You moved to the U.S. to be with your SO

[Sprailenes 47]

Every one had a front seat and a bag of popcorn during my first year of marriage.

haha word.

Such a great way to put it.

[Misty1979 0]

My adjustment has been pretty slow going and somedays are alot tougher than others. When I first moved down here, we moved within 12 days as we had planned so David could start college. As bad as it sounds, the move was great because it got us further away from his Mom (I think I've told a few of her stories here before, so for those of you who remember, you'd understand,) but financially it was very tough on us, and a few months later we ended up having to move in with her to save money...(I did NOT agree with this at all, lol...this was David's and his mom's decision, I still whine about that one to this day.)

Anyways, as you can probably imagine that didn't go over well. We stayed there only as long as we had to until I enlisted in the Coast Guard. Straight out of bootcamp, I was ready to move away and due to David's mom and I being in such close quarters for so long, our relationship has been strained ever since. I'm a forgiving person, so I'm hoping both of us can just put our differences aside and move on, which is what I'm trying to work towards these days.

On the homesickness side of things, I'm VERY homesick these days We haven't been able to afford to visit back home since I moved, so December of this year it will have been two years since I've seen my family On a better note though, my Dad, stepmom, nephew and Granny are visiting next month, and my mom the month after so finally I'll be able to see them again which is going to help alot.

We're planning on driving up to Canada hopefully around Christmas time so I can see my sisters and nieces too...I can't wait.

So all that being said, it has been very tough in some ways, but I'm glad the homesickness only really started to nag at me as of late. I know if our marriage wasn't so strong this never would have worked, so I'm just grateful that it was David I went through this with, because I don't think I could have weathered it with anyone else. We just passed our 3rd anniversary and even though we didn't have much money to celebrate, it seems like each anniversary is better than the last so I know it's a good sign for the future

[Krikit 1,164]

At first you tend to notice all the differences, but they become the norm and then it won't bug her so much

Exactly.

It's a good stress indicator too:

Relaxed: If she notices differences but doesn't comment on them.

(Give her a smile.)

Not Stressed: If she notes the differences and comments "That's interesting. In Canada we do/don't do xyz."

(Give her a kiss.)

A Little Stressed: If she notices differences and is grumpy about them.

(Give her a hug.)

Stressed: If she notices differences and says "Why are they doing it like that??" "What does that MEAN??"

(Give her a night out.)

Losing It: If she notices differences and shouts "OMG, I can't believe they do it this way!! #######??!!"

(Give her a return ticket to Canada to reset the stress level.)

[thetreble 19]

At first you tend to notice all the differences, but they become the norm and then it won't bug her so much

Exactly.

It's a good stress indicator too:

Relaxed: If she notices differences but doesn't comment on them.

(Give her a smile.)

Not Stressed: If she notes the differences and comments "That's interesting. In Canada we do/don't do xyz."

(Give her a kiss.)

A Little Stressed: If she notices differences and is grumpy about them.

(Give her a hug.)

Stressed: If she notices differences and says "Why are they doing it like that??" "What does that MEAN??"

(Give her a night out.)

Losing It: If she notices differences and shouts "OMG, I can't believe they do it this way!! #######??!!"

(Give her a return ticket to Canada to reset the stress level.)

WELL said!

[Malrothien 6]

When I moved from Seattle to Vancouver.. wow. While it's not very much different, I had a terrible time the first few months of being here. We were in a terrible living situation (a roommate who was rude, obnoxious, and uncaring), and I was having a horrible shock to all the changes. I was used to living on $15 a week of food and when I saw the prices here I just about turned around and went home.

There was no problems between hubby and I as we had already lived together prior to my moving up. It was just a big change for me being in a new area where I knew no one at all, no family and since he doesn't very much get along with his parents, none there. I also struggled with always being pointed out as an American (if someone asks me where I am from, I'll answer) and getting just rather odd questions and accusations.

I think hubby will have an okay transition when we move to Florida. He's met my family but we'll be living with my Gramma for awhile.

[missmissy 38]

I am the U.S. Citizen and I moved out of my country to live in Sweden with my SO for a year. It was the hardest thing I ever did and my family still talks about how much I called and cried. My kids are grown but I had never spent an holiday away from them before, I have always lived within a few hours of ALL of my family and I have never been so homesick in my entire life.

