Cutting off the In-laws

[jsnearline 2]

If divorce were legal in the Philippines, I'm sure my wife's parents would have gotten one long ago. They HATE each other. In fact they hate each other so much that even though they lost their house because of Ondoy, they'd rather fight with each other in front of the relatives they're staying with than even attempt to act in a civil manner towards each other and work together and better their situation.

My wife is so angered by their current childish behavior that she wants to cut them off financialy until she sees some improvement in their willingness to help each other. It seems to me that if she does that, all it will do is unite them against her. Are there any other options she might consider?

Edited October 15, 2009 by jsnearline

[Darnell 8,479]

If there's a big cleanup effort, suggest that her father get out there and help for 2 weeks, not come back to see his wife every night, just stay out with the cleanup crews.. He'll be exhausted every day, not have much time to remember WHY they were fighting.

Anyway - that's my 2 cents, use at yer own risk.

[Pinay Wife 47]

My wife is so angered by their current childish behavior that she wants to cut them off financialy until she sees some improvement in their willingness to help each other. It seems to me that if she does that, all it will do is unite them against her. Are there any other options she might consider?

Whoever has the gold makes all the rules.

If withholding financial would help unite the parents then she achieves her goal. No parent in their right mind would harbor ill-feelings towards a child who helps them financially. They might hate her for a while but eventually they will relent.

Edited October 15, 2009 by Pinay Wife

[Richard90027 1]

If divorce were legal in the Philippines, I'm sure my wife's parents would have gotten one long ago. They HATE each other. In fact they hate each other so much that even though they lost their house because of Ondoy, they'd rather fight with each other in front of the relatives they're staying with than even attempt to act in a civil manner towards each other and work together and better their situation.

My wife is so angered by their current childish behavior that she wants to cut them off financialy until she sees some improvement in their willingness to help each other. It seems to me that if she does that, all it will do is unite them against her. Are there any other options she might consider?

Maybe they are really stressed after losing the house. Stress tends to shorten the temper

[jsnearline 2]

Maybe they are really stressed after losing the house. Stress tends to shorten the temper

That's been the position I've been taking. I think it might be unreasonable for my wife to expect they will be back on their feet in less than a month. However, their fighting in front of the relatives who took them in is highly disruptive and counter-productive. The last thing we want is for the relatives to kick them out because they can't stand them anymore.

Edited October 15, 2009 by jsnearline

[edp333 9]

From your description it sounds like some counseling would help. Since the Philippines is still strong in Christianity seeing a reputable Pastor would be a low cost alternative to a marriage counselor.

[jsnearline 2]

They're far past the counseling stage. They've tried it to no effect. The level of animosity between them is just too great.

We're not asking them to fall back in love, but we need a way to entice/coerce them into being civil towards each other before their relatives get fed up and put them out on the street.

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

If divorce were legal in the Philippines, I'm sure my wife's parents would have gotten one long ago. They HATE each other. In fact they hate each other so much that even though they lost their house because of Ondoy, they'd rather fight with each other in front of the relatives they're staying with than even attempt to act in a civil manner towards each other and work together and better their situation.

My wife is so angered by their current childish behavior that she wants to cut them off financialy until she sees some improvement in their willingness to help each other. It seems to me that if she does that, all it will do is unite them against her. Are there any other options she might consider?

Well, that's kinda normal site in the Philippines.......sometimes you'll really be pissed of with their immaturity..its either you ride with their immaturity and tolerate it, or tell them how immature they are and yell and tell you "anak ka lang namin" (you are just are daughter)......

Oh well, as the Filipino saying goes "mahirap mag-alaga ng magulang" (its hard to raise up a parent)

Hmmm.....i rather teach them a lesson until they realize how immature they are......

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Given the level of drama Filipinos normally exhibit day to day, I would be surprised if you see any resolution ever. My wife's family history reads like a novella. Even funerals seem to turn into major theatrical productions, with wives and mistresses showing up to show respect to the departed. Some crazy, crazy stuff, and a new chapter seems to begin every night.

We belong to the local FilAm Society, and the drama continues even there. No friends. No acquaintances. Just allies and enemies.

[jsnearline 2]

wives and mistresses showing up to show respect to the departed.

My wife and I were at Universal Studios Hollywood a few years ago and we witnessed a situation where a Filipino guy apparently was there with his mistress and they ran into his wife and kids. Talk about fireworks and a major cat fight. The guy just stood there while the ladies had a battle royale until security finally arrived to break it up.

[Steve and Nor 0]

wives and mistresses showing up to show respect to the departed.

My wife and I were at Universal Studios Hollywood a few years ago and we witnessed a situation where a Filipino guy apparently was there with his mistress and they ran into his wife and kids. Talk about fireworks and a major cat fight. The guy just stood there while the ladies had a battle royale until security finally arrived to break it up.

Now that really is a big issue.

I am so glad my parents are still doing great with their relationship for 31 or so years. I am so glad also that they are not affected by any typhoon since they are in Mindanao.

I am still here in the Philippines and from the looks of it and according to the news, it will take a while before people who are affected by those typhoon can get back on their own feet.

The sun maybe shining here in Pampanga, but some parts of Pampanga are still flooded ( a little bit maybe) with water and mud.

And yes, the experience was so stressful and overwhelming that it shortens your patience on things.

Please just give her family time to figure out things and to advise them to talk things over.

I pray that water ( flood) will completely subside before another typhoon hits the country.

[Loolie 56]

If divorce were legal in the Philippines, I'm sure my wife's parents would have gotten one long ago. They HATE each other. In fact they hate each other so much that even though they lost their house because of Ondoy, they'd rather fight with each other in front of the relatives they're staying with than even attempt to act in a civil manner towards each other and work together and better their situation.

My wife is so angered by their current childish behavior that she wants to cut them off financialy until she sees some improvement in their willingness to help each other. It seems to me that if she does that, all it will do is unite them against her. Are there any other options she might consider?

this is just a typical family issues...id rather keep in within the family since forum will not always be the brains to our life.

[jsnearline 2]

[this is just a typical family issues...id rather keep in within the family since forum will not always be the brains to our life.

Yes and no... as I said, if they were in the US, they would have been divorced long before now. I posted it here hoping to get some Filipino perspective on it (i.e. how to handle things when divorce is not an option).

[Ndrangeta_one 0]

PLEASE....

don't describe my funeral in a public forum....there is a lot of mistress/concubines/wifes that need to show up...LMAO

Given the level of drama Filipinos normally exhibit day to day, I would be surprised if you see any resolution ever. My wife's family history reads like a novella. Even funerals seem to turn into major theatrical productions, with wives and mistresses showing up to show respect to the departed. Some crazy, crazy stuff, and a new chapter seems to begin every night.

We belong to the local FilAm Society, and the drama continues even there. No friends. No acquaintances. Just allies and enemies.