My husband wants to divorce me but he is the one who is having an affair. What is my chances if I have a CR1 visa?

[Lingladyinred19 13]

hi everyone, first & formost i wanted to thank you in advance for reading my concern.

I arrived here in hawaii june 28, 2009. My husband is 24 and I am 25 only, we we're so inloved and getting along really sweet until I came here. When I arrived here he is really cold and doesn't even want to have a child anymore. So that caught my attention why? because before when I'm still in the philippines during his vacation we even seek advices from doctors for my future pregnancy and i can see he is really excited. I begin to suspect and look for some proofs that he might be cheating, i browse his files, phone registers & messages. But on a limited time only because he never left his phone sometimes, its like he's hiding something even his wallet is always at his car. For my 3 months of staying here i have been receiving calls from girls looking for him but when i asked him always his answer is he doesn't know them. And I saw in his old celphone some call registers with several girls even late at night or as early as 2-3 am before I came to hawaii. That starts our argument every night because he was never honest to tell me and he always gets mad and shout at me whenever I asked something. August 17 he told me I'm going for a vacation to the philippines on the 23rd he just bought his ticket, i was shocked why? He said I need a break for this marriage, we always have an argument I cannot stand it anymore. So i let him go coz I was thinking maybe partly its my fault because all i do is asked him so many questions. But I never neglected my duty as his wife, he knows it I have always been sweet, supportive and in love to him. And until now, even though my heart is really in pain I still love him so much! For that 1 week that he is gone I have been really depressed and even lost my part time job because I cannot concentrate anymore he did not even call me or texted me until the 5th day of his vacation. His excuse is he lost his phone at the plane going to the philippines. I believe him until he is back on Aug. 1 I saw his ticket stub in the trash it was purchased June 24 which was purchased 4 days before I arrived here in the US. My suspicion became worse until I saw a dialled number on our homephone a philippine number. i tried to call and maybe the girl knew it was my husband who is calling that's why she answered " Hello BAbe?". I let my husand say hello then i confirmed that was his girlfriend. we had a huge fight that even caught my in law's attention. But despite everything I still want to work it out and forgive him but he never said sorry instead he said it was my fault for being a nagger wife. I said sorry and can we start all over again but he have to forget the 21 year old cebuana girl but he said its too late. There's no more to fix and asked me if I want to stay here in america I will just go with the flow, i wont bother him and in two years time he will divource me. That was really painful but I have to bear with it. But now he keeps on changing his mind, it was like he is torturing me emotionally so i wont stay anymore in his house & finally decide to go to hwere I came from. He is not hurting me physically but emotionally & mentally. And it's really hard to handle it. My concern now is, what is my stronghold that he is going to support me in two years time & file for a divorce as soon as i can get my permanent residence. because obviously he keeps on changing his mind depending on maybe on his girl friends mood. I know that will be considered as fraud in some cases but that's what he wants to get away from me. As much as possible I dont want this to happen I really love him with all my heart and I still want to work our marriage life together but he doesn't love me anymore. He even said I should not hope anymore so I wont get hurt that much in the future. Although he has no grounds for divorce against me, he is the one who is being dishonest & the one who break our vows in having an affair with another woman what is the possibility that I can win the case if he is filing a divorce? I really need your help especially that his family is like taking his side. I am really alone and i dont know what to do.

Sorry to hear this story... have faith.. and hope everything went well...

Just pray..

where did u get married?? here in the philippines??

that girl from PI did she know that her BF is married already?

I PM u.. ready my message..

[maybelle 0]

We got married in the philippines. may 28, 2008. he is my childhood friend before he moved in to hawaii in 2003. I know the girl knew that he has a wife, because when i was trying to talk to the girl she hang-up the phone. Meaning she's avoiding me. My problem now is that I dont have any tangible proof that he is cheating. I dont even know the girl's name. I only know she's 21 year old cebuana. you think I can enforce the AOS without my evidence. But I have proofs that we married in good faith. Though some of the conditions is we should have a child & own a property together. We're only married for 17 months so we do not have any conjugal properties yet. Tha't what i'm worried about. If i file for a divorce, what would be my grounds? if i say he's having an affair am sure they will look for my evidence. obviously my husband is a player he is really secretive. tsaka lang cya umaamin pag nahuhuli ko na. I know the girl is coming again next year here in hawaii because she has a US visit visa, I'm waiting on that time to spy on them but i dont think I can still bear with him until then. I really hate the way he's treating me, I know I should not pity myself but the way he's treating me i couldn't help to.

Sorry to hear this story... have faith.. and hope everything went well...

