Family Support

[SnME 3]

Can someone explain to me the expectations and/or pressures placed upon a Filipina who has married and American and now lives in the U.S.A.?

TexPamp

Regardless of the pressures that she has on her, She should put you and her FIRST on the list.

She should learn that you just can't help everyone in the world... She should understand that if your own home is not financially secure, you can't really help anyone at all...

Stuff happens in life. You need to have enough set aside to care for you and her just in case of a 'rainy day' before you even consider helping anyone else in the family...

Who did you promise to care for in your wedding vows???

Secure your own home and family first then help others as you are able to...

She may appreciate it if you explain to her that she is the 'most important' person on your list and that you can't devote a lot to helping others until you are certain that there are enough savings for HER to be provided for first...

[Señora Bonita 0]

Can someone explain to me the expectations and/or pressures placed upon a Filipina who has married and American and now lives in the U.S.A.?

TexPamp

As soon as I get to the USA, I expect my husband to expect that I know how to set the dining table with his favorite Ilocano goodies - pinapaitan and pinakbet. I also expect him to expect that I join him in his love for the outdoors, especially golf and fishing. But the most important is that I expect him to expect that I will never say “Not tonight, honey, because I got a terrible headache”!

I expect not to fail his expectations.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Can someone explain to me the expectations and/or pressures placed upon a Filipina who has married and American and now lives in the U.S.A.?

TexPamp

As soon as I get to the USA, I expect my husband to expect that I know how to set the dining table with his favorite Ilocano goodies - pinapaitan and pinakbet. I also expect him to expect that I join him in his love for the outdoors, especially golf and fishing. But the most important is that I expect him to expect that I will never say “Not tonight, honey, because I got a terrible headache”!

I expect not to fail his expectations.

Loud and clear Senora Bonita.

[George and Movi 1]

Can someone explain to me the expectations and/or pressures placed upon a Filipina who has married and American and now lives in the U.S.A.?

TexPamp

Just be yourself.

Additional comment.

My family does not expect any support from my husband.

I (filipina) pays for the schooling of my niece and nephews in the philippines. And those money are all from my own savings not from my hubby.

My hubby is willing to support my family if needed. He was quite worried with the recent Ondoy typhoon and asked me if my family needs some financial help. I told him that its my family and i'm the one responsible to support them. They have been taken care of.

I would say, the expectation depends on the woman you are going to marry and the in laws.

I agree with you. Its somehow disturbing that there are people who expect that once a filipina marries a KANO,then he marries the whole family as well and supports them. Be proud to be financially independent and not an enabler.

[rlogan 2,036]

Can someone explain to me the expectations and/or pressures placed upon a Filipina who has married and American and now lives in the U.S.A.?

TexPamp

As soon as I get to the USA, I expect my husband to expect that I know how to set the dining table with his favorite Ilocano goodies - pinapaitan and pinakbet. I also expect him to expect that I join him in his love for the outdoors, especially golf and fishing. But the most important is that I expect him to expect that I will never say “Not tonight, honey, because I got a terrible headache”!

I expect not to fail his expectations.

Ha ha! I got one like you! Pinay are the best.

And you know, I had the kryptonite before I met her. I knew the Philippines: Luzon, Leite, Samar, Cebu, Mindanao... Friends with Filipina wives tried to set me up with cousins, but in my very humble opinion it is better to meet in person. I went all over. Motorcycles, ships, jeepneys, planes and those little van things.

Anyway, the kryptonite. I knew before I met her how her mind worked. You can't stop a Filipina from caring about her family. And there are some important social/cultural distinctions in the Philippines too, but the OP is specifically about supporting the family.

What I did was make no promises about supporting them. Instead, the month after I met her I returned on kind of a surprise trip. I spent three months and built her family a house. They were extremely poor and she was working, sending money home - as Filipinas are innately compelled to do. Working as a housekeeper in Manila with her family back on Mindanao. Holy mackerel, talk about a Godsend around here!! She took care of infants and toddlers, and now we have a baby coming. Perfect professional training for us!

But again, I made no promises. I just did it. I don't have much money, but I can build houses. Filipino construction is more concrete/masonry as opposed to timber framing, but I can do both. So that's what I did. I returned to Mindanao with her and built a house. I said I would come look and see. And in a few days we started construction.

And during that time she was in the hospital, and since then too, with something we finally determined was horrific migraines. It took us two years, but we figured out how to beat them. I couldn't promise that either, but I just did it. Relentless research and experimenting. But it's over now. Complete victory, and I have to tell you she knows who cured her.

I might be white trailer trash, but I don't drink. Not a chance in heck I would fool around. With a Filipina, you are going to do pretty well with a program of no promises and just delivering the goods.

