Where is the depressed forum?

[LadyGwen 0]

I thought i was the only one whose feeling it this way. Look at the bright side atleast you had 3months to spend with your husband. For me i only had two weeks to spend with my husband. Then i came back here in the US. I been married for 4months now. Since i got back i haven't had 8hours of sleep, im always thinking of him, crying at night, questioning my decision. Missing him so bad. It's heart wrecking. There are days that i feel so down and depressed. There are days that im ok. I don't know what kind of advice i can give you bec im in the same situation also.. Maybe go out with your friends?. I do that but when im with my friends i feel like i always wants to go home and talk to my husband in skype. Good luck to both of us. I hope our husband won't get tired of our whining.

[effieb 1]

I've been having a tough time lately. I am sure you call all, if not most, relate to it as it is around the CR1 process and being apart from the person you have just recently married.

My hubby and I were lucky to spend 3 months together when married, then 5 more months here in Australia before he had to go back to the USA and now we have been apart since July. Our one year anniversary is in November.

I'm half way through NVC, which some may think is wonderful... but this whole process is totally depressing me and I feel like a different person.

My husband notices a lot and he tries to be good about it via phone and email.. but it's getting harder by the day and I am becoming more and more irritable on the phone or via email and I just feel awful.

When I was with him in America, it was wonderful, and now, back here, on my own, its not. When he was in Australia with me, we both knew it would be hard as my family was pretty upset I went and eloped.. and we knew we had to also tell them we wanted to live in the USA eventually... well it was a trial really.. Hubby may have stayed in Australia, but once we did a bit of living in both countries, we decided the USA was the place for us to start our marriage.

So anyway, my point is, does anyone have ideas on how to overcome this? Its really seriously wrecking my day to day life, my work, my health, my relationship and just everything. I am so depressed and I worry about things which havent even happened yet, I also worry that my husband is sick of my whinging, and that when I get there if he decides to leave me, then what will I do?

I worry because I have always had seperation anxiety from a young age, and even my ####### father who left my mother when I was 13 months old claims that my marriage "wont last" and I am "abandoning my family" - well what did he do?!?!

Anyway I am ranting now.. but I just feel like some days I cant deal with it, and lately, its been every day... and I want to be back where things were good, back in the USA... but will it be good when I get there? Theres nothing telling me it wont, but I am still so very frightened and scared and I just cant cope...

I'm in a slightly different situation than you hun, but I still wanted to chime in and give you some encouragement. There's something that always made me feel better when the ###### hit the fan (and it does a lot for me... it's like living in a ###### and fan store ) I always tell myself "This too shall pass". I think it's from some story. Basically, everything is in constant movement. Good times will turn into bad ones... But bad times will turn into good ones.

At any rate, everyone here can relate some way and I know we'll all be willing to cheer you up!

[lgg 2]

Oh and you know what? I talk about the difficulties of this all the time but I don't think I have found the ideal thread in which to do it -- this is the only one so far where I don't feel like a complete tool....

[AUS2USA 0]

Oh and you know what? I talk about the difficulties of this all the time but I don't think I have found the ideal thread in which to do it -- this is the only one so far where I don't feel like a complete tool....

[effieb 1]

HI DONNA,

I AM SO THERE WITH YOU. I HAVE NOT SEEN MY FIANCE SINCE MAY OF 2008. IT'S VERY HARD. WE ALL NEED TO HANG IN THERE AND ONE DAY WE WILL REUNITE. PLEASE DON'T BE DEPRESSED YOU HAVE TO BE IN THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND TO DEAL WITH THIS LONG WAIT.

AS I PRAY FOR MYSELF I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.

[Twisted K 2]

Miss D! you are not alone

[carolynhotstuff 252]

When I read all your posts it made me realize that I am not alone and that other women and men in this process are having troubles too. I have only been home from Pakistan one month but it feels like years sense I last saw my husband. I sleep a lot because my days and nights without him are so lonely. I am disabled and do not work so I have all day to think about and miss him. I wonder did I make the right decision to marry my love knowing that I have to deal with the US government. Yet I know in my heart that I would be lost without him and that he is worth all this time, trouble and money.

As Americans we have come to believe we have all kinds of rights and this process makes us feel naked. Maybe for the first time sense we were children we have to ask permission to do something and we have to put our business out there for strangers to see. The many feelings of loss is what gets to me. The loss of my freedom and my privacy and the loss of being with my husband on my terms.

Thank God for the internet, telephone and email. My husband tries to be strong for me but I know he is worried he will not get his Visa because he is from Pakistan. He has given me ideas on things to do to keep me busy like exercise in the morning, going back to church and reading my Bible. I have followed his ideas and it is helping me a lot. I am trying to make new friends and maybe this would help me also. I wish all of you a quick journey and I hope we all find ways to cheer-up.

