I'm a pessimist..

[tany1157 161]

I can not stay away from reading stories about all the bad things that moroccan men do.....Even though I do not think my SO is using me, I tend to read this stuff, and I scare myself....When I went to visit him, his family welcomed me, and I lived with them for the month, and I met every relative we could see in the time I was there. He has never given me a reason to distrust him, but after my failed marriage, I am very cynical...and I hate it. I feel so secure and open with him. We are very open and honest with eachother, but I search the web, and these forums, and look for the bad stuff....I feel it is destroying my heart. We know eachother well, he can tell something is wrong with me just by the way I look, and even though I try to hide my worry after reading a horror story, I end up bringing it up to him, and accusing him of maybe trying to use me to get here. I end up hurting his feelings. Then the next day, when I have gotten that story out of my head, and think of him and our relationship, I am better again, until I look up another horror story and I worry again. I am not sure what I am looking for here, just wanted to vent...

[ya falaha! 0]

Try not to read the stories. I used to get a little freaked, too. The stories can do crazy things to your head. Just remember, you don't know these women nor do you know their husbands. You don't really know who or what is to blame for the failure of the marriage. Sure ppl can come here and cry foul but how do you really know what went down? Just concentrate on your relationship and keep your eyes and ears open. You'll know if something isn't right. You don't need VJ horror stories to tell you that.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Don't listen to Satan. He has been trying to destroy relationships since Adam and Eve. Remember, it's a set-up.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Stop it.

Of course there are horror stories and then there are stories of failed marriages that get blamed on GC fraud. You'll never know which case it is when you read about them.

If you trust your man and there arent any little nagging feelings that you have about your relationship and your trust in him, leave it alone.

If there is no need to, and you are obsessing about it; will cause damage and you dont need to sabotage your good thing

[tany1157 161]

I appreciate the nice words, I have to say this is the FIRST relationship I am in that I DON'T have a nagging feeling or red flag...and I don't think I know what to do! LOL Thanks for not thinking I'm a nut

[venusfire503 54]

Maybe we need to just post all of our GOOD stories to give you something positive to read. I'm sure there are others who would like to read them, too.

For me, I can say that my husband is wonderful. We've been married over 2-1/2 years now, and not only is he a good husband, but he's a good stepfather too. People who meet him really like him. He didn't act strange after getting his greencard, and didn't leave me, either. We have some stress because of my ex (trying to take my kids away from me), but my sweetie stands by me, and helps me through it all. I know life would be harder without his emotional support. He helps with the kids, the housework, house repairs, etc. He doesn't look at other women, and actually gets annoyed when women flirt with him (he says they should respect me, him, and themselves). I honestly couldn't imagine life without him. The whole immigration process is long, frustrating, expensive, and draining - but totally worth it.

Yes, there are some 'bad apples' out there - all over the world - but they're the exceptions. It sounds like you love and trust your SO, and I think it's really important to trust your instincts. I know it's strange, but I think I understand what you mean about being nervous because you don't have a nagging feeling - it's new to you. If you're used to a-holes, it can be difficult not to expect something bad to eventually happen when you finally find a nice person. And if others 'warn' you, that makes it even worse. My ex said the most horrible things - like that he (my SO) was young and good looking, and why would he want an older, divorced woman with kids? After all the horrible things my ex said to me all the years I was with him (19 years!), I had such low self esteem that it was hard to believe that such a wonderful man COULD be interested in me! Luckily, I had started to realize my worth as a person by the time my SO and I started to talk about a romantic relationship instead of just being friends.

Of course, if you DO notice things that cause concern, that's different. But as long as you are comfortable with the way things are going, and he loves you for YOU, then do your best to relax and be happy. PLEASE don't accuse him of things unless you really think there's a problem - you can sabotage things for no real reason. Try just talking to him and explaining why you get nervous, and find ways to get rid of that nervousness. Remind yourself of what HE is like, not someone you heard about and never met. Like someone else said, you don't hear the other side of the story when you just read something online. Plus, it's human nature to blame the other person when things don't work out, and sometimes people blame it on the wrong thing ("he just wanted a green card" instead of "things didn't work out").

You might also want to consider going to talk with someone to figure out why you are looking for something bad that seems like it's not there, and how to overcome that. I know that some people do things like that - ruin something good that they feel they don't deserve.

I hope you continue to talk with everyone here, and that we're able to help. I do know what it's like to hear things that can make you nervous - I had to make sure to remember that only what was true in MY relationship mattered - not what might be going on in other circumstances.

Best of luck!

venusfire

[M_n_M 1]

I would stay away from reading stories like that, but I'm sure you already know that. I think everyone here has come across horror stories that deal with green card fraud, but the important thing to realize is that your husband loves you, is with you, and most importantly is HONEST and OPEN with you.

Venusfire is right... maybe some better stories will help. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We lived together for 6 months in Iran and he's coming here in October. In fact if it was up to him and if we didn't have our education to complete, he would have been much more content living in Iran. He's super helpful around the house and is very caring when it comes to family, mine or his own (which is one of the biggest reasons I love him!) In the beginning of our relationship we made a promise to be open and honest about everything, even it was going to make one of us upset, and we've stuck by this.

Don't worry Tany... part of your fear is born from your past relationships that didn't work out. Appreciate that you don't have a nagging feeling or any red flags... and even if you do read these stories about other peoples failed relationships, think about how your husband is different and far more trustworthy than the people written about in those stories, try and make the story have a strengthening effect on your relationship instead of a painful and hurtful effect.

Good luck, and be strong!