Just pray..

where did u get married?? here in the philippines??

that girl from PI did she know that her BF is married already?

I PM u.. ready my message..

[rheanick 42]

We got married in the philippines. may 28, 2008. he is my childhood friend before he moved in to hawaii in 2003. I know the girl knew that he has a wife, because when i was trying to talk to the girl she hang-up the phone. Meaning she's avoiding me. My problem now is that I dont have any tangible proof that he is cheating. I dont even know the girl's name. I only know she's 21 year old cebuana. you think I can enforce the AOS without my evidence. But I have proofs that we married in good faith. Though some of the conditions is we should have a child & own a property together. We're only married for 17 months so we do not have any conjugal properties yet. Tha't what i'm worried about. If i file for a divorce, what would be my grounds? if i say he's having an affair am sure they will look for my evidence. obviously my husband is a player he is really secretive. tsaka lang cya umaamin pag nahuhuli ko na. I know the girl is coming again next year here in hawaii because she has a US visit visa, I'm waiting on that time to spy on them but i dont think I can still bear with him until then. I really hate the way he's treating me, I know I should not pity myself but the way he's treating me i couldn't help to.

Sorry to hear this story... have faith.. and hope everything went well...

Just pray..

where did u get married?? here in the philippines??

that girl from PI did she know that her BF is married already?

I PM u.. ready my message..

You wont be able to file a divorce since you got married in the Philippines. You have to file for an annulment. For the Philippines government to recognise divorce, it should be the USC who filed for it, not the filipina.

If he wants divorce, just let him file it. You could do removal of condition later on.

[BinhJerome 14]

thank you so much but if I go home i'm afraid I will banned to come back here in the US. And One thing more my family is in canada, before my approval for my visa to US my mom cancelled her petition for me to go there so there wont be any conflict in my US visa application before. Obviosly I chosed him over my family. If only I can stay here in 2 years and get my permanent residence maybe that's the time I can go to my family in canada. Becuse if I go home now it will be very hard & will take years again for me to wait for my approval plus my history in the US is not good by that time. And I really wanted to fight for my right. I didn't do anything against our marriage.

if you feel you cannot save this marriage and he is not willing to work on it, why not just go home to think about it all and if nothing works out at least you'll be home with your family and friends and away from him?

There is no reason to try to salvage this marriage. Your husband is a "player". Ditch him.

You haven't done anything at this point that would result in you being banned from the US. As long as you're still married to your husband, then your conditional green card is still valid. If you are divorced by the time your conditional green card expires, then you can file to remove conditions and get an unconditional green card on your own - you won't need your ex-husbands cooperation. However, once you get the divorce you should file to remove conditions immediately - don't wait for the conditional green card to expire. Understand that the divorce has to be final - you need the divorce decree in order to file on your own.

You do NOT have to remain with your husband. Your legal status is not dependent on your living with him. As long as you're still married, your green card remains valid. USCIS will not take any steps to revoke your status while you are still married, even if you are separated or have a divorce pending. Once the divorce is final then USCIS may take steps to revoke your status, which is why you should file immediately after the divorce.

If you move, be sure to notify USCIS of your new address. I recommend you don't leave the US until your divorce is final and your conditions are lifted, though. If your husband files any report or claim with USCIS while you're gone, it could put your legal status in temporary limbo, and you could have problems getting back into the country.

Minor point, but "fight for your right" is a bad choice of words. Immigration is not a "right" you can fight for. It is a privilege you request from the US government. From what you describe, it doesn't sound like you've done anything that would result in you not deserving this privilege. Collect your evidence of good faith marriage, file for a divorce, and move on with your life.

Maybelle, first and formost you gave up your life for this man and he is screwing you over. NOW is your time to screw him. Get with your friends or family and beg,barrow what money you can and hire a attny for a divorce. He filed the AOS paperwork that basicly promissed to support you for up to 10 years. I say hire a attny and teach him a lesson, enforce the AOS and go for spousal support. This way he would have a hard time bringing his new gf from the Phills. He caused you grief, now its your turn!!! Take him for everything he has, after all your married and it's half yours!

Revenge is ALWAYS bad advice in a divorce. Nobody is immune to retaliation. Seeking revenge only escalates the fight, and often comes back to bite you. My ex-wife's attorney tried this tactic with me, but she didn't know the "dirt" I had on my ex-wife. I told my ex-wife she'd win the fight if she continued, but she'd leave the court in hand cuffs. She fired her attorney, and we had an amicable settlement.

Apparently, you don't fully understand community property laws. The only thing that is "half hers" are assets that were acquired AFTER they became married. Anything he owned separately before the marriage is still his separate property. You don't automatically assume half of someone's assets when you marry them.