[LOLAs 1]

Finally we are getting out real emotions. If it is any consolation, there are lots of depressed people on this site because of the same reason. A few days ago I felt like I need a therapist though I know that will not solve my problem. You can read my signature and (maybe) imagine what I have to deal with in this CR-1 petition. I think USCIS is trying but they just are not doing enough, no one should have to wait two months to re-unite with their loved ones. I think the stat is good for you right now and you should calm down, your embassy is not a problem area so you should get interview as soon as all your papers make it through NVC. That should make you smile. For some embassies the minimum wait time is two months add that to this period of mental torture.

I like it when you mention your dad mentioning the marriage ... for me the pressure is from everywhere, the family, friends are all saying stuffs like" it will end for us soon", "there is no future", "it is impossible", "what were they thinking getting married like that - wife in US, hubby i n Nigeria, what a stupid decision" like we are not dealing with enough pressure already. The only hope is that in separation like this love grows stronger and you appriciate each other better. The challenges of marriage I am sure is more than this period, so if you can deal with this then you can withstand any coming challenges.

I say this as if I have it all together, don't be fooled I am as crazy as anyone here or probably more depressed, I know all those things that I am saying but I am just not using it, only NOA 2 will do it for me.

This period will not last, we will all look back someday and this moment will be sooooooooo far away from our lives.

[ashlesha 0]

All of us here, in this journey, are on the boat. Some express emotions and others don't.

For some people its easy to travel and see each other and for others its not. I am sure there are couples here who haven;t seen each others for months if not years. I am glad that the CR1 process is much simplified and quick (YA RIGHT) nowadays. I know folks, personally, who had to deal with this process for years before being together.

We talk so much about family etc here in US and it is the bigest thing. If you hear executives/coaches/players talk, they talk about making decision becuase that was in best interest for their family and/or be with their family...How about us? What do we do? Our decision of getting married with our loved ones abroad is something that we need to get immigration involved/approval in...I feel so helpless but ya I try to stay stong..God bless us all...

[brooklyn 0]

Omg it seems we are all in the same boat here. I have been feeling really depressed more so lately then before .I have not seen my husband since March 31 .I was so hoping we would of been done with this whole thing already . It dont help that I am just about 8 months pregant and I had to put it in my head he wont be here for the birth of his frist child. I try to tell myself he it is killing him to but he don't let me see it most of the time. But I am just getting more Bit**** and he really good about it . I no have to work and I really wont be able to take much time off after the baby is born because there no one here to pay my bills . I cry myself to sleep it seems like almost every nite lately . But keep telling myself don't worry it will all be over soon . So for all of us we need to just and hang in there and just try to think of the happy ending .I n easiser said then done

Brooklyn

[mrsemcee 1]

Donna! Others have given some wonderful advice on here, and I couldn't agree with them more. Take this from someone who's undergone this process and come through the other side.

I had the nastily added aspect of my family, whom I'm now estranged from; I hope and pray that the same won't happen to you, but there were numerous cultural issues that had piled up in my case. It's horrible and frightening, I know...and the sense of not knowing how long it's going to take can be so very taxing on the soul. Thank God for Knight, who was always positive and supportive, and kept on reassuring me that an end would come! There were some days I just wanted to cry, or hit a wall, and sometimes I would do the former (but not the latter).

Find things to keep you busy. Don't think about tomorrow, focus on today. Put the visa in the back of your mind and know that you'll be with your man again. Communicate openly, and if something's bothering you, tell him, but don't be angry. I'd imagine the time difference can make things difficult, too -- I was in England and my Knight was in Alaska (where I am too, now!) so when it was night for him, it would be day for me. Make time for each other. Don't let anybody give you BS about the choices you made, because you were doing what you wanted. I have always stood by my choices and have no regrets, which is what Knight always reminds me to be strong about.

There was one point I didn't see my wonderful Knight for a year, but we found ways to overcome that. Write letters to each other (on top of your regular communication) -- sending something physical helps immensely. Send silly little things that might remind you of one another. Knight used to send me candy, or little toys for my cat, and that kind of thing. I once kissed a little bit of card he could keep in his wallet, laminated it, and sent it to him; he has it still. Find things to laugh about. Share YouTube videos or pictures (icanhascheezburger.com is always a great one) so you can find another focal point to discuss instead. What Knight and I would sometimes do was watch a movie on both ends on our laptops together while Skype was running, so we could see one another's reactions and just talk throughout.

Most of all, remember you're not alone in this! Whenever you need to rant or vent, we VJers are here for you. We've been through the process, or we're going through it, so at least we can all shoulder the burden together.

