Need advice ASAP...divorce after husband arriving here

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Inappropriate comment and post quoting same has been removed. If you have nothing useful to contribute to the discussion, please do not say anything.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

It is hard to adjust to a completely new environment at that age for most people. I feel very sorry for him.

...

It seems that it was a costly mistake, for both of you. I'd give him another chance though - how can you expect to see love in his eyes when he's feeling so low that he counts the food he's eating to show you that he does not cost you much... poor man.

Exactly what I was trying to get at.

They are both under so much stress that it is impossible to sort feelings at this point.

[BluesTraveler 0]

There is no any Russian community here to help with work.

If you live in Santa Fe New Mexico and not Pitcairn Islands.

St. Juliana of Lazarevo Russian Orthodox Church

stjuliana.com

3877 W Alameda St # A

Santa Fe, NM 87507-7623

(505) 473-7779

FWIW took me 5 seconds on google.com to find that.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Dear Swetlana,

as devastating as it is for you personally, the damage is done. You imported someone from a country 8000 miles away to a country that has 300,000,000 people, many millions of which are from a Russian background. You did marry that person without knowing him, obviously. Of course he cannot find work outside from some Russian businesses (and the realm of the Russian Mafia), with NO English skills at all. Are you really surprised?

You can divorce him here in the US, but since he doesn't work and can't find work, you are financially responsible for him until the year 2019, as you are his sponsor, contractually bound by your affidavit of support that USCIS has on file. Be prepared to pay spousal support the moment he finds a bi-lingual lawyer. Oh, and you will have to pay for his lawyer as well.

Luckily, there's an upside to this: it can serve others as an all too common, classic learning example. Do not marry someone without getting to know them. You don't get to know a person from chatting online and looking at photos. You will need to actually be with that person for at least a month, better longer, or more often. If you violate this common sense rule, it may cost you thousands of dollars, make you an unhappy person, and, in case there's a child involved, make another person's life miserable. Please, for your own good, use common sense and be cautious!

[Guest Abdeladim+Shannen]

a) Is the marriage entered into in Russia considered to be legal in the US?

B) What steps need to be done in the US in order to get a divorce

ALL i CAN SAY IS THAT U GUYS DID IT FOR PAPER'S? 2 HE HURT YOUR AND MADE U THE FOOL OR IT WAS ###### ? iM CONFUSED? BE MORE FRANK BUT THE REAL FRANK DETAIL IS YES U HAVE TO GIVE HIME A LEAGL DIVORCE BUT! IF HE REALLY MARIED U FOR PAPERS AND LIE TO YOU! ALL U HAVE TO DO IS CALL THE immgration and they will deciled the visa and deport him back? etc.....

[ZorValachan 0]

Luckily, there's an upside to this: it can serve others as an all too common, classic learning example. Do not marry someone without getting to know them. You don't get to know a person from chatting online and looking at photos. You will need to actually be with that person for at least a month, better longer, or more often. If you violate this common sense rule, it may cost you thousands of dollars, make you an unhappy person, and, in case there's a child involved, make another person's life miserable. Please, for your own good, use common sense and be cautious!

Getting to know someone is not living with them. I have known many people who lived with each other for years 'in love' and then end up splitting. It is because all they had was love, and love, prayers, wishes do not solve anything. The first big problem with finances or some other thing comes up and one or both can't handle the pressure. Love waxes and wanes and there has to be much more for marriage to work. It's not fairy tale happily ever after and Love does not conquer all. Marriage is a job, commitment, planning, diplomacy, a contract. Love is just the jelly filled center of it.

[Bern. 3]

Regardless of your course of action, I hope you stick to your decision 120%. And think it all over, don't do anything you'll regret in the future. Good luck and take care.

[MOB 0]

He came to USA August 14th 2009. We were waiting for a year to be togeather,

Now he has Green Card, SS# and all of this was a huge mistake!!!

For whole year he didn't learn one word of English, I can't put him to any job, even cleaning...

I can't afford our life (I lost fancy job last year). He is handeling this situation like a crybaby.

