You moved to the U.S. to be with your SO

[Krikit 1,163]

Ack - they are remodelling our Giant Gorcey store and it pisses me off - i just finally knew where everything was - as misplaced as it was.....and not they're IMPROVING it?

I watched a number of people have meltdowns when they were moving stuff around at our local grocery store last month. There was one guy who was acting like I felt and ranting about having to go to another store just so he could find pickles. I told him they were now in the bread section. He looked at me like (I hear ya, buddy) and said thank you.

[Sprailenes 47]

It's hard because some days I sit here and go: "I gave up everything to come here"

Especially when I am having a bad day... I seem to dwell on it when I've had a bad day at work, or whatever. But I had bad days in Canada too. Bad days will never go away.

I find the people down here more outspoken. I am getting used to it, I am becoming way more outspoken myself. I used to try to sugar coat everything, be nice about everything, tip toe around the negative stuff. Now I just find myself blurting it out. Sure saves a lot of time in the long run actually.

I had a long visa process for many reasons, but one of the reasons being that I was extremely unsure about all of it and I procrastinated. I had three medical appointments that I made and cancelled. When the time came close I was absolutely terrified. Mike and I almost broke up over this, and it was the only time I actually told him I was finished. He took a plane up that weekend, we talked. I told him I couldn't bare to leave everyone behind. He promised me that we would return one day - and I trusted that. Now I am here and that 'one day' doesn't seem to be coming for many reasons. I used to allow that to upset me but lately I have been just telling myself to get over it. I came down here, it was my choice. It was no one elses choice. If it so happens that we never go back, again that's my choice because I can go back any day. If I really wanted to go back, I could. I could go back today and start a new life but I choose to stay here.

And I am okay with that... most of the time.

Edited September 29, 2009 by Sprailenes

[Krikit 1,163]

Yeah. That "I gave up everything" thought is hard to deal with sometimes.

[Misty1979 0]

Yeah. That "I gave up everything" thought is hard to deal with sometimes.

Word.

[Peachey 10]

Yeah, I don't think my future in-laws understand the "I'm giving up everything" situation. They've even planned Christmas in a different state not even 2 weeks after I move. I have a feeling my first couple of months will be very hard

[thetreble 19]

I try not to say that sentence to Jared as much as possible. It's so hard but I try to bite my tongue. I'm getting better! haha

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I don't think I'll be able to use that "I gave up everything to be here" phrase.

I'm not really giving up anything at all.

I only have one friend here in Canada and she's so busy we rarely get to talk, I'm not close to my family, I have a job that pretty much anyone can walk into and take over, etc.

I'm looking forward to starting over.

[trailmix 77]

I was actually thinking about this yesterday. When I was a kid and a teenager and in my 20's I moved a lot for different reasons, different countries and no big deal, it was an adventure.

I think when you have fewer ties it has to be easier. When your parents are still young, your siblings are moving around - when you have been living with your parents in particular because it isn't you doing the grocery shopping or organizing a car or all those other things you have to do when you move. You just pack your suitcase and move

Of course that's not true of all people in their 20's, some put down roots earlier, or become independant earlier or have strong family ties/many friends. That's not me, I think because I moved around so much I would just leave friends and move along - because it's what I had always done.

Another reason I think we didn't really 'settle down' in Florida is that neither of us had any ties to the place, there was no feeling of 'home' at all. Aside from the frustrations of working with different entities (insurance, renting etc - and really we had an easy time of that) and the silly grocery stores - the fact that we had no ties made it seem silly to stay there, it really seemed more like a holiday than actually 'moving'.

So we talked about returning to Calgary off and on over a few months. Mike was leaning more towards staying in Florida, during those discussions. Now I didn't have my bags packed or anything, so that wasn't a big issue. He eventually changed his mind for 2 reasons, one, he realized that he wasn't going to get a better paying job in his field, because they don't exist there. Two, the whole health care issue and our overpriced insurance. For me, I realized one day that I didn't really feel comfortable there and I was thinking - why would you stay somewhere you don't feel comfortable?

That was it, we decided to take off. I felt bad about it off and on for a few weeks, then I got over it I felt bad not because the trip had been a waste of time or anything, but because I was warming up to the place a bit and there are many things to like about Florida!

I realize that many of you don't feel you have the option right now to just pack up the family and move back to Canada and that must be very hard and it's also very admirable of you - personally, I would just move back and have done that before. When I decide I am moving - get on the wagon because we are off!!

[Dan and Ali 3]

I don't think I'll be able to use that "I gave up everything to be here" phrase.

I'm not really giving up anything at all.

I only have one friend here in Canada and she's so busy we rarely get to talk, I'm not close to my family, I have a job that pretty much anyone can walk into and take over, etc.

I'm looking forward to starting over.

I'm in the same boat ... my friends all live in other cities/countries and I'm really looking forward to a fresh start. I'm sure I will miss my family but I'm not super close with them and only see them a few times a year as is. I've also lived away from them before and it was fine so I'm not too worried ... plus, both my fiance and myself have family up here in Canada so I know we'll be visiting! The only thing I am worried about is leaving my job -- I have a great job with the government that I'm sure I'll miss, but c'est la vie. I am thinking of going back to school after we move anyway, which will be another fresh start.

I'm lucky in that my favourite grocery store is Costco and there are a ton of those in the US

[SomberCat 0]

Thanks for this topic Trailmix. You gave my husband and I an interesting conversation. We had a discussion about things that affect how people deal with the move - SO, family, age, job, phase one is at in life, etc. As of Sunday, he has been here a month and loves it. Maybe it's because I'm such a great wife. Just kiddin' of course.

