how DO people get by doing the A.O.S

[July09Bride 1]

I hear you, we considered doing that too - but not understanding the full implications at the time.

We were not even 100% sure that we wanted to move to the U.S. - so why go through all the immigration time and expense?

During one visit to the consulate here in Calgary (I had a question about the I-130 - this was pre-finding vj) I asked the person there - sooo what if we just pack a few things, go to the border and go live in the U.S. for a while to see if we even want to move?

She was very nice and said no, you don't want to do that - they will send you back.

Could we have done that though, in reality - absolutely we could have. Would I have done it if I knew I had to lie at the border? No way.

Yeah... isn't hindsight an amazing 20/20 vision??!! If we had known he could move here (US) and then just decide on a whim to get married (which, we had discussed before), things wouldhave been easier. But, oh, well. We did it the "legal" way. I'm not so sure now it was the easy or fastest or cheapest way, but it is the way we chose.

Same here, sister...

I pee my pants going to the border NOW armed with a billion ties to Canada! Imagine if I had to lie? Adult diapers couldn't help me then...

I'm happy we're doing it the legal way, I'm not happy to wait but when it comes time for us... it'll be a thrill.

I am a horrible liar and believe in Karma...

Yeah, that Karma thing has a tendency to come back and bite'cha in the butt 1,000-fold, too, sometimes.

[Lenie7 0]

In the past few days, tons of people are writing about how to file for A.O.S after leaving Canada and marrying and living with their US spouse in the US.

I'm wondering... how the heck does that work? you have to prove that you didn't intend to marry and THUS didn't intend to live down there so... how do you do that? Wouldn't it look odd if you just happened to quit your job, leave you domicile, pack away/give away or bring your possessions down with you? maybe even bring your pet with you?

i'm just wondering how people manage to get the A.O.S approved with I think it would be really hard to prove that you weren't moving down to stay/get married?

Just wondering...

Hey LGG,

My first husband was from Europe and we did it this way. It was a really long time ago, but when I looked at the K visa, it didn't make sense to me to apply and wait when it was easier and much faster to just have him come to the U.S. We got married and applied for AOS with no problems at all. I do think if you come into the U.S. saying that you plan to get married and live there and/or are bringing tons of stuff, you'll have problems. If you fly in with a suitcase, say you're going to visit, and then just stay, it's really not very hard. Once you get in the U.S., I truly think it is rare for someone to get denied for an AOS. The immigration people are more concerned about the legitimacy of your marriage over your initial intent, but it does depend on the immi officer. The main drawback to this approach is that you can't leave while your case is being processed, but currently, I think it's only taking 3 to 6 months for most people to complete.

I agree that it's not fair, though. I was young and hadn't looked into much so I did it that way out of ignorance, rather than trying to circumvent the law. Now that I've gone through the CR-1 process, I can't believe that the U.S. is so inefficient at processing those who do the process the right way. It is very frustrating, indeed!

[SapphireDreams 71]

I could've never done it.

Actually I think having a serious job while crossing and visiting was one of the reasons they believed I was just visiting. I obviously wouldn't have risked my whole career to just marry on a whim and stay.

I can see how others do it though. I also know people who have taken a leave of absence from their job and just never returned.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I could never have done it either. I had too many ties to Canada that I needed to tie off before I left - and the ones I didn't tie off, I brought with me. Showing up at the border with 6 cats, a bunch of houseplants with a truck load of belongings to follow would have definitely tipped them off . We did the K-1 visa and what was extra nice about that - expect for the wait - is that I did get to tie off loose ends at my own pace and make sure everything went smoothly. Hehe, I guess that is why they want proof of ties before they let you across for a visit - it is hard to tie up loose ends from outside of the country.

[ashenflowers 5]

I too wanted to do AOS, but I'm too paranoid. Once I found out what could happen if we were caught (i.e. a ban) I couldn't do it. Also, I'm a horrible liar. lol

I'll admit, it's a bit frustrating because my fiance could've easily moved back here and we could've filed DCF. Been married with our friends and family around, been together the whole time, and had it approved faster! But he had just moved to the US a year prior, and didn't want to have to give it up and move back, even if temporarily... and we didn't want to rush the marriage. SO, I sit here waiting and waiting, and trying not to murder people. lol

I could never have done it either. I had too many ties to Canada that I needed to tie off before I left - and the ones I didn't tie off, I brought with me. Showing up at the border with 6 cats, a bunch of houseplants with a truck load of belongings to follow would have definitely tipped them off . We did the K-1 visa and what was extra nice about that - expect for the wait - is that I did get to tie off loose ends at my own pace and make sure everything went smoothly. Hehe, I guess that is why they want proof of ties before they let you across for a visit - it is hard to tie up loose ends from outside of the country.

Speaking of house plants.... you can move those?? I thought you couldn't... I'm a bit sad now, because I left some behind with an old roommate, thinking I wouldn't be able to bring them with me. d'oh! lol

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I feel so terrible for everyone who has to go through the process separated . We were "lucky" enough to file through DCF while we lived together in Edmonton; but I have witnessed the heartbreak of so many VJers due to distance, and I do not know how I would have dealt with it. As for how do people manage to do this AOS with not so clean hands? I don't know, but they do and it svcks.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

When I heard about the fact that you could get banned for lying at the border then AOS'ing through that lie, I was seriously SO SO SO glad that I was caught at the border and denied.

The last thing I want is a like 3+ year ban from the United States.

Or even worse, permanent.

