Where is the depressed forum?

[mrsemcee 1]

I've been having a tough time lately. I am sure you call all, if not most, relate to it as it is around the CR1 process and being apart from the person you have just recently married.

My hubby and I were lucky to spend 3 months together when married, then 5 more months here in Australia before he had to go back to the USA and now we have been apart since July. Our one year anniversary is in November.

I'm half way through NVC, which some may think is wonderful... but this whole process is totally depressing me and I feel like a different person.

My husband notices a lot and he tries to be good about it via phone and email.. but it's getting harder by the day and I am becoming more and more irritable on the phone or via email and I just feel awful.

When I was with him in America, it was wonderful, and now, back here, on my own, its not. When he was in Australia with me, we both knew it would be hard as my family was pretty upset I went and eloped.. and we knew we had to also tell them we wanted to live in the USA eventually... well it was a trial really.. Hubby may have stayed in Australia, but once we did a bit of living in both countries, we decided the USA was the place for us to start our marriage.

So anyway, my point is, does anyone have ideas on how to overcome this? Its really seriously wrecking my day to day life, my work, my health, my relationship and just everything. I am so depressed and I worry about things which havent even happened yet, I also worry that my husband is sick of my whinging, and that when I get there if he decides to leave me, then what will I do?

I worry because I have always had seperation anxiety from a young age, and even my ####### father who left my mother when I was 13 months old claims that my marriage "wont last" and I am "abandoning my family" - well what did he do?!?!

Anyway I am ranting now.. but I just feel like some days I cant deal with it, and lately, its been every day... and I want to be back where things were good, back in the USA... but will it be good when I get there? Theres nothing telling me it wont, but I am still so very frightened and scared and I just cant cope...

[Bern. 3]

Hey Donna!

Basically, all I can say is...you are almost done this process and soon you'll be together with your husband! Hang in there and remember that we're all here for you! And about your father, it's none of his business and he's a hypocrite! (No offense..) I know family is very important, but it's YOUR life when it's all said and done. And they will still be your family whether you're in Australia or the USA. Take care. <3

[mrsemcee 1]

oh i told him what i thought. my so called father got a good speaking to by me. you dont even know the half of it. prior to finding out about our marriage, he hadnt contacted me more than 5 times in 28 years.

f**king idiot he is.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

preach it sista....same thing here. that and not getting a job, kinda wish sometimes i did something vocational rather than the **** degree i have....anywaysssssssss....hang in there, talk to me

[MONIQ 0]

I've been having a tough time lately. I am sure you call all, if not most, relate to it as it is around the CR1 process and being apart from the person you have just recently married.

My hubby and I were lucky to spend 3 months together when married, then 5 more months here in Australia before he had to go back to the USA and now we have been apart since July. Our one year anniversary is in November.

I'm half way through NVC, which some may think is wonderful... but this whole process is totally depressing me and I feel like a different person.

My husband notices a lot and he tries to be good about it via phone and email.. but it's getting harder by the day and I am becoming more and more irritable on the phone or via email and I just feel awful.

When I was with him in America, it was wonderful, and now, back here, on my own, its not. When he was in Australia with me, we both knew it would be hard as my family was pretty upset I went and eloped.. and we knew we had to also tell them we wanted to live in the USA eventually... well it was a trial really.. Hubby may have stayed in Australia, but once we did a bit of living in both countries, we decided the USA was the place for us to start our marriage.

So anyway, my point is, does anyone have ideas on how to overcome this? Its really seriously wrecking my day to day life, my work, my health, my relationship and just everything. I am so depressed and I worry about things which havent even happened yet, I also worry that my husband is sick of my whinging, and that when I get there if he decides to leave me, then what will I do?

I worry because I have always had seperation anxiety from a young age, and even my ####### father who left my mother when I was 13 months old claims that my marriage "wont last" and I am "abandoning my family" - well what did he do?!?!

Anyway I am ranting now.. but I just feel like some days I cant deal with it, and lately, its been every day... and I want to be back where things were good, back in the USA... but will it be good when I get there? Theres nothing telling me it wont, but I am still so very frightened and scared and I just cant cope...

HelloDonna....

Please take heart. I feel the same way you do sometimes. We are exactly in the same place in the process. We sent bck the DS-3032 form and wating yet still. All will be well just try your best to cope. At least your husband and yourself can travel to see each other. As for me , I am the only one free to travel like I want. I only get 2 weeks to see him every 6 months or so.. I am not sure if you pray or not, but now would be a great time to start. Hope this helps.

