Red Flag

[WeatherEmperor 21]

Hey guys,

I have an issue that I want to address. I have already PM'd a few of you about this but I want everybody's opinion. Long story short, Thu and I met for the first time a few months ago in Singapore with the help of an online international matchmaking agency. She was the only girl that I met at the agency that I had a connection with, so we decided to continue to communicate and we developed feelings for each other. I worry that meeting Thu is this way could be a major red flag. If I go ahead with the K1 that I plan to file January/February next year, I worry that the CO looking at our case in HCMC may deny us the visa. I really do not want to jump to conclusions here. But it seems that this could be a problem. I was thinking of getting original signed statements from the owner of the agency and some of the girls I met at the agency that my relationship with Thu is real and honest. I do not feel confident that will help. Should I be concerned about this, or should I just take a chill pill and relax? If this is a red flag, what can I do to address this? What evidence do I put together to overcome this? Jim, Roger I could really use your help!

<CARRICK>

[dq2000 1]

hey Carrick,

Well, i'm not a medical doctor, but take a chill pill! Seriously, lost of people on here have met online in similar ways as you so you're most likely OK. WHat site was it, if you don't mind me asking? If it's popular (eg, Match, or Yahoo) I'm sure that would be no problem. More information from you could help us figure out more about potential problems.

More questions will be asked about how you met if it appears that the girl arranged to meet you with the intention of finding a husband with the hopes that she could leave Vietnam. That's nuanced, however, so please give us some more info.

[Anh map 2,098]

The big quesiton is: paid service or not?

[Huong and Phung 0]

The big quesiton is: paid service or not?

YES, THIS IS IMPORTANT.

If it is a paid service, you can ask them for the prove of their match between you and Thu. If there are official stuff like that, you will be more secure about your case. One of the bad redflag is the introduction by a relative but in your case, it's a match making service. It's more official i guess. Contact your matchmaker/service to get proof of you guys relationship. KEEP EVERY DOCUMENTS, KEEP PICTURES, KEEP RECEIPTS, EMAIL, SNAIL MAIL, EVERYTHING.

And please, pray for us as we are in AP right now. Thanks. Stop worry too much, relax and good luck to both of you.

[Dau Que 6]

Hey guys,

I have an issue that I want to address. I have already PM'd a few of you about this but I want everybody's opinion. Long story short, Thu and I met for the first time a few months ago in Singapore with the help of an online international matchmaking agency. She was the only girl that I met at the agency that I had a connection with, so we decided to continue to communicate and we developed feelings for each other. I worry that meeting Thu is this way could be a major red flag. If I go ahead with the K1 that I plan to file January/February next year, I worry that the CO looking at our case in HCMC may deny us the visa. I really do not want to jump to conclusions here. But it seems that this could be a problem. I was thinking of getting original signed statements from the owner of the agency and some of the girls I met at the agency that my relationship with Thu is real and honest. I do not feel confident that will help. Should I be concerned about this, or should I just take a chill pill and relax? If this is a red flag, what can I do to address this? What evidence do I put together to overcome this? Jim, Roger I could really use your help!

<CARRICK>

You should instead ask yourself now, when you have still have time and opportunity to make good decisions, whether or not she is truely in love with you, or she's in the game for the Green card. Don't get yourself hurt, both financially and emotionally, a few years from now.

I hope you'll take my advice seriously. Love has been and will be blind to lots of people.

My 3.14159©

[Dau Que 6]

The board won't allow me to edit so I have to add the second post.

I've known at least 2 people from the States. They get to know folks from VN. But because they have NO relatives in VN to make follow-ups on their female S/Os in VN, they have no idea what kinda of lifestyle the "other" people have been living. Fast forward a few years later, when the "other" parties have obtained what they've been after: the Green card, things don't work out as they expected, so the ultimate outcome's reached: divorce and child support for the USC.

Is the juice worth the squeeze? Earning a dime is hard, especially in this kinda economy, but trying to keep it in your pocket is much, much harder.

[toddandhien 2]

Carrick, you really need to chill. The situation you have is what you have. Dau Que's comments notwithstanding, if you plan to move forward and bring this girl to the US, you need to take stock of your circumstances and apply a dose of reality now because if you don't, the CO will have plenty of reality for you. As people have been telling you, document everything, get a LOT of evidence of your ongoing relationship and make an (honest) list of your red flags, then deal with them in whatever way necessary. If you are going to do this yourself, you are going to have to take a very practical approach and be self-critical. But don't stress! It won't do you or your girlfriend any good.

[Matt_Stevens 5]

According to the CO who spoke to my wife during her interview in Saigon (which was a breeze for her) the #1 factor that can get rid of any red flag is the frequency of visits to see your fiance in Vietnam. Just once? That's not good. Only twice? Well, that's OK. But was it just a week each time? That's a red flag to them.

Because I saw Anh three times. Twice in Europe (3 weeks each time) and then nearly a month in Vietnam, our case was pretty much passed automatically.

How ironic now that it is time for Anh's ten year green card we are NOW facing trouble! Unreal.

[Dai. 7]

According to the CO who spoke to my wife during her interview in Saigon (which was a breeze for her) the #1 factor that can get rid of any red flag is the frequency of visits to see your fiance in Vietnam. Just once? That's not good. Only twice? Well, that's OK. But was it just a week each time? That's a red flag to them.

Because I saw Anh three times. Twice in Europe (3 weeks each time) and then nearly a month in Vietnam, our case was pretty much passed automatically.