I am soooo upset, I want my life back...

Wow,

I hope you realize that you're just as much to blame as he is for your current problems.

Let's look at the problems:

1. He didn't learn a single word of English in 1 year. Okay, lazy on his part but what about you? Did you encourage communications in English? Before I found my wife I had a couple of Chinese girlfriends who spoke varying amounts of English (one in the US one in Canada, the Canadian spoke more English FWIW). I spent a lot of time helping them improve their English skills and it was a great relationship builder. Even with my wife who speaks good English I spend some time helpign her improve it.

2. Regarding his job, of course you can find him work that doesn't require English. Look within your local Ukrainian/Russian community and you will find many resources that will get him cleaning offices after hours or loading trucks on a dock with other non-english speaking immigrants.

3. You can't afford your current lifestyle AND you want your old life back. This is the reality of Marriage. If you Love him and he Loves then together you guys should be able to work through the tough times and in the end your relationship will make you stronger as a couple.

4. He's handling the problems like a crybaby. Well remember that he is in a foriegn land and doesn't speak the language. His life has been turned upside down and he is completely lost in the translation. Have some patience with THE MAN YOU LOVE. You are 90% of his life right now and the fact that you're ready to throw him out with the trash isn't going to fix anything.

Finally, don't forget you signed an Affidavit of Support promising to be financially responsible for him for the next 10 years, divorce doesn't erase that promise to the US Government.

This was a real good statement even though we don't know the whole story of them.

[MOB 0]

I really try to help with English, I sent him to Community College for classes, 2 my american men/friends are coming to my house weekly to spend 2 hours with him.

There is no any Russian community here to help with work.

I went with him everywhere - no job for non English speaking person.

I am not sure if I love him any more after saw note book with his list of food what he ate,

to show me he doesn't eat much. Now he stop eating and last night spent in garage.

This is a man???? I have a high blood presure and that why I need my life back, calm and quiet.

I didn't see love in his eyes iser.

It's all so sad! I guess 1 year video chat reletion is not enoufg for merriage.

This is a good point.

When the love is gone, it's hard to maintain a marriage or a relationship.

[Keysersoze 0]

I agree with your quote "Marriage is a job, commitment, planning, diplomacy, a contract. Love is just the jelly filled center of it."

[MOB 0]

He came to USA August 14th 2009.

Btw:

I've a bachelor in computer science with 16 years of experience and English isn't a problem for me. It'll be hard even for me to find a job in this economy within 5 or 6 weeks.

[james&adry 3]

Some of you guys are entirely too mean for this lady. I am not siding with her but in retrospect if this was to happen to you and you came on here venting the same I am sure you would want to get helpful advice from the masses as well. Not a relationship 101 I am going to dictate your life because you are a troll. No way amigos. Have a heart and let the woman speak her mind. Getting so personal so early is sad. Where's the love yall? Who knows.. maybe she might change her mind once she realizes whats going on at the truth of the matter.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

it takes time........alot of times it feels hopeless....language can be overcome with help and work, foods can be adjusted slowly to include what he likes, missing his family and country can be help with frequent talking to them. Turn the situation around at your age how would you have adjusted to living in his country in 5 weeks???? Have the talk, see what he wants to do, maybe he wants to go home, maybe he wants to work on it, the situation is in your hands basically. If it doesnt work, just agree to disagree and go your ways.....

[Ellie-and-David 38]

I speak English, have a Bachelors Degree with honors and still wont be able to easily find a job in this economy. I have to say, I feel very very sorry for this man. I would hope that my husband wouldn't give up on me when I cant find anything.....

It's hard to give everything that is familiar up and come to a new country. On top of this, he doesn't speak the language and is not being supported by his spouse.

I dont know anything about your relationship, other than what you have posted here, but I feel for this guy. Writting down everything he eats and sleeping in the garage? My goodness. I could weep for him. That is really really sad Poor man.

[Krikit 1,165]

Numerous posts removed due to TOS violations. This is your final warning. Please do not post in this thread unless you are offering constructive advice.

Thank you.