[AUS2USA 0]

Hey DonDon!

You must have read my mind. In fact, in the 'September filers' thread, i mentioned something along the same lines, and THEN i saw this one!

A lot of people, if not everyone waiting, are in the same position. I was wondering why there weren't more people letting out how they feel, I find THAT really strange. Surely, I couldn't be the only one that let out the tears. I couldn't be the only one that longed to see my S/O so badly and I sure couldn't be the only one, period.

When I pray, I thank God for the goodness he has cherished my life with, I give thanks for the health of my Family and Friends. When it comes time for my Wife, I pray for her strength and well being and I pray mostly for this (Sorry family and friends!) and it usually ends up in weeping.

Every day, I wake up on the right side of the bed and think, 'today is going to be a great day'. And, it usually is up until around lunch time. My work doesn't provide much of a distraction and all I seem to do is think about my Wife.

BUT, when I get home, and I'm skyping with my baby, or I'm on the phone or whatever, I always remember- We are a couple, but we are also individuals. This whole experience is character building for us as individuals as well as a couple. Imagine, Donna, when this whole process is done for, and you're walking through the 'Arrivals Gate' and he's there... Waiting for you with a big cheesy grin on his mug. Think about that very moment right now. Will the past X months come into mind at all? Or, will it be the future that you and your S/O other share for the years to come?

I have a fairly good idea of what your answer will be.

Hang in there DonDon! You're literally on the home straight.

[philmae83 0]

im feeling sad too...and the waiting to when the visa process will end makes me sick...my husband visited me here in Philippines for just 8 days coz he needs to work and just left for US yesterday...i am missing him so much...i can't think why immigration making things this hard for us... (

[mrsemcee 1]

heheh we should talk more about our feelings huh?! thank you so much for the replies guys, and thank you mr aussie man (you know who you are hehe) for the kind words.

i'll jump on FB and msg you next time, and we can talk it out haha!

anyway guys.. i dont know.. i just want it to be over. but thinking of how wonderful it'll be when i arrive in the USA to STAY will be wonderful... i know hubby is gonna be so happy and excited and silly.

and we have a puppy too, which i have never met, but i am super excited to meet him and love him and help him grow!

uggggh.... time time time.... go FASTER! well that is, until i am with my man again

Hey DonDon!

You must have read my mind. In fact, in the 'September filers' thread, i mentioned something along the same lines, and THEN i saw this one!

A lot of people, if not everyone waiting, are in the same position. I was wondering why there weren't more people letting out how they feel, I find THAT really strange. Surely, I couldn't be the only one that let out the tears. I couldn't be the only one that longed to see my S/O so badly and I sure couldn't be the only one, period.

When I pray, I thank God for the goodness he has cherished my life with, I give thanks for the health of my Family and Friends. When it comes time for my Wife, I pray for her strength and well being and I pray mostly for this (Sorry family and friends!) and it usually ends up in weeping.

Every day, I wake up on the right side of the bed and think, 'today is going to be a great day'. And, it usually is up until around lunch time. My work doesn't provide much of a distraction and all I seem to do is think about my Wife.

BUT, when I get home, and I'm skyping with my baby, or I'm on the phone or whatever, I always remember- We are a couple, but we are also individuals. This whole experience is character building for us as individuals as well as a couple. Imagine, Donna, when this whole process is done for, and you're walking through the 'Arrivals Gate' and he's there... Waiting for you with a big cheesy grin on his mug. Think about that very moment right now. Will the past X months come into mind at all? Or, will it be the future that you and your S/O other share for the years to come?

I have a fairly good idea of what your answer will be.

Hang in there DonDon! You're literally on the home straight.

[Deb+Steve 13]

im feeling sad too...and the waiting to when the visa process will end makes me sick...my husband visited me here in Philippines for just 8 days coz he needs to work and just left for US yesterday...i am missing him so much...i can't think why immigration making things this hard for us... (

Hey Donna

I completely understand what you are going through - I woke up yesterday and realised it was 8 weeks since I saw him and touched him and held him. What did I do when we did get to 'talk' via Skype ... I was fighting with him. I am sure he is also sick of me being a complete b!tch and getting emotional over stupid things that we cannot control at this point.

We just have to remind ourselves that whatever we are going through, they are too. Just because they don't show it does not mean they don't feel it. I know he is being the strong one and keeping positive and that must be hard for them too. To always be upbeat. Usually that is me, and lately I've turned into this person that I do not like. I've discovered a new interest to take my mind off the endless waiting because I am only at the start of my journey. Find a personal trainer so you can hit it out because talking it out is not working, for me at least. Punching a bag does help though.

