My husband wants to divorce me but he is the one who is having an affair. What is my chances if I have a CR1 visa?

[NutMagnet 2]

I don't think that is true. If you are granted a U.S. divorce, that is the end of the matter and you are free to remarry here in this country.

Old Dominion,

They got married in the Philippines. If the USC filed for divorce, then it would be recognized by the Philippines government.

If she wants to file, it should be an annulment in the Philippines. Its the Philippines law.

If she got married here in the US, she could file for divorce.

Yes she could file for divorce in the US, however it will not be recognized in the Philippines. Then, being a citizen of the Philippines she lacks the legal capacity to marry again in the US or elsewhere, as she is still under the laws of her own country. It would be an unconscionable decision by any family court outside the Philippines to grant a Filipino a divorce as a Petitioner and a citizen of the RP. Family court is conveniently ignorant of foreign laws, and has no jurisdiction over immigration matters.

Once all your valuables have gone missing, joint bank accounts drained, phone calls made to every phone number in your house in an attempt to destroy you, as well as valuables destroyed and threats, false accusations, and visits by the police face a man on a daily basis, it is not long before he will start the divorce himself.

Some will take the risk in playing out the above as they have nothing to lose.

[Ginalisa 0]

I'm sad to read your story.

Be strong girl, I know you're in pain right now but life must go on.

Hire an excellent immigration attorney and you'll be fine.

Everyone is on your side.

[loveaboo 0]

Your story is so sad.

I think you only have 2 options relationship wise: make the relationship work or move on.

If you want to work it out, both of you have to do something about it. As we say, "It takes 2 to tango". I don't believe that when someone in the relationship made a mistake, it's ALL her/his fault. I think you should try to contemplate also if you've done something for him to feel differently to you. I'm not justifying his actions and it's a fact that what he's doing is painful to any spouse/partner. But you mentioned that he's complaining about you being a nagger, etc...I don't know how true is that but if you know he has a basis on complaining that, maybe you should tame yourself and back off a little. Listen to his complains and try to work on yourself 1st, who knows he does the same. Another reason could be that he's feeling kinda smothered and is now being rebellious. I think it would help if you will give him the space he wants and give him time to miss you and realize what he'll be missing if he lets you go.

With regards to the visa issue, I won't comment anymore since I'm sure there are more experienced people who already answered it.

Goodluck!!! I wish the best for you and your hubby!

[Old Dominion 26]

The guy is a Filipino, and this is playing out like marriages all over the PI...with spouses locked in them due to the no-divorce laws. Wives are under societal pressure to overlook their husband's prowling and barroom habits. She is a legal permanent resident of the US now, and no longer has to be part of that tradition. It's her choice -- wait two years until he files for divorce (or maybe he won't??) or move ahead on her own to protect her sanity and her integrity. She is an adult and knows the legal consequences in the Phils.

At one time Catholic-dominated New York State had the same laws that required annulments, with divorce nearly impossible to obtain. A generation ago, NYS wised up when it realized its people were getting their divorces elsewhere and could easily complain that that their civil rights were being inhibited by the state.

[T_and_A 3]

I don't understand... why doesn't husband file for divorce yet? why does he have to wait 2 years and make you suffer like that? very cruel indeed. If he wants the cebuana girl, then maybe you can convince him to file the divorce right away, what is he waiting for? since he makes it clear to you that he wants the other girl, let him go...

[maybelle 0]

I got all you point and thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Right now, i cannot file a divorce honestly I have no financial resources now to involved myself in such situation. I hate to see myself that i cannot do anything about it. But I'm praying & hoping that a miracle will happen, it may not be my husband repenting from his sins but at least he would keep his promise to support me until I get my PR. The only thing is I have to bear with him and keep my mouth shut to everything that he is doing. It's really hard to see him everyday, he pretend like he cares infront of other people but when we get inside our room he treats me like ######!!! Which I really dont deserve to be treated that way. I'm really dying to see this girl he's fooling aound with- maybe she is way prettier than me or whatsoever!!! She may be but still she's a ####### to have slept with my husband. I dont despise my own race but honestly I hate this cebuana girl. I wonder if all of their kind are like that. Because my bestfriend here in honolulu said his boyfriend for 5 years left her for a cebuana girl too! Damn! Sorry to all cebuanas out there but this 2 girl from your town really sucks!!!

