You moved to the U.S. to be with your SO

[trailmix 77]

We have had threads about being homesick, about adjusting to living in another country, so I was just thinking it would be interesting to hear everyone's story about their move to the U.S. - how was it for you those first few months.

I'm sure some have had it hard and maybe are still dealing with homesickness and adjusting and there must also be some of you that just hopped across the border joyfully and have had very little to no problems adjusting - and there are those inbetween.

So what was/is it like for you? What would you have done differently?

Edited September 28, 2009 by trailmix

[The_Dude 1,142]

But i've lived almost my entire life in the U.S. and this thread doesn't pertain to me. Can I talk about the big truck with llamas or maybe they were alpacas that was in front of my car on this mornings commute?

[JillA 2]

I adjusted surprisingly really, really well.... I expected to be homesick and cry alot, and I didn't.... of course, I have bouts of homesickness that come and go, and have had maybe 2 REALLY bad days where I've been in tears.... but I truly expected it to be ALOT worse. I've adjusted better than I ever thought I would, even my family was surprised. They expected lots of teary phone calls back home, and there have been none. I'm not sure why it's gone so well.... I have an extremely supportive hubby, have been back home 4 times in 10 months, have a vehicle to get around and explore so I don't feel trapped, and have made a few friends

I wouldn't do anything different, I don't think. At all! Everything has been quite smooth. I've been so lucky

But i've lived almost my entire life in the U.S. and this thread doesn't pertain to me. Can I talk about the big truck with llamas or maybe they were alpacas that was in front of my car on this mornings commute?

Maybe you can talk about how Mel has adjusted to life in the US....

Edited September 28, 2009 by JillA

[Emancipation 2]

I remember being overwhelmed.. I had to adjust to new surroundings (studio apt), completely learn a new way of life (banking, grocery shopping, even finding places to clothes shop), doing AOS paperwork was SOOO stressful for me.. and I was alone quite a bit as Hubby was working and I was stuck in small town CT in Feb. I enjoyed it for about 2 weeks and then wanted to work.. and so I did some volunteering (for a start up business)but I rushed myself and didn't really enjoy the time off. I wish I'd invested more into a new hobby or something else mind numbing and enjoyed the longest vacation I've had since. I connected to my new church family and got plugged into friends that way.. I was busy my first few months and really didn't experience too much homesickness.. we were able to go back probably about 4 times my first year to see my family, we have only gone 1x this year (which makes things hard).. but I'm finding more and more of my life linked here, and I miss it when I'm gone.. I'm thankful that I am a success story.. *sigh.. homesickness suxs.

[Sprailenes 47]

Leaving was difficult and I cried when I said goodbye, but at the same time it was something new, exciting, adventurous. That excitement lasted about a month, and then it was hard. Also my mother and I were having issues, she was very unhappy with my leaving and she wasn't being very understanding and was dealing with it in her own way. Also we lived with the in-laws for the first year and that was difficult at times. So I began to feel very alone down here.... it wasn't until I started working and socializing that I began to feel a bit better.

I don't think the homesickness ever goes away. I feel like I am in limbo sometimes, there's times where I feel out of place here and then I go home and sometimes feel out of place there because I have been gone for so long.

The only thing I would have done differently is I wouldn't have moved in with the in-laws. That was a terrible idea and I don't think my relationship with my MIL will ever be amazing. We're just two very different people, she has seen my dirty laundry and I have seen hers. It's just not something I would do again.

Edited September 28, 2009 by Sprailenes

[JillA 2]

One thing that doesn't really have anything to do with homesickness, or maybe it does - I have yet to get used to, and don't think I ever will, how many close minded, ignorant, racist, etc. people I meet down here. In Canada, of course there is discrimination but to a much lesser extent. Here, the things I see and hear, shock me. I really don't like that about this country, and I truly miss Canada's culture and open-mindedness

[The_Dude 1,142]

I adjusted surprisingly really, really well.... I expected to be homesick and cry alot, and I didn't.... of course, I have bouts of homesickness that come and go, and have had maybe 2 REALLY bad days where I've been in tears.... but I truly expected it to be ALOT worse. I've adjusted better than I ever thought I would, even my family was surprised. They expected lots of teary phone calls back home, and there have been none. I'm not sure why it's gone so well.... I have an extremely supportive hubby, have been back home 4 times in 10 months, have a vehicle to get around and explore so I don't feel trapped, and have made a few friends

I wouldn't do anything different, I don't think. At all! Everything has been quite smooth. I've been so lucky

But i've lived almost my entire life in the U.S. and this thread doesn't pertain to me. Can I talk about the big truck with llamas or maybe they were alpacas that was in front of my car on this mornings commute?

