Impact of Mental Illness on K2 Visa Application

[SorryImAnon 0]

Hi folks

I need to start by apologising for choosing to go anon. I know this upsets some people, but I am also aware that officials read this forum and this concerns me.

We will be applying for a K1 visa so that my USC SO and I can stop living this nightmare of a long distance relationship between the US and the UK. We haven't applied yet because I'm waiting for my divorce to be finalised. My ex and I have been separated for over 7 years and he's not contesting the divorce at all.

I have a 10 year old daughter who will be immigrating with me. She knows that we are moving, has visited my SO and his family in the US numerous times, and she loves him, his family and the prospect of moving there. But she has always been a very anxious child and with hindsight, I should have held off talking about moving. I had hoped the more time she had to adjust to the idea, the easier the transition would be but this has backfired and just held her in a state of ongoing anxiety for a long time now.

Over the past couple of years or so, she has become increasingly argumentative and defiant. She is quick to shout, scream actually. She slams doors, refuses to complete time-outs. She describes feeling like 'she doesn't know how to stop' when this behaviour is triggered by reasonable requests to do chores (for example). She's also struggled with being bullied at school, which is resolved but there is anxiety about being at school as a result. I appreciate that she's pre-pubescent but this is beyond hormonal. I can only describe it as her seeming to be possessed, like a Jekyll and Hyde event.

This afternoon we had more of the same except it escalated to her having an apparent breakdown. She began wailing that she 'doesn't know...' over and over, and then expressing that she felt scared. She couldn't say what she didn't know, couldn't identify what was scaring her. Fireworks made her jump out of her skin, clinging to me. I honestly didn't know what to do, started calling the doctor which drove her over the edge again, crying she didn't want to talk to anyone she doesn't know, repeating over and over that she is scared and doesn't know... in the end, i knocked for my neighbour who talked with her and then she went to her house, played with her kids, calmed down but began expressing she was scared of going to sleep because she doesn't know. She eventually fell asleep in my bed about an hour ago, after I stayed with her for a little while, and then she read out loud to herself for about 5 minutes.

I realise that she needs some professional help. I had spoken to her teacher and the deputy head of her school about the argumentative behaviour, confirmed that she's a model student at school and discussed that with her home situation being so up in the air (not knowing when we're moving) that I felt that her school environment was something she depends on for a sense of stability. Tonight, she was terrified of going to school tomorrow (they've been on vacation for a week) and very worried she was going to get into trouble for not completing her project. I reassured her, though she didn't believe it, that she would not get into trouble for it (because I will of course talk to the school). I had already arranged for a conversation with the school nurse to see if we could get something in place for her to talk to someone. The school have reassured me that anything through the school itself would not be captured on her educational records and is strictly private between us and the nurse.

My concern is this: tonight's turn of events are showing a much deeper issue that I had appreciated. As I said, I will get her some psychological support but I am very worried about it showing on her medical records. I know that the physical assessment looks at episodes of mental illness, and often requires further investigation if there are any that the GP does not certify as being acute episodes or fully resolved. But I don't know how they view situations that relate to 10 year olds. At best, she'll be diagnosed as having anxiety disorder and recent events attributed to the insecurity associated with our immigration. At worst, we're seeing the true colours of a more severe disorder like ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) or even Bi Polar type conditions.

Does anyone have any experience of the immigration process with children who have diagnosed mental disorders and,

Am I right to decide to get her private help so her medical records don't reflect recent events?

I realise that some of you will not want to discuss it publicly, so I would be respectful of privacy if communication was via IM.

Thanks for reading and understanding my need to post anonymously. I'd also like to ask that any responders please consider how incredibly distressed I am about everything that has happened, and know that I'm just trying to figure out how to cope and proceed without destroying 3 lives and dreams.

Edited November 2, 2009 by SorryImAnon

[Spoom 8]

I'm very sorry you're in this position.

