treat him like a child instead of a husband, why does it surprise you that he's now behaving like a child?

[msheesha 548]

The unknowing right now is the hardest part for both parties. You're both trying to figure it out. I am sorry to hear he turned on you like that today. It sounds like he is feeling a loss and is in denial right now. I don't know if you've read about this in threads before but people from that region have this blame it on others and not take responsibility for themselves mindset from time to time. I've seen it over and over. It's never fun when they do it on you and especially when you don't deserve it. The truth is neither of you are to blame for the Embassy's actions and he can't really put it on you because they never said the reason why for the delay. The Embassy's prerogative is theirs and you both may direct all your flying arrows at it. My Husband tried it a couple of times with me but each time I never let him put it on me unless it was really me and we discussed this mena mindset and where it's going to get him. He soon realizes the truth afterwards and doesn't cling to that idea it's somebody else's fault like the person closest to him. He's never used profanity towards me either even when he's really upset. His way of dealing with it is to disappear and clam up for two weeks instead. I don't prefer either situation, the profanity you experienced from your Husband, or the clamming up I usually get from my Husband.

He has clammed up with me several times, not taking my phone calls, and he is so good of not letting me talk, I talk, and he talks louder and louder. But he truly thinks this hold up is my fault, that I did not tell him something, or Im hiding something.

then he threw at me, "You said we wouldnt not be in AP since our K3 was" so trying to explain to him that was the K3 and not the CR1 was useless, he got more irrate with me.

Im tired Olivia, so darn tired.

I begged him to try hard to extend his residency card, and he did not, MY FAULT.

He has not worked steadly in over 2 years, and I've helped him financially, Ive done all I could to make sure he was safe, feed, clothed , and a few dollars in his pocket, no matter how hard I would try and try, I felt like it was never enough.

But yet I love him still with all my heart, Im tired of the games with the heart, I just want a bit of peace in my heart and mind.

I agree with whoever said Stop calling him and trying to get in touch with him! He's throwing a fit and you're calling back for more. STOP, focus on something else - make plans to do fun things this weekend and turn your phone off. Take a break. Stress can have people doing things they wouldn't normally do. This may not be a popular stance, and it may not be the right time to discuss, so I apologize in advance if this rubs you the wrong way, but I think it's all in the perspective you take. You guys have taken the perspective that the visa this moment; this month; this year was the be all and end all. You have a husband in Paris who, from your previous posts, you describe as the lid to your pot. A more helpful perspective, imho, is that you're blessed to have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with; lots of people don't experience that. Everything else will fall into place when it's meant to. If you guys relax, take a breath, and focus on the positive, you'll be happier. If you're able to adopt that perspective you won't have the same level of stress, and won't be snappy and mean to each other.

I hope you do something fun, mindless, and free spirited this weekend. HAVE FUN!!! BE HAPPY!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

The unknowing right now is the hardest part for both parties. You're both trying to figure it out. I am sorry to hear he turned on you like that today. It sounds like he is feeling a loss and is in denial right now. I don't know if you've read about this in threads before but people from that region have this blame it on others and not take responsibility for themselves mindset from time to time. I've seen it over and over. It's never fun when they do it on you and especially when you don't deserve it. The truth is neither of you are to blame for the Embassy's actions and he can't really put it on you because they never said the reason why for the delay. The Embassy's prerogative is theirs and you both may direct all your flying arrows at it. My Husband tried it a couple of times with me but each time I never let him put it on me unless it was really me and we discussed this mena mindset and where it's going to get him. He soon realizes the truth afterwards and doesn't cling to that idea it's somebody else's fault like the person closest to him. He's never used profanity towards me either even when he's really upset. His way of dealing with it is to disappear and clam up for two weeks instead. I don't prefer either situation, the profanity you experienced from your Husband, or the clamming up I usually get from my Husband.

He has clammed up with me several times, not taking my phone calls, and he is so good of not letting me talk, I talk, and he talks louder and louder. But he truly thinks this hold up is my fault, that I did not tell him something, or Im hiding something.

then he threw at me, "You said we wouldnt not be in AP since our K3 was" so trying to explain to him that was the K3 and not the CR1 was useless, he got more irrate with me.

