how DO people get by doing the A.O.S

[Marilyn. 340]

now looking back I am glad I was caught... I think we were trying to rush things.. although at the time I knew I wanted to be with David and marry him.. the extra year or so gave us time to get to know each other a little better...

[ashenflowers 5]

I honestly don't understand people who get all bent out of shape about it. I find it interesting when people make judgement calls on others without knowing a thing about either the person or the circumstance.

I totally agree. That's what I was trying to get at in my post and I'm sorry if any of it came off as offensive thetreble. I really do believe there are people who cross with no intention on staying and end up marrying and adjust status due to a number of circumstances. If this was illegal then there wouldn't be a provision in the law allowing it.

For me it was kinda like this... As soon as I read that you could technically cross without the intention of staying, marry and do AOS I couldn't do it. Because if I would have done it after knowing that information, I knew that I would have intended on staying when I crossed. Know what I mean? It was no longer going to be a random act of spontaneity. It would have been a lie and then it would have been illegal.

exactly the same with me. as soon as I found some information, it would've made it a lie because I would've been doing exactly that... crossing with the knowledge that i could stay and marry. In my situation it WOULD have been illegal, and I WOULD have been lying. It wouldn't have just been an innocent visit turned stay.

now looking back I am glad I was caught... I think we were trying to rush things.. although at the time I knew I wanted to be with David and marry him.. the extra year or so gave us time to get to know each other a little better...

this is true for me as well... I have only been with my fiance for a year.. we'd be rushing it had we married before ('before' would've been 6 months ago). While we were both committed at that point, we weren't ready for 'marriage'. So despite things being crappy in the mean time, it works best for US to take the time to get to know each other and go through this process. That's not to say anything about any one else's situation.

Edited October 16, 2009 by ashenflowers

[trailmix 77]

I honestly don't understand people who get all bent out of shape about it. I find it interesting when people make judgement calls on others without knowing a thing about either the person or the circumstance.

I totally agree. That's what I was trying to get at in my post and I'm sorry if any of it came off as offensive thetreble. I really do believe there are people who cross with no intention on staying and end up marrying and adjust status due to a number of circumstances. If this was illegal then there wouldn't be a provision in the law allowing it.

For me it was kinda like this... As soon as I read that you could technically cross without the intention of staying, marry and do AOS I couldn't do it. Because if I would have done it after knowing that information, I knew that I would have intended on staying when I crossed. Know what I mean? It was no longer going to be a random act of spontaneity. It would have been a lie and then it would have been illegal.

I understand, Huggle..and there are no hard feelings. It's just that people under estimate the naivete of people too, as they think they are just so gosh darn smart that no one could POSSIBLY mess up and not know their options. I spent a lot of time that year researching options, but before finding VJ, many months after I had come to the US, I found out I really didn't know that much at all in terms of the rules.

It's very hard to tell what someone's intentions are..and to be honest with you...especially from the Canadian side..what are we looking for? A better life? certainly not. So if your intention is to marry, even if illegal, it's not like its out of desperation or to get a better opportunity or even live of the US Tax payer. If I could have done it differently, I would have. I lost a year of my life doing nothing and feeling pathetic. I won't get that back. But I certainly won't apologize for it either.

That's true, I think there are many who cross the border not really knowing what they are doing, I think there are many many who know exactly what they are doing.

Now personally I think, why not just let everyone adjust status, or adopt an inland application system like Canada has, for spouses. Really it's common sense.

As for those that do know what they are doing and hop the border and AOS - I don't feel one way or the other about them really.

[July09Bride 1]

. But, oh, well. We did it the "legal" way.

I'm actually offended that you put legal in quotation marks, as you are implying that what I did was illegal. I'm not a criminal as I didn't break any laws.

I think some people need to take a step back and realize that not every one is at the same parts of life as every one else.

I was 22 years old when I came to the United States after almost 3 threes of visits. I had just finished my degree, moved back in with my parents, and was working a job that was seasonal. After Christmas, the job ended, and wasn't to start back up again until April.

I left for the US, not knowing exactly what I Was doing or what I wanted. I intended to visit so that Jared and I could figure out what it is that we wanted to do with our relationship. We talked about it for almost 2 months before we decided we were going to get married. So we did, because we would have gotten married any ways, and there was no point in me leaving at that point as I had nothing back in Canada in terms of assets.

The worst part of discussions like this, and this is no offense LGG as I know this was not your intention, is that somehow people think that what I did was "easy".

