Fighting the 'contraceptive mentality'

[HannahP 119]

Not a Catholic myself, but you are very correct!! I have 2 cousins that were adopted through Catholic Charities in Chicago... We looked into them too when we were starting our process, great organization, regardless of what others think of the Catholic Church in general, they do a lot of good....

Meh. My mom did special-needs foster care (medical needs infants mostly) for over fifteen years for CC. It's a state-by-state thing. They've gone pretty down hill in KS, at least in regards to the foster care system.

[Danno 1,228]

Not a Catholic myself, but you are very correct!! I have 2 cousins that were adopted through Catholic Charities in Chicago... We looked into them too when we were starting our process, great organization, regardless of what others think of the Catholic Church in general, they do a lot of good....

I'm a little surprised no Catholics spoke up.

On another note, you had mentioned the sum of 40 grand for a foreign adoption.

I'm sure you have researched it more than me but it seems from a quick check I did on it a few years back...(when someone asked me about adopting in Russia).

I saw price quotes of like 10- 20.

Now these numbers came not from anyone "in the business" but by people who have done it once or twice and learned how to cut out middle people and hire reasonable priced locals to provide services.

There are a number of these international adoption forums which have adoptive parents who have done it and I would think their experience could be very helpful in reducing costs, learning from others mistakes and getting good contact info.

I have gotten more valuable info on any number of subjects from Internet Forums, everything from buying plane tickets to troubleshooting the cars mechanical problems (and where to by the parts).

Just a thought,

good luck to you two however you proceed.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I had an American wife once. She used aspirin for birth control. Took one every night before bed...and held it between her knees.

There is always the "bucket & saucer" method. Only works with really tall chicks though. Make love standing up, the man stands on a bucket, when his eyes get as big as saucers...she kicks the bucket out!

[SuperDuper! 230]

we are thinking of adopting through the foster care system.. we have looked up info on it on the internet but that is about it so far

Each state usually offers classes that kinda go through the system and how it works... The classes are very useful and helpful and they explain the process as well as some of the pitfalls and benefits... We too are going to go through the US system... we're kinda scared of the Intl system!!!

Try private adoption, not county. Get an infant straight away. Faster and less headaches.

[Marilyn. 340]

we are thinking of adopting through the foster care system.. we have looked up info on it on the internet but that is about it so far

Each state usually offers classes that kinda go through the system and how it works... The classes are very useful and helpful and they explain the process as well as some of the pitfalls and benefits... We too are going to go through the US system... we're kinda scared of the Intl system!!!

Try private adoption, not county. Get an infant straight away. Faster and less headaches.

but way more money.... not sure about faster.. I am pretty sure there is a long waiting list for babies

anyways if we adopt it would probably be an older child, between 1 and 5 or so.....

Adopting from the U.S. foster care system is generally the least expensive type of adoption, usually involving little or no cost, and states often provide subsidies to adoptive parents. Stepparent and kinship adoptions are often not very costly. Agency and private adoptions can range from $5,000 to $40,000 or more depending on a variety of factors including services provided, travel expenses, birthmother expenses, requirements in the state, and other factors. International adoptions can range from $7,000 to $30,000.

http://costs.adoption.com/

Edited October 12, 2009 by Marilyn.

[HannahP 119]

What if you DON'T want a perfect white (or near-white) newborn?

[SuperDuper! 230]

we are thinking of adopting through the foster care system.. we have looked up info on it on the internet but that is about it so far

Each state usually offers classes that kinda go through the system and how it works... The classes are very useful and helpful and they explain the process as well as some of the pitfalls and benefits... We too are going to go through the US system... we're kinda scared of the Intl system!!!

Try private adoption, not county. Get an infant straight away. Faster and less headaches.

but way more money.... not sure about faster.. I am pretty sure there is a long waiting list for babies

anyways if we adopt it would probably be an older child, between 1 and 5 or so.....

Adopting from the U.S. foster care system is generally the least expensive type of adoption, usually involving little or no cost, and states often provide subsidies to adoptive parents. Stepparent and kinship adoptions are often not very costly. Agency and private adoptions can range from $5,000 to $40,000 or more depending on a variety of factors including services provided, travel expenses, birthmother expenses, requirements in the state, and other factors. International adoptions can range from $7,000 to $30,000.

http://costs.adoption.com/

In my SoCal county, the private agency works with just 30 pregnant females and 30 adopting couples at a time. Your money goes to care for your baby in Utero and you establish a relationship with her mommy, and get to offer input, instead of getting a crack baby from the county. Sound like a bargain there? Any extra you pay is worth it, cause you know where your kid is coming from. And BTW, it just takes about a year to get the baby delivered to the adopting couple. Chinese adoption is good. My friend got the most adorable girl there, and is going back to get her a sister soon. Your mileage may vary. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Cheers.

[Marilyn. 340]

well, I am ok with not getting a newborn... we just want to give an unwanted child a home..

[SuperDuper! 230]

well, I am ok with not getting a newborn... we just want to give an unwanted child a home..

And good luck to you. May the best baby win!

[christeen 966]

Not a Catholic myself, but you are very correct!! I have 2 cousins that were adopted through Catholic Charities in Chicago... We looked into them too when we were starting our process, great organization, regardless of what others think of the Catholic Church in general, they do a lot of good....

I'm a little surprised no Catholics spoke up.

On another note, you had mentioned the sum of 40 grand for a foreign adoption.

I'm sure you have researched it more than me but it seems from a quick check I did on it a few years back...(when someone asked me about adopting in Russia).

I saw price quotes of like 10- 20.

Now these numbers came not from anyone "in the business" but by people who have done it once or twice and learned how to cut out middle people and hire reasonable priced locals to provide services.

