Where is the depressed forum?

[sachinky 465]

Yes. Keep thinking positively. I'm sure you'll get a case complete within this next week!

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

thanks my friend. you always cheer me up

Donna, I love the new pic of you and the pumpkins are adorable. I collect pumkins, yeah I know strange collection, but I love it and halloween, this year, I will spend Halloween in Paris!!

thanks darlin... i am super upset i wont be there for halloween koz i was last year, and also, australia doesnt really do halloween...

i have a queen of hearts costume that i want to wear, but will save it for next year when im with hubby.

what will you go as? maybe a Parisian?!?!?!

oh yeh also, i won a pumpkin painting competition when i was a teenager! lol. i painted my pumpkin as a fish bowl!!!

Good morning kiddies, its Sunday here, just woke up and having to put it delicately having severe digestion problems. All due to nerves. My brother and his GF was here all day Saturday helping me, cutting grass, taking out the tons of ####### I cleaned from closets, Kristie my brothers GF even wiped all the shelfs down in my kitchen, they just rolled up their sleeves and did as if they lived here. Whole time as Im chirping a million miles an hour to them about this whole journey, and Im sure they are as sick of hearing it as Iem of speaking of it. My brother is the only family I have besides my husband, and his Big brother mode kicked in, as he knows his baby sister is scared to death trying to keep a brave look on my face, as the fears of AP run thru my head. I truly hate this feeling so helpless, with knowing I have no control of our outcome, as that lays in the hands of a stranger who know nothing about myself and the wonderful man Im married too.

[MONIQ 0]

Having a hard day today. i am missing my husband soooo much. life is just not fair these days....

[sachinky 465]

Really, really hoping we get our NOA2 soon. I can't live like this much longer. I miss him so much, it's like a constant heartache. Yesterday was our two-month wedding anniversary. I hope I'm there by our fifth, or the fourth, if we are lucky.

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

Really, really hoping we get our NOA2 soon. I can't live like this much longer. I miss him so much, it's like a constant heartache. Yesterday was our two-month wedding anniversary. I hope I'm there by our fifth, or the fourth, if we are lucky.

sachinky, you need to concentrate on other things, such as getting docs prepared for NVC, look into what is required for the medical exam, start looking in what is involved in obtaining police reports and etc. these things will take mind off of NOA 2 for a while.

One of the big things for me while waiting for hubbys NOA 2 is putting together eveidence at interview, more then one thinks, all the printing of emails, and gathering cards and letters sent to each other, phone bills, etc.

Also doing all this while waiting for NOA 2 truly helped me, I felt better and more positive. Its a stinky journey, but WE must make the best of it. It will all be fine. This journey does has light at end of the tunnel, I promise.

Edited October 18, 2009 by Paris Heart

[sachinky 465]

You're right, Paris! I will try and make the best of it. It is so easy to become unmotivated and disheartened that getting out of bed feels like a chore. I've already asked for the PCC from the local PS and once that it done, I will ask for for one from the regional passport office as well. I will get a look at the medical stuff and get all the rest of the documents ready. I will beat this. I will. Deep breaths.

[JustJ 0]

Excellent advice, as always, Paris. You can truly save yourself a few weeks if you are READY for the NVC when the NVC is ready for you. We weren't ready, and it cost us over a month. A month that we can never recover.

I am so happy that you and your husband will soon be reunited. I can't wait to hear the great news about an approved visa!

I hope I may vent. This is going to be long....

I see so many of us reaching this sort of "crisis" point at the NVC level. I'm trying to figure out what it is. All I can think of is that when we file the I-130, we expect FIVE months before we start to panic. So, we muster up the strength, and we brace ourselves. Once the case is at NVC, we're nearly there. And that's when it starts getting more difficult.

As for me, my journey with my husband has been a terribly long one. We found each other in a chat room by sheer accident, and we have struggled against many factors to become a couple. We have maintained a relationship since 2004. When I think of it now, I can hardly believe it. We new from the git-go that we were in for a long haul, but I never would have dreamed that it would be nearly 6 years before we'd live on the same land mass.