I sat on my #### without the ability to do anything, go anywhere, leave the country, for 10 months. I could have been working in Canada, making money, seeing my friends, etc. I still had to come up with all the AOS paperwork myself and go through the process, as my husband was working a lot. I just really am against this feeling I get when I read these topics where people like myself, who chose to do a DIFFERENT path, not an ILLEGAL one, some how just got by easy.

We all make it here one way or another and I think it's interesting that some people (just in general) love to criticize every one's path to immigration that differs from their own. It almost smells of jealousy and that's kind of weird to me. I really don't care how any of you got to the USA, because it really has no impact on me and I certainly am not in the position to be overly critical or even just ponder how it's possible for you to do what you did.

Every one's situation is different.

NOOOO!!!!!!! I apologize if that is how you took what I wrote. At the school where I teach, we have so many families who just show up, pass the family business on to, say, their brother who hasn't even ARRIVED, but now, all of a sudden, this other family gets to come over and take over the business - mind you all tax free for 7 years... have their children assume they can buy the teacher by tossing $50 bills on the teacher's desk, taking alcohol from the family store and giving it as a gift to their teacher. Yeah, I've had both of these happen to me. Then, when the parents come in, they don't understand why I didn't accept the gifts *ahem... bribes*, because in their world, money gets them everything. So, for me to say "legal", for me, in my frame of reference, I was thinking of these families whose students I have taught within the past 6 years.

Amanda, I did not mean offense in ANY way towards you, or others who apply for AOS after coming over for a visit and deciding what they (as a couple) want out of life. Because, as you said, THAT too IS LEGAL!!! Again, when I said "legal", I was thinking of those with whom I have had experiences and do not mean ill thoughts towards those who chose a different process than we did.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

David called a lawyer and the lawyer said the best way for me to move to the US was for me to come down and say I was going to visit and then get married and apply for AOS.... yes a small part of me knew that couldn't be right but I figured a lawyer would know what he was talking about so I tried and they caught me.. mostly because I packed too much stuff in my car and also because I am not a very good liar...

I was banned for a year

Hm. I wonder why you were banned for a year and I wasn't.

Must have been the discretion of the person who got you at the border.

[Carlawarla 1]

....

Cute baby

Awww, cute! Did you know Amanda has a Basset Hound?

[thetreble 19]

now looking back I am glad I was caught... I think we were trying to rush things.. although at the time I knew I wanted to be with David and marry him.. the extra year or so gave us time to get to know each other a little better...

this is true for me as well... I have only been with my fiance for a year.. we'd be rushing it had we married before ('before' would've been 6 months ago). While we were both committed at that point, we weren't ready for 'marriage'. So despite things being crappy in the mean time, it works best for US to take the time to get to know each other and go through this process. That's not to say anything about any one else's situation.

This is a good example of being a completely different situation then the one I was in. You only met your fiancee in 2008...I had been with Jared since 2004 and arrived in January of 2007. I don't think a year of being together is probably enough to do what I did..I have really strong feelings about people getting to know each other before well before they make this step. Furthermore, I had never had one single problem at the border in three years worth of visits (and I was visiting every month, not just every couple of months...) so I really thought what I was doing wasn't a big deal.

While the K-1 route can be tedious, for example, the AOS process cost $5,000 dollars for me because I was silly enough to think I needed a lawyer. There aren't too many people here in the Canadian form that can say it cost them that much money to do a K-1. And more over, I couldn't work! So I was solely relying on Jared to pay for it all while I had some EI money/Savings in my account to help. So again, it's apples to oranges and I just feel like most of us...99% of us, all get here one way or another to the US, with a lot of emotional craziness, finances stretched, etc. And, let's remember not to pass any judgment on people without knowing where they are coming from.

July- I understand what you are saying and thank you for that. I didn't mean to come off as harsh as I did, I've just seen too many of these threads in here where people get all hyper over the word illegal.

....

Cute baby

Awww, cute! Did you know Amanda has a Basset Hound?

haha That is my dog, Carla! Jill just was quoting me..I put up the original picture. Isn't she the loveliest thing you ever have seen??

[Carlawarla 1]

I guess I missed that Amanda, that it was your picture! She is VERY adorable. Those eyes melt my

[Varba 0]

@thetreble

I think some of us stuck with the impassable dead swamps of Mordor er.. Montreal, are just frustrated and may have spoken a bit harshly.

I did not mean to imply that anyone whom has befriended and helped me and Peachey so much on this forums have done anything wrong.

It's just frustrating to see the posts/comments by people intending to abuse the AoS system (or the people who already have and "didn't know"), while we're stuck being away from the ones we love that hurts us so bad.

