just for fun

[munchkins 0]

Enjoy

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome

> including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will

> give you a chuckle

>

> Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

>

> Here's what happened:

>

> Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was

> "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

>

> "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious

> dad,can you help?"

>

> I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his

> bedroom.

>

> One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed.

> I> immediately knew what to do.

>

> "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"

>

> "Oh my! gosh," my wife diagn osed after a minute. "She's having babies."

>

> "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

>

> I was equally outraged.

>

> "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

>

> "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?"

> she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

>

> "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her,

>

> (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth

> together).

>

> "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

>

> "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,"

> she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)

>

> By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I

> shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

>

> "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced.

>

> We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

>

> "Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

>

> "Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a

> litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I

> really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

>

> We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked

> like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

>

> "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.

> "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

>

> "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

>

> Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the

> foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.

>

> It disappeared.

>

> I tried several more times with the same results.

>

> Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know.

>

> Maybe they could talk us through the trauma."

>

> (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

>

> "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

>

> We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

> "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

>

> "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him.

> (Women can be so cruel to their own young.

>

> I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

>

> The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and

> peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

>

> "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?"

>

> I suggested scientifically.

>

> "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron,

>

> may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

>

> I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

>

> "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

>

> "Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not&n bsp;in

> labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...

>

> Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male.

>

> And occasionally, as they come into maturity,

>

> like most male species, they um....um....masturbate.

>

> Just the way he did, lying on his back."

>

> He blushed, glancing at my wife.

> "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

>

> We were silent, absorbing this.

>

> ;"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.

>

> "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.>

> More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle.

>

> And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

>

> "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that

> the woman I married would commit the upcoming

> affront to my flawless manliness.

>

> Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's

> just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny

> little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

>

> "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly

>bundled the lizards and our son back into the car.

>

> He was glad everything was going to be okay.

>

> "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he

> told me.

>

>

> "Oh, you have NO idea,"

>

> Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

>

> 2 - Lizards - $140...

>

> 1 - Cage - $50...

>

> Trip to the Vet - $30...

>

> Memory of your husband pulling on a

> lizard 's winkie...Priceless

>

>

> Moral of the story -

>

> finish biology class -

>

> lizards lay eggs!

[maryandatif 0]

[KarenCee 3]

OH MY GOD!!! That has to be the funniest thing I've read in ages!

[lak&ajm 0]

That was hysterical!!! Thanks for the laugh!! I sure needed it!!!

[Peter Miami 0]

Very funny! Thanks for sharing.

Peter Miami

[Leafgal 3]

That was great for sure, thanks

[tomica52 0]

[phatmadame81 0]

lol, that was very funny

thanks fo rthe laugh.

[danae 0]

very, very funny!!!!