ever feel like you are disappointing your loved ones when they ask about your case?

[Free Jerusalem 0]

I have been thinking about this for quite a while now...I wonder if i am the only one? Sometimes i feel guilty and almost like i am disappointing my loved ones (sisters and parents especially) when they ask whats going on with my husbands case. I feel like i almost want to lie and tell them everything is okay, even though i THINK we are stuck in AP. (had an interview on September 11,2009 and they needed more documents form us, finally got everything sent in Wednesday ad got a weird call from them on Friday asking questions already available to them such as the DOB of my husbands parents)

When me and my husband went for our interview, our families were so nervous and worried for us and it made US feel bad. We really feel like we are causing them stress you know ??? Neways we know we are always in their prayers, i just cant help to think how much they must worry about the case

So, are we the only ones who feel this way?

[sara..... 371]

i dont feel that way i KNOW that our case has made a lot of stress on my family.....when ever i talk to them about it they tell me thats what families do.........worry about their loved ones .......i think if u have a loving family and they are supportive of what ur doing it is natural for them to worry and feel stress........they wish that they could help u but know that in reality there is nothing that they can do but be there for you when you need the strength and prayers to help get u thru this process.

i dont look at what i am doing as only something that effects me.......i know that when the time comes and perviz is given the visa that everyone in my family will be feeling just as excited and relieved as i will be

sara

[Free Jerusalem 0]

Yeah, I thank God everyday that i have such a loving supportive family alhamdullilah.

But still, sometimes i feel so guilty ... i love them so much and i just don't want them to worry !

[Kathryn41 3,205]

A lot of people have no understanding of what is involved in the immigration process. I know you want them to be pleased and happy with such a big step in your life and are concerned about how they are feeling when things do not go as smoothly as you hoped. The important thing to remember is that you are doing this for the two of you, and not for your families. Their disappointment or happiness is secondary to the feelings you have for each other. You are not letting anyone down just because the immigration process if long and involved and inconsistent. You have done all that you can to make this work and it is out of your hands now. If your families are getting disappointed with anyone it should be with the US immigration system that is making the two of you jump through all of these hoops just so you can be together. At the same time, they should also be pleased that such safeguards are in place to ensure that you are indeed in a loving relationship and not being used. This is probably going to be one of the most complicated processes you will ever go through in your life so don't you feel that you are disappointing anyone. Do what you have to do to complete the process, ask them for their support but try to remember that it your happiness that is most important right now. You can't do anything about their feelings even if they did feel disappointed - that is for them to deal with; you have enough on your plate as it is. Good luck to the two of you - I hope you get good news soon.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

every. single. day.

[Stephen + Elisha 92]

post not related to consular or general visa procedures, status-oriented only - moving to IR-1/CR-1 Progress Reports

[Free Jerusalem 0]

Aww, you are so sweet kathryn. Thank you for your kind words.

I agree with you that some people have no understanding with what goes on with the immigration process. I truly think it is because a few years back it was SO SO SO easy to get a visa. Atleast i can speak for the area i am in. (JRS consulate) Literally, about 4 years ago my cousin applied for a visa for her husband. (CR1) the WHOLE process took 5 months !!! AND... when they went for their interview they didn't have any pictures or any sort of proof. f course looking back at it now i am so happy things worked out for them and they have two adorable kids and are so happy, thank God. But really when i think about it im like WHAT ??? seriously they had the best luck. It only took 5 months, and their interview was so smooth and he got his visa THE SAME DAY, but they had to wait like six hours for it lol, big deal though ! I am so happy she did not have to proove domicle or anything else. Neways my rant is mainly because i think all our relatives think that's how long the case should always take. Its been like a yr and 2 months for me and my husband and people get shocked to know we barely had an interview!

I dont want anyone to get me wrong when they read this, my family is so supportive but i guess what i am saying is that i am used to giving good news and hate giving them bad news.

[spectheintro 18]

I don't know if I feel like I'm disappointing them, but it's certainly a stressor on all of us. Communication helps, though--I call my wife daily and give her updates (and I in turn am driving both my Senator and the NVC crazy, I know) and as a result I think everyone understands that everything that can be done, has been. I imagine if we were in AP the situation would be different--the complete lack of transparency is maddening. My heart goes out to you--the process is just miserable. But like Kathryn said, you're doing this for each other--in the end, as long as your husband understands and sympathizes with you and the process, the others are just ancillary.

[sachinky 465]

I feel like unless I develop some other talking-topics apart from immigration and case status, I'm going to find myself lonely in social situations. One of my friends pointedly told me that she would continue our phone conversation only if I found something else to discuss other than immigration and my agony.

[Jessica&Carl 1]

I have been thinking about this for quite a while now...I wonder if i am the only one? Sometimes i feel guilty and almost like i am disappointing my loved ones (sisters and parents especially) when they ask whats going on with my husbands case. I feel like i almost want to lie and tell them everything is okay, even though i THINK we are stuck in AP. (had an interview on September 11,2009 and they needed more documents form us, finally got everything sent in Wednesday ad got a weird call from them on Friday asking questions already available to them such as the DOB of my husbands parents)

When me and my husband went for our interview, our families were so nervous and worried for us and it made US feel bad. We really feel like we are causing them stress you know ??? Neways we know we are always in their prayers, i just cant help to think how much they must worry about the case

So, are we the only ones who feel this way?