You WILL be with him again. You need to draw strength from each other, and you'll be so much closer for it when you get through it. You'll gain an appreciation for just being able to touch and hold one another.

Love and hugs! You're not alone, remember that!

Magpie.

thank you so much for your words. i know that alot of the culture in Australia comes from the UK and i too struggle with that sometimes, as i offend my husband, or at least my family does, without knowing it... you know? our slang and our joking... anyway... i understand where you are coming from and i really appreicate your reply.

When I read all your posts it made me realize that I am not alone and that other women and men in this process are having troubles too. I have only been home from Pakistan one month but it feels like years sense I last saw my husband. I sleep a lot because my days and nights without him are so lonely. I am disabled and do not work so I have all day to think about and miss him. I wonder did I make the right decision to marry my love knowing that I have to deal with the US government. Yet I know in my heart that I would be lost without him and that he is worth all this time, trouble and money.

As Americans we have come to believe we have all kinds of rights and this process makes us feel naked. Maybe for the first time sense we were children we have to ask permission to do something and we have to put our business out there for strangers to see. The many feelings of loss is what gets to me. The loss of my freedom and my privacy and the loss of being with my husband on my terms.

Thank God for the internet, telephone and email. My husband tries to be strong for me but I know he is worried he will not get his Visa because he is from Pakistan. He has given me ideas on things to do to keep me busy like exercise in the morning, going back to church and reading my Bible. I have followed his ideas and it is helping me a lot. I am trying to make new friends and maybe this would help me also. I wish all of you a quick journey and I hope we all find ways to cheer-up.

god that is so awful. i feel for you so much, but i also admire your strength and courage. i will pray for you all.... xx

All of us here, in this journey, are on the boat. Some express emotions and others don't.

For some people its easy to travel and see each other and for others its not. I am sure there are couples here who haven;t seen each others for months if not years. I am glad that the CR1 process is much simplified and quick (YA RIGHT) nowadays. I know folks, personally, who had to deal with this process for years before being together.

We talk so much about family etc here in US and it is the bigest thing. If you hear executives/coaches/players talk, they talk about making decision becuase that was in best interest for their family and/or be with their family...How about us? What do we do? Our decision of getting married with our loved ones abroad is something that we need to get immigration involved/approval in...I feel so helpless but ya I try to stay stong..God bless us all...

i agree. i think talking about it is so helpful. whether people wish to do it in a public forum or share it in a pm, i dont mind, but i appreciate all the talking and it really does help people.. even those too shy or private to actually reply. at least they read this and think, yes, im not alone in this.

guys, i want to share with you an email i wrote my husband last night.. it was personal, but i want to share it to show you how im feeling after all these beautiful replies...

gimme sec and ill post it here

[mrsemcee 1]

Oh and you know what? I talk about the difficulties of this all the time but I don't think I have found the ideal thread in which to do it -- this is the only one so far where I don't feel like a complete tool....

igg you are the meaning of strength and awesomeness! i am sooo lucky sydney is not backed up like montreal... ugh. you poor thing. i wish you a speedy and hopefully BEFORE xmas interview assignment!

Omg it seems we are all in the same boat here. I have been feeling really depressed more so lately then before .I have not seen my husband since March 31 .I was so hoping we would of been done with this whole thing already . It dont help that I am just about 8 months pregant and I had to put it in my head he wont be here for the birth of his frist child. I try to tell myself he it is killing him to but he don't let me see it most of the time. But I am just getting more Bit**** and he really good about it . I no have to work and I really wont be able to take much time off after the baby is born because there no one here to pay my bills . I cry myself to sleep it seems like almost every nite lately . But keep telling myself don't worry it will all be over soon . So for all of us we need to just and hang in there and just try to think of the happy ending .I n easiser said then done

Brooklyn

i cannot even begin to imagine how hard that is for you. it makes my heart sad you have to go through a pregnancy without him...

i wish you the best.... xx

____________

ok guys here is my email from last night... i hope this helps you all, and maybe gives some people a laugh hehe. i know it makes me laugh looking back on it and hubby loved it. i feel a breath of fresh air today too. even though we are in the same situation, i feel better for thinking positively for a change.

