IN AOS PROCESS- HUSBAND IS THREATENING ME!!

[Cali2009 0]

Hi there..I have some questions,

mys husband and I got married about 6 MOnths ago, we just recently filed for AOS...and well, how can I say it..things are going just very bad.

He is threatening me so many times that if I don't do a particular thing he'll send me back home and so on...

He treats me very bad..and it just kinda happened within the last 2-3 months, so I don't understand what is going on with him.

What are the rules in this case..I mean, I gave up everything in my mothercountry to live here and started a new life over here and I want to stay...but I am not sure if I can stay with this man for the rest of my life.

Is there any way to see an attorney, explain him my situation and get a divorce without affecting my AOS process...

Will the y send me back once I got approved (AOS) and then get divorced?

I really don't know what to do...he calls me names, is disrespectful,doesn't help at all...I don;t know why I didn't see all that any earlier...

I am so young(21)..and I don't want my life to get ruined by him.

I think he has a problem controlling his anger..and I told him to take anger managment classes, but he wont and then he takes his anger out on me...

Can somebody PLEASE,PLEASE help me?

Thank you

*Carola*

[motu 5]

If you haven't had your AOS interview then you may have a hard time because he may not come with you to the interview. If you have had the interview then you can wait to recieve the green card and then proceed with divorcing etc. - you can remove conditions (2 years later) on your own and explain that the marriage was entered into in good faith. But if you do not have your green card yet (or have not had the interview) then you may be out of luck. Maybe others who have been in your situation and managed through it might post to let you know how. Or you can talk to an immigration lawyer. good Luck

[Carlawarla 1]

Hi there..I have some questions,

mys husband and I got married about 6 MOnths ago, we just recently filed for AOS...and well, how can I say it..things are going just very bad.

He is threatening me so many times that if I don't do a particular thing he'll send me back home and so on...

He treats me very bad..and it just kinda happened within the last 2-3 months, so I don't understand what is going on with him.

What are the rules in this case..I mean, I gave up everything in my mothercountry to live here and started a new life over here and I want to stay...but I am not sure if I can stay with this man for the rest of my life.

Is there any way to see an attorney, explain him my situation and get a divorce without affecting my AOS process...

Will the y send me back once I got approved (AOS) and then get divorced?

I really don't know what to do...he calls me names, is disrespectful,doesn't help at all...I don;t know why I didn't see all that any earlier...

I am so young(21)..and I don't want my life to get ruined by him.

I think he has a problem controlling his anger..and I told him to take anger managment classes, but he wont and then he takes his anger out on me...

Can somebody PLEASE,PLEASE help me?

Thank you

*Carola*

Carola,

First things first. This man is abusing you. I don't know if he's physically "taken his anger out" on you or not, but threatening, bullying, and name calling is abuse. Threatening to send you home is also emotional abuse. Your safety has to be a priority.

Please, call a Crisis Line, or a Domestic Violence worker (perhaps in the front of your phonebook) immediately. This is NOT about calling the police. This is having support and perhaps a mediator when you do talk to him about your future.

Please do this immediately. I am concerned for your safety.

Carla

[NorthernGirl 0]

Hi there..I have some questions,

mys husband and I got married about 6 MOnths ago, we just recently filed for AOS...and well, how can I say it..things are going just very bad.

He is threatening me so many times that if I don't do a particular thing he'll send me back home and so on...

He treats me very bad..and it just kinda happened within the last 2-3 months, so I don't understand what is going on with him.

What are the rules in this case..I mean, I gave up everything in my mothercountry to live here and started a new life over here and I want to stay...but I am not sure if I can stay with this man for the rest of my life.

Is there any way to see an attorney, explain him my situation and get a divorce without affecting my AOS process...

Will the y send me back once I got approved (AOS) and then get divorced?

I really don't know what to do...he calls me names, is disrespectful,doesn't help at all...I don;t know why I didn't see all that any earlier...

I am so young(21)..and I don't want my life to get ruined by him.

