You moved to the U.S. to be with your SO

[thetreble 19]

But your husband is now going back to his home and native land....

most of us will not be able to do that for a very long time in terms of living there. Again, it's the permanency factor that often the USC does not understand.

Also, what Greg was offering was his "advice" and if you don't "say" how you "feel" you will end up being a very repressed human being.

[Krikit 1,163]

I don't think most people are saying that they "say" they gave up everything. They are conveying that they "feel" that they gave up everything. Two different things.

I think one of the hardest things I have to deal with (other than being isolated from my family and friends) is the fact that the US and Canada are so similar that you expect the processes to be similar. If I had moved to Italy or Japan or North Korea, I would not have any expectations that their policies and procedures were anything akin to Canadian policies and procedures. But because most of us have travelled throughout both Canada and the US -- therefore experiencing the similarities firsthand -- the expectations are that you won't be blindsided (or irritated... lol) by the differences. As most of us know, when expectations and reality clash, it's not a pretty sight. lol

[Sprailenes 47]

Okay first of all... I don't hang this sometimes occuring feeling over my husbands head.

My husband too, left everything behind to live with me in Canada, illegally for two years. So he understands how I feel. I am not going to stop feeling the way I do though. It's not like if something isn't going my way and I start crying and go: "WAAH I LEFT EVERYTHING FOR THIS" Umm no. It's a feeling.

Sure I gained love, sure I gained experience, sure I gained a lot of stuff. But I also left behind a lot too. If I forgot about everything I left behind and just moved forward, then I wouldn't be dealing with the grief of leaving.

Luckily I have a husband who allows me to talk about these things without turning into a thing about him and telling me that how I feel makes him feel sh1tty. It doesn't make him feel sh1tty. He understands.

Edited September 30, 2009 by Sprailenes

[warlord 72]

My move was different then most here. I finally got offered a job here and was qualified to be on the TN status. I got the offer and in 2 weeks, had to get my TN from the border (luckily I lived in Windsor at the time), pack and move. I lived with my best friends so they totally understood the move and I was lucky we didn't have a lease, just month to month on the place. I packed up everything the day of the move into my car that I could take. Clothes, my guitar, amp, computer and that was about it.

I drove from Windsor to Colorado Springs and got a hotel room near my new job. Lived there for a week and after work each day I looked in the paper etc to find a roomate or place to live. Finally found a girl that was looking for a roomate and I moved in (we lived as roomates for 7 or 8 years before I got married) in 3 different places. Living with a bare minimum of things, I had to go out and buy things. Goodwill became my new shopping haven.

I would make car trips back here and there and grab more things I left. Eventually I just left stuff as I could no longer move it and lost several good furniture and other things due to a flood and my friends having to move and not being able to take a lot of my stuff. So I did lose all that.

My first few months were rough as I didn't know a single soul there and meeting new people in a new place where my closest relative was in Dallas a 10 hour drive away, it was hard. Luckily one of the guys that had been there a few months before me (it was a new satelite office of a existing company, so everyone was new there), this guy turned out to be from Ontario too. He went to the UofGuelph, lived around the corner from my parents while in college, knew some people I knew in Highschool etc. So once that bond got established the social scene took off wild after that. (Still see him in Vegas a few times a year).

I just lucked out that my company was a new office and everyone was new there, so people were more apt to hang out etc as a lot of people were from all over the country moving there for their first job after college. If it had been a long established company it would have been a lot harder I think and socially would have taken me a lot longer to get adjusted to.

The big difference here compared to most people is that I never had anyone here but me. Doing this with the K-1 or whatever, you have someone you came here to be with. So you are never alone and you always have someone that knows the area, knows where to go for this or that, can help with getting things done, has a place you can immediatly live at etc. Plus getting introduced to their friends etc takes a huge burden off of you having to do that.

On the other hand, the freedom issue is different as you probably don't want to be just going out every weekend night with new coworkers etc because you now have a spouse or soon to be one...

[thetreble 19]

The big difference here compared to most people is that I never had anyone here but me. Doing this with the K-1 or whatever, you have someone you came here to be with. So you are never alone and you always have someone that knows the area, knows where to go for this or that, can help with getting things done, has a place you can immediatly live at etc. Plus getting introduced to their friends etc takes a huge burden off of you having to do that.