He does agree with some of the things Holliday said as far as the grocery store and also added that we have many more brands than what he had and he's looking forward to trying everything. Some of the shopping related things that he's found different also are not bringing bags/paying for bags and our credit card processing machines at checkout. He does miss Tim's too, but he's found he really likes Dunkin' Donuts.

As far as the area is concerned, he says it's not that different. He thinks our speed limits are strange as some roads are 35, some are 40, some are 45, etc. There were basically only two speeds in his area. He lived through two trips to the Social Security office and three trips to the BMV relatively unscathed. The only frustrating thing right now is lack of credit.

We had a great discussion on the phase of life someone is in making a difference. As others have said, there's a time in life where change is an adventure. Generally those are the younger years. But for my husband, who is 51, he looked forward to the change. He was tired of his job after 20+ years. That aspect couldn't have worked out better as he now has a different job with the same division, but works in my office (we're with the same company) and kept his years of service. As far as family goes, his daughters are in their 20s and don't need Dad like they used to, so that wasn't a problem. They also think it's awesome to go on a roadtrip for the weekend (we're only 5 hours away) to visit us and their step-brother who thinks they're cool (he's a 13-year-old boy and they're early 20s girls... need I say more? ) The rest of his family are scattered throughout Canada, so it wasn't like he left a core group that was close. All of his family and friends keep in touch almost daily via email and FB. In fact, I think he hears from them all more now than he did when he was in Canada.

I started thinking that I believe it's different for men than it is for women. I could be wrong about that and I'm going to generalize a lot here so bear with me. In general, women are closer with family, friends, etc. Obviously there are guys out there like that too, but you know what I mean. Women are generally more emotional also, particularly when talking about family and friends. So when I read what everyone has posted, it didn't surprise me to see that most people are women and were emotional about it. Hmmm... now that I read what I just wrote, I hope that didn't piss anyone off. I TOTALLY didn't mean it like that. I am NOT calling women emotional basketcases. Believe me, if I were the one that moved, I'd be on the phone to my mom every freakin' day. Also, if I were one of you that lived with your in-laws after moving, I would have shot myself. Kudos to you for making it! I guess I'm just saying that guys (in general again) tend to be a little more laid back, take things as they come, etc. I wonder if the simple difference in the sexes is why my husband loves it here.

Anyway, I've been rambling. He just wanted me to say that he loves it here and wouldn't change a thing. Granted, it's only been a month, so wait until he's lived with me a little longer.

[JillA 2]

Sombercat: he likes Dunkin Donuts!?

hehehehe.

I agree with you about women being more close to family, emotional, etc. I think men, in general, don't keep as close contact with their families when they move out. My husband calls his Mom maybe once a week, if that, whereas even when I lived 10 mins away from my Mom, we chatted several times per day. My male cousins rarely call me aunt, she can go weeks on end without hearing from them. I think it's fair to say men may get less homesick then women do.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Interesting point you brought up Trailmix. I really think that moving here has been a lot easier for me because of my age. I'm in my early 20's, fresh out of university, no career or compelling ties to break, just me living life! Sure there are days when I use that, "I gave up everything!" line out of frustration and anger, but when I really think about it there wasn't much to give up. Maybe I did turn down a chance to get my MA, fully funded, but that's not what I wanted. I wanted to be here with my husband, so that's where I went. I guess I just have to remember that it was my choice, nobody else, like Sprailenes said... if we really wanted to go home anytime we could, but we don't.

As far as the grocery store goes, I don't make anything from scratch, or remotely close to scratch... So it only took about a week for me to learn where all the best frozen foods were in the store. Conveniently placed down 2 aisles!

[trailmix 77]

As far as the grocery store goes, I don't make anything from scratch, or remotely close to scratch... So it only took about a week for me to learn where all the best frozen foods were in the store. Conveniently placed down 2 aisles!

You must be in food paradise then - there is nothing that is not pre-made and frozen there

[Miranda&John 0]

I've been here almost 4 months now, and I really haven't had a hard time at all. There are a lot of little differences. It sure doesn't feel like home, but I'm okay with that. I have work to keep me busy (I started a week after I arrived) so I know that has helped. I imagine if I was sitting around the house with nothing to do all day my mind could probably make up a million reasons why I miss Canada, so I'm lucky in that respect.

I'm very proud of my daughter and how she has been handling things. She talks to my parents almost every night on google chat and emails her friends back home regularly. She's had a couple of breakdowns about missing home and wanting to go back, but they have all occurred when she was already upset about something and/or tired. She's having a bit of a hard time making friends since she is in grade 6 at a middle school (grades 6, 7 & 8) and 80% of the kids are hispanic and speak spanish to eachother all day long. I think she feels like a bit of an outcast some days, but she's a strong, outgoing girl and I know she will be okay.

I wish I knew when I was going to feel comfortable here. Or IF I'm ever going to feel comfortable here. I guess 4 months isn't the magic number. AND I am getting married this weekend , so when the excitment fades and the reality sets in maybe it will feel more like home.

[Rustbelt 0]

It's hard because some days I sit here and go: "I gave up everything to come here"

Steve's wife again:

Ah, but you know what, you'd likely feel the same way even if you had moved within Canada to be with your sweetie. BTDT, it's no easier . . .

I find the people down here more outspoken. I am getting used to it, I am becoming way more outspoken myself. I used to try to sugar coat everything, be nice about everything, tip toe around the negative stuff. Now I just find myself blurting it out. Sure saves a lot of time in the long run actually.

This is too, too funny. When we first moved to Canada (DH is the US citizen) he found everyone thought he was "too direct". Yes, people actually told him that he was too direct . . . He, however, thought everyone just took way too long to say anything. They'd beat around the bush and never get to the point!