To loveaboo i wish its that easy to convince my husband to start all over again but he said he will only make his decision once, and its done already. I always back-off and bite my tongue whenever we're arguing. Of course when you're suspicious and you wanna know something you have to ask. But when he starts to shout I keep quiet already.

they say I'm still young, that's why.. I'm too young to have to go through all of this in a foreign country without any close relative. I'm trying to be ok, strong and staying sane. Work has always been my saving grace for the past weeks.

NM

"Hawaii is a no fault divorce state, meaning there are no fault grounds for divorce under Hawaii law. You can obtain a divorce in Hawaii based on one of two grounds: living separate or an irretrievable breakdown on the marriage. To qualify for a divorce based on living separate, you must meet the following criteria:

1. The parties have lived separate and apart under a decree of separation from bed and board entered by any court of law with competent jurisdiction, the term of separation has expired, and no reconciliation has been effected;

2. The parties have lived separate and apart for a period of two years or more under a decree of separate maintenance entered by any court of law with competent jurisdiction, and no reconciliation has been effected; or

3. The parties have lived separate and apart for a continuous period of two years or more immediately preceding the application, there is no reasonable likelihood that cohabitation will be resumed, and the court is satisfied that, in the particular circumstances of the case, it would not be harsh and oppressive to the defendant or contrary to the public interest to a divorce on this ground on the complaint of the plaintiff.

(My husband wants to go to the philippines to study next year, so will that be considered as separation? will this affect my status here, because the USCIS specifically instructed us before that we are suppose to be together for two years.)

Please advice me coz i'm confused

1) Someone advice me to do diary and have a record of all the things that is happening especially the mental and emotional abuse that he is doing. Then I can use it as my defend when he files the divorce coz i'm not gonna file it so it will be at his cost. The only ground that he can use is irretrievable breakdown on the marriage, if he can prove it. That is why I have to document it that we are getting along, that its him who is rejecting & resentful to me. That he only wants to get out of the marriage because of this other girl. There might be a possibility that his petition for divorce will be dismissed, but what if we really cannot fixed it anymore? Because I will never sign the divorce papers willingly like it was our mutual decision. If he will insist the divorce what is going to happen? If they find out that this other girl is involved will she be banned in coming here in the US for destroying a marriage? She has a visit visa here. I know its sounds revenge but truly she deserves it. She knows for a fact that my husband is married. That's adultery and i wanna make sure she can't get away with it even if it will result to imprisonment for both of them.

2) Or should I just go on with the flow, pretend that we are getting along, so in the future he would have no reason/ grounds for the divorce. And prove that we are married in goodfaith. Because he promise to support me until 2 years til I get my PR, just pretend & show to our parents that we are getting along. But he keeps on changing his mind that's why i'm worried.

I don't think that is true. If you are granted a U.S. divorce, that is the end of the matter and you are free to remarry here in this country.

Old Dominion,

They got married in the Philippines. If the USC filed for divorce, then it would be recognized by the Philippines government.

If she wants to file, it should be an annulment in the Philippines. Its the Philippines law.

If she got married here in the US, she could file for divorce.

Yes she could file for divorce in the US, however it will not be recognized in the Philippines. Then, being a citizen of the Philippines she lacks the legal capacity to marry again in the US or elsewhere, as she is still under the laws of her own country. It would be an unconscionable decision by any family court outside the Philippines to grant a Filipino a divorce as a Petitioner and a citizen of the RP. Family court is conveniently ignorant of foreign laws, and has no jurisdiction over immigration matters.

Once all your valuables have gone missing, joint bank accounts drained, phone calls made to every phone number in your house in an attempt to destroy you, as well as valuables destroyed and threats, false accusations, and visits by the police face a man on a daily basis, it is not long before he will start the divorce himself.

Some will take the risk in playing out the above as they have nothing to lose.

[Old Dominion 26]

Honolulu has a legal aid society (maybe by a different name) that will take on the divorce for you at a cost you can afford, or at no cost. Google it. There is no need for you to suffer the situation you are in, and lose your self-esteem slowly but surely. What reason is there for him to make good on his promise for two years from now?

Legal Aid and/or Catholic Charities will be sure yoiu get your GC when the time comes, if you are divorcing by then.