Maybe you can talk about how Mel has adjusted to life in the US....

But llamas are so much more entertaining.

I think it has gone about as expected for me. To be pefectly honest, I didn't really think it would be that much of an adjustment for her. My rationale was that I had moved cross country before to a place that I knew nobody and was pefectly fine with it. Also, moving from Canada to the U.S. isn't that big of a culture shock, it's not like moving from Europe or MENA to here. But I had read a lot of peoples testimonials about their experiences and began to prepare for it. But, as similar as things may be on a larger scale, I find it is the minutia and small details is what gets her down sometimes. Like going to Best Buy

We've had our ups and downs now and then, some irrational fights, and I can definitely see that she is homesick now. It can be really overwhealming for her at times. My family I think can be a bit overwhealming too. They are a little too outgoing, and Mel is a very shy person. They take her out shopping on weekends and to quilting shows etc., but I think they are a little overreaching.

We're still in that limbo phase though, waiting on AoS to clear, so there isn't much that she can do. I think the size of the L.A. metro area is also very intimidating. London Ontario is no small town, but we have roughly the national population of Canada just in the southern half of this state. So venturing out is a bit difficult for her.

[trailmix 77]

I would venture to say that Mel would find this conversation more interesting

So what do you do to help her get settled in to her new environment? What's the story with bestbuy?

[SapphireDreams 71]

The move has definitely been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and while I've had my downs, for the most part things have been going well for me. I miss Canada more than I thought I would. I miss the familiarity of my old life, the people, the commute to work, all of my regular places I frequented like my hair dresser, my Dr.'s office, my supermarket, the lunch places around my old office, my old office. I just miss my old life. I wish I could've been married and continued on in my old life.... but alas, that's not how it goes.

I think the perfect words for how I felt the first month was OVERWHELMED.

Like Jill, I've had a couple of crying days, but other than that I am totally fine. And, when I did cry, I really had nothing to cry about expect it was a lot to take in all at once. I am extremely lucky that I live in a very big city with a lot of different ways to get around, so I don't feel trapped. When I first arrived I also had my sister-in-law around to hang out with. I'm also very lucky that my in-laws have been really nice to me and make me feel very welcome. So I really had no real reason to cry, expect just being completely overwhelmed.

It still can be really hard to call home. I get a bit teary talking to my Mom because I miss having her around and talking to her on the phone reminds me that she's not around anymore. But, after we talk, I feel SO much better and feel like I'm updated with everyone at home.

I've been able to make some good friends. Luckily my husband's friends are all in relationships, so at first we hung out in couples, and now I've become close enough to hang out with one girl in particular solo. She also just moved to NYC from upstate NY, so we're both "new" to the area. She is awesome and we've hit it off and I'm grateful for her. She invites me out with her friends, who I'm also slowly getting to know. I am also becoming friends with some other girls that my husband was friends with in High School. I'm lucky that he has a good group of friends in the area.

When I initially moved, I put a lot of focus on networking/job hunting in my spare time. It paid off because I got offered a job as soon as I could show them I had an EAD. Now that I'm working, I'm a lot less homesick. I really don't have a lot of spare time to be sad, LOL. The weekends are always busy with weddings, parties, spending time with my husband and errands/chores that it keeps my mind off home.

I've realized that being able to go home and visit on holidays is very important to me. I'll be visiting home for the first time for Cdn thanksgiving and I'm very very excited!! At first my husband didn't want me to go, but after some consideration I think he realized how important it is for me, regardless of the cost involved and is supportive of this.

I will say that I waited a long time to move because I wanted to make sure that I was emotionally, professionally and financially ready. If I had moved when I thought I was going to, I think I would've been a lot more miserable and I think the transition would've been difficult for me. I would've been broke, so that would've been stressful, it would've been harder to find a new job (I'm confident that my experience at my last job pretty much made getting a new job very easy) and I just wasn't ready to give up my life in Canada because I just didn't know who I was yet (I know that sounds dramatic). Timing really was everything for me.