I was so lucky, my SO was very patient and loving throughout. I can tell you the things that helped me. He forced me to get out and grocery shop and explore by myself. When I didn't want to go anywhere, he MADE me take walks with him, ride our bikes and just get out. The worst thing you can do is stay home and sit at the computer. I can't stress this enough. I avoided the malls or big shopping centers on the weekends. It's hard to describe this but it felt like every time I would go to a mall or city center for shopping, every family was there and they all seemed big and happy and it just reminded me that I didn't know anyone there and of what I had left behind.....and that would set off a crying fit. I just timed those trips to during the week, kids in school, people at work....

I learned a little Swedish but most people speak some English there. I also scheduled times to call home. If I knew I was going to talk to everyone on a certain day and time, it was much easier for me to not cling to the phone all of the time "in case" someone was going to call.

I learned how to knit, I started sewing again and I read a lot. The hobbies helped tremendously.

It got better, with time. And by the time we decided to move back to MIssissippi, I was feeling fine and adjusted. I am supposed to move to Africa with Lars next spring......not looking forward to going through it all again but I think this time will better just because I know what to expect and how to cope.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

At first you tend to notice all the differences, but they become the norm and then it won't bug her so much

Exactly.

It's a good stress indicator too:

Relaxed: If she notices differences but doesn't comment on them.

(Give her a smile.)

Not Stressed: If she notes the differences and comments "That's interesting. In Canada we do/don't do xyz."

(Give her a kiss.)

A Little Stressed: If she notices differences and is grumpy about them.

(Give her a hug.)

Stressed: If she notices differences and says "Why are they doing it like that??" "What does that MEAN??"

(Give her a night out.)

Losing It: If she notices differences and shouts "OMG, I can't believe they do it this way!! #######??!!"

(Give her a return ticket to Canada to reset the stress level.)

APPARENTLY - I am due for a trip home

[JillA 2]

I know that if I had moved in with the in-laws, things would have been alot worse. I was not willing to live with the in-laws, period. I know some people have to for money issues, which I understand but I would have put off the move, saved more, etc. if it came down to that. I think when you start out in a marriage, and a new country, things are crazy enough without having in-laws around. That's just how I feel though, my in-laws live in a zoo and are so different from me and my lifestyle, going over for an afternoon is plenty enough. After one afternoon I seriously cannot wait to leave and come home to our place!!

[wowswift 3]

Husband loved it here the first few months since he was able to wear shorts in January lol. He did have minor adjustments to learning directions and things (I swear I told him how to get to somewhere 10 times before he remembered, lol) but everything has been pretty good.

[SapphireDreams 71]

I know that if I had moved in with the in-laws, things would have been alot worse. I was not willing to live with the in-laws, period. I know some people have to for money issues, which I understand but I would have put off the move, saved more, etc. if it came down to that. I think when you start out in a marriage, and a new country, things are crazy enough without having in-laws around. That's just how I feel though, my in-laws live in a zoo and are so different from me and my lifestyle, going over for an afternoon is plenty enough. After one afternoon I seriously cannot wait to leave and come home to our place!!

For us it's really been ideal. We've saved a lot of money BUT, and this is a big BUT, my in-laws are very quiet, mind their own business (for the most part) people. They leave us alone and help us when we need it. They want us to stay until after our wedding next year so we can save even more money but we're ready to leave so that's not happening... If my inlaws were louder or more invasive, I think we would've re thought our move completely for sure. Another thing that my husband was adament on was me having other people around when I got here. He didn't want me to be alone all day. Which, in hindsight I completely agree with him. I bonded really well with my sister-in-law who is 18 and lived at home. We had a blast all summer lounging around the house watching tv, going to the beach, shopping and such. If I was in an apartment alone, we would've have had a chance to bond. It's definitely a personal choice though for sure!

