food discussion for non-Muslim spouses of Muslims

[venusfire503 54]

I was just reading another thread, which mentions the MENA man being disgusted by pork, and when posting, I thought it might be a good idea to start a new thread about food.

My husband didn't ask me to make any changes about what I bought or eat, but I decided I was more comfortable not keeping things in the house that he can't eat. For one thing, I would feel strange having them here. For another, it's just easier than having to check his food for him before he eats! He can read labels now, but it was very difficult for him when he first got here. I had to get used to reading labels at the store, to avoid buying things he can't eat. I was surprised how many things (like gum and chip dip) sometimes contain gelatin, and there are SO many things that have little bits of pork or alcohol in them.

Of course, the biggest/most obvious thing is pork. Luckily, there are so many pork substitutes. I actually tended to buy turkey hotdogs, turkey ham, soy sausage, etc anyway (for health reasons) long before I met my husband, so there was very little adjusting once he got here. (he didn't insist that I stop buying pork, I did). The only thing I can't really find a substitute for is pork chops (if I really crave them, I could always eat them outside of the house), but I can live without them. My 6 year old LOVES ribs, but she's just as happy with beef ribs. BE CAREFUL, though - I've seen some pork in things like turkey bacon, apparently to give it a more authentic flavor. A kosher symbol on the package will let you know there's no pork, but it's still a good idea to check for alcohol in certain things. Also, check with your man - some will only eat halal meat, some will eat kosher meat, some will eat anything that's not from a pig.

I also found Goya ham flavored concentrate (like powdered bouillon) and J & D's bacon salt (vegetarian, but has milk) which contain no pork - made out of plants and chemicals, I guess. I don't know if your SO would be comfortable eating any of that (my husband will eat kosher beef hot dogs, but doesn't like many of the other things, and of course won't eat any pork), but at least it will give you options if there are certain things you don't want to completely give up.

I wanted to let my husband try marshmallows, but since there's no way to know where the gelatin came from, he couldn't. But around Passover (in the Spring), you can find kosher marshmallows, which are made with fish gelatin! Manischewitz makes really good ones. Be careful - some actually have a fish taste to them (YUCK!), so only buy one package if you find another brand, to taste it. But if he likes them, go back right away and stock up - they're only available a few weeks of the year. Just a note - some of them change color after a while, but they taste the same. Other times of year, you can use marshmallow fluff - but be careful, some brands have vanillin, which contains traces of alcohol. Check things with marshmallow - my favorite ice cream, Turkey Hill chocolate marshmallow, does NOT contain gelatin - they use egg albumin instead.

Oh, and be prepared for people who seriously or half jokingly suggest that you try to sneak something forbidden (haram) into their food or drinks. I don't know why, but sometimes otherwise intelligent people think it would be ok or even a good idea. I even have a relative who keeps swearing he'll get my husband drunk one day. Sigh.

Does anyone else have any tips? I would love to know about places to find acceptable (at least for some people) substitutes for those of us who want to keep pork and alcohol out of our homes, but are still new to it. I didn't realize how much it was ingrained into our culture!

venusfire

[brooklyn 0]

wow I had no clue on all the stuff that have pork in it .

Thank you so much . There so much I need to learn before

my husband comes home.

Thanks again

Brooklyn

[venusfire503 54]

I also wanted to add that you still need to be careful with kosher products. I found out that sometimes a K (one of the kosher symbols - there are several of them) doesn't necessarily mean there is no gelatin. You'll see the "K" on Jell-o, for instance. Some people believe that the way gelatin is processed makes it so far removed from its source that it no longer qualifies as a meat product. Others disagree. I'm not here to get into a debate about that - but check with your Muslim SO to see how they feel about it. It's none of my business what anyone else does or does not eat, but I think for a successful relationship, you need to find out what your SO is ok with and what he or she is not, and let them know if you keep anything in the house that they would not willingly eat. When my SO first got here, I was unaware of alot, and had to look through my kitchen to find things he couldn't eat (I ended up giving them to my sisters )

Also, make sure to discuss with them how they feel about having haram items in the house. They might not be ok with it, even if the items are clearly marked. I didn't think to talk with him about it, but we worked it all out once he got here. I just wish I had known more, and had taken care of it before his arrival! Some people don't care, but some might be very opposed to it. Years ago, I once had Jewish friends ask us not to take my daughter's toddler food (those little meat sticks in jars) into their house because they weren't kosher.

venusfire

[venusfire503 54]

wow I had no clue on all the stuff that have pork in it .

