Getting her out of vacation mode

[visaveteran 1]

Good post, baron555.

I'm a female too, and I don't see how jewelry or flowers will get his wife to do things. To me this says, EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW IS AWESOME AND DON'T CHANGE A THING! Feeling appreciated isn't going to make someone scrub a toilet.

My wife has told me several times that if I'd only buy her flowers and jewelry she'd be more than happy to scrub the toilet and clean the house. As of right now, she does those things but only under extreme protest because I don't buy her anything.

According to her, she'd be happy if I either helped out or bought her nice things. I won't do either because I'm busy working a full-time job and she should have more than enough time between her part-time gigs to get things done around the house. Jewelry? HA! I would, except the majority of money from that full-time job I work goes to the bills that have to be paid and since only one of us is working full-time... guess who pays more?

(For the record, I'd love to spend all my money on her and shower her with gifts and diamonds, trips around the world, etc. - I just don't think that'd make her happy though.)

And about flowers, jewelries and other things - it's not a bribe i was talking about. Or 'you do this - i give you that' relationship. I was talking about making each other's life more interesting, brighter, etc. Ok, not jewelries - go to a theatre, concert, or a short trip somewhere. To be honest, I think when each of the two REALLY wants to make the life of the other better, most problems just never occur.

So where does all the money come from to do all this fun stuff together? Going to the theatre, concerts, short trips... all sounds really nice. How do you pay for all that stuff?

Sorry, Slim, but this just sounds odd. Listen, women love flowers. Try buying her some once in a while, and see the love come back to you. Maybe, she needs encouragement to be more domestic. Try doing chores with her together. Peace.

I think this is "Americanized" thinking. That is, men have to buy the love and attention and cooperation of women by giving them something like flowers, perfume, going to the theater, taking out the trash, washing the dishes, etc. The problem is that if you give someone a gift in hopes of getting something in return, it becomes more of a bribe or payoff. This, IMJ, lowers a man's self worth and respect. He's selling out to get a pat on the head or maybe 10 minutes in the bedroom or have his sorry-a** wife do a little work.

If a relationship lives or dies on flowers and candy, then there is a deep seated problem or simply a very bad match. And, I have to ask myself why go to all the expense and trouble to marry a foreign woman when you could get the same result marrying an American woman around the corner.

[Kailey 3]

I think this is "Americanized" thinking. That is, men have to buy the love and attention and cooperation of women by giving them something like flowers, perfume, going to the theater, taking out the trash, washing the dishes, etc. The problem is that if you give someone a gift in hopes of getting something in return, it becomes more of a bribe or payoff. This, IMJ, lowers a man's self worth and respect. He's selling out to get a pat on the head or maybe 10 minutes in the bedroom or have his sorry-a** wife do a little work.

If a relationship lives or dies on flowers and candy, then there is a deep seated problem or simply a very bad match. And, I have to ask myself why go to all the expense and trouble to marry a foreign woman when you could get the same result marrying an American woman around the corner.

- I agree. But who was talking about a relationship that lives on such 'bribes'? I was talking about a desire to give or to do something for the other one just because you love him/her. WHy is it so difficult to understand and why do you want to lower this to some "i give you this ring - you walk the dog" level?

My point is that each of the two should accept with gratitude what the other does and also try to do as much as he/she can to make the other one happy. But to be honest i think such relationship can only exist if they really love each other... well.. or... if they are smart enough to live a happy life .

+ By the way using your logic - if SHE gives him a present she would expect him to vacuumclean today?

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

I think this is "Americanized" thinking.

I don't think you know a damn thing about what American or Russian women are thinking. And yes I have come across many Russian, Ukrainian and other East European women during my time living in various countries in Europe and the ME. I find that East European women generally want the same things out of men that American or any other group of women want. Perhaps you are suffering from some measure of self hate and feelings of inadequacy and transferring those emotions into a negative view of American women. Whenever I meet a misogynistic American male it always makes me wonder if his mother was a materialistic stripper since people tend to view the opposite sex based upon how their parent was. Guess your views don't speak well of your mother.

[AKguy 1]

Hm.. I actually LIKE to buy my SO flowers. I like to see the look on her face light up when she sees them. I don't do it for some nookie or because I feel like I have to, I do it because I want to. Just like I compliment her because I can't help it, not because she needs to hear it.

[amberdima 6]

i bought my husband a rose today...then he started scrubbing the floors. weird...

[Dave-n-Oksana 49]

i bought my husband a rose today...then he started scrubbing the floors. weird...

Wow...Imagine what he would do for a Klondike. :D

Edited October 29, 2009 by Dave-n-Oksana

[Danno 1,228]

I think this is "Americanized" thinking.

