dealing with a vindictive ex

[Aymsgirl 0]

Prayers with you in court.

[Sandrila 1]

Tash..it's a low down dirty shame and thank you for your prayers...you cannot fathom what it is like to have your own parent rival you in this way

the only ones this is hurting MOST are the children.

[venusfire503 54]

Well, court was a mixture of good and bad. The judge only listened to the custody evaluator who said the kids were more behaved when he saw them with their father. She must not have been completely convinced, though, because she decided to have us switch the current schedule for several months to see how it works out, then we'll evaluate how the children are doing. I think it's #######, of course. First of all, they've been with me more than half the time for the past 3+ years since the divorce, and they're doing SO much better than before. The past year, especially, they've shown significant improvement. I don't know why we need to make changes when everything was working so well. My oldest was having real problems and had to have special help at school - now her teachers keep asking her why she even has an IEP (special accomodations at school). My son's aide at school said he isn't really needed anymore... and now the ####### ex decides he has to stir things up. I'm worried the kids will regress, but there's nothing I can do about it. The worst part is that he doesn't really want to spend more time with them. An example (since it's always been like this) - he used to get home early some days from work, but would leave one of them at daycare for 3 or 4 hours for me to pick her up when I was done. You'd think he'd look forward to picking her up, but his attitude was more or less "well, we've already paid for it". She was only a few months old - how could he leave her there? It never really changed with him, either.

Anyway, the good things - first of all, if he screws up (likely), then we go back to the 'old' schedule, or I might even get more time with them than I've had. Second, he's been court ordered to attend co-parenting counseling. If it works, maybe he'll actually start treating me like a human, and start doing what's best for the kids. Third, he's going to have to come up with good reasons why he won't let my kids travel to Morocco to meet their stepfamily (I'm sure most of you know the near impossibility of my husband's family all being able to come here) instead of just seeing them on webcam. Since I can't think of a single good reason, it sounds like we have a good chance of finally taking them (once we save up the money).

Oh, also - HE has to be around when the kids are there with him now - no sticking them with babysitters or their stepmother. If he can't be there, he HAS TO contact me to give me the opportunity to have them stay with me. If he doesn't, the judge won't think very highly of that. I think once the judge sees how often they end up at my house anyway, she's going to mention that they might as well stay with me after all. If my ex actually tries to cut his schedule down to be there for them (especially hard with all the school holidays coming up), he's probably going to realize he's losing more money with his business than he's saving on child support.

So, it was a hard day - hearing him get his way, knowing he doesn't really care, and put us through all of this just to save himself some money and to torture me (he knows nothing means more to me than my kids). But I am looking at the good parts of it. And trying to keep in mind that it's only a temporary arrangement - anything could happen in a few months. It's his situation to screw up now.

Trying to keep my chin up.....

venusfire

[merijan 0]

Well, court was a mixture of good and bad. The judge only listened to the custody evaluator who said the kids were more behaved when he saw them with their father. She must not have been completely convinced, though, because she decided to have us switch the current schedule for several months to see how it works out, then we'll evaluate how the children are doing. I think it's #######, of course. First of all, they've been with me more than half the time for the past 3+ years since the divorce, and they're doing SO much better than before. The past year, especially, they've shown significant improvement. I don't know why we need to make changes when everything was working so well. My oldest was having real problems and had to have special help at school - now her teachers keep asking her why she even has an IEP (special accomodations at school). My son's aide at school said he isn't really needed anymore... and now the ####### ex decides he has to stir things up. I'm worried the kids will regress, but there's nothing I can do about it. The worst part is that he doesn't really want to spend more time with them. An example (since it's always been like this) - he used to get home early some days from work, but would leave one of them at daycare for 3 or 4 hours for me to pick her up when I was done. You'd think he'd look forward to picking her up, but his attitude was more or less "well, we've already paid for it". She was only a few months old - how could he leave her there? It never really changed with him, either.

Anyway, the good things - first of all, if he screws up (likely), then we go back to the 'old' schedule, or I might even get more time with them than I've had. Second, he's been court ordered to attend co-parenting counseling. If it works, maybe he'll actually start treating me like a human, and start doing what's best for the kids. Third, he's going to have to come up with good reasons why he won't let my kids travel to Morocco to meet their stepfamily (I'm sure most of you know the near impossibility of my husband's family all being able to come here) instead of just seeing them on webcam. Since I can't think of a single good reason, it sounds like we have a good chance of finally taking them (once we save up the money).

Oh, also - HE has to be around when the kids are there with him now - no sticking them with babysitters or their stepmother. If he can't be there, he HAS TO contact me to give me the opportunity to have them stay with me. If he doesn't, the judge won't think very highly of that. I think once the judge sees how often they end up at my house anyway, she's going to mention that they might as well stay with me after all. If my ex actually tries to cut his schedule down to be there for them (especially hard with all the school holidays coming up), he's probably going to realize he's losing more money with his business than he's saving on child support.

So, it was a hard day - hearing him get his way, knowing he doesn't really care, and put us through all of this just to save himself some money and to torture me (he knows nothing means more to me than my kids). But I am looking at the good parts of it. And trying to keep in mind that it's only a temporary arrangement - anything could happen in a few months. It's his situation to screw up now.

Trying to keep my chin up.....

venusfire

I think you can look at it as "all good" I mean either he will show his true colors and eventually this wont work his way and you will end up with more custody, or a miracle could happen and he changes his ways in this case would be a good thing for everyone. So its hard to bite the bullet so to speak but just be patient time will reveal all. Good luck.