There are a number of these international adoption forums which have adoptive parents who have done it and I would think their experience could be very helpful in reducing costs, learning from others mistakes and getting good contact info.

I have gotten more valuable info on any number of subjects from Internet Forums, everything from buying plane tickets to troubleshooting the cars mechanical problems (and where to by the parts).

Just a thought,

good luck to you two however you proceed.

Unfortunatly, things have changed with regards to Russian adoption... Law #268 now requires accrediation;

The most important word for anybody selecting an agency for an adoption in Russia now is this: accreditation. In other words, you must use an agaency and the agency has the legal authority from Moscow to help with your adoption. An agency can have the cutest baby pictures in the world, it can have lovely employees who speak fluent Russian. But none of that matters if it doesn’t have accreditation.

Accreditation is a relatively new development in Russia, prompted by Russia’s desire to make its adoption procedures conform to an international treaty known as the Hague Convention On Intercountry Adoption.

Other countries do have private adoptions, but due to residency requirements in country (some places it is up to 6 weeks remaining in the country) travel costs, legal fees, housing costs, required donations to orphanages (usually around $3k to $5k per child) travel with children etc... it is still unlikely in any country that you can get away with less than $18,000 - $22,000 per child (without the agency fees)...

Plus, now that I am over 40, and had a history of uteran cysts earlier in life(which ironically is why I cannot have my own children and am looking into adoption BUT is the thing which restricts me from adoption from 70% of eligible countries)...

But for me the money is not the primary issue, it is the volalitiliy of the international system. We are looking for siblings and believe that through the US system we will find our future family...

Sorry to digress into adoption from the OP, just adressing some facts to consider before any "why don't people just adopt" filppiant arguments... Its not as easy as it sounds!

[HannahP 119]

well, I am ok with not getting a newborn... we just want to give an unwanted child a home..

Honestly, it took almost nothing for my mother to foster and than adopt a Very Unadoptable child. He is a shaken baby; heavy on the behavior issues (putting holes in the walls, tearing doors off, breaking my sister's arm); cognitively will be around two years old forever. Great kid once he was [highly] medicated. He's almost ten. Probably 50% potty trained and can speak eight or so words. Won't even give you that extra love that many handicapped kids will because he's pretty autistic. That means that keeping him entertained doesn't take much in a horrible, ####### sort of humour-thing. "Here, stem with this toy for the next few hours."

Still want to give an unwanted kid a home?

[G&R 0]

A cult of octo-moms. Just what America needs to speed itself on it's way to 3rd world status. Sheesh!

Needs it? USA has it ! IT"S called wellfair checks. More Kids, Bigger Check.

Some parts of Cali 2nd world for sure. Where will we be in another 10 to 15 years ??

[christeen 966]

well, I am ok with not getting a newborn... we just want to give an unwanted child a home..

Honestly, it took almost nothing for my mother to foster and than adopt a Very Unadoptable child. He is a shaken baby; heavy on the behavior issues (putting holes in the walls, tearing doors off, breaking my sister's arm); cognitively will be around two years old forever. Great kid once he was [highly] medicated. He's almost ten. Probably 50% potty trained and can speak eight or so words. Won't even give you that extra love that many handicapped kids will because he's pretty autistic. That means that keeping him entertained doesn't take much in a horrible, ####### sort of humour-thing. "Here, stem with this toy for the next few hours."

Still want to give an unwanted kid a home?

Kind of a bitter remark in my opinion. Although it is commendable that your mother has taken on such a monumental task and obviously she finds some joy in what she is doing (despite the fact that you obviously, do not experience that) otherwise I imagine that your mother would not do it? Each person who decides to adopt has to make a determination as to the child/children that fit their household.

To base all adoptions on the choice your mother made is kind of unfair... And any person who is considering adoption would answer your question, Yes, I do want to give a child a home... But a responsibility of an adoptive parent is to evaluate which child would be best and especially what is best for the child. I do give kudos to your mother for taking on such an awsome responsibility and I am sure that one day, she will reap the rewards of her efforts in not turning her back on a child in need.

[HannahP 119]

I am sure that one day, she will reap the rewards of her efforts in not turning her back on a child in need.

Actually, she won't. But that's neither here nor there.

And, yes, I'm very bitter. But that's neither here nor there.

Perhaps I just get very angry with those that claim to want "any unneeded child" but such a claim is false.

[christeen 966]

I am sure that one day, she will reap the rewards of her efforts in not turning her back on a child in need.

Actually, she won't. But that's neither here nor there.

And, yes, I'm very bitter. But that's neither here nor there.

Perhaps I just get very angry with those that claim to want "any unneeded child" but such a claim is false.

I dont think you are in a position to say whether another couples intentions are "false" or "true"... There are thousands of unwanted and parentless children who are not necessarily mentally stunted. Vibrent, intelligent as well as ones with mental and physical challenges... the ability to care for these children is what is the most important to consider.

I know for my self, One reason I would like to adopt and have made that decision to adopt is that I would love to offer a sibiling group a chance to have a loving and stable home that they otherwise might not have... That is not a false claim. I am 42 years old my husband 38 and after 6 years of marriage and by this age, we are pretty clear about what we truly want. And that is to adopt a child and give them a wonderful and loving home.

As far as your mother getting her rewards, this is also not something you can decide, there are other rewards to be had (heaven, admiration of others and inner joy knowing you have helped a child etc..).

A am so very sorry that you are so unhappy and bitter in your relationship with your mother and with her relationship to this child. But to judge others based on this very warped view is very unfair to everyone out there who do wish to be a family and give a chance and hope of a family to children who have nobody. Every child deserves someone to love and want them.