Thank you so much . There so much I need to learn before

my husband comes home.

Thanks again

Brooklyn

Brooklyn,

Yeah, I had no idea either! I wish I had known to discuss all this with him before he came, but I didn't. For example, there are things they have in Morocco, such as sausage, that don't contain pork there but have it here. Luckily, we were able to figure it out as we went along.

Also, talk with him about how he feels about these things, but be prepared for the possibility that he might think he's ok with some things, but won't be once he's here. I've heard of that happening. For instance, my son really wanted sausage pizza for his birthday party, but when I cooked the sausage in the house (to put it on there), my husband almost threw up from the smell (and I think also just the idea of it being there). Some people actually end up being more tolerant after getting here, too. Some, sadly, even do things here they never would have in their birth country (drink, smoke, eat certain foods). I imagine some even go back and forth about what they will eat/do and what they won't. I told my husband I would support him, no matter his decisions. He's stuck with what he feels is right, and I feel good about that (I would feel bad if I thought I had influenced him to do something he normally wouldn't).

All that being said, it's difficult for them to stick with everything, especially when there are so many new things (it's easy to forget to check ingredients), other people don't know (friends or relatives can put things in food, not knowing or not caring), and eating in restaurants is a ####### shoot (some Muslims won't do it, since there are no guarantees). Fasting during Ramadan is much harder, too, since most people here don't do it. Not only do they see 'everyone else' eating, but schedules don't shift here like they often do in Muslim countries (the days seem longer). Plus, now that Ramadan is falling in the summer time, the days really ARE longer!

Best of luck for both of you! I think it's sweet that you are doing what you can to help him.

venusfire

[venusfire503 54]

Another reason I want to keep my home free of haram foods - if we're lucky enough to have a baby together some day, I don't want to worry about the wee one accidently eating anything he/she shouldn't. My three children from my previous marriage are getting used to rarely having things like gummy worms or regular marshmallows at home.

venusfire

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Not picking on any particular person, but it would be nice if more of the spouses worried more about the filthy habit of smoking, then what might be what in what food. Cigarettes IMO, are wayyy worse then eating a marshmellow

[Nothing1234 2]

Not picking on any particular person, but it would be nice if more of the spouses worried more about the filthy habit of smoking, then what might be what in what food. Cigarettes IMO, are wayyy worse then eating a marshmellow

I'm happy my hubby doesn't smoke...never has...well shisha but that's once in a while which I don't mind at all.

OMG and I just saw a sign for cigarrettes...Ughhh..7 dollars a pack?!?!?! Holy crapola!

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

We have developed a pretty good feel for things over the past 4 years, especially with the baby. I remember buying the Gerber yogurt melts for Zaid and found gelatin in them!

We buy marshmallows at the arab store and read everything. The one thing I was never cautious about was shortening. If it doesnt say vegetable shortening and just says shortening we wont buy it (its probably animal shortening). Flour Tortillas, Coffee Cake, Hostess Cakes, Skittles, Gummy Candy etc. Things you would never imagine!

We try to buy a lot of vegetarian things.

Hubby is not picky about Halal. He just says "in the name of god" before he eats things (sometimes) and if he is feeding Zaid. Ive been pretty lucky about most foods. Hubby use to love his authentic arab food everyday but now he loves his sloppy joes, steak, hamburger helper, tacos spaghetti, etc. I think now, he prefers the "american" (if u can even call it that) dishes over arab food.

[HannahP 119]

Kosher gelatin actually means gelatin derived from fish products, usually. But it can also be made with beef skins. In my (looooong) experience as a vegetarian, vegetarian gelatin tends to be labeled as such or as agar-agar (a seaweed.)

[sandinista! 1,816]

Not picking on any particular person, but it would be nice if more of the spouses worried more about the filthy habit of smoking, then what might be what in what food. Cigarettes IMO, are wayyy worse then eating a marshmellow

there is a lot more variation in fiqh regarding smoking than there is regarding consumption of pork and pork byproducts.

