ugh... in a slump

[atsleumas 3]

So, since the filing of the I-130, things have been up and down. I go back for a visit in a few days and even though that should make me happy - things are just not going so well. Lately we argue over the littlest thing and its hard enough being so far apart and going through this immigration stuff- let alone add stupid arguments into the mix!

He says he feels helpless sometimes because he can't do anything but wait for me and/or wait on the process. He's no familiar with how the process works and just looks to me for any word on it. That I can understand.. but the bickering... I guess being were not like most newlyweds - where this time should be a happy time, its stressfull and downright depressing.

Anyone ever feel this way? How do/did you cope?

[carolynhotstuff 252]

You are right it is stressful and depressing and this should be a happy time. What we started doing yesterday is getting ready for the interview. Making sure he knows as much about me as possible. Going over the information I put down about myself in the forms so he is ready to answer any questions. Does your husband know where you work? If you have kids does he know their birthdays?

Maybe this will ease some of the stress. Also I'm sure once he holds you in his arms you will feel 100% better.

[sus 70]

I think we all hit that point at times - it's hard to ride through the rough spots, but at least you have a trip planned - I have found that that always seems to reconnect us when we get to that point - sometimes you just need a good old fashioned all out argument, and that's hard to do over the phone -

The most important is to communicate with each other, talk about your frustrations, and try to not take them out on each other - it's a crappy situation in that none of us have control, and definitely is a lesson in patience and perseverance -

Hang in there!

[atsleumas 3]

Thanks guys...

I just never want to get to the point where either of us decides to just throw in the towel. I know our lives are very different right now- I try my best to understand, he does as well- but still. You are right about communication and doing our best not to take our frusterations out on eachother.

[charandivan 0]

I think that everyone has experienced this at some point in the process. It is definitely stressful, but don't let it get the best of you. We often have to remind ourselves that negativity surrounds you when good things are happening in your life. The key is to focus on the positive results at the end. You have to endure this for the short term, but its all for long term happiness. Stay strong for each other and your time will soon come. Be blessed.

[*JG* 2]

It's normal. And, look at it this way.....if arguing, you are COMMUNICATING. It's a good thing. You learn to work things out that way.

It's hard. And, it gets harder all the way through the adjustment process. You CAN do this. In the end you will say, what was all the fuss about.

Hang in there.

[atsleumas 3]

I think that everyone has experienced this at some point in the process. It is definitely stressful, but don't let it get the best of you. We often have to remind ourselves that negativity surrounds you when good things are happening in your life. The key is to focus on the positive results at the end. You have to endure this for the short term, but its all for long term happiness. Stay strong for each other and your time will soon come. Be blessed.

Very true. When good things are happening, negativity does come knocking. Thanks for your kind words. Hey! Ill be going down on the 25th! Hope you have a safe and memorable journey.

It's normal. And, look at it this way.....if arguing, you are COMMUNICATING. It's a good thing. You learn to work things out that way.

It's hard. And, it gets harder all the way through the adjustment process. You CAN do this. In the end you will say, what was all the fuss about.

Hang in there.

Thanks JG... right now its torture and I just hope we both have what it takes to get thru all of this. I cant wait to say "what was all the fuss about"

[ajmiami 0]

So, since the filing of the I-130, things have been up and down. I go back for a visit in a few days and even though that should make me happy - things are just not going so well. Lately we argue over the littlest thing and its hard enough being so far apart and going through this immigration stuff- let alone add stupid arguments into the mix!

He says he feels helpless sometimes because he can't do anything but wait for me and/or wait on the process. He's no familiar with how the process works and just looks to me for any word on it. That I can understand.. but the bickering... I guess being were not like most newlyweds - where this time should be a happy time, its stressfull and downright depressing.

Anyone ever feel this way? How do/did you cope?

I do understand how you are feeling. I'm in a similar situation right now; but a bit different...as we're not married yet and our situation is a bit crazy; but we've only seen each other a total of 47 days over the last year and it's hard! And lately he has been running hot and then cold and disappears for a while and it's just damn difficult!

I was complaining about this situation just last night -- all I can say is that you just have to create your own life outside of this "mess" right now and have faith all will work out but not stress over it. But concentrate on yourself for a while.