How ironic now that it is time for Anh's ten year green card we are NOW facing trouble! Unreal.

This could be true, I lived with my wife in Vietnam for almost 2 years and her interview was a breeze also, no time line, looked at a few pictures, ask 7-8 questions, didn't even ask how we were introduced, and then pink we got. That day they were handing out blue's left and right but my wife and like 4 or 5 people got pink from what we heard and saw.

Edited October 26, 2009 by Dai_Tx

[WeatherEmperor 21]

Thanks guys. Also I want to apologize if I came across as paranoid. I didn't mean to alarm you guys that way. In regards to the visits to VN, perhaps this is what I need more of to address my red flag issue. Thu and I met through a "paid" online matchmaking agency. But the thing is, Thu and I fell in love with each other. The CO will not care. The only thing going through his mind will be matchmaking agency = fraud. My question becomes, is this red flag too much to overcome considering we are dealing with the HCMC consulate?? Perhaps a way to deal with this is to make more and more trips to VN. For example, I only get 2 weeks paid vacation each year. I can visit Thu twice per year for the next 2-3 years and use that as my primary evidence to fight the matchmaking agency thing. Is this good or bad?

<CARRICK>

[WeatherEmperor 21]

dg2000, I believe the agency I dealt with had Vietnamese girls who traveled to Singapore to find husbands. When I visited Thu in Singapore I made it perfectly clear that I had NO intention of marrying in Singapore or Vietnam. I made it clear to Thu that I wanted to get to know her alot more before making any commitments. I just want to know if there is anything I can do to combat this negative image that our meeting in Singapore could cause to a CO. Would 3-4 trips to Vietnam address this red flag? It is worth noting that Thu initially wanted me to move to Vietnam so we can live our lives there. Could I also use this to show our intentions are good?

<CARRICK>

Edited October 26, 2009 by WeatherEmperor

[vietazn 1]

Red flag because it's Singapore.

Red flag because Singapore has a bad rep for marriage brokering.

Red flag because they want to know who's paying who because those matchmakers don't work for free.

Because there is a matchmaking agency involved, if the matchmaking agency already has a reputation

or a trail of bad marriages, then perhaps the decision of denial has already been made. They keep track, that's why there's a question about that on the form. I would consider that very carefully.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Red flag because it's Singapore.

Red flag because Singapore has a bad rep for marriage brokering.

Red flag because they want to know who's paying who because those matchmakers don't work for free.

Because there is a matchmaking agency involved, if the matchmaking agency already has a reputation

or a trail of bad marriages, then perhaps the decision of denial has already been made. They keep track, that's why there's a question about that on the form. I would consider that very carefully.

Actually, the question on the I-129F is because of the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005 (IMBRA). The act requires an International Marriage Broker (IMB) to collect information about US citizens and LPR's who contact foreigners through their service. Specifically, they have to collect information about violent or sex crimes and drug or alcohol abuse. This information has to be released to the foreigner before they permit the USC or LPR to contact them. The intention of the act is to protect foreign spouses from being sponsored by people with a history of violent/sex crimes and drug/alcohol abuse; i.e., wife beaters, molesters, murders, and junkies/alcoholics.

Read section 7 of the I-129F instructions. It asks "What documents do you need to comply with the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act?", and then goes on to describe court records of convictions for domestic violence, sexual crimes, violent crimes, and multiple controlled substance crimes. This is the purpose of section C, question 2 on the I-129F. DoS will forward this evidence to the beneficiary. If an IMB was used, they will also determine if the IMB complied with the law and collected/revealed this information before allowing contact between the American and the foreigner. This is the purpose of question 19 on the I-129F.

If an agent provides the same services for people of all nationalities and genders, and doesn't focus primarily on hooking up Americans with foreigners, then they aren't considered IMB's under the act. The vast majority of online dating services are not classified as IMB's.

DoS and the consulates very well may collect information about failed marriages through specific IMB's in order to help track fraudulent agencies. I have no idea whether they do or not. If they do then their tracking is not going to be very effective, since most people answer "No" to question 19, even if they used an online dating service.

[WeatherEmperor 21]

So would it be safe to assume that Thu and I are in big trouble because of the way we met through the matchmaking agency? Wow that would really suck. I was thinking of waiting another 1-2 years to really develop my relationship with Thu before filing the I-129F but it appears that even if I wait 10 years, the fact that we FIRST met at that matchmaking agency will always haunt us. No girl has ever liked me the way Thu does. I have to admit, I am feeling a bit deflated right now

<CARRICK>

Edited October 27, 2009 by WeatherEmperor

[Y's_habibitk 2]

So would it be safe to assume that Thu and I are in big trouble because of the way we met through the matchmaking agency? Wow that would really suck. I was thinking of waiting another 1-2 years to really develop my relationship with Thu before filing the I-129F but it appears that even if I wait 10 years, the fact that we FIRST met at that matchmaking agency will always haunt us. No girl has ever liked me the way Thu does. I have to admit, I am feeling a bit deflated right now

<CARRICK>

If you have a lot of visits and show a long ongoing relationship, it will prove ALOT in the eyes of the CO.

A marriage broker(with a rep)+short courtship followed by sumbitting the 129f=potential red flag

a marriage broker+long courtship with lots of ongoing communication and visits=better case....well, thats if I was the CO

dont write it off and get depressed just yet

Edited October 27, 2009 by Y's_habibitk