During that time, we've chatted online, written letters, and emails. We've survived, despite dire financial circumstances and indescribable losses, including the death of my husband's daughter in 2007. I've lived in houses with rats crawling in the walls and no floor boards. I've shivered in the cold. I've lay awake at night crying, wondering if my husband was warm in his house, knowing that he probably wasn't, because he can't afford electricity or even peat, coal, or wood.

When I've been invited out to dinner with a family member, or a friend, I choked down my food, knowing that my husband was probably surviving on bread and tea. I felt guilty knowing that I had something good to eat, and he didn't.

I live alone. I'm 42 years old. My chances of conceiving are passing with each flying month. Even a snail is given an opportunity to reproduce.

Alone, we are weak. Together, we are a vibrant couple full of hope.

When I'm under stress, or going through a rough time, there's nobody to lean on. If my mother takes ill, or a loved one dies, I'm all alone. No matter what a human being goes through, even just having someone there to lean on makes it less painful.

I used to be someone people liked to be around. Now, I fear I've become so bitter and frightened and insecure that I'm actually toxic. I can't think about anything other than getting my husband here. I listen to people complain about their spouses, or their children, and I think to myself, do you people have a clue how happy I would be to see my husband sitting a coffee cup down on my furniture without a coaster????

I'm a shell of my formal self. I feel like a withering flower. People don't know what to say to me, so I think they just stay away. And through it all, I have to be strong somehow.

I am not a sturdy woman. I'm petite and middle-aged. Yet, I have to do all of the things a man would normally do. I'm tired of mowing. I'm tired of shoveling snow and scraping ice. I'm tired of raking the leaves and carrying heavy things. I recently carried two beds upstairs. I've had to learn how to replace a battery and headlights in a car. I've had to learn to build things, and take other things apart. If I want to stay warm, I have to carry heavy firewood for the wood stove. Last night, the basement flooded. I suffer from seizures, so electricity is my nemesis. Yet, I had to swallow my fear of electrocution and wade through the water to get to the pump, as the furnace and water heater were flooded.

I was an artist. I created beautiful things. Now, I type for a living. I listen to people tell me about how horrible their lives are because they don't have the money to buy the things they were used to buying. Last week, I suggested a program to a woman who claimed she had no food. It is a program that allows women with small children to buy cheese, milk, etc. Her response? "I ain't feedin' my boy no block of cheese." Hmm, funny, I'd love some cheese. I actually have to stop and consider in the grocery store, if I can buy that cheese, as every dollar counts.

Every dollar goes to keeping us alive, and keeping the lawyer's fee paid. I shiver and go hungry, as does my spouse, but my lawyer has a nice, fat wad of my money, just so he can let our packages sit on his desk and get to them when he can.

Frankly, I can't take much more. I've lost patience with humanity. I've lost patience with myself. I feel like everything that was beautiful in me is gone. I wanted to finish that novel I started. I had some pretty good bites on it from agents. Now, I just don't have the motivation. My motivation is sitting in a cold stone house in Ireland. Every bit of energy I had for my novel is used up by worrying about him, and by addressing the stressors that come my way, that I must face alone.

The worst part? We've got a good 6 months to go before we know. The NVC is just a blip on the radar for us, as we're going to need to file a waiver for 28-yr old crimes and entering the US 8 times on the VWP. In the end, our fate rests in the hands of someone who may decide against us because he or she is having a bad day. And all of this will have been in vain.

I seriously can't take much more. Oh, I know I don't have a choice. I have to keep plodding ahead, because I love my husband more than anything in this world. But it's hard. I know you all understand. I know I'm not alone. We sometimes think we're the only ones going through this.

Group hug.....

[sachinky 465]

I'm so, so sorry Just Julie. I don't even know what to say, except this: This too shall pass. Like everything. Keep the faith. I hope it doesn't sound trite but there's not much I can say to comfort you. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Everything will turn out okay, in the end. If it doesn't, then it's not quite the end yet. Love and peace.