Do something for you!

[Mrs. Palmer 5]

So, since the filing of the I-130, things have been up and down. I go back for a visit in a few days and even though that should make me happy - things are just not going so well. Lately we argue over the littlest thing and its hard enough being so far apart and going through this immigration stuff- let alone add stupid arguments into the mix!

He says he feels helpless sometimes because he can't do anything but wait for me and/or wait on the process. He's no familiar with how the process works and just looks to me for any word on it. That I can understand.. but the bickering... I guess being were not like most newlyweds - where this time should be a happy time, its stressfull and downright depressing.

Anyone ever feel this way? How do/did you cope?

I wish I could give you a hug right now . This whole process is one of the most difficult things that any of us has had to go through. It puts such a different kind of strain/stress not only on us as individuals, but on our relationships, that it's a wonder we don't all end up killing someone or going crazy ourselves! What I can say is that we have all been there. I cannot tell you the # and kind of arguments my husband and I have had during this process...some of them were really bad, and I must admit, there were times that I was not sure if we would make it. But what we kept coming back to was that we really loved one another, and knew that though difficult, our marriage was ordained by God. Not all of the arguments were the same...in fact they sort of got better (if that makes sense). This process really does force you to communicate in different ways with one another, and that's what we had to learn to do. It also really took me awhile to realize that this whole process was just as hard on him as it was on me. Eventhough he would say it alot, it took me a while to really listen and understand, and see where he was coming from. Looks like you're in the beginning of the filing process. What helped us get through it was to become involved in other activities. Don't get me wrong, we still made time for each other, but it also helped for both of us to engage in positive activities outside of this process that could help get our minds off things and help us to de-stress. And I know it's hard because he's looking to you for answers, and you have none...and so you feel helpless all over again, which leads to increased stress, which leads to....well as you can see it's all a vicious circle. Just do what you need to do to nurture yourself during this process. And in doing so, you will be nurturing your marriage as well. And see him when you can. And the two of you just remember why you got married and decided to endure this process to begin with. Good luck, and I'm here if you need me!

[charandivan 0]

I think that everyone has experienced this at some point in the process. It is definitely stressful, but don't let it get the best of you. We often have to remind ourselves that negativity surrounds you when good things are happening in your life. The key is to focus on the positive results at the end. You have to endure this for the short term, but its all for long term happiness. Stay strong for each other and your time will soon come. Be blessed.

Very true. When good things are happening, negativity does come knocking. Thanks for your kind words. Hey! Ill be going down on the 25th! Hope you have a safe and memorable journey.

It's normal. And, look at it this way.....if arguing, you are COMMUNICATING. It's a good thing. You learn to work things out that way.

It's hard. And, it gets harder all the way through the adjustment process. You CAN do this. In the end you will say, what was all the fuss about.

Hang in there.

Thanks JG... right now its torture and I just hope we both have what it takes to get thru all of this. I cant wait to say "what was all the fuss about"

@ Aatsleumas: What part of JA will you be in?

Edited October 22, 2009 by charandivan

[MsSheka 0]

So, since the filing of the I-130, things have been up and down. I go back for a visit in a few days and even though that should make me happy - things are just not going so well. Lately we argue over the littlest thing and its hard enough being so far apart and going through this immigration stuff- let alone add stupid arguments into the mix!

He says he feels helpless sometimes because he can't do anything but wait for me and/or wait on the process. He's no familiar with how the process works and just looks to me for any word on it. That I can understand.. but the bickering... I guess being were not like most newlyweds - where this time should be a happy time, its stressfull and downright depressing.

Anyone ever feel this way? How do/did you cope?

(((((HUGS))))) Keep the faith my dear and trust me it will all work out this is a very trying process you just have to find things to keep both your minds off this whole thing, try to relax and enjoy your time away and enjoy each other, i'm sure we all did not expect this process to be so hard but any time away from a loved one is very hard and very emotional for both parties try to find a common ground and encourage each other when he's down you be the positive ray of sunshine and advise him to do the same and trust me you'll see how it all start to balance out...feel free to PM me if you need to talk

[brownnskinn 0]

So, since the filing of the I-130, things have been up and down. I go back for a visit in a few days and even though that should make me happy - things are just not going so well. Lately we argue over the littlest thing and its hard enough being so far apart and going through this immigration stuff- let alone add stupid arguments into the mix!