I know it's not really the same for everyone, but I would urge anyone moving without a lot of money to WAIT as long as possible. Save up your money, make that one less thing to worry about and stress about. It's hard enough having to start a new life, with a new identity, make new friends and find a new job, let alone figure out how to pay all the bills and live!

If I could change anything, I probably would've like to have had more money. But that's easier said than done. Other than that, I really thought hard and long about this whole move and tried to be as strategic as possible.

I don't think there is any way to prepare for the huge change ahead, even though you know it's coming. Even for those completely prepared, it overwhelmed me a lot!! My advice is just take everything one step at a time and take every day, one day at a time. It definitely has gotten easier and I'm adjusting.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I would venture to say that Mel would find this conversation more interesting

So what do you do to help her get settled in to her new environment? What's the story with bestbuy?

She would read the thread, but I highly doubt she'd post. I thought I edited that part about bestbuy out. Oops.

It's the small differences that make a big deal. I was trying to go to stores that she knows, to keep things easy on her. Like Best Buy. However, you go in, and she notices all the differences between the Best Buy here and back in Canada. She'll comment about how the sales people dont' immediately rush up to you and press you to buy something (they don't work on commission here). Or going to a restaurant that they have both here and in Canada, she'll immediately notice the differences. It seems to make her more and more homesick. But I think when she can work and interacts with more people she will get over some of this.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I would venture to say that Mel would find this conversation more interesting

So what do you do to help her get settled in to her new environment? What's the story with bestbuy?

She would read the thread, but I highly doubt she'd post. I thought I edited that part about bestbuy out. Oops.

It's the small differences that make a big deal. I was trying to go to stores that she knows, to keep things easy on her. Like Best Buy. However, you go in, and she notices all the differences between the Best Buy here and back in Canada. She'll comment about how the sales people dont' immediately rush up to you and press you to buy something (they don't work on commission here). Or going to a restaurant that they have both here and in Canada, she'll immediately notice the differences. It seems to make her more and more homesick. But I think when she can work and interacts with more people she will get over some of this.

I think she'll adjust, 'get over this' might not quite be it But I know you don't mean it that way.

At first you tend to notice all the differences, but they become the norm and then it won't bug her so much

[Hugglebuggles 60]

My experiences in the first few months are pretty similar to what Jill described. I was really preparing myself for a very hard transition, and I've been very surprised with how well I've adapted. Moving down here was very hard, of course, and saying goodbye to my family was a very hard process. Homesickness happens every now and then, but there have only been a couple days where I've had a really hard time and found myself in tears. It really does help to have a husband that is nothing but supportive and just lets me have my moments and is there to pick me up when I'm done. I try to keep myself busy doing odd jobs, house projects, helping my husband at work some days, playing my Wii, and it has really cured the bored I was feeling that first month.

I think the first month was the hardest, and its been getting easier and easier since then. Sure there are challenges, and it seems like the little things bother me the most. Not understanding how to make a bank deposit make me lose it once, and trying to navigate around my own health insurance policy, then there was getting the courage to drive on the 10 lane highways. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? I think I'm a more rounded person now. I expect a lot of new challenges to come, but I think I'm prepared for them now. The biggest one in my mind is trying to find a job, then there's finishing out the AOS process that makes me bananas some days, and finding a new place to live is just around the corner. But, one could view those things as exciting life events, right?

I think you just caught me on an optimistic day trailmix

[The_Dude 1,142]

I would venture to say that Mel would find this conversation more interesting

So what do you do to help her get settled in to her new environment? What's the story with bestbuy?

She would read the thread, but I highly doubt she'd post. I thought I edited that part about bestbuy out. Oops.

It's the small differences that make a big deal. I was trying to go to stores that she knows, to keep things easy on her. Like Best Buy. However, you go in, and she notices all the differences between the Best Buy here and back in Canada. She'll comment about how the sales people dont' immediately rush up to you and press you to buy something (they don't work on commission here). Or going to a restaurant that they have both here and in Canada, she'll immediately notice the differences. It seems to make her more and more homesick. But I think when she can work and interacts with more people she will get over some of this.

I think she'll adjust, 'get over this' might not quite be it But I know you don't mean it that way.