~M

[MouadsWife 161]

I appreciate the nice words, I have to say this is the FIRST relationship I am in that I DON'T have a nagging feeling or red flag...and I don't think I know what to do! LOL Thanks for not thinking I'm a nut

Well if your a nut ur not the only nut around... Im an admitted nut too! Can we hug now???? lolol I used to do the same things. But now I refuse to read the horrow stories. When I first told my mom about my fiance she immediately freaked and satrted a post on Daniels Pipes about our relationship, and what she could do to stop it. OMG! I would get on there and read the stupid things they had to say, and then got on there and told them how stupid they were and left... with the intent to never return. But every now and then I would peek back to see whats being said about me and leave again. But after reading these things, as usual, my fiance would see right through me and I had to fess up or the whole talk for that night would be shot to heck. And I would end up hurtng his feelings for having these fears...and would feel lik ultimate #######. I also came out of a bad marriage and have trust issues. I think the stupidest things at time. Like, one night we were going to bed at same time, then the next morning i get my usual email from him, with him saying he was up for 6 hours on computer 'improving his english skills' bc he could not sleep after we left. And of course what am i thinking?? Nothing positive... im wondering 'what the HECK are you doing online for 6 hours?" A girl? chat? omg what could it beeeeeeeeeeeee????? And Im freaking out tooo. But it is destructive to the relationship. Mine has never caused me to have doubt.... he doesnt go out with friends, he is never late in coming to see me, we talk everyday and dont miss a day unless his internet service is down.. and in those times I go 'hummmm' too. But thats rare his service is down. He is such a great person, and to me hes perfect! :-) But what was causing those doubts in my relationship was 'other' ppls doubts. Reading all the horror stories!!! If we read them it sticks on our minds somewhere! Kinda like the time I saw my parents having mmmm "s_x" when I was 10 accidently... that image will never leave my mind... im scared for life! Well reading horror stories is the same thing... they are in ur memory... and you cant forget them. So its best not to read them at all and have faith in your relationship. (((HUGS))))

[tany1157 161]

I can not begin to show my relief and appreciation for what you guys have said. I thank you so much for being so kind to me, and I love that you guys understand what I am going through, because even though I have the support of my family, none of them have been through this, so they don't REALLY know what is going on or how I feel...I do know I tend to look for something wrong, almost like I need the drama, and I don't want to be one of those girls!!! I told Ouadia, my SO, that if he was just using me for a green card, he would be CRAZY to put up with me LOL He is so loving and understanding, no matter what we argue about, our love still grows and is constant.. I have never felt a love grow the way ours has, and it surprises me all the time...he isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me! We meet every night, and he is never late, I see his family all the time, he texts me everyday, these are some of the reasons I trust him, and he understands that because he is so far away, he needs to be extra vigilant in making sure I know how he feels about me...I love him so much, and for the first time in my life, I know deep in my soul that he loves me more than I probably know, and I am so grateful for what God has blessed me with. I laugh, because I always had a problem with wanting everything NOW... I am impulsive, and I find it humorous that God has done this..I am forced to wait for something I want, and actually work at it and plan for the future, this is so unlike me! LOL

I just wanted to share how much I love him, and how our relationship isn't perfect, but we work through and fight, because we belong together. I finally have the sexy macho man, who is so sensitive and loving..LOL ( I don't mean macho in a bad way, yes, he sometimes has a "man moment" but then he remembers that I am sensitive and he should handle me gently lol) I never thought I would find that, and I am glad to hear of your love stories as well. Thank you for taking the time for me, and making me feel welcome.

[allousa 1]

Chiming in to post my "good" story....

I met my husband while he was here in the States while he was going to school. He's Palestinian but his family resides in Morocco so we went through the Consulate there.

We celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary this past February! Our visa journey was very complicated and my husband was stuck in Morocco for half of our marriage. During that time, I would read horror stories on here and even though we have a really strong relationship, the doubt creeps in.

Good stories do happen.....you just have to wade through the ####### sometimes!

Good luck to you!

[Rezak and Sharon 0]

Dont read the stories, coz people are not all the same , and i dont think he will find a beautiful woman like you if he tries to use you .... dont worry everything gonna be ok and u will see

[Sandrila 1]

You can't live life on "what ifs"

Anything is possible.

Nothing is 100% and we all risk either being used or having our heart broken.

We hope/pray we are making the right decision so you gotta take the good info with da scary info and go with it.

Even the best laid plans go awry dear.

[CnT4ever 1]

Well, so far, so good for us. He didn't "change" when he got here. I have not had any nagging feelings. I'm pretty confident we'll make it until forever. So I hope that helps you feel better...there are happy endings here. They just aren't given the attention and drama that horror stories get. Sometimes people also get hurt if they've had bad relationships or hard times and others come on here and give an example of a good outcome. So that is probably another reason why you don't read alot about the good stories. Always follow your gut. You'll be fine.

[S and S 12]

Every marriage is going to have its hurdles and adjustment period. My husband and I have been married over 2 years and he will have been here a year in December. Nothing about him has changed even though his visa ended up not being a marriage visa, rather a refugee visa. He came here to be with me and he does his best to make the relationship work. We have our wonderful times together and we have our fights and disagreements, yet at the end of the day we love each other just the same. You can't look at everything negative and think how it could apply to your relationship. Each marriage is different and really depends on both people being committed to it working. Try to avoid the stories, I read some too and eventually stopped as I realized we can never know the whole story. Its better to focus on your own relationship and realize it is unique to all others.

[sara535 15]

at the very least stop searching out bad stories!!

and remember, not everyone's story is yours.

yes, it can be rocky, and probably will be from time to time but thats true of any marriage regardless of where either person is from. Immigration and cultural issues can add to it all but I've said on here before, trust your gut and keep your sense of humor. My husband and I have made it through many a 'rainy day' because we never forgot how to laugh at ourselves and each other.

oh, and we've been married 5 years in November