Im tired Olivia, so darn tired.

I begged him to try hard to extend his residency card, and he did not, MY FAULT.

He has not worked steadly in over 2 years, and I've helped him financially, Ive done all I could to make sure he was safe, feed, clothed , and a few dollars in his pocket, no matter how hard I would try and try, I felt like it was never enough.

But yet I love him still with all my heart, Im tired of the games with the heart, I just want a bit of peace in my heart and mind. Im 44 years old, Im too old for this Sh!t!!! I just want a normal life, and to have someone love and take care of me as I take care of them.

Some people show their love through gifts to others, some people show their love through service to others, some people show their love by accepting and loving others. I think you sound like a gifts person mostly. He was expecting the gift of a visa and never mind the change in status for him. It sounds like he doesn't have a full understanding and is angry right now. It's best to let the bull run a few laps alone right now and go lick your own wounds from his horns. Has he said anything to you that would make you think he wants to take care of you or has he been comfortable receiving all what you are willing to give him?

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

Beth, this doesn't sound good at all. He should not be bitching about the visa and throwing it in your face like that. He should understand that your hands are just as tied as his. From what you say he's way too into the visa. I don't know him so I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I have my own opinion about financially supporting an adult but I'll save that. I will say that you chose to send him the money and treat him like a child instead of a husband, why does it surprise you that he's now behaving like a child?

Its just the way I'em, maybe naive, but thinking he is going without , well, thats the way Iem too big hearted said by all, and Im sorry.

I just want to finish the day, and Ive deceided Im going to do something I have not in months and months, Im going out with the neighbors, its the 1st Friday of the month, and we all use to go eat Mexican foods and have margaritas, tonight Im joining them. I even gave that up for him, he did not approve of me drinking, even with my neighbors whom I know for years, longer then him. Tomorrow is another day, all this visa ####### will still be there.

Edited November 6, 2009 by Paris Heart

[msheesha 548]

Beth, this doesn't sound good at all. He should not be bitching about the visa and throwing it in your face like that. He should understand that your hands are just as tied as his. From what you say he's way too into the visa. I don't know him so I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I have my own opinion about financially supporting an adult but I'll save that. I will say that you chose to send him the money and treat him like a child instead of a husband, why does it surprise you that he's now behaving like a child?

Its just the way I'em, maybe naive, but thinking he is going without , well, thats the way Iem too big hearted said by all, and Im sorry.

I just want to finish the day, and Ive deceided Im going to do something I have not in months and months, Im going out with the neighbors, its the 1st Friday of the month, and we all use to go eat Mexican foods and have margaritas, tonight Im joining them. I even gave that up for him, he did not approve of my drinking, even with my neighbors whom I know for years, longer then him. Tomorrow is another day, all this visa ####### will still be there.

Having dinner with friends (sans the drinking) is nothing that should be given up for someone else. Putting aside alcohol/tobacco issues (which a spouse could argue is physically unhealthy), why give up healthy, fun, stress-reducing socialization with friends if that's what it is?

[ya fallaha! 0]

Heck yes...margaritas are a fantastic idea. Don't change who you are for a man. You like margaritas, you have you some margaritas.

[And_Sam 44]

Beth, this doesn't sound good at all. He should not be bitching about the visa and throwing it in your face like that. He should understand that your hands are just as tied as his. From what you say he's way too into the visa. I don't know him so I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I have my own opinion about financially supporting an adult but I'll save that. I will say that you chose to send him the money and treat him like a child instead of a husband, why does it surprise you that he's now behaving like a child?

Its just the way I'em, maybe naive, but thinking he is going without , well, thats the way Iem too big hearted said by all, and Im sorry.

I just want to finish the day, and Ive deceided Im going to do something I have not in months and months, Im going out with the neighbors, its the 1st Friday of the month, and we all use to go eat Mexican foods and have margaritas, tonight Im joining them. I even gave that up for him, he did not approve of me drinking, even with my neighbors whom I know for years, longer then him. Tomorrow is another day, all this visa ####### will still be there.

That's the ticket Beth! Go out and enjoy yourself tonight. Everything will look different in the morning light. Plus just like you said, the visa ####### will still be there and hopefully you can see it in a different way. Take a deep breath and relax and think of yourself, you deserve it!