I think he has a problem controlling his anger..and I told him to take anger managment classes, but he wont and then he takes his anger out on me...

Can somebody PLEASE,PLEASE help me?

Thank you

*Carola*

Carola,

My heart goes out to you, girl. You don't deserve to be treated this way and the best advice is exactly what Carla said to do - call a shelter or some place that can help you! Don't let this man brainwash you into thinking you have no other choice but to stay with him. I'm sorry, but the guy sounds like a real jackass! Even if you end up back in your home country...wouldn't you rather be with people - family/friends - who love you and don't abuse you? Get yourself back at the top of the list - to hell with the AOS, my dear! Get safe and then figure out what to do next. We're here for you if you need us!

~Cheryl

[jamrok 0]

Hi there..I have some questions,

You should have seen this coming a long time ago before you came here. If it is that bad why dont you go home? Seems like the most rational thing to do.

mys husband and I got married about 6 MOnths ago, we just recently filed for AOS...and well, how can I say it..things are going just very bad.

He is threatening me so many times that if I don't do a particular thing he'll send me back home and so on...

He treats me very bad..and it just kinda happened within the last 2-3 months, so I don't understand what is going on with him.

What are the rules in this case..I mean, I gave up everything in my mothercountry to live here and started a new life over here and I want to stay...but I am not sure if I can stay with this man for the rest of my life.

Is there any way to see an attorney, explain him my situation and get a divorce without affecting my AOS process...

Will the y send me back once I got approved (AOS) and then get divorced?

I really don't know what to do...he calls me names, is disrespectful,doesn't help at all...I don;t know why I didn't see all that any earlier...

I am so young(21)..and I don't want my life to get ruined by him.

I think he has a problem controlling his anger..and I told him to take anger managment classes, but he wont and then he takes his anger out on me...

Can somebody PLEASE,PLEASE help me?

Thank you

*Carola*

Carola,

First things first. This man is abusing you. I don't know if he's physically "taken his anger out" on you or not, but threatening, bullying, and name calling is abuse. Threatening to send you home is also emotional abuse. Your safety has to be a priority.

Please, call a Crisis Line, or a Domestic Violence worker (perhaps in the front of your phonebook) immediately. This is NOT about calling the police. This is having support and perhaps a mediator when you do talk to him about your future.

Please do this immediately. I am concerned for your safety.

Carla

[Key 0]

Hi there..I have some questions,

mys husband and I got married about 6 MOnths ago, we just recently filed for AOS...and well, how can I say it..things are going just very bad.

He is threatening me so many times that if I don't do a particular thing he'll send me back home and so on...

He treats me very bad..and it just kinda happened within the last 2-3 months, so I don't understand what is going on with him.

What are the rules in this case..I mean, I gave up everything in my mothercountry to live here and started a new life over here and I want to stay...but I am not sure if I can stay with this man for the rest of my life.

Is there any way to see an attorney, explain him my situation and get a divorce without affecting my AOS process...

Will the y send me back once I got approved (AOS) and then get divorced?

I really don't know what to do...he calls me names, is disrespectful,doesn't help at all...I don;t know why I didn't see all that any earlier...

I am so young(21)..and I don't want my life to get ruined by him.

I think he has a problem controlling his anger..and I told him to take anger managment classes, but he wont and then he takes his anger out on me...

Can somebody PLEASE,PLEASE help me?

Thank you

*Carola*

Hello Dear,

I am so sorry to hear your stories if you need an immigration lawyer i know someone he is an american citizen and an immigration lawyer now he is very nice and down to earth..just let me know if u r interested so that i can tell him about you...just leave me a personal message if your interested..

