Pissed off and sad

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

Liss...please we have all been there at one time or another. We are here for you, that you know. I think that what everyone has said thus far is right on the mark. You are stressed out beyond belief right now, just give it a few days, think about it and collect yourself and your thoughts. Things always have a way of working out. From what I have gathered, you have been through the mill and back. Don't back out now just because your emotions are running ragged!!! I will start calling you ragedy anne!!! lol. Just keep your chin up girl!! Things will work out for the best they always do.

LJ ((((((HUGS))))))

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

I'm 23 years old ....And getting ready to set myself up for more than 2 years of being married, and spending every night alone...I'm too young to be spending my nights home alone

This is your issue. Money, inlaws, outlaws, and wedding are just red herrings for want of a better phrase. You have articulated the reason why you are "freaking out". It is an incredible risk and sacrifice what you are doing and if Javier is not acknowledging that every day or more often than not, you feel let down. And trust me, he is a man and will not take kindly to your reminding him what a sacrifice you have made. He will want it to be considered ancient history once you get married. I hope you can get some sound pre-marital counseling before you say I do. Good Luck, Melissa whatever your decision.

[CarolineM 0]

It is an incredible risk and sacrifice what you are doing and if Javier is not acknowledging that every day or more often than not, you feel let down

Right on point ELizabeth.

[Anyta Holland 1]

Some families do anything but help on your wedding planning, and you are, perhaps, better off with them not getting too involved...

If you are having second thoughts because you are angry, I sugges you lie down, take a few deep breaths and calm down, if after that, you still have second thoughts then I suggest you talk to your partner about the way you feel and make a decision when you are both cool to talk...

I hope you can sort this one out...

[Fandango 1,440]

Mel, I dunno what to say...and you can read all of our advice, but only you know in your heart what to do.

I can imagine how frustrating planning a wedding/dealing with immigration/dealing with your own stuff/ dealing with an LDR is....singularly, each of these issues is enuff to break someone, but add them up and there's a tonnnn of stress. You have to give yourself credit for dealing so well without having a meltdown every 5 mins.

You need to isolate the issues and really get to the heart of the matter as to what's really bugging you. Is it the 'stuff' or is it Javier? Or is it you're getting cold feet, etc? I honestly dont' know what to tell you....but if you TRULY in your heart feel you do not want to get married, then don't force it. Nothing says that you and Javier can't reevaluate stuff to make a relationship that works better....even for the time being only. Need more time? Put the wedding on hold.....

I hope I'm not coming across as harsh or anything......for years D has wanted to get married & I just have not been ready. So we did things on a different time frame than most & found something that worked for us. And look at us now.....realizing you're not ready for marriage is a very mature choice to make....and if you're not ready now, that doesn't necessarily have to mean the end of a relationship.

But keep in mind that both of you will react to the separation in different ways. It's such a hard thing to have to bear everyday & it causes stress & situations & feelings that would never have arisen if you two were physically together.

Take some time to evaluate how you feel. Make sure you're confidant in whatever choice you make. But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater just because...you two have come a long way!

[rob&ana 0]

Melissa:

We have not talked a lot, but of course like many people here… I know your story.

Wedding planning can be stressful, we all agree on that. Wedding planning adds a lot of stress, especially on long distance relationships like most of us has had. That said, I think it might be a tad normal what you’re going thru right now. On the other hand, like you said, you are way too young and you have your life ahead of you.

I have always been kind of a chicken myself. If coming to the US to be with Rob had been a really tough process (like Javi’s) I probably would’ve given up. I am kind of set against anything that makes my life utterly complicated, but then again that’s just me. You are too young, that is certainly right, too young to have gone thru and put up with all that you’ve gone thru with Javier. Like you said, go into a wedding and know that there are going to be many lonely nights it’s not a good picture, especially since it seems like you are the one making all the efforts to make this work out.

I never posted on any of your topics before because I never had anything good to say about Javier, and knowing that you loved him, I rather keep my mouth shut than aggravate you. Maybe I have the “macho” mind, where I think (like many latin women) that the wolves should be running after the sheep, not the other way around (this meaning that they have to make the bigger effort… or at least show some sort of interest).

You are a wonderful woman, smart and perseverant. You deserve the best, may it or may it not be Javi. If I were you, I’d sit down and write the pro’s and the con’s of your relationship with Javi, analyze who has put the most effort in making things work out, and what is YOUR gain in this situation. I don’t know Javier, so I don’t want you to think that I am just putting him down. Maybe he is really going thru a lot of financial hardship, but when you love someone you try the best to solve certain situations and not burden your loved one with complains, or act dumb and create more problems.

Like I said before, I don’t know you, we haven’t talked much, if at all. But I have a little sister a couple of years younger than you, and I would not like to see her going thru what you’ve been gone thru. Life is so much bigger, so much funner, so much brighter than suffering that much for a man.

I hope you the best, be it in your wedding, or in any decision that you make…

Love,

Ana

[Peter Miami 0]

I'm 23 years old ....And getting ready to set myself up for more than 2 years of being married, and spending every night alone...I'm too young to be spending my nights home alone

This is your issue. Money, inlaws, outlaws, and wedding are just red herrings for want of a better phrase. You have articulated the reason why you are "freaking out". It is an incredible risk and sacrifice what you are doing and if Javier is not acknowledging that every day or more often than not, you feel let down. And trust me, he is a man and will not take kindly to your reminding him what a sacrifice you have made. He will want it to be considered ancient history once you get married. I hope you can get some sound pre-marital counseling before you say I do. Good Luck, Melissa whatever your decision.