And she is like the ladies above. It's unbelievable, really, what a determined Filipina can do. And if you want that then helping the family better be a key part of your program. Not just money. Help them better themselves.

We struggled successfully through the fundamental problem of how to help the family without it backfiring, which it can certainly do. You can make them lazy wards if it is not handled right, and they will have no self-esteem. No incentive to behave productively. There can be infighting amongst extended family when money is not handled right. Money, in and of itself, solves nothing when it is handled wrong. It can bring out pride, envy, greed - bad things.

We've avoided that so far, but we see in other Filipina-Americano relationships some problems. Wasted money. Bad faith, bad dealings. Foolish "businesses" that cost twice the revenue they earn.

You have to know your people. Know their situation. See it with your own eyes. I lived with mine for three months so I have a really good idea of the situation. The neighbors used to come to watch a white guy doing construction labor for this very poor Filipino. I would not have considered sending money to build it. Nor would I have felt right just sitting on my butt watching someone else build it.

But I know the schools the kids go to and know about their school projects and other expenses. I can see on the webcam every day their general state. I forget the name of the poster above who said communication is the key. Absolutely.

Her father is working regularly, which is the deal with me. Don't tell me there's no work. And don't bring me B.S. about "crises" and "emergencies". Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

What is right for you will be different from me of course. They bring to me half-baked ideas on businesses, but unless they have a bona-fide business plan I can see with my own eyes - right down to the taco stand location if necessary - I am not getting involved in it.

My wife and I have an agreement on some rental property so she spends that as she pleases. I couldn't care less what she does with her own money. Hair-brained scheme or not, it's hers to do what she wants. So she sends money by remittence corporation. She budgets out things for them and is learning what I went through when I was sending her money from here. Heh. About accountability and trust. There are some decisions that take maturity and experience to make in this arena.

I see others here saying that too, and this is a good arrangement.

But anything like building a house or a business or a private school or whatever would require my getting involved in, and my rule is the "see it with your own eyes and never decide things quick" rule.

Good luck with yours. Yea, in the Filipino culture there is a practice of helping the extended family, most especially when they are in a poor state. If you are poor in the Philippines, then you are really poor.

To know how to help them the best you really have to understand their situation and how your skills or assets are best deployed to help. Going there sure was the right thing for me to do. Just throwing money at something isn't necessarily going to be the best thing.

And you know, a person can fret about the cost and missing work or whatever. Going there, and especially building the house. But who cares. They have a house, it's over and done. Nobody can take that away from them or us. No rent, forever. They watched me build it. With her father.

Filipina kryptonite.

[tallcoolone 102]

I have helped few guys meet Pinays and bring them over to USA.

My suggestion to them is.

Do Not send money to PI if your girl is not working

Once you girl starts working then if she want's to send some of her money home then I would let her, I would think $200 per month would be more than enough.

Best case scenario, Find a girl that comes from a good family who isn't dirt poor and then sending money home will not be a issue.

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Can someone explain to me the expectations and/or pressures placed upon a Filipina who has married and American and now lives in the U.S.A.?

TexPamp

As soon as I get to the USA, I expect my husband to expect that I know how to set the dining table with his favorite Ilocano goodies - pinapaitan and pinakbet. I also expect him to expect that I join him in his love for the outdoors, especially golf and fishing. But the most important is that I expect him to expect that I will never say “Not tonight, honey, because I got a terrible headache”!

I expect not to fail his expectations.

I usually have a work around regarding the problem,

I always walk in the BEDROOM with a FULL bottle of ASPIRIN then she ask "WHAT are those for?"

for your headaches honey....i reply

"But I do not have headaches tonight"....she tell me

Great then...let START and have some fun now..... :devil:

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

I have helped few guys meet Pinays and bring them over to USA.

My suggestion to them is.

Do Not send money to PI if your girl is not working

Once you girl starts working then if she want's to send some of her money home then I would let her, I would think $200 per month would be more than enough.

Best case scenario, Find a girl that comes from a good family who isn't dirt poor and then sending money home will not be a issue.

I tough i never agree with TALLCOOLONE...but he is right...Damn

Would a girl who is an doctor.....fit your best case scenario?

[TexPamp 0]

Obviously I have been sitting on this for a few months and read everyones responses a couple of times over and I do appreciate everyones advise and insight.

We send a little something every now and then when we can afford it but not on a regular basis which is my concern. I think the best advise given in members posts is if Sweety is working then she can send all she wants is the best way to go.

In the meantime Sweety isn't working and we don't see her working anytime soon so things will have to stay as is.

I don't see any suffering going on with the In Laws as there are 2 men in the family and they are fully capable of working.

Thank you

TexPamp