I agree with Jim, Revenge might be sweet for you, but it complicates everything, and if they can prove revenge then that hurts you even more. Get evidence as much as possible. As far as trying to salvage your relationship, there is no hope, but what you can do is inform him that if he tries to file for another visa, that you have proof that while you were married he went back to visit a different woman, and that he bought that ticket before you ever came over here. Then inform him that this in its own will look very very VERY bad the next time he EVER tries to file for a visa for another person. One might even look at it as he committed the Fraud. Just try to remain as calm as possible and do not react without thinking it through. In the heat of the moment we can do stupid things, remember that. He did sign a affidavit of support saying he would support you, so if it gets hard for you you can seek a lawyer to help get you by, also if you went back to the Philippines on your own, they would more than likely not ban you from the USA, just make sure you have evidence that he was seeing other women, get the receipt that shows he bought a ticket before you were here, get the phone records as well anything that shows it was all him and not you doing things wrong, that you did enter the USA in good faith wanting to become a good US citizen and you should be fine to come back.

Jerome

[Lingladyinred19 13]

Hello.. we don't have a divorce here in the philippines.. annulment YES.. but it will take a YEAR YEARS..

U need to have a GOOD evidence before they will approve everything.. it will COST a LOT.. like my friend they have an annulment.. but until now no decisions form the COURT for 7 yrs now...

I PM u.. read my message..

god bless u always and pray.. I know how u feel.. Its hurts..

is ur HUBBY is filipino? or FILAM??

[Dakine 26]

If he divorces you in the US the Philippine government will recognize the divorce. If you file they won't and you'll have to get an annulment in PI if you want to show you are legally single again.

[Old Dominion 26]

I don't think that is true. If you are granted a U.S. divorce, that is the end of the matter and you are free to remarry here in this country.

[rheanick 42]

I don't think that is true. If you are granted a U.S. divorce, that is the end of the matter and you are free to remarry here in this country.

Old Dominion,

They got married in the Philippines. If the USC filed for divorce, then it would be recognized by the Philippines government.

If she wants to file, it should be an annulment in the Philippines. Its the Philippines law.

If she got married here in the US, she could file for divorce.

[Ed+Cindy 1]

I don't think that is true. If you are granted a U.S. divorce, that is the end of the matter and you are free to remarry here in this country.

Old Dominion,

They got married in the Philippines. If the USC filed for divorce, then it would be recognized by the Philippines government.

If she wants to file, it should be an annulment in the Philippines. Its the Philippines law.

If she got married here in the US, she could file for divorce.

You should be able to file a divorce wherever you live. If she lives in the US, she will file a divorce here in the US, regardless of the place of marriage. The Philippines do not have legal control over the US and what legal papers are filed here.

[rheanick 42]

I don't think that is true. If you are granted a U.S. divorce, that is the end of the matter and you are free to remarry here in this country.

Old Dominion,

They got married in the Philippines. If the USC filed for divorce, then it would be recognized by the Philippines government.

If she wants to file, it should be an annulment in the Philippines. Its the Philippines law.

If she got married here in the US, she could file for divorce.

You should be able to file a divorce wherever you live. If she lives in the US, she will file a divorce here in the US, regardless of the place of marriage. The Philippines do not have legal control over the US and what legal papers are filed here.

Each country has their own law. Just respect the law of the Philippines.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I don't think that is true. If you are granted a U.S. divorce, that is the end of the matter and you are free to remarry here in this country.

Old Dominion,

They got married in the Philippines. If the USC filed for divorce, then it would be recognized by the Philippines government.

If she wants to file, it should be an annulment in the Philippines. Its the Philippines law.

If she got married here in the US, she could file for divorce.

You should be able to file a divorce wherever you live. If she lives in the US, she will file a divorce here in the US, regardless of the place of marriage. The Philippines do not have legal control over the US and what legal papers are filed here.

I think you're missing an important point. If they are married in the Philippines, and then she files for divorce, the divorce will not be recognized in the Philippines. The Philippine government will consider her to still be married. If she subsequently remarries, then the Philippine government will consider her to be a bigamist. She could be arrested if she returns to the Philippines. The law in the Philippines is clear about this - Philippine marriage law follows a Filipino wherever they go in the world.

There IS an exception - if she became a US citizen (or citizen of any other country) before the divorce, then she would no longer be subject to the marriage laws of the Philippines. She could obtain a divorce herself, and it would be recognized in the Philippines. The Philippine law provides for a "foreign spouse" to obtain a divorce abroad that would be recognized, and a Filipino who has become a citizen of another country is considered a "foreign spouse" under the law.