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

I also wanted to add that you still need to be careful with kosher products. I found out that sometimes a K (one of the kosher symbols - there are several of them) doesn't necessarily mean there is no gelatin. You'll see the "K" on Jell-o, for instance. Some people believe that the way gelatin is processed makes it so far removed from its source that it no longer qualifies as a meat product. Others disagree. I'm not here to get into a debate about that - but check with your Muslim SO to see how they feel about it. It's none of my business what anyone else does or does not eat, but I think for a successful relationship, you need to find out what your SO is ok with and what he or she is not, and let them know if you keep anything in the house that they would not willingly eat. When my SO first got here, I was unaware of alot, and had to look through my kitchen to find things he couldn't eat (I ended up giving them to my sisters )

Also, make sure to discuss with them how they feel about having haram items in the house. They might not be ok with it, even if the items are clearly marked. I didn't think to talk with him about it, but we worked it all out once he got here. I just wish I had known more, and had taken care of it before his arrival! Some people don't care, but some might be very opposed to it. Years ago, I once had Jewish friends ask us not to take my daughter's toddler food (those little meat sticks in jars) into their house because they weren't kosher.

venusfire

Yikes, I have a lot to learn what to buy and feed hubby before he gets here, I have no idea what to feed him now besides seafood.

When I was in Paris, hubby told me to look for a symbol on the meat, Im sorry I dont remember what he called it, but I know one thing, looking at meat department in Randals, Kroger and even Wal- mart I dont see it.

I do not mean any disrespect, where can I read up on the information I need to. I had no idea till I meant my husband.

When we met, he knew I would take a glass of wine once in a while and a cigarette and that did not bother him, but he told me he could never buy these items for me, and I respect that.

I have a stupid question and Im serious and not playng dumb, I just dont know, those kosher hot dogs they advertise on tv, are those okay for me to prepare and serve to him ? Please ladies help me out.

Edited September 30, 2009 by Paris Heart

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

wow I had no clue on all the stuff that have pork in it .

Thank you so much . There so much I need to learn before

my husband comes home.

Thanks again

Brooklyn

Me ithere, I have lots and lots to learn. Thanks to mom, I make a killer omlet, LOL

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Beth, kosher hotdogs are fine. Any sausage and hotdogs that arent made of pork are safe BUT be careful and read the label to make sure the CASING isnt made of pork products. If of course, if he is ok with eating non halal butchered meat.

You wont find the kosher/halal symbol on any meat in kroger.

As far as smoking.... Im a smoker, so I dont mind that he does

Venusfire,

I just found that flavored bullion in kroger this week! I was so excited because you cant get that "smoked" flavor in any of the others... I checked out the label and showed Yazied and explained the whole smoked flavoring thing and he was fine with it.

i got way too excited over that lol

There is another thread like this somewhere that Amanda started(I think it was her) and there is some valuable stuff for people who are new to serving halal or just non pork dishes.

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

Beth, kosher hotdogs are fine. Any sausage and hotdogs that arent made of pork are safe BUT be careful and read the label to make sure the CASING isnt made of pork products. If of course, if he is ok with eating non halal butchered meat.

You wont find the kosher/halal symbol on any meat in kroger.

As far as smoking.... Im a smoker, so I dont mind that he does

Venusfire,

I just found that flavored bullion in kroger this week! I was so excited because you cant get that "smoked" flavor in any of the others... I checked out the label and showed Yazied and explained the whole smoked flavoring thing and he was fine with it.

i got way too excited over that lol

There is another thread like this somewhere that Amanda started(I think it was her) and there is some valuable stuff for people who are new to serving halal or just non pork dishes.

I've got so much to learn Lisa, I can cook like a chef, and bake Betty Crocker into tears, but now with meat , I need to learn where a shop is in Houston. I think I will try to find Amandas thread. Thank you Sis as always, my savior.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Not picking on any particular person, but it would be nice if more of the spouses worried more about the filthy habit of smoking, then what might be what in what food. Cigarettes IMO, are wayyy worse then eating a marshmellow

there is a lot more variation in fiqh regarding smoking than there is regarding consumption of pork and pork byproducts.

Heres something I found.

What About Smoking In Islam ?

The fatwa on smoking has become more restrictive with the growth of information on the dangerous nature of smoking. The range of fatwa on smoking today is between makruh and haram. It stands to reason that the latter is closer to being correct in view of the strong evidence that smoking poses a danger to the health of both the primary and secondary smokers, and Allah knows best.

Something should be said also about squandering; and the ugly side-effects of smoking, such as bad breath, bad smell of clothing and hair, yellowed fingers, teeth, and skin, bad manners, and whatever other negative effects of this degraded condition into which Shaytan has imprisoned droves of Muslim men today. May Allah help us.

With respect to the fight against this addiction, the US is in the top rank - as in many other meritorious practices that should rightly have been the pride of Muslims before non-Muslims. Now here is an elemental topic for US-bashers to ponder.

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