[dezaman 1]

The unknowing right now is the hardest part for both parties. You're both trying to figure it out. I am sorry to hear he turned on you like that today. It sounds like he is feeling a loss and is in denial right now. I don't know if you've read about this in threads before but people from that region have this blame it on others and not take responsibility for themselves mindset from time to time. I've seen it over and over. It's never fun when they do it on you and especially when you don't deserve it. The truth is neither of you are to blame for the Embassy's actions and he can't really put it on you because they never said the reason why for the delay. The Embassy's prerogative is theirs and you both may direct all your flying arrows at it. My Husband tried it a couple of times with me but each time I never let him put it on me unless it was really me and we discussed this mena mindset and where it's going to get him. He soon realizes the truth afterwards and doesn't cling to that idea it's somebody else's fault like the person closest to him. He's never used profanity towards me either even when he's really upset. His way of dealing with it is to disappear and clam up for two weeks instead. I don't prefer either situation, the profanity you experienced from your Husband, or the clamming up I usually get from my Husband.

He has clammed up with me several times, not taking my phone calls, and he is so good of not letting me talk, I talk, and he talks louder and louder. But he truly thinks this hold up is my fault, that I did not tell him something, or Im hiding something.

then he threw at me, "You said we wouldnt not be in AP since our K3 was" so trying to explain to him that was the K3 and not the CR1 was useless, he got more irrate with me.

Im tired Olivia, so darn tired.

I begged him to try hard to extend his residency card, and he did not, MY FAULT.

He has not worked steadly in over 2 years, and I've helped him financially, Ive done all I could to make sure he was safe, feed, clothed , and a few dollars in his pocket, no matter how hard I would try and try, I felt like it was never enough.

But yet I love him still with all my heart, Im tired of the games with the heart, I just want a bit of peace in my heart and mind. Im 44 years old, Im too old for this Sh!t!!! I just want a normal life, and to have someone love and take care of me as I take care of them.

Beth,

I can empathize with your situation and this VISA process will make even the sanest person insane... I've flew over the top a couple times since my fiancee didn't have the documents he needed at his interview and now we're in a holding pattern and basically he told me Dee.. blaming me isn't going to get anything resolved but I can honestly say he has worked relentlessly to get everything done, calling over to Bangladesh several times a day to make sure everyone is doing as they say they would and by his own admission he told he wasn't taking nearly as seriously as he should have and now that he realize we may not be together because of this, he's gone over board to ensure it won't be a stopping point.. i"ve told him a couple of choice words and he's been distraught .. but now we're better because of it..

so like everyone else has advised... take some time alone .. don't call and try to talk to him... leave him be and get yourself together and address the situation with at least a clearer mindset on Monday and if he's still being a tool.. then just pray for guidance and what decision you ultimately make because you have to do what is best for Beth in the long run

[me_4_musa 1]

Beth, this doesn't sound good at all. He should not be bitching about the visa and throwing it in your face like that. He should understand that your hands are just as tied as his. From what you say he's way too into the visa. I don't know him so I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I have my own opinion about financially supporting an adult but I'll save that. I will say that you chose to send him the money and treat him like a child instead of a husband, why does it surprise you that he's now behaving like a child?

Its just the way I'em, maybe naive, but thinking he is going without , well, thats the way Iem too big hearted said by all, and Im sorry.

I just want to finish the day, and Ive deceided Im going to do something I have not in months and months, Im going out with the neighbors, its the 1st Friday of the month, and we all use to go eat Mexican foods and have margaritas, tonight Im joining them. I even gave that up for him, he did not approve of me drinking, even with my neighbors whom I know for years, longer then him. Tomorrow is another day, all this visa ####### will still be there.

Yum sounds good.

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

Beth, this doesn't sound good at all. He should not be bitching about the visa and throwing it in your face like that. He should understand that your hands are just as tied as his. From what you say he's way too into the visa. I don't know him so I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I have my own opinion about financially supporting an adult but I'll save that. I will say that you chose to send him the money and treat him like a child instead of a husband, why does it surprise you that he's now behaving like a child?