I would be very careful; if you hide her care now and it's later discovered that she had such mental issues prior to the interview, it could be considered misrepresentation on your part, and both you and she could have your visa / green card revoked and both be deported.

It will take the better part of a year for your petition to go through, so it could very well be that your daughter's issues are resolved by the time she has her immigration medical. But I wouldn't try to hide anything from the Consular officials when you get to that stage; working with them would be a much better idea as misrepresentation could lead not only to deportation / denial as mentioned above, but also a three or ten year ban from the United States.

Edited November 2, 2009 by Spoom

[SorryImAnon 0]

I'm very sorry you're in this position.

I would be very careful; if you hide her care now and it's later discovered that she had such mental issues prior to the interview, it could be considered misrepresentation on your part, and both you and she could have your visa / green card revoked and both be deported.

It will take the better part of a year for your petition to go through, so it could very well be that your daughter's issues are resolved by the time she has her immigration medical. But I wouldn't try to hide anything from the Consular officials when you get to that stage; working with them would be a much better idea as misrepresentation could lead not only to deportation / denial as mentioned above, but also a three or ten year ban from the United States.

Hi Spoom,

Thanks for replying. I've been reading through a search for 'mental health/ mental illness' on the forums and have realised that I can't withhold any such information; would be very foolish of me to even consider it.

Reading other people's experiences, I have calmed down a little about the impact it could have on our application. There is no way she would be described as a threat to herself or others and I really do feel like this is a situation of intense anxiety as opposed to anything more severe - or at least would be diagnosed any time soon. Working with her therapist, I can arm myself with supporting documentation when we go for our medical and I just have to pray that they don't start asking for further evaluation, as she would know that her 'issues' are impacting our application (just by being the very bright, observant kid that she is!) and this would understandably cause her even more stress.

I have the number of a child pyschologist, so will contact her tomorrow and ask for an urgent appointment and go from there.

I'd still welcome anyone's personal experience, constructive comment and/ or support.

Thanks again,

T

[Spoom 8]

I think that as long as she's being treated for her issues, whether by drugs, therapy, or other methods, she'll be fine in the eyes of the Consulate (assuming you show you can and will keep her on said treatments once you're in the US). Purchasing health insurance for when you both cross to the United States would be a positive step.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Likely with counselling and drugs if necessary, you'll find effective treatment far before your interview comes up.

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

From what you describe, professional help does sound like a good idea. I do not think it will affect her visa, as she is not currently a danger to herself or others (has not attempted suicide or seriously harmed others). As PP said, do not hide it from the medical examiner during the visa proccess, as that could come back to bite you. I think the only issue you may face is that the CO might want to see your plans for once you are in the USA, in terms of possible therapy, health insurance to pay for it etc.

[SorryImAnon 0]

From what you describe, professional help does sound like a good idea. I do not think it will affect her visa, as she is not currently a danger to herself or others (has not attempted suicide or seriously harmed others). As PP said, do not hide it from the medical examiner during the visa proccess, as that could come back to bite you. I think the only issue you may face is that the CO might want to see your plans for once you are in the USA, in terms of possible therapy, health insurance to pay for it etc.

Thank you for the reassurance

As an update, she went into school this morning and we spoke with the Deputy Head (who is the SENCO) and the school nurse. The nurse is going to refer us to the local CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) and we armed her with lots of coping strategies for the things that were concerning her most: she moved to the front of the class to be close to her teacher, allowed her to visit with the nurse or the D.Head at break and lunch or to stay with a friend to do little jobs for the teachers because she was very scared of coping with a playground with 180 kids. I gave her my fuzzy monkey keychain to hold, so she could squeeze/ stroke it if she was feeling anxious or scared. She also was reassured that her missing project and homework wouldn't be asked for. I called just after their break and heard that she had come to the nurses office with a friend, that they had done lots of little jobs and she was smiling. Nurse said that you never would have known that she had been as scared as she was this morning. So that's a relief.