Take care always and i understand your case

[tito 1]

Perhaps this is simply a matter of PERCEPTION by the proposed immigrant, and nobody should be playing judge and jury without knowing even a little bit about what might be happening...about what the USC might have to say...or about what another perspective might be about the circumstances. Maybe, just maybe, the proposed immigrant acted one way before she got here, and once here, acted a different way, leaving the USC frustrated and feeling duped, and the proposed immigrant is making a big deal out of the fact that life is just a LITTLE bit different than what she expected, and that, to her, means that the situation is, "abusive" and "threatening". Maybe the proposed immigrant should take responsibility for her own actions and for the relationship in general, and try to accommodate the relationship as it develops. Maybe the proposed immigrant should try to be a bit more supportive of the USC who might just be trying his best to make things work in light of the difficulties. Maybe this crying about "threats" isn't really a threat at all, and the proposed immigrant just FEELS threatened by the circumstances. At 21, the proposed immigrant is quite young, and perhaps has not had a relationship where there were responsibilities foisted upon her for things that she really didn't contemplate before taking a bite out of life by way of a marriage to a USC (after all, life in the States is just a bit different than where the proposed immigrant is from, and back home, things were different, and she just feels scared and isn't quite ready for the change)!

Maybe...just maybe. It frequently seems that posters take things for face value and become sympathetic to these cries of abuse and threats before analyzing what might be a different set of circumstances, and there is frequently this rush to judgment that CLOUDS what might otherwise be valuable advice.

I'm abused!

Oh, you poor thing...get help and self-apply.

Don't mean to be cold, but before passing judgment, I, for one, would like to hear the other side of the story (which, no doubt, there must be).

[DanielParul 50]

Perhaps this is simply a matter of PERCEPTION by the proposed immigrant, and nobody should be playing judge and jury without knowing even a little bit about what might be happening...about what the USC might have to say...or about what another perspective might be about the circumstances. Maybe, just maybe, the proposed immigrant acted one way before she got here, and once here, acted a different way, leaving the USC frustrated and feeling duped, and the proposed immigrant is making a big deal out of the fact that life is just a LITTLE bit different than what she expected, and that, to her, means that the situation is, "abusive" and "threatening". Maybe the proposed immigrant should take responsibility for her own actions and for the relationship in general, and try to accommodate the relationship as it develops. Maybe the proposed immigrant should try to be a bit more supportive of the USC who might just be trying his best to make things work in light of the difficulties. Maybe this crying about "threats" isn't really a threat at all, and the proposed immigrant just FEELS threatened by the circumstances. At 21, the proposed immigrant is quite young, and perhaps has not had a relationship where there were responsibilities foisted upon her for things that she really didn't contemplate before taking a bite out of life by way of a marriage to a USC (after all, life in the States is just a bit different than where the proposed immigrant is from, and back home, things were different, and she just feels scared and isn't quite ready for the change)!

Maybe...just maybe. It frequently seems that posters take things for face value and become sympathetic to these cries of abuse and threats before analyzing what might be a different set of circumstances, and there is frequently this rush to judgment that CLOUDS what might otherwise be valuable advice.

I'm abused!

Oh, you poor thing...get help and self-apply.

Don't mean to be cold, but before passing judgment, I, for one, would like to hear the other side of the story (which, no doubt, there must be).

Things don't remain the same forever in any relationship... It sounds a lot easier when we talk on the phone, chat, write to each other and meet occasionally. However, when 2 people start living together 24/7, there are a lot of adjustments and ways that take some getting used to, some just need to be sorted out. All of that needs time, patience, perseverance.

It also takes a lot of effort and to top it all the financial strain.. It can make anybody a little frustrated and even angry at times. Hopefully everything is not lost yet. Talk to him and tell him what bothers you about his behaviour and see if there is anything bothering him too...

You have been married 6 months.. Don't want to pass any judgement, but isn't it a bit too early to look for a divorce already???

On the other hand - If he is really abusive, threatening and disrespectful and is not ready to work on the relationship, it is a different story and then you do need to think of your safety first..

Just try to think it through with a clear head.....

[caybee 21]

The original post was from July '06. The OP successfully adjusted status in December '06.

[LaL 418]

I am closing this thread at this time due to the situation being resolved. Thanks.