[Sprailenes 47]

I know that if I had moved in with the in-laws, things would have been alot worse. I was not willing to live with the in-laws, period. I know some people have to for money issues, which I understand but I would have put off the move, saved more, etc. if it came down to that. I think when you start out in a marriage, and a new country, things are crazy enough without having in-laws around. That's just how I feel though, my in-laws live in a zoo and are so different from me and my lifestyle, going over for an afternoon is plenty enough. After one afternoon I seriously cannot wait to leave and come home to our place!!

It's true.

I don't suggest it to anyone.

It was very hard for all parties involved.

In fact I left very bitter and angry and part of me still holds a grudge. I am trying to get over all that happened in that house, but it's hard.

Yea my MIL was very invasive, and I sometimes felt that she was trying to come between me and my son. That was probably all in my head but there were just moments that made me do a double take.

Edited September 28, 2009 by Sprailenes

[JillA 2]

I know that if I had moved in with the in-laws, things would have been alot worse. I was not willing to live with the in-laws, period. I know some people have to for money issues, which I understand but I would have put off the move, saved more, etc. if it came down to that. I think when you start out in a marriage, and a new country, things are crazy enough without having in-laws around. That's just how I feel though, my in-laws live in a zoo and are so different from me and my lifestyle, going over for an afternoon is plenty enough. After one afternoon I seriously cannot wait to leave and come home to our place!!

For us it's really been ideal. We've saved a lot of money BUT, and this is a big BUT, my in-laws are very quiet, mind their own business (for the most part) people. They leave us alone and help us when we need it. They want us to stay until after our wedding next year so we can save even more money but we're ready to leave so that's not happening... If my inlaws were louder or more invasive, I think we would've re thought our move completely for sure. Another thing that my husband was adament on was me having other people around when I got here. He didn't want me to be alone all day. Which, in hindsight I completely agree with him. I bonded really well with my sister-in-law who is 18 and lived at home. We had a blast all summer lounging around the house watching tv, going to the beach, shopping and such. If I was in an apartment alone, we would've have had a chance to bond. It's definitely a personal choice though for sure!

You are really lucky to have such nice and quiet in-laws! I'm happy it has worked out well for you. and you guys can save up while you're there! Mine, well they are generally nice people. But they have so many loud animals, they have a disabled son with very high needs and the house is always so LOUD. People are shouting (not in a bad way, they just talk loud) and it's, um, very messy whereas I am a clean freak and I would go NUTS living there! There are dishes piled in the sink at all times, the bathroom is icky, and they have very different opinions that I do (think strong Republicans) so alot of the conversations they have... oh boy!!

[SapphireDreams 71]

^^ I hear ya Jill!! I come from a pretty loud family myself, so it's been a very different, but nice change for me. My in-laws are probably not the norm, so we're lucky.

[Krikit 1,164]

APPARENTLY - I am due for a trip home

I hear ya, Udella. You are LONG overdue. Me? I hit "Losing It" last night.

I know that if I had moved in with the in-laws, things would have been alot worse. I was not willing to live with the in-laws, period. I know some people have to for money issues, which I understand but I would have put off the move, saved more, etc. if it came down to that. I think when you start out in a marriage, and a new country, things are crazy enough without having in-laws around. That's just how I feel though, my in-laws live in a zoo and are so different from me and my lifestyle, going over for an afternoon is plenty enough. After one afternoon I seriously cannot wait to leave and come home to our place!!

If I'd had to move in with my inlaws, the divorce would have occurred immediately following the wedding.

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I havn't moved there yet, but I did live down there for 3 months as a trial run.

We didn't have many problems other than money problems, of course.

I mean, I didn't really feel homesick or anything. The only thing I was really sad about is that we didn't go out that much, because he was always too tired from work, since we moved into a room in his friend's house away from his parents and it was like 30 min away.

He dragged me into things I really didn't want any part of, but oh well.

It was still nice though, and I got a nice long vacation

When I move there we have to stay in his parents' house until I can get a job. Apartments are so expensive in his area of Cali.

I don't mind though, his parents are very quiet and I don't really speak to them a whole lot... language barrier thing. (They came from Taiwan 15 years ago, mom hasnt learned much English yet, his dad's just quiet.)

Not to mention his mother's not home that much because she's always over helping his sister with her kid, soooo... yeah.

I don't think it'll be so bad, but who knows. Maybe I'll go crazy.

I'll find out when I get there