Does anyone else feel pressure from family?

[newhampshire 0]

I feel under so much pressure from both my family and my husband's family to get either him into the U.S. or me into Canada - none of them have any idea of how complicated and slow this process is - or how little power we have over the timing and outcome. I feel like they think we could get visas faster - and they don't realize that I've done everything in my power to get visas. They have had experiences from eras when it was a hell of a lot easier to immigrate, and they think it still works that way.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I would not call it pressure as much as I would call it ignorance and annoying. My family assumes you can marry a foreigner and they can stay, as if the marriage certificate gives you automatic citizenship. The other one "can't he just get a work visa, so he can work and stay". Yeah let me just press the magic button and voila he is here for good legally!

[becca 0]

Yes i know what you mean. I am sick to teeth of people asking me so when do you go to the USA...?? I DONT KNOW.. I am waiting for the visa to go through this that and the next thing.. oh but surley since you are married you could just geta visa... ( if I hear that one more time U'm going to go mad)

I am having to live with my mum at the moment and its so hard.. I feel like I am in the way aand I just wish this whole process would go faster!

But good luck

[Joey559 1]

Oh yeah. We're sick and tired of people saying - why doesn't he just have the company transfer him over?? Or why doesn't he just get a job over here??? Like they are handing work permits out by the handful! Geesh. We try explaining to people that it only complicates the situation and that an employment visa is a WHOLE other bowl of frustration but no one seems to believe us and brush off the truth - people constantly feel they no more than you do about the whole process. Hello! I was just having grumbles about this last week when Craddy put in his resignation notice and everyone at work kept filling him in as apparently they were all experts on the US immigration process AND living in the U.S. One woman who'd been here to my home town before was like, "oh, it's the pits" or some such nonsense. Crad was floored. HELLO! I've been there multiple times now OBVIOUSLY I know it and like it so why would you say something rude like that???

Some people...

Feel for you

Joey

Edited July 19, 2006 by Joey559

[Cygnet 0]

I understand, newhampshire. And I go through what you and the other posters are going through. They all think it should be easy and fast.

Do you want to hear something funny? Well, you're talking about pressures from family to get you and your husband together. Some people from my family, are asking me why we're not pregnant yet? Well, do I need to explain that we actually have to live in the same country first and be physically together in order to "make" a baby?

This immigration process is already frustrating as it is. And to have people around you add more to the frustration is really annoying. Now I'm not the kind of person who snaps at people or do lots of venting. And I know it's hard to ignore annoying people sometimes but lately I've learned to show my frustration in my voice, and that seems to get people to back away most of the time.

[Buttons 0]

asking me why we're not pregnant yet? Well, do I need to explain that we actually have to live in the same country first and be physically together in order to "make" a baby?

this made me giggle , maybe you can send the sperm over the peace bridge. lol

[Looking4Wife 0]

I would not call it pressure as much as I would call it ignorance and annoying.

I would say that their ignorance and annoyance leads to addtional stress/pressure that I don't need...

Especially when, seemingly at least on a weekly basis the same people are asking me the same question, "so how soon will your wife be here?", as if the answer of "I don't know, maybe 1 year" has changed since the last time I told them 1-week ago?

I empathize with anyone and everyone who feels the stress and emptiness of missing their spouse / fiancee... Right now I feel like a pawn in a HORRIBLE game of immigration chess...

[CarolineM 0]

wait wait...

so you're saying that my husband ins't automatically a US citizen once we got married....really?

That's news to 90% of people I talk to!!

[Joey559 1]

wait wait...

so you're saying that my husband ins't automatically a US citizen once we got married....really?

That's news to 90% of people I talk to!!

And wait, hold on, don't we USC automatically become citizens of the country where are SO is from??? Surely all those people who inform me of that fact aren't wrong - maybe they stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night...

[CarolineM 0]

LOL!!! I'd love to have dual American/Aussie citizenship! I wish it were that easy.

[jen&darcy 0]

Yes it is frustrating! We get it on both sides too. You try to explain the process and after a couple of sentences I think they tune you out. I just start saying he isn't here yet and leave it at that.

[Fandango 1,439]

wait wait...

so you're saying that my husband ins't automatically a US citizen once we got married....really?

That's news to 90% of people I talk to!!

Karo, priceless! If we all had a penny, eh?

As per friends/acquaintances/coworkers...I feel like taping 'the explanation of How It All Really Works' to my back cos I'm sick of explaining it.

As for my family, they are VERY supportive and understanding. They are my best friends & we are very very close. Now when I moved to the UK, I sold my house, so I am currently homeless I am living back at home with my family until D gets here, so my parents, being in such close proximity, see the daily bs that's involved...so they know not to ask stupid questions

[J&C 0]

BOO HOO

You should feel happy they are involved. My family dont even know we are getting married. They think im getting a work visa, i mentioned it one time and thats whats in their heads. I cant break it to them, There is no way they can be there for their only daughters big day so we will have a quick wedding then a 'proper' one later i guess.

That said event he consant questions about said 'work visa' are annoying-believe me i'll be singing and dancing the next time i hear anything-isn't it amazing how a week of no touches seems like a decade.

[Mirorgate 0]

BOO HOO

You should feel happy they are involved. My family dont even know we are getting married. They think im getting a work visa, i mentioned it one time and thats whats in their heads. I cant break it to them, There is no way they can be there for their only daughters big day so we will have a quick wedding then a 'proper' one later i guess.

That said event he consant questions about said 'work visa' are annoying-believe me i'll be singing and dancing the next time i hear anything-isn't it amazing how a week of no touches seems like a decade.

Wow.. you get on the OP because the famimly doesnt understand the process... and state that at least the family "is involved" where yours isnt.. maybe thats because you lied to yours saying its a work visa vs a marriage visa. Maybe to get your family more involved, you should get them invloved.. as in let them know what's really goin on..? just a suggestion.

as to the OP.. yeah, it does get frustrating having to explain it over n over again to the same ppl about what all is involved, since even the laws a few yrs ago changed significantly since 01, and now with IMBRA... add more hassles n time to some peoples wait / things to do list.

[CutienPurg 0]

I feel under so much pressure from both my family and my husband's family to get either him into the U.S. or me into Canada - none of them have any idea of how complicated and slow this process is - or how little power we have over the timing and outcome. I feel like they think we could get visas faster - and they don't realize that I've done everything in my power to get visas. They have had experiences from eras when it was a hell of a lot easier to immigrate, and they think it still works that way.

My husband too is from Canada and in our experience we have concluded the same thing.............most of our friends and family dont really see the US and Canada and separate countries. It's like they see it as going from one state to another. With the differences being so few between our two countries I sometimes forget its an international border Im crossing and subject to the same rules and restrictions as any other country.

I have a friend who is engaged to a man from England and she INSISTS that once they marry he automatically become a legal US citizen. After growing tired of debating the issue and after she firmly stated " well !! my finace' says so" I simply chuckled and wished her luck.

Misconceptions and misguided notions are rampant amongst those who are not having this experience .................sheeeesh just look at how much we ourselves have had to absorb and I personally still feel so clueless.

I've just found a way of dealing with those who pester and run them through the gammit of forms fees and immigration jargon which quickly sends them into a confused stupor. For those who think they have the answers (wrong) I just say " so thats how it is eh , well damn silly me taking the long route"

Good Luck and chins up