how DO people get by doing the A.O.S

[Varba 0]

so to help I left room in our budget for Peachey to make some return trips home

That's a very nice gesture but she won't be able to go home for awhile. Once she comes and married you, she's technically out of status. Once you file AOS, you are in limbo, and she can't leave the US without Advanced Parole or a Green Card. Hence, why it is often so hard.

True, I thought that period was slightly shorter with the K-1 visa however. For some reason my brain is thinking 3 months... or am I very off?

Not trying to downplay it, but I thought with the K-1 it was significantly shorter than with just the AoS approach?

[lgg 2]

You know what, thetreble? I read this and it struck me as SO wise. My husband and I are currently hashing out the details of visiting for the next while -- first anniversary, Christmas and stuff. I always amaze myself with how patient, kind and understanding I am with him and he with me and truth is? I am a HUGE spaz. FOr real. This made so much sense to me and I do realize that once I'm there, and we start settling into that and fighting because he thinks I"m a great cook albeit slobby, I'll miss my Canada and like Sprailenes said, want some time apart.

We always want what we dont' have at the moment.

Wise words, girl... for real.

No problem Varba. I'm sure it's extremely frustrating waiting around for your turn.

But, I often tell people that sometimes being away from the loved one is easier than being here in the US with them. I actually found that I dealt with things better when we were apart then when I got here.

Most people underestimate the emotional pain of leaving their country....until they are actually here...and it feels like their world has turned upside down a bit.

Edited October 16, 2009 by lgg

[SapphireDreams 71]

so to help I left room in our budget for Peachey to make some return trips home

That's a very nice gesture but she won't be able to go home for awhile. Once she comes and married you, she's technically out of status. Once you file AOS, you are in limbo, and she can't leave the US without Advanced Parole or a Green Card. Hence, why it is often so hard.

True, I thought that period was slightly shorter with the K-1 visa however. For some reason my brain is thinking 3 months... or am I very off?

Not trying to downplay it, but I thought with the K-1 it was significantly shorter than with just the AoS approach?

It's about 3 months to get AP right now, so you're right. I waited about 4 months to go home and it felt long. The first 2 months are the hardest because you can go back for a visit even if you want to. If you guys are budgeting for a visit, you should be fine. It's when you run into affordability issues that it can be hard to visit. We just spent $700 on two flights to go back for Thanksgiving, I'm extremely grateful to be able to afford regular visits by plane, otherwise I think it would be torture for me to be here and not have an option of going back home, even just for a couple of days.

[Sprailenes 47]

I know you are all in rush to get to your significant others but honestly, just take this time to really take in your home's surroundings and spend time with the people you love and care about most. Prior to moving I was so consumed with moving I had a "one foot out the door" attitude. You are going to spend the rest of your life with the person you are with, you will have many days with him or her.

This is your last few months in your home country. Spend it wisely. I sure wish I did.

[bowflex 0]

I know you are all in rush to get to your significant others but honestly, just take this time to really take in your home's surroundings and spend time with the people you love and care about most. Prior to moving I was so consumed with moving I had a "one foot out the door" attitude. You are going to spend the rest of your life with the person you are with, you will have many days with him or her.

This is your last few months in your home country. Spend it wisely. I sure wish I did.

Actually really good advice for everything in life When my wife and I first started dating, I just kind of took it for granted that I'd see her every day and we'd be together whenever we wanted. When the good ol' US Government decided that wasn't in the cards, the next 2 1/2 years were spent with me going to bed alone 5 out of 7 nights a week alone wondering why I didn't enjoy every minute we had together. Now that we're married and living together and everything, whenever I find myself taking it for granted, I just remember the last night we spent together looking up apartments and stuff for her family in Canada and quickly give her a hug. Of course this is way too softie to tell her so if she reads this I'll have to remove part of her brain as to not get made fun of

Great post on that one Sprailenes

[lgg 2]

SUch good words, Sprailenes... I agree 100%. But you know what I'm finding is another weird phenomena? I have about 5 good friends here in the city -- with the leaving drawing closer, my two best friends have kind of cut out. Not even kidding. I haven't played any cards differently but it kind of became, 'well, you're on your way out anyway so... BYE!!!...

It's been odd. To say the least.

I know you are all in rush to get to your significant others but honestly, just take this time to really take in your home's surroundings and spend time with the people you love and care about most. Prior to moving I was so consumed with moving I had a "one foot out the door" attitude. You are going to spend the rest of your life with the person you are with, you will have many days with him or her.