[Christi and Ian 24]

Maybelle, first and formost you gave up your life for this man and he is screwing you over. NOW is your time to screw him. Get with your friends or family and beg,barrow what money you can and hire a attny for a divorce. He filed the AOS paperwork that basicly promissed to support you for up to 10 years. I say hire a attny and teach him a lesson, enforce the AOS and go for spousal support. This way he would have a hard time bringing his new gf from the Phills. He caused you grief, now its your turn!!! Take him for everything he has, after all your married and it's half yours!

Amen to that.

Also - keep in mind that if he's screwed you over on a whim, it's only a matter of time before he does the same to her. What he has is a character flaw. I know it hurts like hell right now, but you're better off without him, and will thank him for doing you a favor as time heals your heart.

In the mean time, do whatever you have to do to hire an attorney, and hit him in the wallet. I promise you that there are other guys in the US that will appreciate what you have to offer, just as soon as you're heart heals a bit...

[Old Dominion 26]

With all due respect to PI laws (where divorce is not available), the OP should just file and then plan not to return to the Phils if she remarries. Her safety and emotional well-being are at stake, and she can't remain paralyzed until her playboy husband decides to act.

Truthfully, I wonder how many "bigamists" actually get arrested in PI for remarrying after a divorce? I wonder if only the Catholic church really cares?

[Julie Ann 0]

It is so sad to hear your story. You are such a strong woman. But if your partner is not faithful to you, your marriage would not be work. Talk to your husband in a proper way so that you can solve things what is right. Tell him your concerns. It is such a pain because he is your petitioner and all lies to him. What he wants, he can do it. If he wants divorce, you cant stop him. Just pray girl everything will go smoothly.

[NutMagnet 2]

With all due respect to PI laws (where divorce is not available), the OP should just file and then plan not to return to the Phils if she remarries. Her safety and emotional well-being are at stake, and she can't remain paralyzed until her playboy husband decides to act.

Truthfully, I wonder how many "bigamists" actually get arrested in PI for remarrying after a divorce? I wonder if only the Catholic church really cares?

I fail to see an example of "due respect" or any respect whatsoever in your post. You are advising the OP to circumvent the laws of her own country. Shame on you and TOS violation on this board as well.

In true due respect to your thoughts of how many bigamists (sans quotes) wind up getting nailed for polygamy in the RP, is probably low and ultimately and directly related to the amount of consideration donated by the reporting party (which can be anyone) to whomever has the power to push it through the RTC. Anything can be bought for money, diba?

Marriage in the Philippines ultimately remains a civil matter irrespective of the religious denomination of ones affiliation.

Very sad case for the OP, I believe your heart is true. Your discovery of the airline ticket he booked just after your marriage date should be enough reason for you to leave him. Try not to drive yourself crazy by searching to recovering further evidence of his shenanigans. You can't polish a #######, and you can not be the one Petitioner to any divorce, as the RP won't recognize it. Calling abuse in itself won't change your marital status in the RP. You will have to wait until he petitions for divorce for you.

Should you decide to go home, the US and other Embassies in MNL are keen to this situation and will not issue another marriage based visa to you as a Citizen of the RP if you are the Petitioner in a foreign divorce. It matters not if you failed to register your marriage abroad to the RP Consulate and have a clean CENOMAR. Visa records and fingerprints are shared amongst governments and embassies through a data base.

As far as you remarrying, that will legally be delayed until such time as your wonderful husband and long time friend files for divorce. Given his alley cat ways, that may not be too far off. Returning home and later filing for an annulment under presumption of death is a trick ill played. You can probably get such a judgment with reasonable effort that would be recognized in the RP, but the Embassies of the rest world are too smart to buy that. Nor will they circumvent national law and give you a marriage based visa behind the RP's back for marring in another country.

If you can somehow stick it out in the USA until you obtain legal USA citizenship, then the laws of the RP will no longer apply to you, as you would then be a US citizen. The I-751 waiver on good faith once the dissolution process has begun is your only practical relief.

Its a tough break, but whatever you do, keep your faith close and your chin up. It must be devastating to be shown so much disrespect by a person whom you have known and trusted. Remember that karma works.

Nothing can restore you ability to remarry or receive a marriage based visa in the eyes of the RP except a foreign divorce initiated and granted to your foreign spouse, or an annulment granted to you in the RP.

Currently Philippines, Vatican City and Malta are the only countries with ancient views of divorce by their citizens.

Hang in there and may your best resolution serve you well.

NM