Don't even give that Cebuana another thought. He's not finished sowing his wild oats, that's all. No, she won't be banned from immigrating if he petitions AFTER the divorce is final. Your husband is free to travel anywhere he wants, and to study abroad/be with his gf. You are the one who must make clear that you are residing full time in the U.S., except for absences to go overseas.

Edited October 3, 2009 by Old Dominion

[Jamaican JNR 2]

hi everyone, first & formost i wanted to thank you in advance for reading my concern.

I arrived here in hawaii june 28, 2009. My husband is 24 and I am 25 only, we we're so inloved and getting along really sweet until I came here. When I arrived here he is really cold and doesn't even want to have a child anymore. So that caught my attention why? because before when I'm still in the philippines during his vacation we even seek advices from doctors for my future pregnancy and i can see he is really excited. I begin to suspect and look for some proofs that he might be cheating, i browse his files, phone registers & messages. But on a limited time only because he never left his phone sometimes, its like he's hiding something even his wallet is always at his car. For my 3 months of staying here i have been receiving calls from girls looking for him but when i asked him always his answer is he doesn't know them. And I saw in his old celphone some call registers with several girls even late at night or as early as 2-3 am before I came to hawaii. That starts our argument every night because he was never honest to tell me and he always gets mad and shout at me whenever I asked something. August 17 he told me I'm going for a vacation to the philippines on the 23rd he just bought his ticket, i was shocked why? He said I need a break for this marriage, we always have an argument I cannot stand it anymore. So i let him go coz I was thinking maybe partly its my fault because all i do is asked him so many questions. But I never neglected my duty as his wife, he knows it I have always been sweet, supportive and in love to him. And until now, even though my heart is really in pain I still love him so much! For that 1 week that he is gone I have been really depressed and even lost my part time job because I cannot concentrate anymore he did not even call me or texted me until the 5th day of his vacation. His excuse is he lost his phone at the plane going to the philippines. I believe him until he is back on Aug. 1 I saw his ticket stub in the trash it was purchased June 24 which was purchased 4 days before I arrived here in the US. My suspicion became worse until I saw a dialled number on our homephone a philippine number. i tried to call and maybe the girl knew it was my husband who is calling that's why she answered " Hello BAbe?". I let my husand say hello then i confirmed that was his girlfriend. we had a huge fight that even caught my in law's attention. But despite everything I still want to work it out and forgive him but he never said sorry instead he said it was my fault for being a nagger wife. I said sorry and can we start all over again but he have to forget the 21 year old cebuana girl but he said its too late. There's no more to fix and asked me if I want to stay here in america I will just go with the flow, i wont bother him and in two years time he will divource me. That was really painful but I have to bear with it. But now he keeps on changing his mind, it was like he is torturing me emotionally so i wont stay anymore in his house & finally decide to go to hwere I came from. He is not hurting me physically but emotionally & mentally. And it's really hard to handle it. My concern now is, what is my stronghold that he is going to support me in two years time & file for a divorce as soon as i can get my permanent residence. because obviously he keeps on changing his mind depending on maybe on his girl friends mood. I know that will be considered as fraud in some cases but that's what he wants to get away from me. As much as possible I dont want this to happen I really love him with all my heart and I still want to work our marriage life together but he doesn't love me anymore. He even said I should not hope anymore so I wont get hurt that much in the future. Although he has no grounds for divorce against me, he is the one who is being dishonest & the one who break our vows in having an affair with another woman what is the possibility that I can win the case if he is filing a divorce? I really need your help especially that his family is like taking his side. I am really alone and i dont know what to do.

I am so sorry to hear this bit of unpleasant news. You entered into this relationship/marriage with good faith, but your spouce apparently didnt. We men sometimes do not know when we have someone very special until its too late. You mentioned that you tried several times to make it work, but he doesnt want it to. You also said that your in-laws are supportive of his behaviour; if you live with them, then it is time you try and find somewhere else to live.

Even if he divorces you before you get the permanent greencard, you can file on your own to have the conditions removed, but you have to be divorced inorder to do it.

[loveaboo 0]

To loveaboo i wish its that easy to convince my husband to start all over again but he said he will only make his decision once, and its done already. I always back-off and bite my tongue whenever we're arguing. Of course when you're suspicious and you wanna know something you have to ask. But when he starts to shout I keep quiet already.

they say I'm still young, that's why.. I'm too young to have to go through all of this in a foreign country without any close relative. I'm trying to be ok, strong and staying sane. Work has always been my saving grace for the past weeks.

