Haven't visited each other for 7 years

[sachinky 465]

How old are your kids? Not one visit in 7 years? How do you live like this? I've been away from my husband for less than 3 months and I feel like my heart is breaking.

Prepare to answer some very serious questioning.

[pushbrk 13,143]

Playing devil's advocate here...

Presuming I was a CO at any consulate in the world, and I was presented with a case where a married couple had not seen each other in 7 years. The separation was by choice, and not because the beneficiary was stranded on a deserted island or held prisoner in a gulag. As an imaginary CO, I would deny the visa flat out. I wouldn't even ask to see any proof of "bona fide relationship". There would be no way you could convince me that a marital relationship existed between two people who choose to live apart for 7 years. The purpose of a spousal visa is to reunite families. In my mind, as an imaginary CO, this isn't a family - it's a couple of friends who live on opposite sides of the planet.

I'm not the most optimistic person in the world, but I think a real CO may be even more jaded than I am.

I agree completely. I wouldn't even bother filing the petition until after you have passport stamps, boarding passes and photographs from a recent visit, at least between the husband and wife, if not with the children. Otherwise, I think you would be setting yourself up for a big disappointment.

[Jonara 0]

Playing devil's advocate here...

Presuming I was a CO at any consulate in the world, and I was presented with a case where a married couple had not seen each other in 7 years. The separation was by choice, and not because the beneficiary was stranded on a deserted island or held prisoner in a gulag. As an imaginary CO, I would deny the visa flat out. I wouldn't even ask to see any proof of "bona fide relationship". There would be no way you could convince me that a marital relationship existed between two people who choose to live apart for 7 years. The purpose of a spousal visa is to reunite families. In my mind, as an imaginary CO, this isn't a family - it's a couple of friends who live on opposite sides of the planet.

I'm not the most optimistic person in the world, but I think a real CO may be even more jaded than I am.

I think it depends on how culturally savvy the CO is. In the P.I., it is normal for families to be separated longer than anyone can imagine. People tend to seek job opportunities outside of the country so often times families have to deal with separation. Flying back and forth just to see each other goes in the back burner... it's a small sacrifice they typically make just to save the money instead. It's a tough choice to make but I hope OP can still counter any possible issues. Staying where he is for the purpose of collecting decent retirement money from his company is not a bad reason. Saving money instead of blowing it on airfare is not a bad reason either.

[pushbrk 13,143]

Playing devil's advocate here...

Presuming I was a CO at any consulate in the world, and I was presented with a case where a married couple had not seen each other in 7 years. The separation was by choice, and not because the beneficiary was stranded on a deserted island or held prisoner in a gulag. As an imaginary CO, I would deny the visa flat out. I wouldn't even ask to see any proof of "bona fide relationship". There would be no way you could convince me that a marital relationship existed between two people who choose to live apart for 7 years. The purpose of a spousal visa is to reunite families. In my mind, as an imaginary CO, this isn't a family - it's a couple of friends who live on opposite sides of the planet.

I'm not the most optimistic person in the world, but I think a real CO may be even more jaded than I am.

I think it depends on how culturally savvy the CO is. In the P.I., it is normal for families to be separated longer than anyone can imagine. People tend to seek job opportunities outside of the country so often times families have to deal with separation. Flying back and forth just to see each other goes in the back burner... it's a small sacrifice they typically make just to save the money instead. It's a tough choice to make but I hope OP can still counter any possible issues. Staying where he is for the purpose of collecting decent retirement money from his company is not a bad reason. Saving money instead of blowing it on airfare is not a bad reason either.

Correct. The only "bad" thing would be the visa denial. A trip to visit is a small price to pay to avoid the bad result.

[SuperDuper! 230]

I would think that a couple 10K miles apart must have a conjugal visit yearly, at a minimum, to keep the relationship alive, otherwise how can you really call it a marriage? CO will have a prejudiced opinion before meeting you and rightly so. Visit each other more often, and enjoy yourselves. Peace.

[MapleLeafBaby 1]

There is not enough information here to make informed opinions or judgements. We assume the OP is a USC as they are filing...we have no idea how long they have been a USC, and if any of their stay here in the past was illegal....hence the difficulty to travel back and visit...and he may have had difficulties getting a visa to visit...children may be older and all born in PI.... again, too many questions left unanswered to speculate.

There are many families who chose to seperate for a 'better life' one arriving into the US, and many years later, the other spouse and/or children. I'm sure CO's have seen many different cases....It depends on what the OP's life has been like here and if travel was available to her...

Bone fide for some families means sacrifices for a better life of the children....I do agree though...from the outside it seems weird and not traditional ...

Good luck OP

[debbie813 0]

thanks very much for all your interesting replies..

jimvapong,

we must have created a healthy debate here. good one devil : )

krikit,

thanks for the link

pushbrk,

the problem is if he got denied as tourist, could this affect the petition as the denial would surely reflect on record?

jonara, poprocks

thanks for understanding our situation

hopp,

we could only communicate at least regulary as we are saving money

regards to all..

[Jonara 0]

jonara, poprocks

thanks for understanding our situation

regards to all..

That actually crossed my mind that he may have applied for a tourist visa and got denied OR tried to apply but never got around it because there's a lot of logistics involved to gather proof of "i-will-come-back". So you can use that as another reason. Some have better position in maintaining a long distance marriage by visiting regularly, but some don't. The P.I. is definitely a challenge but families survive at any rate. Good luck to you. I hope the CO understands your situation.

[debbie813 0]

jonara, poprocks

thanks for understanding our situation

regards to all..

That actually crossed my mind that he may have applied for a tourist visa and got denied OR tried to apply but never got around it because there's a lot of logistics involved to gather proof of "i-will-come-back". So you can use that as another reason. Some have better position in maintaining a long distance marriage by visiting regularly, but some don't. The P.I. is definitely a challenge but families survive at any rate. Good luck to you. I hope the CO understands your situation.

thanks jonara,

actually, he was given a single-entry visa in 2002 (the co was very kind despite knowing his family is in the US) and visited us, went back in p.i. in good faith and that was it, never happened again. i just hope his previous travel to the US would also help in the petition.