What if your fiance's family is not very supportive?? He's really sad that his family isn't getting more involved, and that they won't be coming over here for the wedding. I know that he wants to come and that this is what it takes for us to be together, but I wish they could just be happy for us. How do I let that go and just focus on the journey we have ahead of us??? It's so hard!

I'm crushed and needed to vent! Thank you for listening. It's so nice to be able to talk to people who are going through the same things as me!!!!

[david'sgirl 134]

I actually feel like they are letting me down when they say things that are not supportive. I mean this process is difficult enough without family or friends insinuating he could be here any quicker. Some days are harder than others. But every day apart is hard. I think what it comes down to is that only couples going through this process can fully appreciate the anguish, stress, hardship,patience (um still working on it!) and team work this takes. It will all be worth it in the end and I believe we will be a stronger couple because we have already survived this together. Best of luck! Try not to let anyone (even your family) make you feel like you are letting them down! Ouf loved ones should be supporting us through this difficult time but as in my own case it is not happening for a lot of people. There is nothing we can do to change them but we can change how we let it affect us.

[Jewel-8 21]

I actually feel like they are letting me down when they say things that are not supportive. I mean this process is difficult enough without family or friends insinuating he could be here any quicker. Some days are harder than others. But every day apart is hard. I think what it comes down to is that only couples going through this process can fully appreciate the anguish, stress, hardship,patience (um still working on it!) and team work this takes. It will all be worth it in the end and I believe we will be a stronger couple because we have already survived this together. Best of luck! Try not to let anyone (even your family) make you feel like you are letting them down! Ouf loved ones should be supporting us through this difficult time but as in my own case it is not happening for a lot of people. There is nothing we can do to change them but we can change how we let it affect us.

I feel the same way about the lack of support! My family has ignored the fact that I've been engaged for almost 5 months even though my brother and his fiancee got a lot of support. Another thing that has really sucked has been people asking me if I've seen Made of Honor. My mom handed me a copy of it so I watched it. If it weren't for this forum it'd be a lot tougher.

OP yes, I feel like my family is disappointed in me for wanting to marry someone they don't know. I don't like this wait at all and they never ask me for any info on it.

[david'sgirl 134]

I actually feel like they are letting me down when they say things that are not supportive. I mean this process is difficult enough without family or friends insinuating he could be here any quicker. Some days are harder than others. But every day apart is hard. I think what it comes down to is that only couples going through this process can fully appreciate the anguish, stress, hardship,patience (um still working on it!) and team work this takes. It will all be worth it in the end and I believe we will be a stronger couple because we have already survived this together. Best of luck! Try not to let anyone (even your family) make you feel like you are letting them down! Ouf loved ones should be supporting us through this difficult time but as in my own case it is not happening for a lot of people. There is nothing we can do to change them but we can change how we let it affect us.

I feel the same way about the lack of support! My family has ignored the fact that I've been engaged for almost 5 months even though my brother and his fiancee got a lot of support. Another thing that has really sucked has been people asking me if I've seen Made of Honor. My mom handed me a copy of it so I watched it. If it weren't for this forum it'd be a lot tougher.

OP yes, I feel like my family is disappointed in me for wanting to marry someone they don't know. I don't like this wait at all and they never ask me for any info on it.

My sister is getting married too and our middle sis is her maid of honor. A week before I left for Scotland to get married she invited everyoe to her home for an engagement party for my younger sis. I really believed it was a surprise party for me but it wasnt. Then I got home after wedding and they waited 3 months until he visited me to even give us cards. It really hurt. People keep acting as if he has a choice and has decided not to be here. No one seems to get how hard this is every single day we are apart.

btw Made of honor was sooo ridiculous. Eilean Donan castle is in the film and you dont need a ferry or a long drive to the castle! It is really cool. We have loads of pics from honeymoon.

[lostinlove03 2]

Hello,

It was "comforting" reading this thread. I feel so alone and just am so tired of telling my family "everything is still in a standstill, nothing has changed." And, I have supportive co-workers and they ask me about my fiance cause they have met him. But-- this journey has been soo tough and we have had such big road blocks but it seems god is helping us and moving the road blocks but it is taking a really long time.

We already had to go through the j1--waiver and now another 5 months for the k1.

I really really miss my fiance!!! ;(

[Free Jerusalem 0]

I feel like unless I develop some other talking-topics apart from immigration and case status, I'm going to find myself lonely in social situations. One of my friends pointedly told me that she would continue our phone conversation only if I found something else to discuss other than immigration and my agony.

for me its the opposite, i don't like to talk about it all the time with family because i don't wanna stress and worry them. THEY are the ones always asking whats on my mind and to vent if i need to. But that is good advice from your friend, try not to be so down about it. I will take my own advice lol. Good luck to you