I don't think you know a damn thing about what American or Russian women are thinking. And yes I have come across many Russian, Ukrainian and other East European women during my time living in various countries in Europe and the ME. I find that East European women generally want the same things out of men that American or any other group of women want. Perhaps you are suffering from some measure of self hate and feelings of inadequacy and transferring those emotions into a negative view of American women. Whenever I meet a misogynistic American male it always makes me wonder if his mother was a materialistic stripper since people tend to view the opposite sex based upon how their parent was. Guess your views don't speak well of your mother.

Sorry, I have to give you the "Talking out of my a$$ award".

While no two women are alike.... generally speaking, Russian woman are quite a bit different from the Average American lady. (and it's not all good).

They also look for different things in men.

Example, I have never known a Russian woman to long after a HUGH GRANT TYPE GUY.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Hm.. I actually LIKE to buy my SO flowers. I like to see the look on her face light up when she sees them. I don't do it for some nookie or because I feel like I have to, I do it because I want to. Just like I compliment her because I can't help it, not because she needs to hear it.

My wife loves flowers more than most any (reasonably priced) surprise I can bring home. I second this line of thinking - that for a few bucks, she gets so much pleasure. Ditto on the reasons, and the compliments.

i bought my husband a rose today...then he started scrubbing the floors. weird...

Were you wearing the Darth Vader costume too? Just curious.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I think this is "Americanized" thinking.

I don't think you know a damn thing about what American or Russian women are thinking. And yes I have come across many Russian, Ukrainian and other East European women during my time living in various countries in Europe and the ME. I find that East European women generally want the same things out of men that American or any other group of women want. Perhaps you are suffering from some measure of self hate and feelings of inadequacy and transferring those emotions into a negative view of American women. Whenever I meet a misogynistic American male it always makes me wonder if his mother was a materialistic stripper since people tend to view the opposite sex based upon how their parent was. Guess your views don't speak well of your mother.

Sorry, I have to give you the "Talking out of my a$$ award".

While no two women are alike.... generally speaking, Russian woman are quite a bit different from the Average American lady. (and it's not all good).

They also look for different things in men.

Example, I have never known a Russian woman to long after a HUGH GRANT TYPE GUY.

Based only on my own experience, I have to agree that there is a HUGE difference in what my wife and other Eastern European women I have met seem to want from life. There are a few things that seem to be common for humans generally, but the paradigm for successful relationship is worlds different IMHO.

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

Sorry, I have to give you the "Talking out of my a$$ award".

While no two women are alike.... generally speaking, Russian woman are quite a bit different from the Average American lady. (and it's not all good).

They also look for different things in men.

Example, I have never known a Russian woman to long after a HUGH GRANT TYPE GUY.

Danno, I've never seen you not blow words out of your ####. Obviously, cultures differ but culture is man-made. People the world over basically want the same things. And what a coincidence, I've never met an American woman that particularly cares for Hugh Grant. I think you need to get out more instead of ASSuming you know so much.

[slim 1,530]

Sorry, Slim, but this just sounds odd. Listen, women love flowers. Try buying her some once in a while, and see the love come back to you. Maybe, she needs encouragement to be more domestic. Try doing chores with her together. Peace.

Whenever I buy my wife flowers, she complains that they were "on sale."

I would do chores with her, but I'm busy working.

if you give someone a gift in hopes of getting something in return, it becomes more of a bribe or payoff. This, IMJ, lowers a man's self worth and respect. He's selling out to get a pat on the head or maybe 10 minutes in the bedroom or have his sorry-a** wife do a little work.

If a relationship lives or dies on flowers and candy, then there is a deep seated problem or simply a very bad match. And, I have to ask myself why go to all the expense and trouble to marry a foreign woman when you could get the same result marrying an American woman around the corner.

Outstanding post.

if SHE gives him a present she would expect him to vacuumclean today?

She expects me to vacuum simply because she's graced me with her presence. Every minute she allows me to be near her is a gift. Breathing the same air is like a privilege. I should want to do chores around the house in an effort to make this place nicer for her since she "makes for me privilege" of living here with me.

I find that East European women generally want the same things out of men that American or any other group of women want.

Money and multiple orgasms.

It isn't rocket science.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

just reading this thread makes me realize just how much the stupidity is rampant on this site.... good luck is all i gotta say.

[Kailey 3]

Slim, i think you are either trying to present yourself much worse than you are , or I really fail to understand what was the purpose you married. Just to prove every day of your life that - damn you, but you won't let that woman (your wife) feel loved and taken care of? You were hurt by women once in your life? And want revenge ? Relax..

[Jonathan Matthies 1]

I've only been casually reading this thread, but I think some people are misinterpreting sarcasm. Or my sarcasm detector is on the fritz again.

Edited October 30, 2009 by Jonathan Matthies

[Brad and Vika 129]

I've only been casually reading this thread, but I think some people are misinterpreting sarcasm. Or my sarcasm detector is on the fritz again.

Spot on I think.