On the other hand, the freedom issue is different as you probably don't want to be just going out every weekend night with new coworkers etc because you now have a spouse or soon to be one...

Warlord, your experience was def. different from most here which is cool. You had to really start over again in a big way and that takes a lot of guts.

I will say though to the above comment that for a lot of people, that's not exactly how it works. Most people's significant others pick up extra hours at work because their newly immigrated fiancee/spouse can't do so. My husband was working, as I mentioned early, and still works, 12-14 hours a day. By the time you wake up, spend that time at the restaurant, and come home, I didn't see him that much and he couldn't really help me. It's not like that for every one, of course, I'm sure certain people have their spouse giving them a huge helping hand.

Also, because he worked so much, he didn't have very many friends any more He worked a lot of nights and since that's when you typically go out, he had lost touch with most of his good friends..I latched on to his cousin who is now one of my best friends but I don't see him much since our move more west in the state.

I'm just making a point to say that what you described is kind of like the ideal situation, but I don;'t think it really happens that way half the time.

[Sam and Ben 2]

First off, I have to say, thank you for this thread. It's a wonderful read to go through and hear everyone's experiences and feelings, outside of the passing comments in some of the threads here.

I haven't moved yet, but I know that a lot of things that I've experienced through this whole process has been a lot harder than I imagined.

When the discussion of where and when and how first came about, it seemed easy to pick up and move - like someone else mentioned, I have a job that anyone can kind of pick up and move along in, I have my parents and sister, but no one else... My roots don't go very deep below the surface. It also seemed easy to "file off some paperwork and move", as I recall saying way back when. But doing all of the paperwork myself (as the beneficiary) while home was very overwhelming while juggling so many projects at work, and I knew that my fiance didn't have clue one about how heavy that workload was on its own. We both thought it would be simple - it's Canada, after all - and we were both quite surprised by the obvious lack of simplicity in this whole process.

And I think, in many ways, I've been misleading in a lot of the ways that I handle things - not really by choice. I've always prided myself on independence, my ability to get done whatever needs to be done, however I can. I'm a saver, I (pretend) don't let the things people tell me hold me back. If I have my mind set to something, watch out.

But with each visit down to Florida, I am more and more aware of how I'm not necessarily leaving behind the world, but I'm leaving behind MY world, the only things I know. I'd never really travelled before coming down for a visit to see Ben, so this was a far reach for me.

One thing that I will say is a complete Godsend to me is his mother, and family. They have been just unbelievably wonderful since the very first day that I arrived for a visit so many months ago. As some of you know, I'm quite young, and I've never lived alone. I've always had my mom around and it's going to be hard to be without that. But since the moment we decided that I'd make the jump, his mom offered up her home to us (where he's been living for the past year anyhow) for as long as we like. She and his sister have made it a point to take me out to find stores I like, to areas I may need to know... and it's just been a huge help.

I know it's going to be hard. I expect it'll be harder than I can imagine it will be, for everyone involved. He's trying his best to understand how overwhelming everything is for me, and when we (he) agreed that scrapping the planning of a huge wedding would lessen the stress I was facing on top of everything else... I knew he was working hard to make things easier on me. I think that's the key for us... keeping each other in perspective. Long as we continue to lean on one another, I know I've made the rest decision, regardless of how difficult the initial transition will be.

Hm, long ramble, which I didn't intend... Who knows, maybe in four or five months I'll read this and say "wow, what on EARTH was I thinking?!" Haha. Guess we'll see.

I appreciate the experiences from those who have done it already... good food for thought, certainly.

[Krikit 1,163]

My husband transferred to this State when we were in the middle of our process, so there were no friends.

And, like Treble, my husband worked crazy long hours..... including his supposed "days off". Not for extra income (because he's salaried) but because the situation at the time called for it. I did everything on my own without any help. Horrible, horrible time. Not very conducive to a happy marriage, that's for sure.

[thetreble 19]

My husband transferred to this State when we were in the middle of our process, so there were no friends.

