I think my MIL is out to get me - venting

[MYC 0]

I got married to the most wonderful man and we're very happy together. We're going through the removal of conditions and my MIL offered (she wasn't asked) to write an affidavit.

Although she was told what to do (keep it simple), she wrote two versions of the letter - one of which could be considered a novel or short story. DH kept on asking me if I wanted to read said letters and I refused since it annoys me the way she "claimed" our story for herself and isn't shy about telling everyone she meets about us.

The day before he mailed the paperwork, he handed them to me to "check them out". The envelope contained the short version of her letter and it was riddled with red flags. It starts out by stating we met over the internet and had an "unconventional courtship". Even though she wrote a lot praising our intelligence and whatnot, she didn't write much about the marriage itself and when she did it was through a few dubious phrases where she hints that she's not sure about the validity of our marriage.

Needless to say, that letter never made it back into the envelope.

I've been having problems with her for a while now. She's cruel and sarcastic and likes to humiliate her own kids. I, on the other hand, decided a long time ago I'd never let people step on me.

I don't know what to do about this, nor I think there is much I can do. A few months ago there was a huge kerfuffle because of her and I have the impression that she was emailing DH and pressing him to choose between me and her.

It seems (again, I have no proof) he's beginning to realize she's trying to screw it up for him. The letters are gone. I tried to find one of them to quote from and can't find it anywhere. DH doesn't throw anything out - EVER; yet I can't find the letter.

My fear is that she'll try to contact USCIS and say that ours is a fake marriage...

[CdnMN 0]

I got married to the most wonderful man and we're very happy together. We're going through the removal of conditions and my MIL offered (she wasn't asked) to write an affidavit.

Although she was told what to do (keep it simple), she wrote two versions of the letter - one of which could be considered a novel or short story. DH kept on asking me if I wanted to read said letters and I refused since it annoys me the way she "claimed" our story for herself and isn't shy about telling everyone she meets about us.

The day before he mailed the paperwork, he handed them to me to "check them out". The envelope contained the short version of her letter and it was riddled with red flags. It starts out by stating we met over the internet and had an "unconventional courtship". Even though she wrote a lot praising our intelligence and whatnot, she didn't write much about the marriage itself and when she did it was through a few dubious phrases where she hints that she's not sure about the validity of our marriage.

Needless to say, that letter never made it back into the envelope.

I've been having problems with her for a while now. She's cruel and sarcastic and likes to humiliate her own kids. I, on the other hand, decided a long time ago I'd never let people step on me.

I don't know what to do about this, nor I think there is much I can do. A few months ago there was a huge kerfuffle because of her and I have the impression that she was emailing DH and pressing him to choose between me and her.

It seems (again, I have no proof) he's beginning to realize she's trying to screw it up for him. The letters are gone. I tried to find one of them to quote from and can't find it anywhere. DH doesn't throw anything out - EVER; yet I can't find the letter.

My fear is that she'll try to contact USCIS and say that ours is a fake marriage...

I had to go through the removal of conditions and don't recall needing any sort of affidavit. Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about MIL contacting USCIS....first of all, she'd have to be able to get through to someone, then she'd need to provide case nyumbers etc.

I'm sure USCIS has their fair share of crackpot relatives etc. calling.

What USCIS will see is that you have a valid marriage certificate, you were married when you received your status and you are still married.

Relax. I really don't think you have a thing to worry about

[justashooter 430]

sounds like your MIL is jealous that your husband loves you more than her.

that a bad thing, and a good thing.

make sure he knows how to put limits on her. it sounds like he is learning fast.

that's a good thing.

[MYC 0]

I had to go through the removal of conditions and don't recall needing any sort of affidavit. Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about MIL contacting USCIS....first of all, she'd have to be able to get through to someone, then she'd need to provide case nyumbers etc.

I'm sure USCIS has their fair share of crackpot relatives etc. calling.

What USCIS will see is that you have a valid marriage certificate, you were married when you received your status and you are still married.

Relax. I really don't think you have a thing to worry about

Thank you. I guess I forgot how stressful going through any part of this process is...

[MYC 0]

sounds like your MIL is jealous that your husband loves you more than her.

that a bad thing, and a good thing.

make sure he knows how to put limits on her. it sounds like he is learning fast.

that's a good thing.

Oh...that part is pretty clear. She actually asked him, in my presence, if he loved her more than he loved me. As for setting up limits, I don't think he'll ever be able to do that.

[rlogan 2,036]

Do you have a crawl space?

That, a shovel, and a couple bags of lime should take care of things.

[Mrs.J06 4]

Do you have a crawl space?

That, a shovel, and a couple bags of lime should take care of things.

What's with the lime corpses today? Didn't I just read this in another thread?

I think it's time for your husband to sit down with mother and have a word or two. He needs to make clear that her behaviour is not acceptable and that it's making life hard for him. Maybe she will change for his sake, if not for yours?

While I understand that you freak at the thought of her calling USCIS and telling them stories, I think you really shouldn't worry too much about that.

[MYC 0]

Do you have a crawl space?

That, a shovel, and a couple bags of lime should take care of things.

Nah...She's big and I'd never be able to drag her and...wouldn't that be grounds for a ban???

[Minya's wife 24]

Do you have a crawl space?

That, a shovel, and a couple bags of lime should take care of things.

Nah...She's big and I'd never be able to drag her and...wouldn't that be grounds for a ban???

Yes...a lifetime ban to a maximum security prison.

[MYC 0]

I think it's time for your husband to sit down with mother and have a word or two. He needs to make clear that her behaviour is not acceptable and that it's making life hard for him. Maybe she will change for his sake, if not for yours?