In closing, You rock, your dog is cute, I was upset and spoke too harshly.

[thetreble 19]

No problem Varba. I'm sure it's extremely frustrating waiting around for your turn.

But, I often tell people that sometimes being away from the loved one is easier than being here in the US with them. I actually found that I dealt with things better when we were apart then when I got here.

Most people underestimate the emotional pain of leaving their country....until they are actually here...and it feels like their world has turned upside down a bit.

Edited October 16, 2009 by thetreble

[Sprailenes 47]

I dunno I didn't find being apart was all that bad, after two years of marriage I sure could use some time apart now.

[SapphireDreams 71]

No problem Varba. I'm sure it's extremely frustrating waiting around for your turn.

But, I often tell people that sometimes being away from the loved one is easier than being here in the US with them. I actually found that I dealt with things better when we were apart then when I got here.

Most people underestimate the emotional pain of leaving their country....until they are actually here...and it feels like their world has turned upside down a bit.

Truer words can not be said. Getting the the US is only half the battle! Adjusting after getting here and realizing I'm here to stay was the hardest part!

The K1 actually feels a lot easier to me. I would hate to be living here with no SSN, no DL, no money and no permission to work. It's no way to live! Sure, you're together, but are you really living??

Amanda, kudos to you for making it and I don't envy you. You are a strong girl and Jared is lucky to have you!!

[Varba 0]

But, I often tell people that sometimes being away from the loved one is easier than being here in the US with them. I actually found that I dealt with things better when we were apart then when I got here.

Most people underestimate the emotional pain of leaving their country....until they are actually here...and it feels like their world has turned upside down a bit.

This concerns me, cause you and others have said it... so to help I left room in our budget for Peachey to make some return trips home. (I will try to come, but my job can be demanding.)

It seems almost like a grieving process, so I will do my best to be there for her - as I know it's going to be difficult.

Not sure if there's anything else I can do.... with a hurt like that she'll just need some time.

For me, I'm excited for a few years down the road when I get to move to Canada. I've moved many times, so I don't feel like it will be quite as hard for me.

My family is less close than Peachey's is to her, so that won't impact me as hard. The thing I'll miss most is my job and best friend.

[lgg 2]

HEy all... little late to the game but I wanted to say that that too was my clarification of legal and illegal. My visit for 4 months, I had NO idea what was going on and stuff like that -- if we'd married and done it, it would have been okay as it was NOT planned. Any time after that? I knew what the shizzle was and would have been doing stuff that I knew was wrong.

I'm not callin' anyone 'illegal' nor do care too much what other people do -- I don't judge. I just don't like large amounts of ignorant mixed in with larges amounts of smug.

I've only seen that a few times in this forum though so....

Hope that makes sense...

[thetreble 19]

so to help I left room in our budget for Peachey to make some return trips home

That's a very nice gesture but she won't be able to go home for awhile. Once she comes and married you, she's technically out of status. Once you file AOS, you are in limbo, and she can't leave the US without Advanced Parole or a Green Card. Hence, why it is often so hard.

It seems almost like a grieving process, so I will do my best to be there for her - as I know it's going to be difficult.

Not sure if there's anything else I can do.... with a hurt like that she'll just need some time.

For me, I'm excited for a few years down the road when I get to move to Canada. I've moved many times, so I don't feel like it will be quite as hard for me.

My family is less close than Peachey's is to her, so that won't impact me as hard. The thing I'll miss most is my job and best friend.

Moving is hard, no matter where you go or who goes. My husband is really refusing to move to Canada. He just doesn't want to because he is too attached to where we live now. Hell, I can't even get him to move to another state. The guy is NUTS about NJ. (you will find that a lot of people from NJ feel the same way...)

But being there for her will be the best thing..and no matter how much she cries, yells, etc., you just have to accept it as part of the process.

Truer words can not be said. Getting the the US is only half the battle! Adjusting after getting here and realizing I'm here to stay was the hardest part!

The K1 actually feels a lot easier to me. I would hate to be living here with no SSN, no DL, no money and no permission to work. It's no way to live! Sure, you're together, but are you really living??

Amanda, kudos to you for making it and I don't envy you. You are a strong girl and Jared is lucky to have you!!

Why thank ya, Sapphire. That's very nice of you to say. It is certainly no way to live but I Was silly enough to do it.

And ya darn right he is lucky to have me....

It actually doesn't bother me that I don't see him all that much because of his long work hours...I love me some ME time.