And, like Treble, my husband worked crazy long hours..... including his supposed "days off". Not for extra income (because he's salaried) but because the situation at the time called for it. I did everything on my own without any help. Horrible, horrible time. Not very conducive to a happy marriage, that's for sure.

Word to the nerd. That's exactly how it was for moi. And, so, our marriage was a little rocky.

But, as I grow and mature a little, I'm becoming more understanding of his hours.

[The_Dude 1,142]

Funny thing though… When she first told me she was proud of her Canadian heritage the first thing that came to my mind was “Why?” I know ignorant American and all, but honestly you would be surprised how little is taught about Canada after the early 1800s. It was an honest question. She answered that she was proud that Canadians burned down the white house during the war of 1812. I was flabbergasted having never heard that before. Turns out she was 100% right (which you all know already). We had a good laugh about it.

Think that was the British

It was..... just don't tell my in-laws that

[Greg - Andrea 0]

When my life fell apart and I moved 2000 miles away from home to start a new life the thing that caught me by surprise the most was agoraphobia. Strange as that sounds, I grew up in a place perpetually surrounded by mountains. Living in a place where the largest physical mass counted as a speed bump back home was quite strange. Took me 4 months to stop looking for the mountains. I missed every holiday and birthday possible during that time because I did not have the money to go home.

Later, when I received the call from my father that he had cancer and needed help I moved back home. I lived on the couch at my grandmothers because I spent every dime I had to move home 9 days later. I was struck by an amazing sense of claustrophobia because the mountains were back and I was no longer used to them. Took me about 2 months to get over that feeling.

Edited September 30, 2009 by Greg - Andrea

[warlord 72]

My husband transferred to this State when we were in the middle of our process, so there were no friends.

And, like Treble, my husband worked crazy long hours..... including his supposed "days off". Not for extra income (because he's salaried) but because the situation at the time called for it. I did everything on my own without any help. Horrible, horrible time. Not very conducive to a happy marriage, that's for sure.

Word to the nerd. That's exactly how it was for moi. And, so, our marriage was a little rocky.

But, as I grow and mature a little, I'm becoming more understanding of his hours.

Ok, I of course didn't realize that most people might be on their own like that. I just figured only in the daytime as the spouse worked was all. I forgot in the intial phase before the EAD comes in and then the immigrant having to find a job, that the spouse might have to take on a bunch more hours.

So it is kind of similar I guess, having only one person you know, that you can't always see etc. And having to pretty much learn by getting out and finding where everything is. Meeting people I would think would be the biggest problem then in this case...

[Moosker 7]

Ooh! I'm glad you posted this! I know a lot of people struggle with 'switching over' to another country. I went to 4 years of school in the U.S. but actually living here was completely different, definitely much more of a struggle than I realized it would be! It's been about a year since I moved to the DC area and I stil find it a rough transition. People here are a lot different than where I was from in Ontario! Lots of traffic, rude people, some nice people, and a completely work work work mentality. I still cry every time friends or family visit and they're about to leave. My husband and I have decided one day we'll move back....so that always makes me feel better! I always remind myself that there are people that immigrate from very, very different countries. At least Canada and the U.S. are somewhat alike!

[JillA 2]

You know one thing that's changed with me.... at the beginning, when people find out you're from Canada, and they ask (seriously) ridiculously stupid questions like, "Do you get summer there", or "do you have to hunt for food", etc. it used to humour me.... I thought it was quite funny.... now, after almost a year, it really bothers me and almost offends me, that there are so many stupid, ignorant fools around

[trailmix 77]

I think that's the thing. Having moved to a few different countries, when you are 'different' they don't expect you to know anything People hear your accent and they try to help you out!

Now i'm sure that's not true for all immigrants, especially if English is your second or third language and you are struggling with that a bit, however here we have a lot of immigrant organizations to help with things. Can you imagine if a Canadian showed up at an American immigrant center? - one of your should try that!

[Peachey 10]

I think that's the thing. Having moved to a few different countries, when you are 'different' they don't expect you to know anything People hear your accent and they try to help you out!

Now i'm sure that's not true for all immigrants, especially if English is your second or third language and you are struggling with that a bit, however here we have a lot of immigrant organizations to help with things. Can you imagine if a Canadian showed up at an American immigrant center? - one of your should try that!

I totally will, in January