I agree, please think this through. You will not arrive at an answer in 1 hour, take your time.

Good luck,

Peter Miami

[Fandango 1,440]

I never posted on any of your topics before because I never had anything good to say about Javier, and knowing that you loved him, I rather keep my mouth shut than aggravate you. Maybe I have the “macho” mind, where I think (like many latin women) that the wolves should be running after the sheep, not the other way around (this meaning that they have to make the bigger effort… or at least show some sort of interest).

I'm sorry, but I find this bit really unneccessary....actually the whole bit, but especially the bit in red. Don't you think this is like kicking a person when they are down?

[ceriserose 1]

Sometimes the enormity of 'everything' gets in the way of listening to yourself. I kindly suggest that you think about what YOU want in life, not related to anyone's expectations, not relating to "should" and "shouldn't" but without any restrictions try to think about what you feel you deserve.

Because you owe it to yourself to make sure that every step you take, takes you in the direction you want to end up.

I've told you some of my history and I was in this place once. I don't have answers for you, but please know that it's my hope that you find them in yourself. You are a very unique and special person Melissa, with amazing gifts. I would hate to see you deny any part of you for anyone.

I hope you get some sleep soon.

edited: double post

Edited July 18, 2006 by ceriserose

[Traviesa 0]

I never posted on any of your topics before because I never had anything good to say about Javier, and knowing that you loved him, I rather keep my mouth shut than aggravate you. Maybe I have the “macho” mind, where I think (like many latin women) that the wolves should be running after the sheep, not the other way around (this meaning that they have to make the bigger effort… or at least show some sort of interest).

I'm sorry, but I find this bit really unneccessary....actually the whole bit, but especially the bit in red. Don't you think this is like kicking a person when they are down?

Before this takes off, let me say that I understand what Ana is saying, even if it did strike that little chord within me that says, time to defend him. I'm not going to spend time on that though-I know that most of what I post about Javier on here has been negative, and I don't post a lot when things are fine or even good. The fact that I trust this man 100% says a lot to me, personally, because I don't trust. I feel confident and secure in his love for me, that he would be a great husband, father, and provider.

Thanks, Lisa, for what you have posted also. And thanks for looking out for me...I really appreciate it

I will say that I was really pissed off when I posted this and it has taken me a while to calm down. I'm not sure at the moment how I feel but a lot of you have made some very good points, and I am reading them all and taking them into consideration.

[gimygirl 0]

I never posted on any of your topics before because I never had anything good to say about Javier, and knowing that you loved him, I rather keep my mouth shut than aggravate you. Maybe I have the “macho” mind, where I think (like many latin women) that the wolves should be running after the sheep, not the other way around (this meaning that they have to make the bigger effort… or at least show some sort of interest).

I'm sorry, but I find this bit really unneccessary....actually the whole bit, but especially the bit in red. Don't you think this is like kicking a person when they are down?

actually lisa ... i think ana's post was pretty spot on. there are many of us that have been here since the beginning. i, too, have refrained at times when it comes to melissa because she reminds me of my younger sister as well. i like what you said as well, lisa because not rushing into a marriage that you think you should heading into is indeed a mature decision.

i wish things were different for you melissa ... i wish javier was emotionally and mentally there for you 100% (not too mention maybe a little in the financial dept). i cringed when you said in another post that you had no money yet were going out to buy all these outfits for your newborn nice. this shows what a big heart you have ... putting someone else before yourself.

but it is time that you step back and take that time for yourself. i don't think it's unreasonable at all to expect some support from javier and his family after the numerous trips that you've made down to mexico, all the heartache and pain you've poured into your immigration process, all the phones & phone cards you've bought, etc etc ...

you deserve happiness ... it should not be this hard. my heart goes out to you!

[samir_shannon 0]

I have never talked to you before but i am sorry to hear about your situation. to me it seems like this situation is one- sided. you shouldnt be feeling alone and you shouldnt have to be paying for everything. if your fiance is poor that is ok, but him and his family are showing you very little respect. if i were you i would really think this over cos the situation sounds very unfair.

[irishgirl73 0]

So your now not getting married? After all you have been through please do think this one over..

Yes money can cause issues and you may feel pissed right now, but look at the big picture, youve come this far, dont let this get you down..

Take Care, Melanie

[rob&ana 0]

Melissa...

I tried to PM you, but your mailbox is full....

Basically, what I wanted to tell you is what you said. There has to be more to Javier that what you post here. Because if you love him, there has to be more than the negative things we hear.

Again, think it over, like I said, weight the pro's and con's. No one can tell you how to make your own decision.

I admire you, because being SO young, you've taken upon yourself this huge responsability, and you've carried yourself with dignity even when people here have been tough and hard with you.

I wish you only the best....

Ana

[chri'stina 190]

I am not sure what to say...I think many others have said things I might say also.

Just remember not to let how you are feeling at this very moment to impact every decision. Cool down and then think about it.