craiglist job ad: Not sure if this is real, but if it is...

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Assistant Job, Sleep in, Party, Travel, 420 (N Hollywood)

Date: 2009-09-27, 10:03AM PDT

Reply to: job-564h3-1394494001@craigslist.org

** Update - Still haven't found the assistant that has convinced me she can either handle my lifestyle, or one that we feel would fit in totally. This job is perfect for the right girl, and not even an option if you are not. Please take the time to read carefully before you apply. I have people calling and emailing from all over wanting to relocate to LA for the job, from my previous experiences I know how f ucking bomb this job and I are! If you want to email me to hate, kick rocks chumps.

INTRO - About me

Hello. My name is James, but everyone knows me as Dreamr, and I am looking for the perfect personal assistant in Los Angeles. www.myspace.com/amsterdam_dreamer

Let me start by describing me:

I am far from normal. I run from conformity. I revel in excitement. I believe in living life to it’s fullest right now and I make dreams happen. I dance, I sing, I spin music, I create beats, I play guitar, I party, I conquer. I never finished high school, yet I have no problem making over 200k a year consistently.

Bottom line is my life is a load of f ucking fun. I am known to disappear at the drop of the hat with my girlfriend and my assistant for a weekend at a beach resort getting massages, eating some shrooms, ordering up room service, and sitting in our private hot tub till we turn raisin.

DISQUALIFICATIONS:

Let's quickly go over what would disqualify you from this position:

You need to be available to make my life your priority. That means you should not be spending a lot of time on a growing personal career. You will need to devote a significant amount your energy to the position for a year. Also, having a long term boyfriend or girlfriend won’t do. It doesn’t work. The significant other gets very jealous at the trips and gifts, and time my assistant will spend with me. I have been through this before and as pleasant of a guy as I am, I hate fighting stupid 22 year old guys over their girl. I know I wouldn't think it was very cool if I couldn't compete with my girlfriend's employer on fun, money and opportunity.

Being overly educated and established will hurt you with this job. There are far more jobs out there that want you to have experience and a long resume than ones who just want someone who will work hard and be loyal. Go get one of those, this job is special for someone who needs a leg up in this hard a$$, yet rewarding world.

Being conservative, thinking you are smarter than me (umm, you are looking for a job, I am offering one, one of us is doing well), and believing in invisible things like ghosts and goblins or great beards in the sky will certainly not mix well with me.

Furthermore, not being into partying and having fun will certainly disqualify you. Lets be honest. If you don't smoke herb this job is cool, yeah, but not for you. Somewhere there is a girl that can toke down bongloads and will enjoy the job far more than those who don't. I always have the best herb around

If you cannot devote one year to this job, again, it isn’t for you. If you don't have a car, then you will have to work extra hard to convince me and live in NOHO.

JOB PAY AND BENEFITS

Now on to the FUN STUFF!

The duties are boring and not worth going into in great length. A monkey could almost do this job as far as the duties go, it is the mentorship, friendship, standard of living, lifestyle, and of course having a gorgeous, successful guy like myself in your corner.

This job pays very well for a young person. Beyond the pay you will also be a much more successful person in a much better position when you move on to your next thing.

With benefits (including travel) it comes to almost $33,000 a year, with the year ending in a 3-month trip in Amsterdam, Netherlands. The job pays $300 a week cash on Fridays after a 30-day probationary period when you will be paid $250 a week. The remainder will go into a savings account for the 3-month trip to Amsterdam.

We will be going on trips at least once a month and I will be taking you and my girlfriend out to dinner weekly at quite nice fares. I also love to f ucking shop for new clothes and toys; I am not your typical guy. So plan on getting nice gifts on those days.

You get to sleep in! Not kidding, I don’t need you until after 11am at the earliest. The job is easy: light housework, some shopping, occasionally coming to work with me, running errands, and some light book keeping. You will be handling stuff that makes this engine work, and that will change from day to day.

MORE ABOUT ME

Some more about where the f uck I come from, for the right person this is important. This job is seriously only for a very specific person. If you don’t see yourself in this part it is not for you!

I am self-made. I come from a really f ucked up family and background and have scraped my way to the top from nothing. I was horribly abused as a child. I have done just about every drug on the planet and know the difference between a good drug and a bad one.

I am very low drama, and extremely fun. I live my life as if I were a King, something I take very seriously. I have been at the bottom and now at the top. I wear nice clothes, live in a nice condo, ride a f ucking sexy a$$ beach cruiser, all my bongs are expensive and awesome, I go all over to get the best herb for the household, and in general I try to have as much fun and nice experiences as possible.

BONUS POINTS IF YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF ATTITUDE:

http://suicidegirls.com/girls/Xiu/photos/close+to/

You certainly don't have to hide your adornments with us. Tattoos and piercings are appreciated.

TO APPLY FOR THIS JOB

Don’t send me a resume.

Instead send me a paragraph or two on why you REALLY REALLY want this job. Also send me a LINK to a picture of yourself, host it on myspace or use photobucket.

Any email without a link to a photo and a note on why you want this job or ones that include a resume will be dumped without consideration.

You can check out my myspace page to see me. I don't really keep up on it, though.

www.myspace.com/amsterdam_dreamer

* Location: N Hollywood

* Compensation: 33k yr (inlcuding travel)

* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.

* Please, no phone calls about this job!

* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/ofc/1394494001.html

Note: I made minor edits to avoid the profanity ### stuff. I forget the trick to keep the text intact.

[spookyturtle 9,466]

Sounds like Booyah.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Sounds like Booyah.

Shrooms with Booyah!--a musical coming soon to your town.

[britty 1]

haha i love it. To be fair he can ask for whatever he wants in a potential employee. The salary sucks and his salary really isn't enough to live the lifestyle he is selling. Still, straight out of high school and he can basically convince them that TGI Fridays is a classy joint...

[Empress of Groovy 373]

"I am very low drama."

[웃 910]

Sounds like Booyah.

He has a total of 133 friends on Myspace.

Definitely sounds like Booyah.

[Amby 490]

[Mark&Steph 0]

I really stopped reading after this......

I run from conformity. I revel in excitement.

Wanker.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Sounds like Booyah.

He has a total of 133 friends on Myspace.

Definitely sounds like Booyah.

Does drugs and treats women like #######...yep he's a liberal. Conservatives need not apply.

[Mark&Steph 0]

Does drugs and treats women like #######...yep he's a liberal. Conservatives need not apply.

That's right. All the conservatives back home swilled down the corn liquor before smackin their women around.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Sounds like Booyah.

He has a total of 133 friends on Myspace.

Definitely sounds like Booyah.

Does drugs and treats women like #######...yep he's a liberal. Conservatives need not apply.

Yeah sure...

My money is on BY

[trinket 30]

What a catch for $300 per week

[HannahP 119]

$33,000 doesn't go far in Kansas. Can't imagine that it would be anything but a drop in the bucket in a place like Cali.

[Marilyn. 340]

so he is allowed to have a relationship but his assistant isn't...??

and yeah 33,000 is not going to go far in LA but it looks like the person wouldn't have any time to spend the money anyways..

[Ban Hammer 13,641]

33k? he better add a zero to that if he expects anyone to put up with his bs.