Fighting the 'contraceptive mentality'

[HannahP 119]

A am so very sorry that you are so unhappy and bitter in your relationship with your mother and with her relationship to this child. But to judge others based on this very warped view is very unfair to everyone out there who do wish to be a family and give a chance and hope of a family to children who have nobody. Every child deserves someone to love and want them.

I ultimately agree with you. And I love my brother and care for him.

However, at the end of the day, my frustration is at people who have no idea what actual adoption is like.

People think that they have an idea; oh, it'll be hard, tough. etc. Oh, we have our expectations...

But no one does, really. I probably spend 75% of my adolescence on psych wards and thus with potentially adoptable kiddos.

No one realizes how hard it is for these kids; the potential parents say "We know this will be hard..." but then the kid starts hoarding food or skipping school or cutting herself and suddenly it's...

[christeen 966]

A am so very sorry that you are so unhappy and bitter in your relationship with your mother and with her relationship to this child. But to judge others based on this very warped view is very unfair to everyone out there who do wish to be a family and give a chance and hope of a family to children who have nobody. Every child deserves someone to love and want them.

I ultimately agree with you. And I love my brother and care for him.

However, at the end of the day, my frustration is at people who have no idea what actual adoption is like.

People think that they have an idea; oh, it'll be hard, tough. etc. Oh, we have our expectations...

But no one does, really. I probably spend 75% of my adolescence on psych wards and thus with potentially adoptable kiddos.

No one realizes how hard it is for these kids; the potential parents say "We know this will be hard..." but then the kid starts hoarding food or skipping school or cutting herself and suddenly it's...

Just saying, that even for these people who are unrealistic about the realities of adoption, I dont think anyones intentsions are false, just their expectations... But I also feel the same way about so many unfit mothers who thought that for one reason or another they just "wanted a baby" without considering the reality of this and the committment...

The scary thing about those that just "want to be mommies" is that there is no screeming process, mandatory classes, waiting time, adjustment time... Just a night of fun at the right time and BAM... lifelong committment....

For those who choose to take on special needs children, it is a monumental task but for most, they get joy out of it, joy out of situations that most of us would breakdown over... But each family has to determine their abilities to deal with any children you decide to bring into your home... just as a woman should consider these things before they bring a child into this world... For each of those unwanted children was brought into this world and for some reason, were left... But with understanding and knowledge and patience most behavorial issues can be overcome...

I believe that because of your personal exposure in these situations has made you sensetive to others who are flippiant about adoption... Just as I get sensetive when other just say "oh, why dont you just go adopt a child from ????" not realizing how difficult a task that is and how much is involved in just bringing a child into your life....

And I really hope that this adoped child does bring some joy into your lives as I really believe that somehow, the child responds in their own way to this nurturing and dedication....

[Marilyn. 340]

just to be clear I never said I wanted to give any unwanted child a home... I know what my husband and I can handle.. and I know we couldn't handle a child with severe mental or physical disabilities...

Edited October 12, 2009 by Marilyn.

[Ban Hammer 13,658]

It's time for the government to regulate fuсking.

don't give them any ideas

[GabiandVi 34]

Had the oddest conversation during my OB clinical today. She was a multipara pt who was wanting a tubal. Very adamant about it. But when we asked her about other b/c options (required before we can send 'em home with baby)...she had NO IDEA what b/c was. "Pills? Shot? Condom?" Nopers. Wanting the tubal was the odd part, actually. We have fairly high African and Latino populations in my area and many of them just don't know what b/c is.

Jeez! Where do you live?

I live in an area with about 40% minority population, mostly African American, and my highschool kids (White, Black, Latino, Vietmamese, etc.) know all about BC but many of my girls don't want to take it because then they couldn't get pregnant and a lot of boys won't have sex with them unless they can impregnate them. The others generally don't take it because they don't plan on having sex.

[Jenn! 918]

boys won't have sex with them unless they can impregnate them

Can you explain this? How old are these "boys" and why do they want to get girls pregnant?

[Niels Bohr 72]

2-1 is an ignorant buffoon. Whoever can figure that one out would be clever.

Who listens to an ignorant buffoon on this thread?

[Scott & Lai 12]

boys won't have sex with them unless they can impregnate them

Can you explain this? How old are these "boys" and why do they want to get girls pregnant?

And why are these girls willing to risk getting pregnant in order to have sex with these idiots?

[GabiandVi 34]

boys won't have sex with them unless they can impregnate them

Can you explain this? How old are these "boys" and why do they want to get girls pregnant?

And why are these girls willing to risk getting pregnant in order to have sex with these idiots?

The boys' ages range from puberty to young adulthood. You'd have to ask them why they want to get the girls pregnant. My guess is that it proves that they can and this somehow makes them feel important or manly. There doesn't seem to be any rational thought behind it. I overheard one of my boys, a 15-year-old freshman reading at a grade 3 level and who has been suspended twice since the start of school 9 weeks ago, saying that he has about 8 kids already. I'm hoping that was just a BIG lie, but the reaction of the girl he was telling, a young girl of the same very small minority whose family knows his family, makes me believe that there is some not far off truth in his statement.

Some of my boys with babies are very proud of the care they take of them. I never really know how to react to that. Of course I want to encourage men to take responsibility for their babies, but they seem to think that if they babysit the babies once or twice a week, buy them shoes and cute outfits now and then, it means they are taking care of them.

I don't think you understand a large percentage of today's teenagers if you think that they consider getting pregnant a "risk" of having sex. It is a spoken goal of a lot of girls I come into contact with. I'm currently invited to the baby shower of one of my former students who has been pregnant four times in the last three years. She lost her first three, but she was determined to carry this one to term. She is older than most of my teenage mothers. She is almost 19.

The promising thing is that I find more of my girls saying they don't want to have children until they are in their twenties. But you have to understand that they are saying this emphatically in the way that when I was a young woman we would say emphatically that we weren't going to get married until we had our careers. We were bucking the expectations and we were beating our chests in pride that we weren't going to do what everyone else was going to do. We were going to do better.