Its just the way I'em, maybe naive, but thinking he is going without , well, thats the way Iem too big hearted said by all, and Im sorry.

I just want to finish the day, and Ive deceided Im going to do something I have not in months and months, Im going out with the neighbors, its the 1st Friday of the month, and we all use to go eat Mexican foods and have margaritas, tonight Im joining them. I even gave that up for him, he did not approve of my drinking, even with my neighbors whom I know for years, longer then him. Tomorrow is another day, all this visa ####### will still be there.

Having dinner with friends (sans the drinking) is nothing that should be given up for someone else. Putting aside alcohol/tobacco issues (which a spouse could argue is physically unhealthy), why give up healthy, fun, stress-reducing socialization with friends if that's what it is?

He does not drink, so he thinks I should not drink, and for my neighbors and going out, he thinks it gave a wrong immpression, 2 are male, single, but for pete sake, these 5 sets of neighbors, I've known for over 10 years, they've looked after me when my parents died, , we watch out for each other, its a tight knit neighbor hood, after hurricane Ike, we all took care of each other, cooked outside, got supplies, you have to know, we did not have electric or water for over 2 weeks, hooked up genertors , shared generators, and myself ,bought 2 generators for neighbors, we cut trees down off each others houses, helped each clean their yard, loaned cars when 2 neighbors lost their cars due to fallen trees on them. Anyways, I cant do no more for the visa, or the way he feels now. Only he knows what he wants.

[dezaman 1]

Beth, this doesn't sound good at all. He should not be bitching about the visa and throwing it in your face like that. He should understand that your hands are just as tied as his. From what you say he's way too into the visa. I don't know him so I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I have my own opinion about financially supporting an adult but I'll save that. I will say that you chose to send him the money and treat him like a child instead of a husband, why does it surprise you that he's now behaving like a child?

Its just the way I'em, maybe naive, but thinking he is going without , well, thats the way Iem too big hearted said by all, and Im sorry.

I just want to finish the day, and Ive deceided Im going to do something I have not in months and months, Im going out with the neighbors, its the 1st Friday of the month, and we all use to go eat Mexican foods and have margaritas, tonight Im joining them. I even gave that up for him, he did not approve of my drinking, even with my neighbors whom I know for years, longer then him. Tomorrow is another day, all this visa ####### will still be there.

Having dinner with friends (sans the drinking) is nothing that should be given up for someone else. Putting aside alcohol/tobacco issues (which a spouse could argue is physically unhealthy), why give up healthy, fun, stress-reducing socialization with friends if that's what it is?

He does not drink, so he thinks I should not drink, and for my neighbors and going out, he thinks it gave a wrong immpression, 2 are male, single, but for pete sake, these 5 sets of neighbors, I've known for over 10 years, they've looked after me when my parents died, , we watch out for each other, its a tight knit neighbor hood, after hurricane Ike, we all took care of each other, cooked outside, got supplies, you have to know, we did not have electric or water for over 2 weeks, hooked up genertors , shared generators, and myself ,bought 2 generators for neighbors, we cut trees down off each others houses, helped each clean their yard, loaned cars when 2 neighbors lost their cars due to fallen trees on them. Anyways, I cant do no more for the visa, or the way he feels now. Only he knows what he wants.

True and very true... Have fun tonight! This ####### will still be there as you've stated... :thumbs:

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Beth, i'm kinda worried about his behavior towards you. When things begin to unravel, this is the

time to come together, not call another one names. It is not acceptable Beth no matter how one

thinks. You are a good woman. Be that woman Beth. If this process is going to turn him into an immature person, then what will happen when something else goes wrong he doesn't like?

I am really upset at what he did to you. Now he won't accept your calls, etc...hmmmm...

Seems like you didn't give him what he wanted and now you're gonna pay for it. Holy moly

Beth i'm so upset I could spit nails!

Go and have the best time of your life with you friends tonight. Drink what you want, dance

if you want, don't be there if he decides to call. I'm just appalled at his behavior. Yes you are

tired coz you put in many many hours of work and stress so HE can have things. I think he has

shown his ugly side and it's not good. I am just so very sorry what has happened.

Give yourself time to think very carefully at what your next steps will be. Don't make any

rash decisions.

We love you Beth....please remember that always.