[christeen 966]

Wish we could all take a bit of your sadness and lift the load from ya... I think you might be at a midway point and things are feeling a bit bleak... Chin up...

An idea; Start a really sad and depressing novel using what you are feeling and your story ... it might make you feel a bit better getting it on paper.... And later, when you are happy and together you can use those writings as a meat and bones of another great novel with a happy ending...

I used to like to use my feelings and create a character with the same things going on as what was going on in my life, it helped me detach a bit from when I was feeling down as I could project that saddness on my character. Of course I am gemini, so I have 5 novels started and nothing every finished!!! Maybe one day!

And FYI... 42 is NOT middle aged!!! If it is, then maybe you can haul less firewood cause the hot flashes will keep you warm at night!!!... (tryin for a smile)... I'm 40 and dont feel a day over 65!!!

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

Wish we could all take a bit of your sadness and lift the load from ya... I think you might be at a midway point and things are feeling a bit bleak... Chin up...

An idea; Start a really sad and depressing novel using what you are feeling and your story ... it might make you feel a bit better getting it on paper.... And later, when you are happy and together you can use those writings as a meat and bones of another great novel with a happy ending...

I used to like to use my feelings and create a character with the same things going on as what was going on in my life, it helped me detach a bit from when I was feeling down as I could project that saddness on my character. Of course I am gemini, so I have 5 novels started and nothing every finished!!! Maybe one day!

And FYI... 42 is NOT middle aged!!! If it is, then maybe you can haul less firewood cause the hot flashes will keep you warm at night!!!... (tryin for a smile)... I'm 40 and dont feel a day over 65!!!

Im glad 42 is not middle age, is 44? LOL Yikes then Im OLD. Had a bad ladies, spent most of it crying, scared, this time is suppose to be joyous for me, but its not. I should of finished the house today, for all week I will work 12 hour shift, wont leave much time for packing and etc during the week, I leave in a week, and honestly there is not enough time. We fought for all of this and a earlier interview, and Im a child with her dollie in one arm, and finger in her mouth crying. As dearest Julie said, it takes so much out of you, you turn into a different person altogether. I went to the pharmacy to just get out as my mom said Get the stink off, well it did not work, even passed up Starbucks, now that is bad for me. I think I will turn in, is barley 7pm, and Im going to bed. Night all, sweet dreams, Hugs!!

[JustJ 0]

Paris, I think the best way I can figure it is this....

Imagine you know that you are going to see your spouse in exactly three months. Well, of course, you are excited when you get that news. But there's still three months to go, so you kinda just brace for the time that has yet to pass. But in those last few days, and OMG, that last five minutes before your loved one gets off the plane or train - isn't that just unbearable????

I think it's the same with the visa process. We brace ourselves for the LONG wait with the I-130. Then it gets approved and it's like our spouse is getting on the plane. The interview? The interview is like knowing the plane's in the air.... it's just so hard to wait, Paris. I think that's what's happening with you.

I do feel, however, that your hubby is going to get the visa and you are going to message us from abroad and we are all going to share in your joy. You and Christeen (among others) have been so helpful to others here. I hope you know how much we all appreciate it.

Julie

[JustJ 0]

An idea; Start a really sad and depressing novel using what you are feeling and your story ... it might make you feel a bit better getting it on paper.... And later, when you are happy and together you can use those writings as a meat and bones of another great novel with a happy ending...

The novel I'm writing is about 12th Century lovers parted by death & their reunion in modern times.

I certainly do know what it feels like to love someone and not be able to reach them.....

There are times when I actually feel guilty for being so down about all of this. I mean, everything's relative, right? At least I have a chance of seeing my spouse again. My mom, who lost my dad in 2003 to Alzheimer's, has no hope of holding him in her arms again. And I'm sure she has the same stresses and insecurities that I do. Probably worse, since she's now in the final leg of her journey. I just try to reassure her that I'm never, ever leaving her, and she has nothing to worry about.....which brings me to another source of stress in case my husband is denied a visa. WHAT WILL I DO? Ergh....you see how this is just a soul-sucking nightmare.....