Hang in there and remember that whenever life gives you lemons, you buy tequila (if it were limes I'd say make Mojitos). I have started clearing out my house though in preparation. To me that is helping because it means I am doing it ... we're all doing it. And we will get there. That world of possibilities (the internet) made the impossible possible and we found our twin flames. That transcends time, distance and the alphabet soup that is US immigration. And that is the stuff that dreams are made on ...

I will say some Ohms for you ... xxx

[mrsemcee 1]

thank u. you have a beautiful way with words!

i would get a personal trainer but they're too expensive right before leaving haha.

i dont know why im feeling this way so close to actually going. i guess its koz i did everything i needed to do, and now im sitting here thinking hurrrrry up!

uhhhh.... it'll be ok.. and yeah i know i need to change my current personality a bit.. i'm like you, turned into a bit of a person i don't like and i know hubby hates seeing me, or at least hearing me that way.

i might send him a sweet email and cheer him up for when he wakes up.

thanks all... xoxox.

[canadian_wife 1,822]

I totally understand how you feel. It is frustrating, depressing, and annoying. Here's what helped me.

There is an end to this. What you have to focus on is what type of person you want to be when this is done. When I was going through my "I hate this world" moods, I realized it was affecting everyone around me. I realized that I could either leave my job, my family and my friends as a bitter woman who everyone hated, or I could make the best of it. You won't be in this situation forever. You will leave your home, your job (which you may need a reference for one day), your friends (who love and support you) and then you'll go months, maybe years, without seeing them. Embrace this time as an opportunity to see people, renew connections, eat at favourite restaurants, be a 'tourist' in your town/city because once you leave, you'll wish you had the chance to do it all over again. Leave with no regrets.

The worst affected by our moods is our spouses. Although mine put on a tough face, it killed him everytime I cried or yelled or shut down emotionally. That's not fair because he was going through an equally tough time - we needed to support each other, not let our moods affect how we treat each other. That just leads to tension and stress unnecessairly. I started to write letters to my husband when I felt down or angry or frustrated. It let me unleash my emotions, but not directly to him (although he eventually read them).

Good luck. It's tough. This journey will test every emotion we have. But we are stronger people for it in the end and our relationships are stronger too

[lgg 2]

Donna, Donna, Donna....

As a long-term long-distance relationshipper -- I can tell you that moments like this will come by the handful. It's the truth but it is what it is, right? Soon enough, you'll be with your guy and doing your thing and this will be a good laugh in the barrel.

It's hard, sister. I go through poignant moments of longing mixed with despair, mixed with confusion and frustation. Look at my life now -- we've been finished at NVC for for over 8 weeks now. We still don't have an interview. We don't know when we will. December? January? February? WHo knows. I live in a half packed up apartment, I've sold a lot of my belongings -- I go to work everyday without the passion I once had as I know I may be leaving soon if the Consulate in MOntreal picks it up. Frankly? It's not their fault -- they're doing their job. I have chosen where I am at right now. So has my husband. Despite having been 'together' for 7 years, we too are newly weds. Our first anniversary is coming up in NOvember. We'll probably miss it. We live a decent distance apart but we both have jobs and I have NO time off left for this year having used it all spending with my husband.

It's hard, Donna. IT really, really is. Does it get easier? Some days, yes. Some days no. The thing you have to keep in your mind is that you'll be there soon. Sooner than you realize. You are not pining for a long-distance love that may never come to fruition. You're married, you're 3/4 done your immigration procedure. Pull up your socks, have GREAT, sexy, funny conversations with your husband and have fun there. Don't bring it all down as otherwise it will all the more difficult.

Does this makes sense? Not saying that I'm right at all but I have been doing this for 7 years. I know a little bit about how it works.

As to your family?? They sound slightly jerkish so ** them and move on with your life and be happy... .

PM me if you like, my dear. I know how all this feels...

LGG

[lgg 2]

Oh and a HUGE PS... I am totally and completely crapping my pants with fear about the whole getting a job and learning to drive thing when I'm down there. #######??? I am so afraid that I'm going to be a HUGE ** up and not be able to work and have a nervous breakdown every time I get into a car to drive. Sister? We all go through the shiz and it's so freaking hard -- I feel like some days I cannot keep my shiz together. I also have ZERO tolerance for B.S. these days which actually is a good thing so... but just wanted to reach out to you and say, you're really not alone in this. Look at all of us cool,amazing women freaking the hell out!!!!