____________

.....hello sweet husband of mine

i wanted to write you an email to let you know i am still here. the old, happy donna i mean. you know, the one who you fell in love with. the one who was being silly with you in the hotel room in ******, and eating shrimp with you at the RED LOBSTER (yum!!!) and the one who was oh so silly and funny.. and loved eating chocolates and going to walmart and all those silly things.

i have been really down lately, with being sick, and hating work, and wanting to come over so badly. then i started worrying that you would leave me and stupid s**t like about how i look, and in the end i realised i was doing all that because i expected it from my past. i know i married you because you are different and that you love me more than anyone ever has and that we will be togther forever, but it got clouded by other stuff, and the longer i am away from you, the further you seem and you know.. it was all too much.

i know sometimes you feel the same way too and we get depressed. and its hard when we both get depressed...

but think about it. we have one more lot of papers to be sent, its about 3 pages long, and its waiting to go from my doorstep as soon as they say the word.. and then i get my interview booked and i can come over.. this time forever.

its going to be so wonderful, that day when you come and pick me up, and i see you there at the airport.. and we can be together again.

lets start thinking about that time... and forget about all the ####### that has lead us up to it. we need to be grateful we have found one another and the love we share, and that soon we can be together and start building our family and life and our house eventually and you know.. the rest!

im looking forward to it very much...

and i just wanted to let you know

i love you baby. mwaaah.

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

Oh and you know what? I talk about the difficulties of this all the time but I don't think I have found the ideal thread in which to do it -- this is the only one so far where I don't feel like a complete tool....

igg you are the meaning of strength and awesomeness! i am sooo lucky sydney is not backed up like montreal... ugh. you poor thing. i wish you a speedy and hopefully BEFORE xmas interview assignment!

Omg it seems we are all in the same boat here. I have been feeling really depressed more so lately then before .I have not seen my husband since March 31 .I was so hoping we would of been done with this whole thing already . It dont help that I am just about 8 months pregant and I had to put it in my head he wont be here for the birth of his frist child. I try to tell myself he it is killing him to but he don't let me see it most of the time. But I am just getting more Bit**** and he really good about it . I no have to work and I really wont be able to take much time off after the baby is born because there no one here to pay my bills . I cry myself to sleep it seems like almost every nite lately . But keep telling myself don't worry it will all be over soon . So for all of us we need to just and hang in there and just try to think of the happy ending .I n easiser said then done

Brooklyn

i cannot even begin to imagine how hard that is for you. it makes my heart sad you have to go through a pregnancy without him...

i wish you the best.... xx

____________

ok guys here is my email from last night... i hope this helps you all, and maybe gives some people a laugh hehe. i know it makes me laugh looking back on it and hubby loved it. i feel a breath of fresh air today too. even though we are in the same situation, i feel better for thinking positively for a change.

____________

.....hello sweet husband of mine

i wanted to write you an email to let you know i am still here. the old, happy donna i mean. you know, the one who you fell in love with. the one who was being silly with you in the hotel room in ******, and eating shrimp with you at the RED LOBSTER (yum!!!) and the one who was oh so silly and funny.. and loved eating chocolates and going to walmart and all those silly things.

i have been really down lately, with being sick, and hating work, and wanting to come over so badly. then i started worrying that you would leave me and stupid s**t like about how i look, and in the end i realised i was doing all that because i expected it from my past. i know i married you because you are different and that you love me more than anyone ever has and that we will be togther forever, but it got clouded by other stuff, and the longer i am away from you, the further you seem and you know.. it was all too much.

i know sometimes you feel the same way too and we get depressed. and its hard when we both get depressed...

but think about it. we have one more lot of papers to be sent, its about 3 pages long, and its waiting to go from my doorstep as soon as they say the word.. and then i get my interview booked and i can come over.. this time forever.

its going to be so wonderful, that day when you come and pick me up, and i see you there at the airport.. and we can be together again.

lets start thinking about that time... and forget about all the ####### that has lead us up to it. we need to be grateful we have found one another and the love we share, and that soon we can be together and start building our family and life and our house eventually and you know.. the rest!

im looking forward to it very much...

and i just wanted to let you know

i love you baby. mwaaah.

What is truly depressing about this WHOLE process is, you feel helpless, and can not hurry anything up in it. Im waitig for a answer on a earlier interview in Paris, and if its not granted, hubby has to return to Algeria for interview, and that will cause more of a delay. We are so close, yet so far damn away in completing this step. You feel like shaking the snot of these people and say get off the stick!!!!!!

And if one more person asks me, When is your husband coming home, they are getting B!tch slapped.

[mrsemcee 1]

oh geez i KNOW!

so many people say "so whats happening with immigration donna?" and i say "ummm if i knew, you would all know too" - umm hellooooo i'd be screaming it from the rooftops!!!!!

ugh.

good luck paris xoxoxox.

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

oh geez i KNOW!

so many people say "so whats happening with immigration donna?" and i say "ummm if i knew, you would all know too" - umm hellooooo i'd be screaming it from the rooftops!!!!!

ugh.

good luck paris xoxoxox.

We need to start a new thread Donna titled: How many people have you B!TCH SLAPPED for asking when loved one will be here.

That thread will meet capacity within 24 hours, LOL Hang in there Honey, you are not alone!! Hugs,

Beth