Thanks for all the well wishes, though. You guys are the only ones who can possibly understand. Everybody around me looks at me like I have two heads. And if I hear one more comment about how easily the illegals get in, I might scream.

[carolynhotstuff 252]

Julie,

I am so sorry that you feel so down and that your husband is having financial problems. Your story made me cry. I have spent the whole day feeling sorry for myself because I miss my husband but at least I know he has money and all the creature comforts.

I am so afraid of this Visa process. I don't know if I've ever been this afraid in my life. I love my husband so much and I want him here so badly. My problem is also with money. My income is above the poverty guidelines but it's from social security and child support suppose the Embassy won't accept it. I have a co sponser who is my nephew he now makes over $200,000 a year but last year he was a student and didn't make much money suppose they won't accept him. It's enough to drive a person crazy. My so called friends are mad at me for getting married to a Pakistani and also mad because he is much younger than me. So they have quit calling and so I really have no one here to share this with or lean on. So I guess I am both scared and lonely.

I asked my lawyer about my financial situation but she won't discuss it until my I-130 is approved. So each day I sit and worry about my income and my nephews income and the Embassy interview which my lawyer insists I must attend. I don't want to go back to Pakistan. I've been there 2 times for a total of 58 days. My husband is so afraid of the terrorists he will hardly let me leave the house. I love him and his family very much but I love to explore when I travel not be locked up in the house.

Anyway thank you so much for telling us your story. I will pray for you and your husband.

[christeen 966]

Julie,

I am so sorry that you feel so down and that your husband is having financial problems. Your story made me cry. I have spent the whole day feeling sorry for myself because I miss my husband but at least I know he has money and all the creature comforts.

I am so afraid of this Visa process. I don't know if I've ever been this afraid in my life. I love my husband so much and I want him here so badly. My problem is also with money. My income is above the poverty guidelines but it's from social security and child support suppose the Embassy won't accept it. I have a co sponser who is my nephew he now makes over $200,000 a year but last year he was a student and didn't make much money suppose they won't accept him. It's enough to drive a person crazy. My so called friends are mad at me for getting married to a Pakistani and also mad because he is much younger than me. So they have quit calling and so I really have no one here to share this with or lean on. So I guess I am both scared and lonely.

I asked my lawyer about my financial situation but she won't discuss it until my I-130 is approved. So each day I sit and worry about my income and my nephews income and the Embassy interview which my lawyer insists I must attend. I don't want to go back to Pakistan. I've been there 2 times for a total of 58 days. My husband is so afraid of the terrorists he will hardly let me leave the house. I love him and his family very much but I love to explore when I travel not be locked up in the house.

Anyway thank you so much for telling us your story. I will pray for you and your husband.

Just take a deep breath... As far as the sponsor, as long as he can show his current income (employment letter, paystubs) and proof of residence in US then you are fine, regardless of what he made last year. NVC is concerned about what he currently makes and that your sponsor can support him NOW...

As far as going to Pakistan, I can understand your fear. However, I have also read that when the female spouse is older than the male in Muslim countries that is a possible flag... So I think you unfortunatly, it might be in your best interest to attend the interview. There are others in the MENA forum and here that can address this issue specifically...

But try not to dwell on the things you cannot control, they will happen regardless of whether you worry about them happening or not... Momma would say "Dont you worry bout the sun, it'll come up and go down without you stressin ur head bout it"... Just get all of your documentation and proof together and stay on top of the NVC process so you can move everything along as fast as possible....

[Twisted K 2]

julie, honey, i knew you were a writer from the first time i "met" you. it would be so awesome when you get your book published. i want to be one of the first in line to buy it one request, though, i would like it autographed from my good irish buddy

i wish there were words i could say to cheer you up. i am here for you if you ever need to talk, vent, or whatever. always with a listening ear.