Maybelle, I suggest you sit down and talk to him when both of you are calm. Ask him what he wants to happen in your marriage. Do your best to save the marriage. If still won't work, at least there'll be no regrets in the end at your side since you've done everything you could. If you feel that there's no hope already, I suggest you should just move on. If he's really so decided to leave you, then there's not much you can do about it. I think it would be more heart-wrenching for you to stay in a relationship in which you are being treated poorly. If he want's to divorce you, let it be. The sooner you can move on with your life, the better. Don't waste your time in a relationship that is going nowhere. Your young and pretty, no doubt you can still find a much better man.

As far as your immigration status is concern, based on what I've read in the threads here in VJ, as long as you can prove that you got married in good faith, you'll be fine. Maybe some people here can verify that.

Whatever happens, I hope it will be for the best. Goodluck!

[bhajishah 4]

dang thats too bad, and here my brother up and married a toothless meth addicted abusive ho.. here in the states. I should have hooked him up with phillipina b4 she sunkher skank teeth or non teeth in him!! life not fair dammit!!

[tallcoolone 102]

thank you so much but if I go home i'm afraid I will banned to come back here in the US. And One thing more my family is in canada, before my approval for my visa to US my mom cancelled her petition for me to go there so there wont be any conflict in my US visa application before.

Major mistake on you mothers part.

You should also be upset with her for making such a poor decision.

Canada and USA are 2 different countries.........

[NutMagnet 2]

NM

"Hawaii is a no fault divorce state, meaning there are no fault grounds for divorce under Hawaii law. You can obtain a divorce in Hawaii based on one of two grounds: living separate or an irretrievable breakdown on the marriage. To qualify for a divorce based on living separate, you must meet the following criteria:

1. The parties have lived separate and apart under a decree of separation from bed and board entered by any court of law with competent jurisdiction, the term of separation has expired, and no reconciliation has been effected;

2. The parties have lived separate and apart for a period of two years or more under a decree of separate maintenance entered by any court of law with competent jurisdiction, and no reconciliation has been effected; or

3. The parties have lived separate and apart for a continuous period of two years or more immediately preceding the application, there is no reasonable likelihood that cohabitation will be resumed, and the court is satisfied that, in the particular circumstances of the case, it would not be harsh and oppressive to the defendant or contrary to the public interest to a divorce on this ground on the complaint of the plaintiff.

(My husband wants to go to the philippines to study next year, so will that be considered as separation? will this affect my status here, because the USCIS specifically instructed us before that we are suppose to be together for two years.)

Please advice me coz i'm confused

1) Someone advice me to do diary and have a record of all the things that is happening especially the mental and emotional abuse that he is doing. Then I can use it as my defend when he files the divorce coz i'm not gonna file it so it will be at his cost. The only ground that he can use is irretrievable breakdown on the marriage, if he can prove it. That is why I have to document it that we are getting along, that its him who is rejecting & resentful to me. That he only wants to get out of the marriage because of this other girl. There might be a possibility that his petition for divorce will be dismissed, but what if we really cannot fixed it anymore? Because I will never sign the divorce papers willingly like it was our mutual decision. If he will insist the divorce what is going to happen? If they find out that this other girl is involved will she be banned in coming here in the US for destroying a marriage? She has a visit visa here. I know its sounds revenge but truly she deserves it. She knows for a fact that my husband is married. That's adultery and i wanna make sure she can't get away with it even if it will result to imprisonment for both of them.

2) Or should I just go on with the flow, pretend that we are getting along, so in the future he would have no reason/ grounds for the divorce. And prove that we are married in goodfaith. Because he promise to support me until 2 years til I get my PR, just pretend & show to our parents that we are getting along. But he keeps on changing his mind that's why i'm worried.

Maybelle,

It is understandable that you are upset, perhaps try to concentrate on what YOU can do about surviving your situation and forget about revenge against the other woman. You have discovered that your husband is not as dedicated to your relationship as you would have hoped, so there is no sense in nagging him about it. I would think you have more important things to think about at this moment. The other woman knows that your husband is married, and he also knows he's married to you! However no one is going to jail for adultery. The confrontations and snooping about may soon have the same effect as teasing a rabid dog, try to get along with the jerk and keep it civil for your safety.

