What do you guys think?

[brightskte 18]

Ugh. I'm so furious right now that I can't stand it.

My mother is having that gastric bypass surgery done soon, but due to a variety of other medical problems that she's found out she has while getting tested for this surgery, they haven't set a date yet. Today, she finds out that she's clear to have it, and they're telling her that it'll be the last week of october, or the first week of november. I'm going to see Mathew on November 7th. I was going to go early this month, but I put it off so that I could possibly be here for her surgery, which turned out not to happen. But because she doesn't really want me to go to canada at all(she says we should be concentrating on paying for our wedding), she is DELIBERATELY refusing to put her surgery off one week so that I can be here for it. Now, she works for the hospital and can basically get herself scheduled for whenever she wants to be scheduled, but she's doing this to me so that I'll feel really bad and guilty, or just wont go at all. She says she isn't, but then she backs that statement up by saying "Now while you're gone I don't want you to call me, or even think about me!".

Now, if I had another choice I'd probably do the daughterly thing that put off my visit. But I have to take my vacation before November 22nd, or my work wont let me take one for the rest of the year. Also, if I don't go and see him in November at all, it will have been 9 months before we'll get to see each other again. I know that there are many here who have gone much longer, but not because they wanted to. I have the chance and the opportunity to see him, and if I passed it up I'd be crazy! Right?

Anyway, I'm at a loss.

[LoriLawless 0]

How long were you going to stay with your boyfriend? Maybe you could go earlier then be there for the surgery when you get back?

[brightskte 18]

How long were you going to stay with your boyfriend? Maybe you could go earlier then be there for the surgery when you get back?

I'm going the 7th-15th. As it is with my work right now we have to bid on our vacations since it's so soon to the cut off date. 7th-15th is my week. I already put off this trip for the entire month of October because she had originally told me it'd be during this month. Now I find out otherwise, and she'll do nothing to help make this easier. I don't see what her moving her surgery 7 days will make a difference. 7 days isn't going to make her lose more weight for my wedding(which is why she's doing this, I completely don't understand only doing it for that reason, but...).

She's always been this way though. I was supposed to meet him for the first time October 10th of last year. We were going to Burlington, VT because I was looking at going to a school up there and wanted to visit it. Because she thought I shouldn't go, she planned some kind of family thing and then made me feel awful until I caved in and canceled my trip. I bought a car that weekend, but I lost the money I spent on a plane ticket and he lost the money he spent on the hotel room for us.

She loves Mathew dearly and thinks the entire world of hiim, but her tantrums are solely based on the fact that I'm an only child and she's trying as hard as she can to keep me right where she wants me. She likes to manipulate and control me into doing whatever she wants.

Edited October 7, 2009 by kba0717

[Peikko 1,575]

I'd go on the vacation as planned - but that's me.

[brightskte 18]

I'd go on the vacation as planned - but that's me.

I'm thinking that's what I'll do. This surgery is something she wants, not something she has to have. I'd feel a little different if it were open heart surgery or something. In any case, it's no excuse for her acting like a 5 year old.

[Gemmie 142]

Personally, I would talk to her about control and emotional blackmail - because that's what it is. Make her understand the reasons why she's being unreasonable and why you won't tolerate it. And then go on your trip. Call her often to make sure she's OK, but otherwise, don't stand for it.

I know that might sound harsh, but it would drive me nuts to have my mother use that kind of behaviour to manipulate my actions.

Before I left for the US, my brother told me he wanted me to be here for his birthday in July (when I was scheduled to fly out in June). I told him that if I stayed for that, he would only plead me to stay for the birth of his baby a couple of months after. He responded with "..well you're going to miss watching your nephew grow" which for me, was just an emotional kick to get me to stay. I left in June as planned, and sent him some gifts for the birth instead.

Edited October 7, 2009 by Gemmie

[LoriLawless 0]

Yeah I agree, go on your trip. If she can control the time she has it done and won't, then she doesn't need for you to be there apparently.

[brightskte 18]

I just talked to her and told her that I didn't think that she realized how she was being all the time and that I was going on the trip regardless. I even called and told my papaw to "have a talk with your daughter!", which always seems to work. She called me furious that I had told him. It's sad that I've got to resort to that kind of thing to make her understand what a twit she's being but there's nothing like papaw getting angry with her to make her snap back into reality. But when she called me I actually got stern with her and made her listen to me. She didn't say much once I was through. I guess she knew there's not really anything she can say. The jig is up.

So I'm going. I'm not going to let her do this to me anymore. I know it's my fault for letting her get her way all these years, but I wont do it anymore. I've got a fiance to think about which will turn into a husband, and then a family. I don't have time to be blackmailed by her just because she has a separation fear.

[LoriLawless 0]

I just talked to her and told her that I didn't think that she realized how she was being all the time and that I was going on the trip regardless. I even called and told my papaw to "have a talk with your daughter!", which always seems to work. She called me furious that I had told him. It's sad that I've got to resort to that kind of thing to make her understand what a twit she's being but there's nothing like papaw getting angry with her to make her snap back into reality. But when she called me I actually got stern with her and made her listen to me. She didn't say much once I was through. I guess she knew there's not really anything she can say. The jig is up.

So I'm going. I'm not going to let her do this to me anymore. I know it's my fault for letting her get her way all these years, but I wont do it anymore. I've got a fiance to think about which will turn into a husband, and then a family. I don't have time to be blackmailed by her just because she has a separation fear.

Not your fault, stop that right now. And good for you, have a great time.

[Krikit 1,164]

Don't play the game. Bad behaviour shouldn't be reinforced. Follow through with your plans.

[brightskte 18]

I've now successfully moved on from wanting to claw her eyes out to looking for things to do while I'm in Montreal with him. I'm determined to have the best time possible, take a ton of pictures and not worry about her. I just feel bad for Mathew when he finds out what I have planned for him.

All that in less than an hour. Thank goodness for VJ.

Edited October 7, 2009 by kba0717

[Nina~ 431]

The jig is up.

So I'm going. I'm not going to let her do this to me anymore. I know it's my fault for letting her get her way all these years, but I wont do it anymore. I've got a fiance to think about which will turn into a husband, and then a family. I don't have time to be blackmailed by her just because she has a separation fear.

You go girl!!!!