OH and PPS...

There is never any guarantee in life that anything will work 100% but you just have to have faith enough to try and see if it will. You know?

Talk to me if you want...

xo

LGG

LGG

[Kittyfang 6]

I've been having a tough time lately. I am sure you call all, if not most, relate to it as it is around the CR1 process and being apart from the person you have just recently married.

My hubby and I were lucky to spend 3 months together when married, then 5 more months here in Australia before he had to go back to the USA and now we have been apart since July. Our one year anniversary is in November.

I'm half way through NVC, which some may think is wonderful... but this whole process is totally depressing me and I feel like a different person.

My husband notices a lot and he tries to be good about it via phone and email.. but it's getting harder by the day and I am becoming more and more irritable on the phone or via email and I just feel awful.

When I was with him in America, it was wonderful, and now, back here, on my own, its not. When he was in Australia with me, we both knew it would be hard as my family was pretty upset I went and eloped.. and we knew we had to also tell them we wanted to live in the USA eventually... well it was a trial really.. Hubby may have stayed in Australia, but once we did a bit of living in both countries, we decided the USA was the place for us to start our marriage.

So anyway, my point is, does anyone have ideas on how to overcome this? Its really seriously wrecking my day to day life, my work, my health, my relationship and just everything. I am so depressed and I worry about things which havent even happened yet, I also worry that my husband is sick of my whinging, and that when I get there if he decides to leave me, then what will I do?

I worry because I have always had seperation anxiety from a young age, and even my ####### father who left my mother when I was 13 months old claims that my marriage "wont last" and I am "abandoning my family" - well what did he do?!?!

Anyway I am ranting now.. but I just feel like some days I cant deal with it, and lately, its been every day... and I want to be back where things were good, back in the USA... but will it be good when I get there? Theres nothing telling me it wont, but I am still so very frightened and scared and I just cant cope...

I'm in a slightly different situation than you hun, but I still wanted to chime in and give you some encouragement. There's something that always made me feel better when the ###### hit the fan (and it does a lot for me... it's like living in a ###### and fan store ) I always tell myself "This too shall pass". I think it's from some story. Basically, everything is in constant movement. Good times will turn into bad ones... But bad times will turn into good ones.

At any rate, everyone here can relate some way and I know we'll all be willing to cheer you up!

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

Donna! Others have given some wonderful advice on here, and I couldn't agree with them more. Take this from someone who's undergone this process and come through the other side.

I had the nastily added aspect of my family, whom I'm now estranged from; I hope and pray that the same won't happen to you, but there were numerous cultural issues that had piled up in my case. It's horrible and frightening, I know...and the sense of not knowing how long it's going to take can be so very taxing on the soul. Thank God for Knight, who was always positive and supportive, and kept on reassuring me that an end would come! There were some days I just wanted to cry, or hit a wall, and sometimes I would do the former (but not the latter).

Find things to keep you busy. Don't think about tomorrow, focus on today. Put the visa in the back of your mind and know that you'll be with your man again. Communicate openly, and if something's bothering you, tell him, but don't be angry. I'd imagine the time difference can make things difficult, too -- I was in England and my Knight was in Alaska (where I am too, now!) so when it was night for him, it would be day for me. Make time for each other. Don't let anybody give you BS about the choices you made, because you were doing what you wanted. I have always stood by my choices and have no regrets, which is what Knight always reminds me to be strong about.

There was one point I didn't see my wonderful Knight for a year, but we found ways to overcome that. Write letters to each other (on top of your regular communication) -- sending something physical helps immensely. Send silly little things that might remind you of one another. Knight used to send me candy, or little toys for my cat, and that kind of thing. I once kissed a little bit of card he could keep in his wallet, laminated it, and sent it to him; he has it still. Find things to laugh about. Share YouTube videos or pictures (icanhascheezburger.com is always a great one) so you can find another focal point to discuss instead. What Knight and I would sometimes do was watch a movie on both ends on our laptops together while Skype was running, so we could see one another's reactions and just talk throughout.

Most of all, remember you're not alone in this! Whenever you need to rant or vent, we VJers are here for you. We've been through the process, or we're going through it, so at least we can all shoulder the burden together.

You WILL be with him again. You need to draw strength from each other, and you'll be so much closer for it when you get through it. You'll gain an appreciation for just being able to touch and hold one another.

Love and hugs! You're not alone, remember that!

Magpie.