At first you tend to notice all the differences, but they become the norm and then it won't bug her so much

We've discussed moving back to Canada over the past few months, but when she talks to her parents on skype on a saturday afternoon and it is single digit temps (Celcius) back there and in the high 20's here, that idea gets less and less attractive But who knows, 2 or three years from now we may be doing the immigration thing in reverse, and i'll be on here whining about how the soda tastes different and the variety of restaurants sucks lol.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

What would I do differently?

I might have sold or given away more of my stuff. In hindsight, I've given a lot of stuff away since moving 2 yrs ago - I thought my belongings from home were really important - they weren't. I have better stuff now anyway

I probably would have stayed another 2 yrs to let my daughter finish highschool or else left her with family - hind sight is 20/20......but I was pretty adamant about her accompanying me. I could have been more understanding of her feelings

I might even have planned a little longer for my wedding.....I regret not having a few things tghat I thought were unimportant at teh time.....better phoyographer (not multiple relatives) and maybe I would have relented and allowed my MIL to buy some flowers or a cake. I was stubborn though and wanted control over it all. Silly me.

I probably should have tried a little harder to get some volunteering in during my months off before being able to work. I let it slide, but it would have meant some much needed contact with the world.

How it was for me:

Initially it was a whirlwind of effort getting unpacked and everything done in the first 2 weeks before the wedding at our house. Then we settled in and it seemed ok, but I found not a lot of family or friends called and when I called them, I felt worse and more sad afterwards. I played a lot of World of Warcraft, worried a lots about money (although we had more then enough) and occassionally met up with some of myhusband's friends for lunch. The neighbours sadly were not too chatty, but whatever.

Once I started work, I thought I'd feel less lonely - I was getting out daily obviously, but other then surface type work friendships, nothing has developed so I'm still sad about that. I won't go into what's gone on with my daughter the last 2 yrs, but she's a highschool dropout at the moment....not something a parent can really chat with strangers about at work

So - to sum it up - I've found it kind of lonely as a person who only has a few friends to begin with. Little differences become huge gaping differences some days and somedays not.

Funny - now I'm very defensive when my silly Cdn friends make fun of American stuff.......if I say one word with an accent it gets pointed out. Sheesh.

[thetreble 19]

It was super hard for me.

I had no clue what I was really doing. I went to visit, ended up staying a few months, and then Jared said "let's just get married" and at 23 I thought why the hell not. haha

It was torture, though. I was bored, in a town that bordered two dangerous towns, there was no where even to walk. My husband worked and still works 12-14 hours a day. Some times he works the night shift so I'd be alone at night. I went to the Y quite a bit but that still didn't really relieve me of my boredom.

I made a lot of cup cakes that year. haha

I couldn't go home for 10 months total so it was rough on me. I had no ###### clue what I was really doing. I was a smart kid who's mentor was begging them to cut this process loose, move back to Ottawa and start an MA in Canadian lit. Up until that point I had been very big on the Can. Lit front and I was being pushed to being at the forefront of it by my mentor. Needless to say she hasn't forgiven me and I have lost a great friend.

I was used to being on my own, doing what I want, walking and taking transit everywhere, having ridiculous intellectual conversations at 2 in the afternoon on Leonard Cohen...not waiting around for life to start up again..

Unfortunately it turned ugly a few times. I packed my bags more than once, I even slept in my car one night during fall because I couldn't bare to be in that apartment.

Then we moved from the apartment to my MIL's to save money...then we moved to my FIL's to save more money....a year of living with inlaws and it was awful. Every one had a front seat and a bag of popcorn during my first year of marriage.

I didn't realize how close I was to Canada. We have this odd relationship and I really felt like I couldn't be without it. The landscape, the people...it's something I still miss every god damn day of my life.

I should also add that I had a huge friends group, people I'd known since I was 7 or 8 years old, so moving away from them was hard.

Things I would have done differently?

K-1 visa or CR-1 if we would have married and I would have gone home...

Spent more of my last months living in Canada enjoyable instead of working so much to save money...

Thought more about moving here...

I'm getting adjusted, but I still haven't found my niche yet. Now that I'm working for the government and actually have a life, it's definitely better! Plus, finding girls like Nevada, Jill, Maria that live close to me really helps...seeing them every once awhile makes me know I'm not the only Canadian in a drop of crazy people!

Edited September 28, 2009 by thetreble