This is your last few months in your home country. Spend it wisely. I sure wish I did.

[Sprailenes 47]

My own mother was like that and friends too. It was really hard and it's their way of dealing with it. Not only are we going to miss them, they are going to miss us. I am sure they go through a lot too.

That's why I think the best thing to do is invent a transporter like they have on star trek so that we can home in seconds for dinners and visits. Energize!

[Krikit 1,164]

The K1 actually feels a lot easier to me. I would hate to be living here with no SSN, no DL, no money and no permission to work. It's no way to live! Sure, you're together, but are you really living??

Hey! That sounds EXACTLY like the K-1 process.

This concerns me, cause you and others have said it... so to help I left room in our budget for Peachey to make some return trips home. (I will try to come, but my job can be demanding.)

It seems almost like a grieving process, so I will do my best to be there for her - as I know it's going to be difficult.

Not sure if there's anything else I can do.... with a hurt like that she'll just need some time.

Bless you, Varba. The trips home will definitely help. And, believe it or not, if you cannot go with her, that will help too. I love being home and seeing my friends and family, but I also love going home to my husband. Funny how home is in both Canada and the US now. (Actually, it's in England too, so I have three homes. lol) Going home to Canada helps you mend your broken heart. But it also helps to solidify in your mind that your new home in the US is where you want to be, because that is where your spouse is.

Just wanted to add one more thing. She is going to get very angry and upset at seemingly little things. Just know that it is not about whatever that little thing was, but very much about missing home and friends and family. At those moments in time she'll just need a hug and some words of love. Within a year, the rawness will fade and it will be easier for her to deal with.

For me, I'm excited for a few years down the road when I get to move to Canada. I've moved many times, so I don't feel like it will be quite as hard for me.

That IS exciting! My husband and I are going to be doing that too. Or moving to England. We haven't quite gotten to that point yet. But we're definitely excited about it.

[Krikit 1,164]

My own mother was like that and friends too. It was really hard and it's their way of dealing with it. Not only are we going to miss them, they are going to miss us. I am sure they go through a lot too.

Same. Not my Mum, but definitely other members of my family did that. I felt like I had been abandoned, and boy did it hurt. But it turns out that they felt exactly the same way. It took about a year to a year-and-a-half for things to return to normal. My best friends didn't change at all. Now I'm wondering if it's because they didn't love me as much. (kidding)

[lgg 2]

Well, I don't have any family so my best friends are it -- it's just kind of odd how it's going down lately. And yes, I feel slightly abandoned.

Wah!

My own mother was like that and friends too. It was really hard and it's their way of dealing with it. Not only are we going to miss them, they are going to miss us. I am sure they go through a lot too.

Same. Not my Mum, but definitely other members of my family did that. I felt like I had been abandoned, and boy did it hurt. But it turns out that they felt exactly the same way. It took about a year to a year-and-a-half for things to return to normal. My best friends didn't change at all. Now I'm wondering if it's because they didn't love me as much. (kidding)

[bradcanuck 1]

Our lawyer ADVISED us to do it this way.

Yes. A lawyer told us to break the law. Little did I know at the time it was illegal.

[Krikit 1,164]

Don't worry, lgg. It'll come back. Or you might find that they weren't such good friends to begin with. But I suspect if they're hurting and feeling abandoned then it'll all sort itself out in the long run.

[Sprailenes 47]

You do find out who your friends are too. When I told people I was getting married a couple of my friends, especially the single women, had something catty to say about it.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

You can haz zizter. I luvz u

Well, I don't have any family so my best friends are it -- it's just kind of odd how it's going down lately. And yes, I feel slightly abandoned.

Wah!

Uh uh.... you should have heard my cousins.... holy taco.

You do find out who your friends are too. When I told people I was getting married a couple of my friends, especially the single women, had something catty to say about it.

[lgg 2]

Awww... you guys are awesome... it's just such a weird state of mind all this -- you want to go so badly and be with your significant person but leaving your country and your people is so hard and then your friendships get cloudy -- well... no one, not for a single second, ever said life was easy especially when it gets so hard.

But it's lovely to have a group of people who understand all this because I"m sure you all know, most people don't...

LGG

You can haz zizter. I luvz u

Well, I don't have any family so my best friends are it -- it's just kind of odd how it's going down lately. And yes, I feel slightly abandoned.

Wah!

Uh uh.... you should have heard my cousins.... holy taco.

You do find out who your friends are too. When I told people I was getting married a couple of my friends, especially the single women, had something catty to say about it.