Irretrievable breakdown of the marriage is simple as "It didn't work out" The divorce/family courts in your state don't care about the reasons why, nor do they want to get involved in details of marital problems. Continue your diary for your own piece of mind, the divorce court will not care who did wrong to who, just that one party claims that the marriage is broken beyond repair. As my ex told me, "easy to get divorced in America" and she got her wish, but not so easy, or cheap after all.

Being divorced, in itself is not a reason, or a black mark that would prohibit you from re-entering the USA, or visiting Canada if you were to return to the RP.

Perhaps it would be wise to consult with an attorney or a free legal aid agency who specializes in both family law and immigration. You have a complicated situation that needs to be addressed professionally. I have to say this, but you need the direction of a professional and need to avoid taking opinions and advice from your local immigrant neighborhood, those who know a friend of a friend who did this and that, or perhaps someone who thinks that have fooled the system themselves by being clever and circumventing laws. Its different over here, an entirely different ball game than in your country.

Keep yourself safe. This will all work out over time.

NM

[maybelle 0]

Upset? poor decision? Do you know what is sacrifice means? My mom has to-because I have to follow where my husband is based. I cannot just throw the blanme on my mom on a decision that I made for my life. This is my mistake that is why I am seeking advice & honestly I have no more room for blame now.I have enough already.Because If i want to.. I have lots of people to blame but i chose to stay in the problem and find for solutions. Sorry but i'm just pissed off with your comment. And even a 3 year old kid know that canada and USA are 2 different countries...

thank you so much but if I go home i'm afraid I will banned to come back here in the US. And One thing more my family is in canada, before my approval for my visa to US my mom cancelled her petition for me to go there so there wont be any conflict in my US visa application before.

Major mistake on you mothers part.

You should also be upset with her for making such a poor decision.

Canada and USA are 2 different countries.........

[Lingladyinred19 13]

Upset? poor decision? Do you know what is sacrifice means? My mom has to-because I have to follow where my husband is based. I cannot just throw the blanme on my mom on a decision that I made for my life. This is my mistake that is why I am seeking advice & honestly I have no more room for blame now.I have enough already.Because If i want to.. I have lots of people to blame but i chose to stay in the problem and find for solutions. Sorry but i'm just pissed off with your comment. And even a 3 year old kid know that canada and USA are 2 different countries...

thank you so much but if I go home i'm afraid I will banned to come back here in the US. And One thing more my family is in canada, before my approval for my visa to US my mom cancelled her petition for me to go there so there wont be any conflict in my US visa application before.

Major mistake on you mothers part.

You should also be upset with her for making such a poor decision.

Canada and USA are 2 different countries.........

Hi... hope u feel okey. hay naku wag mo pansinin yang naga advise sa iyo ng walang kwenta..

kaya ka nag post d2 para mag give ng advice d yung mag insulto..

tallcoolone? well..ganon talaga sya mag post.. i remember doon sa isang post din,, d maganda ang comment nya..

hindi ko rin ang gusto.. to be honest.. ignore him... listen to those people who is concern to you...

why he blame your mother? for what?

that is your choice right?

As if he really knows what is the real..

good luck girl.. god bless u cheer up..

happy sunday..

[KarenCee 3]

Upset? poor decision? Do you know what is sacrifice means? My mom has to-because I have to follow where my husband is based. I cannot just throw the blanme on my mom on a decision that I made for my life. This is my mistake that is why I am seeking advice & honestly I have no more room for blame now.I have enough already.Because If i want to.. I have lots of people to blame but i chose to stay in the problem and find for solutions. Sorry but i'm just pissed off with your comment. And even a 3 year old kid know that canada and USA are 2 different countries...

thank you so much but if I go home i'm afraid I will banned to come back here in the US. And One thing more my family is in canada, before my approval for my visa to US my mom cancelled her petition for me to go there so there wont be any conflict in my US visa application before.

Major mistake on you mothers part.

You should also be upset with her for making such a poor decision.

Canada and USA are 2 different countries.........

You have to ignore THAT one...he likes to stir things up and upset people just as he has upset you. I hope you can forget his immature comments. You show more maturity than some on here...and I wish only the best for you.