He says he feels helpless sometimes because he can't do anything but wait for me and/or wait on the process. He's no familiar with how the process works and just looks to me for any word on it. That I can understand.. but the bickering... I guess being were not like most newlyweds - where this time should be a happy time, its stressfull and downright depressing.

Anyone ever feel this way? How do/did you cope?

I wish I could give you a hug right now . This whole process is one of the most difficult things that any of us has had to go through. It puts such a different kind of strain/stress not only on us as individuals, but on our relationships, that it's a wonder we don't all end up killing someone or going crazy ourselves! What I can say is that we have all been there. I cannot tell you the # and kind of arguments my husband and I have had during this process...some of them were really bad, and I must admit, there were times that I was not sure if we would make it. But what we kept coming back to was that we really loved one another, and knew that though difficult, our marriage was ordained by God. Not all of the arguments were the same...in fact they sort of got better (if that makes sense). This process really does force you to communicate in different ways with one another, and that's what we had to learn to do. It also really took me awhile to realize that this whole process was just as hard on him as it was on me. Eventhough he would say it alot, it took me a while to really listen and understand, and see where he was coming from. Looks like you're in the beginning of the filing process. What helped us get through it was to become involved in other activities. Don't get me wrong, we still made time for each other, but it also helped for both of us to engage in positive activities outside of this process that could help get our minds off things and help us to de-stress. And I know it's hard because he's looking to you for answers, and you have none...and so you feel helpless all over again, which leads to increased stress, which leads to....well as you can see it's all a vicious circle. Just do what you need to do to nurture yourself during this process. And in doing so, you will be nurturing your marriage as well. And see him when you can. And the two of you just remember why you got married and decided to endure this process to begin with. Good luck, and I'm here if you need me!

Great advice!

[atsleumas 3]

So, since the filing of the I-130, things have been up and down. I go back for a visit in a few days and even though that should make me happy - things are just not going so well. Lately we argue over the littlest thing and its hard enough being so far apart and going through this immigration stuff- let alone add stupid arguments into the mix!

He says he feels helpless sometimes because he can't do anything but wait for me and/or wait on the process. He's no familiar with how the process works and just looks to me for any word on it. That I can understand.. but the bickering... I guess being were not like most newlyweds - where this time should be a happy time, its stressfull and downright depressing.

Anyone ever feel this way? How do/did you cope?

I wish I could give you a hug right now . This whole process is one of the most difficult things that any of us has had to go through. It puts such a different kind of strain/stress not only on us as individuals, but on our relationships, that it's a wonder we don't all end up killing someone or going crazy ourselves! What I can say is that we have all been there. I cannot tell you the # and kind of arguments my husband and I have had during this process...some of them were really bad, and I must admit, there were times that I was not sure if we would make it. But what we kept coming back to was that we really loved one another, and knew that though difficult, our marriage was ordained by God. Not all of the arguments were the same...in fact they sort of got better (if that makes sense). This process really does force you to communicate in different ways with one another, and that's what we had to learn to do. It also really took me awhile to realize that this whole process was just as hard on him as it was on me. Eventhough he would say it alot, it took me a while to really listen and understand, and see where he was coming from. Looks like you're in the beginning of the filing process. What helped us get through it was to become involved in other activities. Don't get me wrong, we still made time for each other, but it also helped for both of us to engage in positive activities outside of this process that could help get our minds off things and help us to de-stress. And I know it's hard because he's looking to you for answers, and you have none...and so you feel helpless all over again, which leads to increased stress, which leads to....well as you can see it's all a vicious circle. Just do what you need to do to nurture yourself during this process. And in doing so, you will be nurturing your marriage as well. And see him when you can. And the two of you just remember why you got married and decided to endure this process to begin with. Good luck, and I'm here if you need me!

Great advice!

YOU ALL ARE SO WONDERFUL... thanks for the words of encouragment... I am truly blessed to have met all of you