She has always been a determined, very mature and somewhat oppositional child. She was a preemie and had meningitis as a baby and in the light of day, I know that with some professional help to develop coping strategies (both for her and me!) she will weather through this. The bitter irony is that most of the uncertainty in her life relates to our immigration, and that once we're there, she'll be so much better equipped to move on and learn to manage her anxiety.

I will make sure that when the time comes, I will ask for a summary letter from CAHMS to take with to the medical.

Now it's about crossing each bridge as we get to them.

Thanks again for the support, reassurance and encouragement from everyone. I'll post again when we get to the medical stage, if only to keep this thread updated so anyone else facing a similar situation can know about our outcome.

T

[Lona.C. 16]

From what you describe, professional help does sound like a good idea. I do not think it will affect her visa, as she is not currently a danger to herself or others (has not attempted suicide or seriously harmed others). As PP said, do not hide it from the medical examiner during the visa proccess, as that could come back to bite you. I think the only issue you may face is that the CO might want to see your plans for once you are in the USA, in terms of possible therapy, health insurance to pay for it etc.

Thank you for the reassurance

As an update, she went into school this morning and we spoke with the Deputy Head (who is the SENCO) and the school nurse. The nurse is going to refer us to the local CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) and we armed her with lots of coping strategies for the things that were concerning her most: she moved to the front of the class to be close to her teacher, allowed her to visit with the nurse or the D.Head at break and lunch or to stay with a friend to do little jobs for the teachers because she was very scared of coping with a playground with 180 kids. I gave her my fuzzy monkey keychain to hold, so she could squeeze/ stroke it if she was feeling anxious or scared. She also was reassured that her missing project and homework wouldn't be asked for. I called just after their break and heard that she had come to the nurses office with a friend, that they had done lots of little jobs and she was smiling. Nurse said that you never would have known that she had been as scared as she was this morning. So that's a relief.

She has always been a determined, very mature and somewhat oppositional child. She was a preemie and had meningitis as a baby and in the light of day, I know that with some professional help to develop coping strategies (both for her and me!) she will weather through this. The bitter irony is that most of the uncertainty in her life relates to our immigration, and that once we're there, she'll be so much better equipped to move on and learn to manage her anxiety.

I will make sure that when the time comes, I will ask for a summary letter from CAHMS to take with to the medical.

Now it's about crossing each bridge as we get to them.

Thanks again for the support, reassurance and encouragement from everyone. I'll post again when we get to the medical stage, if only to keep this thread updated so anyone else facing a similar situation can know about our outcome.

T

am so sorry you are going trough this and hope your daughter will be fine

yes i agrea going to a childs psychologist might help

but if you dont mind me saying so ,

you say a lot that she is anxiouse about the immigration process ,

you dont have to answer if you dont want too , but in what stage of the k visa are you ?

and is it maybe possible that you lean a little to much to her for comfort so this process is easier on both of you ,

do you talk to her alot about the K process ?

( i dont meen this in a bad way we all need someone to talk to and hold on too, while we are sad about this whole process

I been there I know , i did talk to my kids alot about it, but they where older ( adults ) and they did things to help me focus on other things when it wasnt time to focus on immigration )

so incase you talk alot to her my advice would be try not to bring immigration up until you know more about the process and the next important steps to take ,

this stress that we go trough with immigration and thinking of the unknowen future can lead to depression in a child

( as well as for us adults too ),

I realy hope you guys will be ok

[jellyfish 0]

I have found through our experience that a lot of the stress for children comes from one-step-removed family and friends. (I say it like that as the family closest to my daughters were the most supportive, uncles and those one step away were the worst.... ). They share their grief and loss in a way that is not appropriate and make the child feel guilty about being happy around them. The child so wants everyone to be happy. Family are the ones that press for dates, press for info on schooling etc etc. As parents, and brothers and sisters, we are close enough to the process to know it is not definable at all. So they are more relaxed. Best to keep the info and updates close to home, and not give those folk more fuel for their fire.