I wish the day comes when he'll be able to do that, but won't be holding my breath. She's been bullying him his whole life and the psycological defenses he built up probably won't allow him to have this kind of conversation.

Maybe she will change for his sake, if not for yours?

When hell freezes over - maybe. I can't go into details, suffice to say she raised DH to be a loser and nothing makes her happier than to learn he did something wrong, she'll remind him of his mistakes for the rest of her life. She likes to embarrass the family, it's her idea of a good joke.

While I understand that you freak at the thought of her calling USCIS and telling them stories, I think you really shouldn't worry too much about that.

Thanks, you're right. The irony is that this (her calling USCIS) would be the one sure thing that would push DH over the edge...

[Nina~ 431]

You have my sympathies MYC. There is nothing worse than having a parent emotionally bully you. I am no expert, but your MIL seems to have some serious Co-dependency issues. Imho, your husband could use some serious counselling to get past this. As far as immigration goes, I dont think there is anything you need to worry about.

[Monnie 0]

I got married to the most wonderful man and we're very happy together. We're going through the removal of conditions and my MIL offered (she wasn't asked) to write an affidavit.

Although she was told what to do (keep it simple), she wrote two versions of the letter - one of which could be considered a novel or short story. DH kept on asking me if I wanted to read said letters and I refused since it annoys me the way she "claimed" our story for herself and isn't shy about telling everyone she meets about us.

The day before he mailed the paperwork, he handed them to me to "check them out". The envelope contained the short version of her letter and it was riddled with red flags. It starts out by stating we met over the internet and had an "unconventional courtship". Even though she wrote a lot praising our intelligence and whatnot, she didn't write much about the marriage itself and when she did it was through a few dubious phrases where she hints that she's not sure about the validity of our marriage.

Needless to say, that letter never made it back into the envelope.

I've been having problems with her for a while now. She's cruel and sarcastic and likes to humiliate her own kids. I, on the other hand, decided a long time ago I'd never let people step on me.

I don't know what to do about this, nor I think there is much I can do. A few months ago there was a huge kerfuffle because of her and I have the impression that she was emailing DH and pressing him to choose between me and her.

It seems (again, I have no proof) he's beginning to realize she's trying to screw it up for him. The letters are gone. I tried to find one of them to quote from and can't find it anywhere. DH doesn't throw anything out - EVER; yet I can't find the letter.

My fear is that she'll try to contact USCIS and say that ours is a fake marriage...

Its your choice whose affidavit you send. Although she offered to write, ultimately you are the one who will send the letter and you don't have to choose hers. Take good references for affidavit from people you trust. MILs are not to be trusted anyway. IMHO they belong to one vicious clan.

[Chris and Tanya 0]

MILs are not to be trusted anyway. IMHO they belong to one vicious clan.

Bah my future MIL isn't as bad as my M

Also:

http://secretnazimotherinlaw.ytmnd.com/

that link explains a lot (as long as you can survive german pop)

[coraliesolms 47]

My MIL is suuuper eccentric and really protective of my hubby, it has taken 3 and a half years of smiling at her and calling her all sorts of names in my head, and we are now actually quite good friends.

She even asked him why he couldnt just find a "nice american girl" right in front of me once...I just ignored it and took the moral highground. I wasnt going to give her the satisfaction of acting like a jealous little girl around her.

Hang in there girlie...just show her how much you love and care for her son, and she'll eventually get it.

(Lol.. and besides, she wont live forever...)

Edited February 26, 2010 by coraliesolms

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I wish the day comes when he'll be able to do that, but won't be holding my breath. She's been bullying him his whole life and the psycological defenses he built up probably won't allow him to have this kind of conversation.

When hell freezes over - maybe. I can't go into details, suffice to say she raised DH to be a loser and nothing makes her happier than to learn he did something wrong, she'll remind him of his mistakes for the rest of her life. She likes to embarrass the family, it's her idea of a good joke.

Thanks, you're right. The irony is that this (her calling USCIS) would be the one sure thing that would push DH over the edge...

i think you and I have the same MIL... especially the "doing something wrong" part. The only difference is she WANTS DH to be a loser, but he's a not. He can afford to import his gf (now wife ) and makes enough money that no co-sponsor was needed. He's smart and an ex-marine. He REFUSES to let her win.

She was an awful mother and it never ceases to amaze me just how bad, and that she works for the baby-takers.. Apparently it was a huge joke that she judged bad mothers and they must have hired her of her experience with being a bad mother.

When DH returned from Iraq (the first AND second time) no-one went to meet him in North Carolina (he's from IA). She told him when he moved back home (because he had to stay somewhere before moving down to texas for college) that he would be pathetic like her brother and never leave home and always live with his parents but it's okay, she'd let him. He's just got back from 2 tours of Iraq, and one in Japan and some other places... yeah.. never leave home...

I can't wait to buy a house. It pisses her off hardcore that he can afford to do that when she wants so badly for him to fail. He can support his wife on his wage in a 2br apartment in Houston (not a cheap apartment either) and THAT pisses her off too.

I think if I had to deal with her (and her sarcastic ways) without DH's support it would be a lot worse. Thankfully he knows what she's like and doesn't stand for it. I know if it ever came down to it, I WOULD win because his mother just isn't a good person. Switch that with his dad though and we'd have a tougher competition but I like his dad. He's a good bloke.

S'pose in short, it will only upset you as much as you let it. If she wants to be petty then that's on her, as stupid as it sounds, mum was right when she said ignoring those that try to hurt us annoys them more than if we were to fight it. I think a smile and grabbing your husbands had would have much more effect than you telling her to zip it. In the end he DOES realise that she's a ###### and he doesn't think you're imagining it (unlike in other people's cases) so that works well in your favour.