[Sam and Ben 2]

This has been such a thorn in my side.

I've been hearing far too many stories where "Oh, I know so-and-so who just went over and got married and didn't have to wait at all.... Why didn't you kids just think about doing that?" or "Well my brother just crossed over on a visit and they're planning their wedding... Why don't you just go over there and get married already?"

My conscious would've killed me, I know that for certain.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I honestly do think there are people out there who cross and do get married on a whim, or certain circumstances dictate they need to stay. It isn't very common, but I do think it happens. Surprise engagements on long trips, a difficult border crossing situation makes you scared to ever do it again, you find out your pregnant, a family member dies or gets sick, you or your SO gets sick etc. I would consider those legitimate reasons for staying and adjusting, and I think that's why the loop hole exists in the first place. Not suggesting that any of you are arguing that point, but I think there are some people out there who think differently... mostly because they are upset with the way their own immigration process is going, which I can understand.

With that said I could have done it, easily. Logistically I mean. I was living at home, working part time at Tim Hortons, in university full time but only until May when I graduated. No bills aside from a cell phone bill I could drop. I guess I would have been the perfect crossing, marrying and doing AOS candidate. But... emotionally and physically? No way. For me it really took the entire K-1 process to prepare myself for the move. On top of that I'm a very bad liar and you can see right through me when I do it. That and I'm not a light packer... Taking a suitcase? Not going to happen. I couldn't just pick up and leave my life behind, even if it was not very eventful. I needed the peace of mind that I was taking the proper route, I could move properly, marry properly, and I wouldn't need to lie or hide anything.

[Carlawarla 1]

This has been such a thorn in my side.

I've been hearing far too many stories where "Oh, I know so-and-so who just went over and got married and didn't have to wait at all.... Why didn't you kids just think about doing that?" or "Well my brother just crossed over on a visit and they're planning their wedding... Why don't you just go over there and get married already?"

My conscious would've killed me, I know that for certain.

I'm sure we've all heard these stories. I had a few people tell them to me as well. What's amazing though, is that when I was on my own journey, and still am in fact, I read, read read...and found out that many of the people that told me these stories, didn't have all the facts. Of course when I heard these stories, I had questions. They didn't have the answers of course. I had two people tell me stories, simplified of course, and then after I spoke to them, they went back to the original storyteller and got more facts before coming back to me. Upon further discussion, it actually wasn't like they had originally presented it to me at all!

I just think that sometimes, people that pass on some of these stories, don't have all the facts. It's like the "urban legend", that never goes away.

[Sprailenes 47]

It doesn't bother me when so much when someone does it, nor am I envious of their process. I have heard that the interview can be grueling for most. I would have never thought about doing it that way, I knew you could, but I had a job, I had my son, I had to plan.

Also I personally needed that time apart before moving down. It gives you time to think and plan. I was going to be spending my entire life with this person, I could deal with a little over a year of being apart. Yea it's hard but it also gave me the time I needed to plan things within my life.

[thetreble 19]

. But, oh, well. We did it the "legal" way.

I'm actually offended that you put legal in quotation marks, as you are implying that what I did was illegal. I'm not a criminal as I didn't break any laws.

I think some people need to take a step back and realize that not every one is at the same parts of life as every one else.

I was 22 years old when I came to the United States after almost 3 threes of visits. I had just finished my degree, moved back in with my parents, and was working a job that was seasonal. After Christmas, the job ended, and wasn't to start back up again until April.

I left for the US, not knowing exactly what I Was doing or what I wanted. I intended to visit so that Jared and I could figure out what it is that we wanted to do with our relationship. We talked about it for almost 2 months before we decided we were going to get married. So we did, because we would have gotten married any ways, and there was no point in me leaving at that point as I had nothing back in Canada in terms of assets.

The worst part of discussions like this, and this is no offense LGG as I know this was not your intention, is that somehow people think that what I did was "easy".

I sat on my #### without the ability to do anything, go anywhere, leave the country, for 10 months. I could have been working in Canada, making money, seeing my friends, etc. I still had to come up with all the AOS paperwork myself and go through the process, as my husband was working a lot. I just really am against this feeling I get when I read these topics where people like myself, who chose to do a DIFFERENT path, not an ILLEGAL one, some how just got by easy.

We all make it here one way or another and I think it's interesting that some people (just in general) love to criticize every one's path to immigration that differs from their own. It almost smells of jealousy and that's kind of weird to me. I really don't care how any of you got to the USA, because it really has no impact on me and I certainly am not in the position to be overly critical or even just ponder how it's possible for you to do what you did.

Every one's situation is different.

Edited October 15, 2009 by thetreble

[lgg 2]

Hey TheTreble... you're right -- my intention was NOT to imply that things done that way are necessarily easier and my caveat is: I am not judging anyone. There are those around whose intentions are dishonest or foolish but no one I read about here daily strikes me as such.

Did not mean to offend anyone. I am/was just totally curious as to how people did it.

The worst part of discussions like this, and this is no offense LGG as I know this was not your intention, is that somehow people think that what I did was "easy".

[Sprailenes 47]

I think everyone knows who I am talking about when I talk about doing it "legally vs. illegally".

When you overstay and you know what you're doing is illegal, you acknowledge that it's illegal, there is no excuse.

[thetreble 19]

Right. And I think people, in general, need to make a bigger distinction between doing what someone like I did, and simply overstaying. I was only there for 3 months before we got married so I wasn't even close to an overstay.